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Private Notes
O.J. Clue New, from Parkers Brothers! Herb Gray--CSIS Mr. Excitment discusses CSIS while being robbed. Betteman Hockey NHL Commissioner Gary Betteman talks about the hockey negotiations. Mall Mart The employees attempt to explain how Canadian they are. Wallin/Parizeau News anchor Pamela Wallin interviews Quebec Premier Jacques Parizeau. Ottawa Private Eye A private dick visits Ottawa and realizes that he's not the first 'dick' to arrive here. The Pope The Pope tries to modernize his image. Canadian Moment Sweatin' To The Top Stories Richard Simmons exercises to the top news events.
Cult Pitch The ""Institute for Religious Fanatics"" leader preaches about the benefits of joining a cult. Sandi and Saddam Sandi Rinaldo interviews Saddam Hussein about the Kuwait invasion. Canadian Moment Sheila Shelley The gossip queen rants about the Madonna stamp, sex surveys, Der Nudie boys, dinosaurs and the Blue Jays exercise tape. Koshers Korner Royal Sentry A Royal Sentry has a royal problem on his hands. Prairie Movie Ban Two farmers talk about all the movies that disgust them that they'd like to see banned. Preston Manning Town Hall Meeting Reform party leader Preston Manning tries to hold a televised forum that turns into a bad home shopping show.
Bouchard Debates Clark Bloc quebecois leader Lucien Bouchard and former cabinet minister Joe Clark debate national unity. Photo Radar A couple get even with the new photo radar system using a camera. Prince Charles Confesses Charles admits he never loved Diana, and more. Mr. Taxpayer Sportsless Network Two sportscasters attempt to fill half an hour with no sports news. Atwood Commercial Having trouble sleeping? Try a new natural sleep aid... Aphazard Dinosaurs Lessons on dinosaurs with a 90's twist: Don Cherry, Sharon Stone, Barney. Tiny Mike and Paul Martin Tiny Mike discusses Paul Martin's changes to Canada's taxes and their effect on food. Aristide Takes Office A mountie mocks the Haitian leader as he compliments Canada. Supreme Court Ruling A woman on the street reacts to a recent Supreme Court ruling that drunkenness is a defense of rape.
Queen Speaks Out Queen Elizabeth chronicles her family's history in her new book, ""Hot, Horny and Inbred"". Manning Hallowe'en Preston Manning receives some trick or treaters into his home. Pirates Canada Three Tenors The three tenors--Luciano Pavarotti, Placido Domingo and the other guy--sing their favourite songs. Where Are They Now? John Crosby, Kim Campbell and Joe Clark discuss what they miss most about being in power. Brian Mulroney pops in at the end. Rita MacNeil and Closet Elvis Herb Gray gets some advice from Closet Elvis and the real Rita MacNeil. Chretien on PTN Pamela Wallin interviews the Prime Minister and gets some surprising answers. Hockey Withdrawal A woman attempts to bring her husband out of a comatose state brought on by the hockey strike.
Marchi Announcement Immigration Minister Sergio Marchi explains his new immigration plan. Chretien--China Canadian moment The doughnut shop gang discusses gun control, Mulroney and the deficit. President Clinton Address The President speaks out on armed aggression while dodging gunfire. High Speed Commentary A signing translator has trouble keeping up with the ""News For The Fast Of Hearing"" commentator. Videopinion--Clamp Gun Shop A gun shop owner is robbed four times. Well Dressed Fireman Before taking a fire alarm call, a fireman wants to avoid any fashion faux pas'. CBC Studio Tour CBC executive Delbert Phipps proves that the CBC is a cost efficient organization.
War Veteran Poppy Seller A poppy seller makes his customers feel very guilty. Canadian Moment The group discusses Chretien in China, Alzheimers and the Immigration & Refugee board. Special Bulletin--Copps Sheila Copps becomes mad with power while Chretien is in China. Muscle Pigs Non-viloent pigs fight crime and replace ""power rangers"". Parizeau Address Quebec Premier Jacques Parizeau tries to come up with a date for the Referendum. NHL Saturday Night The top ten things that players want are discussed. Member For Kicking Horse Pass The honourable member examines diced carrots, gun control and O.J. Simpson on television. Stumpy Tom Conway One legged Stumpy sings his song, ""I'm moving to the USA""
Eagleson Hearing Alan Eagleson greets the investigating panel with some presents. Washroom Ladder Rental An entrepreneurial Canadian rents ladders in a men's washroom. China Visitor Recovers A hung over Chretien rants about his political colleague in his hotel room. Tommy A promo for the new musical. Bouchard On Impact Bloc Quebecois Leader Lucien Bouchard consults his good and evil sides. Convict Boy Nobody is better at furniture and appliances, Nooooooobody! Queen's Luncheon Party The Queen's mother has too much to drink at a luncheon where the Queen gives advice to her son Charles. Pope Speech The Pope looks back at some of the historical errors of the past like the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, etc to apologize. Warning Label Cigarettes Customer tries to decide on a pack of cigarettes based on its warning label. Videopinion--Body Piercing An old lady defends the practice of body piercing.
Quintuplets Movie The real story of the Dionne family, when Mrs Dionne delivers 143 babies. Manning Address Leader of the Reform Party Preston Manning discusses the appointment of Romeo LeBlanc. Canadian Vampire Luba is visted by a polite, docile Canadian vampire. Grey Cup Fans Airborne Regiment Commercial A member of the airborne appeals to all dysfunctional violents to join the regiment. Rinaldo Interview Baggley Funeral home director Hector Baggley discusses euthenasia. Car Weasel The ultimate in protection from car thieves. Jock McBile Jock weighns in on the political repression of refugees, the Via Rail flambé, pensions vs gambling and ethnic groups. Sweatin' To The Top Stories Richard Simmons and his plump companions sweat it out over Alan Eagleson, the Grey Cup, NHL lockout, University tuitions, Immigration and refugees and Luncheon meat. Jo Jo's Psychic Alliance Jo Jo comes up against the toughest mind to read, Mike from Can
VIA Safety Demo A safety instruction demonstrates that VIA Rail is not all that safe. Canadian Moment Straight talk on gum/gun control, US vs Canada (assassinate vs re-elect), Chrétien in France, Bruce McNall, Jeffrey Dahlmer and Toronto disaster. Dave The Beer Guy Dave displays his latest products--Mousse Head Beer, Pissed as a Newt Ale, etc. This Day In History French and English explorers arrive in the new world to find Graham Greene waiting for them. Blind Willy Feldman Blind Willy sings the blues because his ""toaster is broke"". Member For Kicking Horse Pass The member looks at the Grey Cup and our knowledge of the U.S. (Dan Quayle, Oklahoma, and Alan Eagleson). Bosnia Hostages Canadian peacekeepers are stuck in Bosnia without food or supplies until Hendrix saves the day--with a Christmas tree.
Chretien Travel Chretien lets loose at ""Club Fed"". PTN Bacteria Pamela Wallin interviews a bacterium. Politically Correct Christmas The story from the ages with a new, politically-correct, twist. News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole The two Newfoundlanders talk about Parizeau, Bosnia, increased interest rates, oil at Windsor castle and the Cod stocks. Red Green Christmas Shopping Red Green shows you how to make your own Christmas angel. Siskel & Ebert Season's Greeting--Sheila Copps Sheila Copps belts out a moving rendition of ""Silent Night"".
O.J. Clue (#2-01, October 7, 1994) High Speed Commentary (#2-05, November 4, 1994) Three Tenors (#2-04, October 28, 1994) Atwood Commercial (#2-03, October 21, 1994) Queen Speaks Out (#2-04, October 28, 1994) Cult Pitch (#2-02, October 14, 1994) Interview With A Canadian Vampire (#2-08, November 25, 1994) Photo Radar (#2-03, October 21, 1994) Dionne Quintuplets (#2-08, November 25, 1994) Washroom Ladder Rental (#2-07, November 18, 1994)
Betteman ""Hackey"" negotiator Bettman is interviewed by Michael Landesberg about the end of the hockey lockout. Canadian Moment Around the doughnut table: Christmas, turkeys on steroids, old age security, native taxes, Lucien Bouchard's return, the new politically correct bible and anal retentives. Mister Rogers' Cablehood This week on Mister Rogers' Cablehood, special guest Keith ""Mr. CRTC"" Spicer explains cable monopolies. Wendy Mesley Cable TV Report Pirate John, president of Jolly Roger's cable, is interviewed while guest commentator Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me discusses the latest offering of specialty channels. Chechnya Yeltsin discovers that Chechnya wants to separate. NHL Player Roomie Piano barfly sings about his old love.
Dave Hodge Inside Sports Chretien visits South America PTN - Airborne Ralph Klein Fireside Chat Confidential News Network Manning and By Election Candidate Jock McBile
Newsworld O.J. Report Suit analyst Nick Cadalina assesses the wardrobe of the OJ trial. Chretien's Postcard From Argentina Prime Minister Chretien talks trade and meets Juan Valdez. Military Merchandising The military's latest attempt to generate revenue (features the Chicken Cannon). Canadian Moment The gang discuss lotteries, the superbowl, Guy Paul Morin and DNA and Parizeau in Paris. RSP Commercial Newfoundland Lighthouse Ottawa wants to automate the lighthouse keepers. Chretien's Postcard From Chile Jean meets a low key Chilean vice-president.
News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole 'De bhoys' discuss Parliament tunnels, the OJ trial, the Brady Bunch and licensing fees for using the RCMP image. Groundhog Day Groundhog Kitchener Karen talks about her shadow. Political Rich Couple Bermuda residents Humphrey and Vanessa insist they have a fidelity to Canada (from abroad). Prime Time News Peter Mansbridge and Wendy Mesley, in a contest of literal one-up(wo)manship. Jock McBile Rita and Friends Rita sings about the ""working man from the east coast"" who ""likes his eggs with juice and toast."" She's joined by special guest Luciano Pavarotti. Member For Kicking Horse Pass
Chretien, Clinton & Yeltsin Three leaders, in silhouette, discuss the differences in their countries. Sally Struthers--Jobs Tiny Mike--Parliament Resumes Tiny Mike chats with Sheila Copps, Herb Gray and Paul Martin. Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me demonstrates how confusing cable channels are becoming. Canadian Moment The gan discuss tax breaks, military cutbacks and sovereignty. Inept Carpenter A one armed carpenter tries to nail two pieces of wood together. Trans Canada Debt A majestic look at Canada's debt. Big Bum Mountie A clumsy overweight Mountie is untouchable, literally. Lottery Line-Up Some people in an unemployment lineup are preoccupied with the lottery.
Manning--National Tax Alert Preston Manning does his best Robert DeNiro--'You taxin' me?' CTV News--Blind Willy Feldman Blind Willy sings the blues with news anchor Sandi Rinaldo. Siskel & Ebert--Academy Awards Siskel & Ebert take a look at some Academy picks--Forrest Gump, Quiz Show, Nell and a foreign italian film. Collenette/Airborne Video Minister of Defense David Collenette opens a video store featuring the military's greatest hazing hits. Nursery Books Censored Sandra Finsterwald hosts a children's show about books seized at the border. Kosher's Korner--Brian Williams Special Guest Brian Williams uses a telestrator to illustrate OJ Simpson's strategy using football terms. Videopinion--Stage Fright A man on the street is steamed about something until the camera starts rolling.
Clinton Visits Chretien US President Bill Clinton and wife Hillary visit Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien for an afternoon jog around Ottawa. RSP Commercial 2 Bouchard Returns Hana Gartner interviews Bloc Quebecois Lucien Bouchard after his return to public life. Venture--Credit Rating Bank President Gord Thiessen and host Robert Scully chat about Canada's financial situation. Susan Powter & Tony Little Jock McBile--Deficit Jock shows us how we got to our present debt-lemma from former Prime Ministers Pierre Trudeau to Brian Mulroney. Preston Woos Elsie Preston Manning tries to woo Conservative MP Elsie Wayne into joining the Reform Party.
Budget '95 Finance Minister Paul Martin talks about his latest federal budget. CBC Budget Cuts Announcement CBC Executive in Charge of Something announces the latest round of budget cuts. CNN-Ken From Hairworld Bobbie DiBatista and Ken assess hairstyles at the OJ Simpson trial. Canadian Moment On the table: Budget 1995, Air Travel agreement, President of CBC steps down. Nunziata Rewrite Liberal non-cabinet minister (but he's not bitter) John Nunziata looks at the retiring pensions of former MP's. Parizeau Sovereignty Hearings Average Quebecers speak their minds on separation, whether Jacques likes it or not. The Loony Channel Gender Bias Theatre Man and woman meet on park bench and talk about the sexes in this latest instalment.
Sweatin' To The Top Stories Richard Simmons shakes his booty to the following tunes: Sheila Copps--Story Time Storyteller Sheila Copps reads a children's book entitled ""The Liberals little red book of lies"". Amazing Discoveries--2000 Flushes 2000 Flushes inventor Al Eisen displays his tasteless wares on Mike Levy's ""Amazing Discoveries"". Ottawa Private Eye Member For Kicking Horse Pass Memory Lapse Talk Show Host Carson Dial has a few guests whose names he can't seem to remember who are there to talk about.... something. Mr. Grimble A man tries to call 911 with a bottle stuck on his finger and comes up against the dreaded voice messaging service. The Canadian Way
News From Away With Jimmy & Seamus O'Toole Current events discussed include Turbot, Mike Harcourt and the new upcoming $2 coin. Stan's Long Distance Co. Tired of paying those monopolies through the nose? Try Stan's Long Distance! Chretien's Corner Mr. ""fer sure on dat"" talks tough with Ron Maclean. Manning--Postcard Mr. Manning goes to Washington. PTN--Tobin Patrol Pamela Wallin interviews Brian Tobin in a trawler as he prepares to deal with Spanish overfishing in Canadian waters. Stumpy Tom Sings Again Stumpy Tom is ""inbred and worry free.... just like the Royal family"". Church Of The Holy Pistol The good reverend thinks that true believers should pack a pistol. Headache Sufferers Headache suffers group meet to find some relief from the noisy world.
Canadians In Spain An isolated Canadian couple return from a long trip and stop by in a Spanish restaurant, unawares of the current tension between Canada and Spain. CNN Headline News--2025 Ongoing coverage of the OJ Simpson trial. Canadian Moment For the last time this season, the gang gathers to talk about the rail system, Michael Jordan, Silken Laumann and the Queen in South Africa. House Of Commons Awards Hosts Sheila Copps and Herb Gray present golden doughnut awards to outstanding MPs in Parliament. Gilbert Smythe Bite-Me--Academy Awards Gilbert tries to come up with some deserving nominees, but just can't seem to find any. And It Was Good A holy man preaches about St. Jean of Chretien from atop a mountain. Spanish Fishing Chicken Cannon The chicken cannon takes aim at some Spanish fishing trawlers. (bowling for trawlers)
Parizeau State Of Province Address (#2-, , 1995) Sally Struthers--Jobs (#2-15, February 10, 1995) Siskel & Ebert--Academy Awards (#2-16, February 17, 1995) Mister Rogers' Cablehood (#2-11, January 13, 1995) PTN--Bacteria (#2-, , 1995) Newfoundland Lighthouse (#2-13, January 27, 1995) Political Rich Couple (#2-14, February 3, 1995)
CNN--Ken From Hairworld (#2-02, , 1995) Jock McBile--The Deficit (#2-07, , 1995) Car Weasel (#2-06, , 1995) Ottawa Private Eye (#2-07, , 1995) RSP Commercial (#2-13, January 27, 1995) Blind Willy Feldman (#2-16, February 17, 1995)
