Abduction 2011

"And when I'm finished, you'll be responsible for the death of every friend you have on Facebook."

Alright. Pretty much everyone hated this film. At least most of the people who watched it. And what I'm about is say will go against that. This film wasn't that bad. There, I said it. Blasphemy, I know. Don't get me wrong. It's not like it's good, either; particularly good, anyway. But to me, those who hate the hell out of this film seem to hate it more than it deserves.

I haven't that many films yet. Let alone any that 99.9% of people, probably more, don't even know exists. But I'm sure there are plenty of films worse than this one, specifically most of those. You'd think this was one of them based on how much people hated it. It isn't.

If I had to say something negative about this film: particularly negative, I would say that it was underwhelming and maybe a little boring. That's pretty much it. The narrative seemed like it could've been exciting, but it wasn't. Everything else, like the cinematography, the fight choreography, the score, and the acting, were all tolerable. Nothing stood out that much. It wasn't good or bad.

To be more specific, I thought the acting by Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins was decent. I didn't even realize that was her, by the way. I thought the fight choreography's editing was choppy at times. I thought Taylor Lautner's athletic prowess was criminally underutilized.

For an action film like this with the narrative it had and given he was at the helm, I wish the fight choreography was better directed and better edited, for his sake, and that his athleticism was more prominent. What we got was alright, but it could've been so much better.

The biggest takeaway from the entire film for me, I'd say, was probably the people in it. Other than Taylor Lautner. That's the reason I knew about this film. Because I knew he was in it. I also remember the posters that had him. So, I decided to watch it.

• First, there was Lily Collins: and I didn't realize it until after watching the film.

• Next, there was Maria Bello.

• Then, there was Sigourney Weaver.

After all of those appearances, things started getting interesting. Michael Nyqvist, Viggo Tarasov in John Wick, showed up. Rest in peace. Then, the Alfred Molina, Doctor Octopus in the two Spider-Man films, showed up. It didn't even register to me until now, now that my thoughts are simmering. And then, the icing on the cake, I heard that distinctive voice of Dermot Mulroney.

Talk about an odd variety of cast members. Too bad the film itself didn't deliver.

For me, there wasn't anything about this film to hate. It was just underwhelming. When it comes to other people, there probably was. I don't understand that, but everyone's different, right? This film isn't bad enough to where it's borderline unwatchable. It's good enough for entertainment. Yes, you'd probably be better off watching something a lot more entertaining, but this film still had some entertainment value.

I know I hardly said anything in this review, but there wasn't much to say. This film was alright, and it wasn't as bad as most people consider it to be. But I'd be lying if I said I'm not relieved that it's time to move on and watch a different film.

Other thoughts:

• That one film poster of Taylor Lautner sliding down the glass looked cool. It gives you the impression of badassery, yet the actual moment in the film ruined it. We got click-baited: thinking that there was excitement to be had, but there wasn't, only underwhelming-ness.

• Some of Taylor Lautner's acting made me think of Jonathan Rhys Meyers' acting in From Paris with Love.

• Denzel Whitaker sounded like Eddie Murphy a couple of times. But the further into the film I got, the less he did, and the more I thought he sounded like someone else, but I couldn't think of who.

• Allen Williamson, who played Karen's boyfriend, looked a bit like theRadBrad.

• Jason Isaacs looks a bit like Bryan Cranston, depending on the angle and the expression he's making. He even sounded like him sometimes.

• Ilia Volok, the actor who played the right-hand man of Kozlow, the one with the glasses, made me think of Edmund Kemper. He could pass as him, in my opinion. The only problem is that he's nowhere near as tall.

• The final song (To Be Loved by Train) was pretty good. It was the highlight of a soundtrack that didn't stand out whatsoever.