5x12 You're Welcome

cordelia has been one of my favorite characters since pretty early on in buffy, and she was one of the main reasons i decided to watch this show. can honestly say im very disappointed with the way her story has played out, particularly since the point where she got turned into a demon. they didnt really explore her demon-ness at all, she levitated once and emitted some vague bright lights, and then all of a sudden its Her Time To Ascend. and to make matters worse that Ascension was immediately regretted, and before long she got pulled right back down to earth. then she had that uncomfortable relationship with connor and spent a while possessed by jasmine before quietly slipping into a coma. all of this feels to me like her just being violently tossed around by The Plot, undermining her own agency and determination, even completely robbing her of her own body. she was self assured and fiery and unapologetic, and earlier on in this show she really felt like she was growing into herself as a person, realizing this passion for the world around her and her own pursuits, while still remaining undoubtedly herself. and then she had that self cruelly taken away from her, used as a conduit for something greater than her, and then she just faded into the background. and all of that makes this episode so sad to me, but not in the way its intended to be. her selfhood was robbed from her a long while ago, and she never gets that self back. all she gets to be now is a gentle reminder to keep fighting, a martyr to motivate the Real hero, the one who actually gets the will and the agency and the determination in the end. she got chewed up and spat out, and this is her dying with a whimper. sorry if i sound overdramatic, i just care deeply about cordelia chase.