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Review by Andrew Phillips

Zoolander 2 2016

3
A4caa04e24A4caa04e24

Review by Andrew Phillips
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3
2016-07-08T23:13:34Z— updated 2016-07-10T21:34:02Z

In a word, awful.

You know, Adam Sandler catches a lot of shit for his witless, tired comedy cash-grab films, but we probably can't blame him because he never really had much talent to begin with. We kind of expect him to float around the lowest common denominator.

Ben Stiller, however, does have talent, and should know better.

Here's a brief list of things that made this film infuriatingly bad, just in case you decide to watch it:

  • This film makes no effort to entertain. It has no comedic timing, it coasts on cheap gags, makes lazy callbacks to the original 'Zoolander' and relies on mugging and campy physical slapstick not unlike an old Adam West 'Batman' episode.
  • Seriously, if you Photoshopped Derek Zoolander's head on the animated GIF of Batman trying to get rid of a bomb, that would be an excellent visual summary of this movie.
  • Cameos. Cameos everywhere. The entire supporting cast of this film are C- and D-list celebrities (and fashion icons nobody knows or cares about) doing cameos. Yes, this was done in the original 'Zoolander', but here it's used as a crutch. No, a wheelchair.
  • Also, some of the cameos look as if they were filmed in someone's living room and cut into the film later. It's like the director sent out interns to film the celebrities at home, rather than pay an Uber to bring them to the set.
  • Of course, when someone says "relax", we're going to hear some familiar chords from the song by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Of course we are. It soon reminds you of a bad episode of 'Family Guy', where the flashbacks are funnier than the plot.
  • How far have M.C. Hammer and Keifer Sutherland fallen? Answer: Pretty far.
  • And Sting and Benedict Cumberbatch, what were you two thinking?
  • By the way, Sting gets a textual identifier and a musical insert of 'Roxanne' when he appears. What makes this cringeworthy is (a) you know this was probably one of the conditions of Sting's being in the film, but also (b) how stupid do they think audiences are that people wouldn't recognize Sting?
  • The 'funny' foreign 'character' that Kristen Wiig is 'playing' wouldn't have made it through the first table read at Saturday Night Live.
  • Will Farrell isn't even trying, but he's so much better than everybody else that he keeps you from punching out during the back half of this garbage. I'm not sure whether we should thank him for that.
  • Nevertheless, you kind of wish this movie had been about him instead of Derek and Hansel. Despite how much this movie sucked, I would still line up and pay good money to watch a spinoff film entitled 'Mugatu'.

I would also like to point out that whatever hipster yahoos have taken over rogerebert.com have given this crapfest of a film 3 out of 4 stars. Yep, you read that correctly. This is the same score they gave 'Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens', 'Anomalisa' and 'The Witch'. So maybe chew on that while you watch this lame, cash-grab of a film. If Roger Ebert still had Internet access, one would expect the resulting rolling over taking place in his grave to register on the Richter Scale.

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