2x05 The Orchid's Curse

[5.1/10] So this is where Twin Peaks fully gives in to over-the-top, pulpy drama. Here’s the funny thing about this show -- as twisty and off-kilter as it is renowned to be, so often it’s breathtakingly conventional and cliché.

That begins with the plan from Cooper to rescue Audrey. This is pretty well the culmination of the Audrey kidnapping story, and it has all the hallmarks of a pretty standard action/thriller type deal. There’s the last minute clue (Cooper finding Audrey’s note), the unexpected killings as the plan starts to come to fruition, and the last second save.

It’s not without its merits. Again, Cooper’s obvious disgust both for Ben Horne and for acting outside the law, counterbalanced by his desire to protect Audrey, creates an interesting set up for him. But true to the PPK mention earlier (and was that the type of gun Jean Renault used?), much of this part of the episode feels like a warmed over Bond climax.

Sure, there’s some minor thrills in Jean taking out Blackie unexpectedly before getting into a firefight with Truman. And there’s some drama and badassery in Cooper managing to find Audrey and stop Nancy from stabbing him by watching her through a mirror. But it just reeks of standard action movie pablum with the near drug overdose and last minute reprieves. Hawk’s “you guys can’t keep a secret” quip is the sort of generic dry-cool action movie like that I’d just as well expect from a direct-to-video Chuck Norris movie.

On the other side of the spectrum, there’s Donna’s plot with Harold. I have to admit, Donna feels nigh-incoherent as a character this season. One minute she’s playing the bad girl; the next she’s her normal self. One episode she’s over Laura and ready to pursue her own happiness, and the next she’s back trying to trick people to find out more about what led to Laura’s murder. Maybe this is the vaunted “it all feels like a dream” atmosphere that Lynch & Co. are not only striving for, but remind the audience about constantly in the dialogue. Still, it just makes Donna seem inconsistent and, through that, less compelling as a character.

To that end, the initial scene where she tries to lure Harold outside (pulling a proto-Chuck McGill on him) is a little odd. It’s unclear if she just hopes that by persuading him to go outside, Harold will see that it’s not so bad and get better. The problem is that even after she finds out that he’ll faint and freak out if he goes past his own threshold, she still concocts this plan to nab Laura’s secret diary. (Wait, “secret”? That’s the secret world! Ahhhhhhh!)

What follows in that subplot is, similarly to the Audrey climax, something that feels like an off-brand version of the usual psychological thriller. It’s Silence of the Lambs-lite if you will, with a weirdo with a strange fixation on his hobby freaking out and trying to attack people in his house.

Donna’s story about skinny dipping with Laura and two twenty-year-old guys when they were fourteen is weird and more than a bit gross, but it’s not clear there’s a point to it. I guess it hovers around the same “kids discovering sex leads to some weird, and occasionally disturbing things” theme that the show has hit more than a few times, but it feels indulgent rather than thematic. I guess, in-universe, she’s priming Harold to be turned on so that she can distract him long enough for Maddy to find the diary, or maybe it’s just to tell him a juicy enough secret that he’ll need to go elsewhere for some reason, but it’s a weird beat.

Then, of course, the heist plan goes awry, and Harold flips out and threatens Maddy (who...why is she still here?) and it ends on a cheesy cliffhanger. It’s disappointing, since there was real promise in the dynamic between Donna and Harold, and it basically ends (or builds to a finish) that’s more of a muddle and a cliché.

Speaking of cliché, “The Orchid’s Curse” devotes yet more time to the ongoing pregnancy drama of Lucy and Andy. While the image of Andy with post-it notes all over himself is amusing, I’m just tired of this storyline. Sure, it’s a little adorable (if also pretty stupid) when Andy exalts in learning that his sperm count is high enough for him to Lucy to have conceived. But the race against time to keep Lucy from having an abortion seems like a pretty contrived chapter in this seemingly never-ending issue between them.

We also find out that the man who appeared to be the travel writer from the prior episode is, it turns out, some kind of Japanese investor, presumably in league with Josey and her associate, who wants to buy Ghostwood Estates out from under the Icelanders. It’s a choice that’s...fine? Really, the more time we spend with Ben Horne, the worse a Twin Peaks episode seems. He’s such a one-dimensional sleazeball, and not a particularly well-performed one either, that almost every scene is less interesting for having him in it.

Last, but not least, we have some minor courtroom drama. Leland gets out on his own recognizance without bail, and Leo gets to go home without having to stand trial. The former decision makes enough sense -- Leland doesn’t seem like much of a flight risk despite his erratic behavior, and the circumstances of him acting out are understandable.

The latter is pretty nuts, not because it’s the wrong decision, but because the judge doesn’t just evaluate Leo’s competency straight, but instead not only considers the whole “does the town need justice” angle which is totally out of bounds as a jurist, but he then confers with the cops prosecuting the case to determine whether Leo did it and is worth prosecuting than to decide that based on the evidence in a court of law as our system demands. That’s probably thinking too hard about a corny show whose understanding of the legal system is probably on par with its ability to offer non-ridiculous dialogue, but still.

Overall, it’s an episode that is, for better or worse, filled with action, at least by Twin Peaks standards, so theoretically it should be more exciting than the show’s usual flipbook of random scenes. But instead, “The Orchid’s Curse” employs the rhythms of any other work in the genre, with a touch more weirdness, leaving it unsatisfying on the whole.