I will start by saying the smile on my face hurts as the post credit rap has just played out...
English as we know it has been around for about 600 years yet there are still no words to describe how bad this movie is, and the faint buzz in my brain is as close to its approximation of my laughing in a vacuum.
Sweet, Zombie Jesus.
Clearly trying to ride the coat tails of Piranha 3D (which I thought totally hit the mark it was aiming for and had a lot of fun with - see my shout) this... I want to say abomination but I reserve that for the truly bad, so whatever sludge abomination floats on... is something to behold.
Don't get me wrong, I knew it was going to be bad and it was the critic buzz that a sleepless night at an ungodly hour drew me to it. I was hoping to be lulled in to a deep sleep however found myself in a manic state of hilarity and shouting at the TV.
The first 30 minutes actually have a few really good lines that in another film, say Tucker & Dale vs Evil, would have been hilarious. Here however they sully the rest of the film with an iota of potential.
Now, I will take a stand and say that the 3D was not as bad as some have said, however everything else was being kind.
Joel David Moore has hardly had a noteworthy career, but when you see "that B guy from Avatar" slumming in this detritus it does make you sigh for the industry.
The premise alone is inane, the script generally abysmal, the acting is DOA and the special effects are non existent.
Post credits had me howling as the absolute seriousness with which they rhymed showed balls they should carry in wheelbarrows... that and the guy who lost his arm now has it missing on the other side! Gold.
If I had to dip back in to English entomology for a description I'd go with earsgang; something that leaked out of my arse.