September 19, 1996 9:00 pm
Months after her death, George is ready to move on, but Susan's parents want to keep her memory alive. Kramer becomes a karate master, where his opponents are equals in his skill level, but are lacking in size. Jerry runs into Dolores, you remember "her name rhymed with a female body part" in "The Junior Mint," she suggests that they get together again. Peterman has a breakdown and goes to Burma leaving Elaine in charge; a position she is reluctant to assume. Kramer makes a speech that inspires Elaine to go and take charge of J. Peterman. Inspired by a comment that Jerry made, a foundation is established in Susan's name, which will take up all of George's free time. Jerry and Dolores do get together; however, when she hears why Jerry's engagement was broken off, she leaves commenting that he still hasn't matured. Elaine sees Kramer's opponents, vents her frustration and takes him down in front of the class. Jerry decides to research breakups and the effect on future relationships. Kramer's classmates meet him after class. George discovers everything he lost when he lost Susan.
September 26, 1996 9:00 pm
George thinks the foundation lawyer thinks he might have killed Susan, Jerry suggests using a method employed by Jerry Lewis to find out. Kramer falls for Jerry's girlfriend and he consults Newman for advice. Elaine's friends insist that she have a baby, she'd rather not and meets a man who shares her ideals. George leaves a running tape recorder in his brief case at the next board meeting and leaves the room. He returns to find the briefcase damaged and the tape stopped. Newman gets in the middle of Jerry and Kramer's relationship with Pam; he bribes Jerry in hopes to find out more about his obsession, Elaine. Meanwhile, her new boyfriend gets a vasectomy to show her how committed he is to not having children. The guys find out Pam isn't interested in having children and they line up for their own vasectomies. George gets to the bottom of what happened to his briefcase.
October 3, 1996 9:00 pm
Kramer uses a bathroom in an office building and just begins working there. He is "TCB." Elaine sets Jerry up with a friend who is very beautiful, but she has "man hands." George uses a picture of her and passes her off as his dead finance Susan; that gets him into the "Forbidden City" where high priced models hang out. Elaine meets Kevin and some of his friends; they are the exact opposite of Jerry, George and Kramer. With Kramer working, George inside the walls and Elaine hanging out with Kevin, Jerry begins to feel alone.
October 10, 1996 9:00 pm
Elaine reluctantly lets George attend a party she is throwing at work. "Sweet fancy Moses" exclaims George when he sees Elaine dance at a party she's holding for her employees. She wonders why they've lost respect for her. Jerry gets 2 tickets to a premiere of a film. Kramer asks him to get an extra ticket for his friend Brody. Elaine thinks the loss of respect might be due to George's influence, so she makes him off limits to Anna, one of the women George talked to at the party. That "bad boy" image makes him all the more desirable. Jerry and Kramer attend the film with Brody, who begins to make a bootleg tape. Brody gets sick and has Kramer take him home, leaving Jerry to finish making the tape. Jerry worries about the implications when Brody likes him camera work and asks him to do another film. However, he complains about the quality of Kramer's work. Elaine finds out the truth about her dancing after she tapes herself. Elaine apologizes to Anna and George, which suddenly makes him undesirable. Brody won't meet Jerry's demands for equipment; George takes on the challenge, but gets arrested. Frank comes to bail him out and Elaine lets him know the truth about his son. Elaine's dance becomes a big hit on the streets of New York.
October 17, 1996 9:00 pm
Elaine has a rash and looks for a doctor who will treat her; despite her doctor -- patient relationship reputation. Kramer offers Jerry a method to get a refund on his stereo that is two years out of warranty. George discovers the woman at the photo store is looking at his pictures. Jerry refuses delivery of a package with no return address. George thinks that the photo store clerk has stuck a revealing picture of herself in with his pictures. Kramer convinces George to return the compliment and offers to take the photos. Uncle Leo signs for Jerry's package. Elaine tries to lift her medical records. Jerry lets Uncle Leo open the package and there is the sound of an explosion. Leo's stove has exploded but eventually Jerry gets the package and opens it up. It contains his stereo in pieces. Kramer sent the package to him insured; now all they must do is collect the insurance money from the post office. Elaine poses as Uncle Leo's nurse to try a diagnosis for her condition. When that doesn't work she tries to get Kramer to lift her records. Newman grills Jerry on suspicion of mail fraud. George drops off his film at the photo store and gets a surprising result.
October 31, 1996 9:00 pm
Jerry is intrigued by the concept of his girlfriend having a mentor. George prepares to give a lecture on risk management by reading a book, but realizes that books on tape have spoiled him. Elaine prepares to fire an employee, but when face to face with him, she promotes him. Kramer runs a Jewish singles night at Frank's Knights of Columbus hall. Jerry meets his girlfriend's mentor, but she is dating Kenny Bania. George discovers the blind can get any book on tape, so he plans to fail an eye test. Elaine's recently promoted employee has some startling new ideas. She plans to promote him again. Kramer's party plans go awry when he has to cook for over 150 plus people. He needs to get Frank's advice on cooking for the masses, despite George's warning. Elaine's promotional plan backfires, when the rest of her staff quits. Jerry's girlfriend sees Bania's act and loses respect for her mentor. Elaine tries working with her employee. George figures out an angle to get his book read. Jerry finds himself becoming Bania's mentor. Jerry and his now ex-girlfriend get their files mixed up; George speaks on Ovaltine and Bania on risk management. Frank's cooking skills are reborn, until he sees someone choking.
November 7, 1996 9:00 pm
Elaine's new boyfriend, Brett, is obsessed with designer furniture and the song "Desperado." Jerry spots an umbrella salesman using the sales technique he invented. The salesman says it was someone else. Hundreds of twelve-cent royalty checks keep arriving from Jerry's brief appearance on a Japanese television. Kramer warns George that the carpet cleaners he hired are actually a front for a religious cult. Intrigued, George tries to be converted, but they're not interested. Kramer meets some Japanese businessman and he takes them on the town and to the cleaners. He is a little confused about the exchange rate. Brett delivers a large chest of drawers to Kramer and thinks that Jerry might be jealous. Kramer thinks the TV pilot that Jerry and George did would be perfect for Japanese television. They pitch it to a couple of Japanese TV executives. Elaine tries to find a song that she and Brett can share. Kramer puts his Japanese friends up at his place. They're sleeping in the chest of drawers. Jerry caught in the rain meets the man in the street that claims credit for the twirl. He also meets Brett who is convinced Jerry is down on his luck. George gets the cleaners to do the offices at Yankee Stadium where they find a new recruit. Because of the humidity from the hot tub, Kramer's guests get stuck in the chest. Jerry, with writer's cramp from check signing, uses a fire ax to open the chest. That scares the Japanese guests and injures Brett who passes out.
November 14, 1996 9:00 pm
George reveals a strategy to guarantee a second date with women - leaving an object behind at their place. However, this strategy gets Elaine into trouble, when George leaves behind a sable hat she shouldn't have charged to the Peterman expense account. Meanwhile, the red neon sign of a new Kenny Rogers Roasters restaurant beams directly into Kramer's apartment. Jerry and Kramer then switch apartments, and end up switching personalities as well.
November 21, 1996 9:00 pm
George's girlfriend has mononucleosis and he can't have sex with her for six weeks. Elaine's met a doctor who's almost gotten his license to practice. Jerry agrees to appear at career day at his former junior high school, first he is bumped and then there is a fire drill. Kramer lights up a cigar in Monk's and is asked to leave. He meets others on the street who face his dilemma so he opens up his apartment as a smoking lounge. Jerry's agent gets him an assembly at the school. George's lack of sex makes his mind sharper. Elaine learns how much her doctor boyfriend doesn't know about medicine. She uses George's technique to help him study to get his license, but in the process she becomes an idiot. Jerry struggles to figure out how to fill two hours in front of a junior high crowd. George uses his new found intellect to give batting advice, speaks Portuguese and prepares a presentation for Jerry's assembly. Kramer sees his lawyer about a case against the tobacco company, smoking has destroyed his looks. He gets a settlement without Jackie's input. George calculates the odds of scoring with a Portuguese waitress. Elaine's boyfriend gets his license and leaves her sexless.
December 19, 1996 9:00 pm
George is excited about the new apartment he is going to move into. Elaine is on a blind date, now called a "set-up." Jerry takes Kramer to his self-storage where they discover that Newman has been hiding bags of mail. George finds out he can't get his apartment because the tenant association is going to give it to an Andrea Doria survivor. Elaine is told her date won't be making it because he's been stabbed. She is aroused by the situation. Kramer's cold is getting bad and he's not going to the doctor, they botched his vasectomy, he's more potent now than ever. Jerry tries to get Newman to get rid of the mail; however, he's not interested because he didn't get the transfer to Hawaii. Kramer finds a dog with a cold that he volunteers to take to the vet, so he can get medicine for their colds. Elaine meets her blind date who gets coffee thrown in his face from another ex-girlfriend. She discovers his problem is that he is a "bad breaker upper." George confronts his rival for the apartment and decides to wage war. Elaine's blind date breaks up with her and tells she has "a big head." From a suggestion by Jerry, George asks for a hearing with the association and tells them the story of his life. Jerry forms "an alliance" with Newman that will hopefully get him out of his life forever. Jerry tries to get Kramer to take his medication. He discovers that Kramer is taking dog medication and beginning to exhibit the signs of being a dog. The big head comment begins to hold true for Elaine and she makes a comment about jamming "a fork in his forehead." Jerry tries to take Kramer to a real doctor. After Kramer bites Newman's ankle, Jerry offers to deliver the rest of his mail. He is too efficient for the post office. Elaine meets up with her blind date and makes good on her promise. Kramer saves the day. George and the survivor don't get the apartment.
January 9, 1997 9:00 pm
Everyone makes a comment about a bad check of Jerry's that is on display at Marcelino's store. Through the Foundation, George gets the opportunity to visit a women's prison. He is disappointed when the facility doesn't meet his impression of what he thinks a women's prison is. He does however meet a convict that he decides to ask out. He enjoys the liberation that dating a convict offers. Kramer gets a new pet, a rooster that he names "Little Jerry Seinfeld"; of course he really wanted a hen for the eggs. Jerry's parents find out about the check and offer to send money. Elaine finds out her bald boyfriend once had a fine head of hair. She convinces him to start growing it back, but when he does he shows signs of hair-loss. He begins to feel despondent. George's dream relationship hangs on the brink, Celia's up for parole. Kramer enters "Little Jerry" in a cockfight that if he wins, Jerry's bad check will be taken down. George is a character witness for Celia's parole hearing; he testifies to try keeping her in. Jerry's bad check doesn't come down, because Marcelino wants Jerry to do something for him first. Kurt seeks hair-loss advice from George that causes him to propose to Elaine. Jerry and Kramer train "Little Jerry" for the big cockfight. George experiences "fugitive sex" when Celia breaks out after her parole was denied. Celia is tracked down and Kurt is mistaken for George. Marcelino brings a ringer in for the big fight; Kramer tries to save "Little Jerry" but pays the price.
January 16, 1997 9:00 pm
Jerry's parents sell the Cadillac to Jack Klompus for $6000 in order to give Jerry some money to help him out. They along with Kramer suggest that Jerry might try a career move. Elaine talks about her Peterman stock options and buys George's coffee. He thinks she is sticking it to him. Jerry and George talk about the money their parents might have. This piques George's interest. Kramer seeks advice from Elaine about his girlfriend's post-sex bed habit "she's got the jimmy legs." Jerry flies to Florida to buy the Cadillac back. George seeks information on his family's health history. Kramer works out a deal with his girlfriend. Jerry meets with Klompus and agrees to pay $14,000 for it. George anticipating a big inheritance begins to spend money. Unfortunately for him, so do his parents. Klompus has a problem with the car and Jerry returns to Florida. Jerry's parents are still worried about him and wonder what to do. Morty decides to see Elaine about a job; she reluctantly agrees to give him a job, just as Peterman returns. Kramer, fearing a prowler (Jerry's dad), decides he can no longer sleep alone; unfortunately his girlfriend has decided she can. So he moves in with the Costanzas, who tell George that they are moving to Florida. Elaine returns to her regular position at Peterman, with no options. George and Elaine try to discuss their respective problems. Still in Florida, strapped for cash and credit, Jerry sleeps in the Cadillac. Kramer and Emily spend the night as an old married couple in the Costanzas' house. The Seinfelds make a change in their housing as the Costanzas try to settle into their new place.
January 30, 1997 9:00 pm
George has trouble thinking of a comeback to a comment made by Reilly; he does think of one, but it's a little to late. Jerry buys a new tennis racket from a supposed professional. Elaine and Kramer discuss video picks. Elaine prefers picks by Vincent. He prefers picks by Gene or his own. He watches his latest pick and it makes him concerned about spending the rest of his life in a coma. Elaine is intrigued when she receives a phone call from the mysterious Vincent. Jerry discovers that the tennis pro is a hack player. George comes up with what he thinks is the perfect line and will listen to no one else's opinion. Kramer makes a living will, with Elaine as the executor. The tennis pro, fearing he will be exposed, tries to bribe Jerry, including a rendezvous with his wife. Elaine opts for another movie and makes Vincent angry. George finds out that Reilly doesn't work for the Yankees anymore, so he tracks him down to Ohio, where he plans to deliver his line. Kramer finishes the movie he rented and discovers it is possible to recover from a coma, he decides to change his will. Milos' wife has no respect for him; he asks Jerry to let him beat him in tennis. Elaine receives a phone call from Vincent and she convinces him to let her meet him. She is surprised by his appearance. Kramer goes into a coma after being hit with tennis balls. Meanwhile, in Akron, George delivers his line about "the jerk store."
February 6, 1997 9:00 pm
Jerry's girlfriend, Ellen, seems perfect in every way, but everyone else seems to have a problem with her. George interviews candidates for the Foundation's first scholarship. The candidates seem over-qualified, until one comes in who is a lot like he was. Elaine is going to ghost write Peterman's biography. Kramer goes to Lorenzo's pizza, where he has an encounter with the Van Buren boys. He accidentally flashes their gang sign and saves himself. Peterman wants his day to day life covered in his bio; the exotic adventures are for the catalog. His day-to-day life is very boring. She tells him about Kramer's encounter with the gang and he suggests buying the story for his biography. George's scholar makes a change in his plans that causes George to disqualify him from the scholarship. Kramer sells Peterman all of his stories for $750 dollars. Elaine is put at his disposal. To Elaine, Kramer's stories aren't much more interesting. George and Kramer perform an intervention on Jerry's relationship with Ellen. George's scholar joins the Van Buren boys, who apply pressure on George to get the scholarship back. Elaine tells Kramer that he can no longer tell his stories, since they now belong to Peterman. Elaine tries to embellish Kramer's stories, but Peterman finds the rewrites ""too clichÃ©d and obvious."" She tells him the real Kramer story that he finds much more interesting. He tells Kramer he can have his stories back. George tries to save himself from the Van Buren boys. Jerry flies his parents in to get their impression of Ellen. He begins to see the light.
February 13, 1997 9:00 pm
Kramer decides that daylight saving time isn't coming fast enough, so he sets his watch ahead an hour. Mike, the guy who once referred to Jerry as "a phony," has become a bookie. Peggy, a co-worker of Elaine's calls her "Susie." George is excited about Steinbrenner's ball. He hopes to show off his tall blonde girlfriend with a grand entrance. Instead, she says she wants to talk. He runs away. "If she can't find me, she can't break up with me." He really wants to make that big entrance at the ball. Kramer tells Jerry that he owes Mike $100 for a bet he made on that night's Knicks game. Only Jerry never made the bet; Kramer did it for him. In fact, Kramer attends the game and gets into a fight with a key player that causes Jerry to win his bet. Peggy starts talking to "Susie" about Elaine's memo. Peterman hearing about the complaints demands to see Elaine, Peggy and "Susie" in his office; first thing in the morning. Mike can't pay Jerry, so he offers to help him with his trunk problem, but instead gets his thumbs broken for the trouble. Kramer breaks up with George on behalf of Allison. Elaine makes it through the morning meeting. Mike gets trapped in Jerry's trunk. Elaine and Jerry, in his car, decide it would be best to eliminate "Susie." George reconciles with Kramer. Elaine delivers the eulogy at "Susie's" wake, much to the confusion of Peggy. Kramer, with George, makes a spectacular entrance at the ball. Mike escapes from Jerry's trunk and accuses him of murder. The same fate befalls Elaine that befell George; Peterman puts her in charge of a foundation in "Susie's" honor.
February 20, 1997 9:00 pm
Elaine wants to have some Chinese food delivered, but lives just outside the delivery zone. In order to fool the delivery man, she pretends that the janitor closet in the building across the street is her apartment. The trouble is the landlady mistakes her for the janitor. Kramer joins the "adopt a highway" program, but his methods are a little unorthodox. Jerry's new girlfriend uses a toothbrush that had fallen into the toilet, which causes him more trouble than he could have imagined. George loses his keys, and by the time he finds them, they're buried at the bottom of recently filled pothole.
March 13, 1997 9:00 pm
A woman mistakes George for her boyfriend Neil, a guy who looks just like him. This intrigues George; he wants to meet Neil. Jerry is going to Florida to help his parents move. Kramer asks him to pick up some Cubans from his cigar guy and also gives him a T-shirt. Elaine and her boyfriend see "The English Patient"; she absolutely hates it and that makes her unpopular and dumped. Jerry's dad gets the T-shirt, #1 Dad, that he is very proud to wear, despite its small size. At his parents' exercise room, Jerry meets Izzy, an 80-year-old man who can't stand to lose; he challenges Jerry to a weightlifting competition; "It's go time!" He throws his back out again and again. Kramer's Cubans arrive; they're real people and not the cigars that Jerry thought he would be getting. George is overly obsessed with Neil, to the point where he is missing out on Danielle. Jerry is back in New York, where Izzy has returned to see a back specialist. Though Kramer's Cubans are really Dominicans he tries to pass them off as "Cubans" anyway; it doesn't work. Elaine's dislike for the film alienates her from everyone. When she tells Peterman that she hasn't seen the film, he immediately takes steps to correct the situation. Jerry meets the rest of Izzy's family all of who are fiercely competitive. He finds work for Kramer's "Cubans." Elaine still hates the movie, but must go to the Tunisian desert to live in a cave to save her job. Kramer thinks his unemployed Dominicans, whom he educated about communism, are planning to revolt; later they do. George gets a last word on Neil when Danielle makes a decision between the two of them.
April 10, 1997 9:00 pm
George is tired and needs to take a nap while at work; he finds the perfect place, under his desk. Kramer has taken up swimming, but he finds the pool too constricting for his needs; he begins swimming in the East River. Elaine's date is worried about his back and hers; he sends her a mattress and she gets the wrong idea. She gives the mattress to Kramer. Jerry is getting new kitchen cabinets, but the contractor is constantly asking him questions. George gets Jerry's contractor to make some modifications for his desk, including space for an alarm clock. Steinbrenner is in George's office looking for him; he decides to wait for George to return. George gets Jerry to phone in a bomb threat in an effort to get Steinbrenner out of his office. After finding George under the desk, Steinbrenner thinks he has ESP and would be perfect to meet the terrorist's demand of a fitted hat day. Meanwhile, Jerry's contractor, left on his own, has made a change in Jerry's kitchen that no one likes. Elaine gets her mattress back when she gets the right idea; however, Kramer has fouled it up with the stench of the East River. Elaine's boyfriend discovers the benefits of swimming in the East River. Steinbrenner hears a ticking sound in George's office, thinks it's a bomb and calls in the bomb squad. Jerry decides he needs his old kitchen back. Elaine throws her back out trying to get rid of the mattress. Kramer's river gets crowded and George finds a new place to nap.
April 24, 1997 9:00 pm
George's girlfriend is big on using the phrase "yada yada"; Jerry says at least she is succinct. Jerry's dentist just became Jewish and he is already making jokes that make Jerry uncomfortable. Kramer and Mickey double date but they can't decide which of the women is right for them. Elaine is a character reference for a couple who is trying to adopt; a story she tells during the interview destroys all hope of adoption. George drops by Jerry's dental appointment. Mickey and Kramer continue to fight over who gets Karen or Julie. George determines that his girlfriend might be leaving out some significant details with her overuse of the phrase "yada yada." He gets her to fill in the details and discovers more than he wants to know. Jerry confesses to a priest about what he thinks about Tim's conversion. George drops by Jerry's confession. Kramer decides on the right woman and Mickey also decides to make his a commitment. Tim hears about Jerry's dental joke. After hearing Jerry's complaints about Tim, Kramer accuses Jerry of being an "anti-dentite." Elaine lobbies on behalf of Beth and Arnie and makes a sacrifice to try getting them a child. Meanwhile, Beth comes to Jerry for help when her marriage is falling apart. It does and she accompanies Jerry to Mickey's wedding where she reveals an unknown side of her personality.
May 1, 1997 9:00 pm
Elaine gets bad service at a clothing store, so she begins shopping at another similar store. Jerry notices that he is on his girlfriend's speed dial. Kramer plans for his millennium New Year's Eve party two years in advance and he has some strange ideas about what life in that year will be like. George is "offered" a position as director of scouting by the Mets. To get the position he must be fired by the Yankees. Elaine flaunts her purchases in front of the store. Jerry obsesses about his position on the speed dial and then he makes it to number 1. Kramer discovers that Newman is planning his own millennium party. George tries to make a big exit from the Yankees organization; however, all his attempts make him look better in the organization. The step-mother of Jerry's girlfriend's confronts him over his #1 position on the speed dial. Newman compromises with Kramer about their respective parties, they will be combined; however, he only has one condition, the next century must be "Jerry free." Elaine discovers the clothing store she began frequenting is owned by the same woman who didn't help her at the other store. Kramer reluctantly agrees but then has misgivings and gets Elaine to come back to his party. Elaine plans her revenge on the store with Kramer's help. Jerry gets caught in the middle of a speed dial war between his girlfriend and step-mother.
May 8, 1997 9:00 pm
George watches a bag for a tourist who never comes back, so he starts wearing some of the clothes. Elaine tells Kramer that the stories he sold to Peterman were put into the book. Kramer goes to the book signing, claiming he is the real "Peterman." George becomes a tourist from Arkansas when he meets a beautiful woman from the tourist bureau on the street. Jerry shaves his chest and worries about it until he discovers his girlfriend likes hairless dogs. Elaine eats only the tops of muffins and she says that it is a million dollar idea, Mr. Lippman, her former boss, decides to start a business. Kramer starts conducting "Peterman Reality Tours" for $37.50 a piece. When the muffin top business doesn't seem to be working, Lippman asks Elaine for advice. She tells him that he must make the whole muffin and remove the top from the stump, she also demands that he remove the exclamation point from his sign. The stumps can be given to the homeless. Only they don't want them. In fact nobody wants them. Jerry continues to shave his chest despite Kramer's warning about hair growth. George "moves" to New York and takes a job with the Yankees. Steinbrenner is led to believe that George is holding down two jobs and makes a deal to trade George for chicken. Elaine convinces Kramer to get rid of her stumps and he convinces Jerry and his girlfriend to take his tour. Jerry's chest begins itching from hair growth. Elaine hires "a cleaner" to make the muffin stump problem go away.
May 15, 1997 9:00 pm
George discovers he has a severance package from the Yankees that should last him about 3 months and he decides that he is going to take the summer off. Jerry is going to the Tony Awards and so is Kramer; whereas Jerry has a real seat for the awards, Kramer has a job as a seat filler. Elaine critiques a co-worker who walks with no arm movements and is accused of being "catty." Jerry's picks up his date, only to find out that she has a man living with her. Kramer gets a Tony Award for a musical in which Raquel Welch is the star. Elaine tries to work things out with her co-worker, to no avail. Kramer uses his Tony as a ticket into a place he really shouldn't be, Sardi's, where the producers of "Scarsdale Surprise" have a proposition for him. Jerry's date decides to commit to him. Elaine's complaints to men about her co-worker only seem to pique their interest in the possibility of a cat fight. Jerry's girlfriend begins to wear him out; she is always on the go. George suggests that perhaps they team up to handle Lanette. To keep his Tony award, Kramer must fire the non-arm swinging Raquel Welch from the production. Jerry goes on a date and needs George to handle the invitations for Lanette's party. He is not to skimp, this time. Kramer does his duty and pays a price. A mad Raquel walking down the street gets into a cat fight with a woman who she thinks is making fun of her, Elaine. George gets distracted and slips on an invitation. Twenty-two episodes later the gang is back where they were a year ago, only this time George is the one in a hospital bed.