2x04 Episode 4

[9.0/10] So there’s an old idea that our conception of God comes from a sense of gratitude to our parents, to our elders, that coalesces over time into the appreciation and veneration of a Holy Father, one who represents an impossibly deep well of gratitude and need for those who pave the way for it.

That’s what struck me listening to Fleabag’s confession, talking about wanting someone who will tell her what’s right and wrong, what to do with her life, how to be a better person/ SHe’s nominally talking about God, or at least acknowledges that as the answer that the Priest providers, but she’s also processing the death of her Mom, the person who, on her dad’s account, knew how to be funny, knew how to be kind, knew how to do it all. There is a grand absence in Fleabag’s life, and the implication here is that much of it comes from her mother’s illness and death, the lack of that guiding force who helped Fleabag make sense of herself.

At the same time, I like the idea that with that, Fleabag has also wanted to find “somewhere to put all of it” -- her love for her mom. She tried to keep it with Boo, only to have that slip away as well from her own mistakes. I’d never really processed this before, but there’s the possibility that, subconsciously at least, Fleabag slept with Bo’s boyfriend at least partly out of the sense that she didn’t want to lose the intimacy, the love that she had with Boo, to someone else, having already lost that once with her mother, little realizing that it would actually spur a deeper loss. That’s just a theory, but it would also add to the tragedy at play here.

Make no mistake, this is the saddest episode of Fleabag there’s been. We see flashbacks to Fleabag’s mom’s funeral, which isn’t exactly a great setting for comedy. The show manages to wring a few, like the running gag about how nice Fleabag looks despite herself, or the Godmother already worming her way in. But for the most part, this is an episode about reckoning with things.

We see it in the moment with Fleabag and her father, where he admits to jealousy, where he admits to not knowing how to process this other than to buck up and carry on. We see Fleabag cry, unable to quite do the same.

Because she’s still digesting this death, still digesting Boo’s death, no matter how much she thinks she's made a change for the better since the end of last season. That doesn't just go away, and I like the idea that so much of this season is as much about her dealing with her guilt and her loss and her self-loathing as it is about her pursuing this relationship with a priest. There’s something telling in that too, where she’s almost pulled toward faith despite herself, moved regardless of her disbelief, because she needs some sort of absolution and guidance, even if she doesn't quite know how to ask for it.

The relationship with the Priest continues in fine form too. I like how this episode shows the chinks in the armor of their budding courtship. The Priest recognizes that there’s something aching inside Fleabag and wants to help. But remembering those things she’s tried to repress hurts, and she doesn't want to raise them up again. She doesn't like the assumption that she needs help. (Even if her asides to the audience now seem to suggest she’s reaching for something to fill that same absence and does need some.)

We see the Priest is not perfect either. He’s got hidden liquor and maybe hallucinates and maybe ran to the Priesthood because a layman’s life was too complicated. That lack of perfection makes their courtship all the more interesting -- him the flawed man of the cloth trying to bring her into the fold, and her the flawed atheist trying to subtly (or not so subtly) convince him to break his vows.

Once she opens herself up, admits to feeling lost in the confessional, he nearly does. He kisses her, and then another sign from the big man himself (or just a rusty nail) interrupts and he remembers them again. It’s the perfect punctuation for one of the show’s most charged scenes, one that implicitly questions the rectitude of everything happening here.

Meanwhile, all of this is perfectly written, with each line of dialogue feeling so painfully honest and true, without sacrificing the beauty of word and craft that make shows like this so easy to listen to and watch. The cinematography is great, from the symmetric presentation of the Quaker service, to shooting the Priest from below to make him seem that much more dramatic and put us in Fleabag’s head as we look at him.

Overall, this is another outstanding outing from the show, one that delves deep into Fleabag’s grief and loss, while simultaneously pointing to the solace she finds with the Priest, but also the way his very presence and line of work touches on difficult things that she’d rather cast aside.