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Private Notes
In this never-aired 1989 TV special, General Halftrack receives a communique from the Pentagon. He only has a short amount of time to bring one enlisted man up to what they consider to be the standard for the ideal soldier. Mishearing Sergeant Snorkel refer to Beetle Bailey as the best soldier in Camp Swampy, the general puts the sergeant to the task of bringing Bailey up to snuff. Plato and the rest of the gang hatch a plan to help out Beetle and the sergeant.
Contains 4 Podcasts by Mort Walker. Podcast 1: Comic Strip from September 1, 1954. Podcast 2: Comic Strip from February 25, 1964. Podcast 3: Comic Strip from May 19, 1969. Podcast 4: Comic Strip from September 11, 1969.
A Senator is coming to inspect the troops at Camp Swampy and everything has to be ready for him... including his favorite food. When General Halftrack finds out that the Senator loves roast duck, he fears that he'll have to have his pet duck cooked for dinner. But Beetle might have the solution.
General Billy Billibong is on his way from Australia to inspect the camp. On arrival, the nearsighted camp colonel mistakes Matilda, a mischievous kangaroo that the general brought with him, for the general's wife. He orders Beetle to show "her" around.
Bunny and her father visit Beetle Bailey at Camp Swampy on Visitors' Day. Bunny's dad arrives in his World War I uniform... to show Beetle the doughboy style of fighting. He believes that the base is being attacked by German soldiers, so he sets out to attack General Halftrack, Sergeant Snorkle, and the rest of the base.
While having dinner at a Chinese restaurant Beetle and his friends find that there's only one fortune cookie left. It says, "Beware of Beetles". Now everywhere that Beetle goes, disaster follows.
General Halftrack is ordered to have his men trained as frogmen. Sergeant Snorkle tries to train his platoon in scuba diving and underwater demolition. Their goal... to clear away all obstructions from the harbor so Admiral Bilgewater can bring his ship in for an inspection visit.
Beetle needs a means of transportation to meet his girlfriend Bunny so they can get married. Zero is assigned to find a car for the two lovers but steals a policeman's horse instead.
In order to get away from menial ground police duty, Beetle and Zero attempt to get into the plumbing business. They hear a leak in General Halftrack's basement. To slick up on their plumbing skills, they try to fix the leak in the general's house with disastrous results!
Beetle and Zero are summoned to the kitchen by Sergeant Snorkle. The sergeant orders Beetle and Zero to stay in the kitchen of Camp Swampy, and not to interfere with General Halftrack's birthday party, as he doesn't want anything to go wrong. Wanting to do something nice for the commanding officer, the boys try to create a big birthday cake for the general- a cake large enough for the entire base.
A dejected Beetle is looking for a way to escape Camp Swampy and needs money for his two-week furlough. Killer gets a bright idea out of a magazine: an amateur photographer's contest with $1,000 in prize money. Cosmo suggests he enter the photo contest using Zero as a model in parachute shots. Beetle thinks he's got a better chance at the 42-pound weakling contest...
Beetle takes his girlfriend Bunny on the town and tries to elope with her with all the usual "Beetle Bailey" mishaps! He makes the mistake of letting Zero supply the getaway vehicle, Officer Clancy's horse.
Sergeant Snorkle assigns Beetle, Zero, and Cosmo to the canine unit to train the ferocious new Army dogs.
A company of WACs is stationed at Camp Swampy. Sarge tries his hardest to get them to leave.
Bunny's father drives Bunny and Beetle to a picnic, while Beetle makes the sandwiches in the back seat. A slice of bologna gets loose and lands on a motorcycle cop.
Secret plans are stolen from General Halftrack's safe. The General orders Sergeant Snorkle to find and capture the spy.
Beetle plans on sleeping in (a sign over his bed reads, "Do Not Disturb For 6 Months"), but General Halftrack has other plans.
Beetle has a promotion coming. A mistaken order from the Pentagon promotes the Sarge's dog, Otto, to the rank of lieutenant instead.
Wanting to properly prepare for a surprise inspection, Sergeant Snorkle has his men go to bed early. After a sleepless night (caused by the Sarge's nightmares), the platoon falls asleep on its feet in front of General Halftrack.
Beetle wins a TV game show and earns the use of a butler for a day.
After being ordered by the mess cook not to snitch any more food from the kitchen, Sergeant Snorkle forces himself to diet... and he insists that everyone do the same.
Beetle and Zero are ordered to guard General Halftrack's vegetable garden prior to their CO showing off his garden to a magazine. They guard the garden on the surface, but a troublesome Welsh rabbit steals all of the fruits and vegetables from the garden. Beetle and Zero wage war on the entrenched rabbit, using bazookas and decoy carrots to outmaneuver the animal.
The Camp Swampy ceremonial cannon breaks loose. It rolls into Gen. Halftrack's office with Beetle and Cosmo hanging on. They're ordered to do something with it... and he doesn't care what.
General Halftrack's superiors in Washington want the entire base to train for the Air Corps. He only has a few days to train one of his platoons to parachute from 20,000 feet. So Sergeant Snorkle and his men are assigned to take sky diving lessons.
The Pentagon gives Otto the rank of second lieutenant. Unfortunately, Otto's new rank makes him an obnoxious and arrogant bully. Meanwhile, Beetle and his pals want to go to the big dance. But it's for officers only, and Sarge is determined that it'll stay that way.
Sgt. Snorkle is getting so fat, he blows up like a balloon and takes off.
The boys are sent on a 50-mile hike as part of the physical fitness program. Cosmo bets against the others that he'll win.
When the men find out that Sergeant Snorkle is being transferred from Camp Swampy for being abusive to them, Beetle and the other members of the platoon hire a hypnotist to make Sergeant Snorkle so abusive to his COs that he'll get booted out of the army.
Beetle and his buddies ruin Gen. Halftrack's dedication speech at the new missile site... when they try to find the Sarge's missing dog Otto.
Sergeant Snorkle and Beetle try to enter Otto- Sergeant Snorkle's dog- into a dog show. But the judges won't allow Otto to enter without a pedigree.
General Halftrack buys a new machine that makes the timid brave. Beetle tries it and starts giving the general orders.
The Navy is set to take over Camp Swampy... if the swamp is deep enough for a ship. Beetle's platoon has to make sure it isn't.
It's the big football game between the Camp Swampy Swamprats and the Military Police Giants. Sergeant Snorkle's team might lose... due to Beetle's incompetence.
While out on R&R, Beetle is asked to pose for some publicity photos with a temperamental actress.
Beetle, Zero, and Lieutenant Cosmo are ordered to guard a new secret weapon (a super ray gun) prior to testing the device before the military brass the next morning.
General Halftrack is ordered by his CO in Washington to create and utilize a new form of camouflage for war games, or his career in the army is finished. Sergeant Snorkle orders the men to create a new form of camouflage or else they'll spend the rest of their army careers in the guardhouse. So Beetle and the other members of the platoon try to camouflage the base with invisible paint. It works... almost!
While spending Christmas with General Halftrack and his strict, henpecking wife, Sergeant Snorkle reads The Night Before Christmas and then falls asleep. He dreams that the General and Beetle are delivering Christmas gifts to everyone at Camp Swampy.
Beetle enlists Cosmo's aid to win Bunny back from the local playboy.
Sergeant Snorkle's platoon is selected to play a concert for a group of visiting officers. Unfortunately nobody in the platoon can play an instrument. They decide to play a record and just pretend to play. Will their plan work or will it backfire?
It's Beetle's girlfriend Bunny's birthday. Rocky sets up a catering service and charges Beetle to have Bunny's special day catered with "the red carpet treatment." Zero, Rocky's assistant thwarts their efforts.
Private Killer wants to date General Halftrack's new secretary, but the young lady only has eyes for Private Zero. She invites Zero to double-date with her, Beetle Bailey, and his girlfriend Bunny at the Camp Swampy Costume Ball.
A mad scientist creates a device that brings out a person's angry inhibitions. The renegade scientist uses the device on Sergeant Snorkle, Beetle Bailey, Zero, and Captain Scabbard.
Camp Swampy is involved in another war game. This time, the entire base is ordered to destroy the bridge on the river 'Y'... leaving Zero at headquarters with control of the dynamite.
Beetle has to outdo Seymour Seymour, a well-tattooed sailor who's got an eye for Bunny.
Beetle receives a telegram from a lawyer that he has just inherited a $10 million fortune from his late uncle. Lieutenant Cosmo insists that Beetle spend the money to help him get out of the army.
Sergeant Snorkle assigns everyone to KP duty so they try and get even by making his chili extra hot.
The army is playing war games and Beetle is picked to run messages between the regiments. Failing miserably, he manages to get everyone captured except Zero and himself.
Sergeant Snorkle wants to make Camp Swampy look better so he sends away for a Japanese leechee tree. Zero is put in charge of planting it. He accidentally kills it and desperately needs a replacement before Sergeant Snorkle gets back.
Sergeant Snorkel gets advice from the camp chaplain as how to get along better with his men. The chaplain tells him to be nicer and take an interest in their hobbies and help them with their work. The platoon thinks that Sergeant Snorkle has lost his mind and attack him to return him to his old self.
Van Bellingham Cartwright Forbes arrives at Camp Swampy to take on the best men for the new psychological test. Beetle and Snorkle are picked to participate in a battle of wits with the champ, Sergeant Tortoise.
Sergeant Snorkle tells beetle and Zero that they must pick up a Civil War statue and bring it back to Camp Swamp. One the return trip the boys break the statue and must come up with a replacement so they won't get caught.
Sgt. Snorkle and Beetle each are given ten day furloughs as a reward for their performance in the war games.
