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Private Notes
Dharma and Greg Season One Interviews
cameo crossover with two and a half men - S09E01 - Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Free-spirited Dharma and straitlaced Greg break the news to their respective parents, none of whom are especially thrilled with the match.
When Dharma and Greg throw a party to celebrate their union, a disapproving Kitty boycotts the event, and Dharma sets out to befriend her mother-in-law. But when the Montgomerys and the Finkelsteins finally get together to plan the details, the hostilities really begin.
Dharma tries to sprinkle a little TLC in Greg's life by installing a new, deluxe ""Spring Mist 3000"" shower, while Greg finds himself on a testosterone-ridden golfing afternoon with Edward and Larry. Meanwhile, Kitty, misunderstanding the word ""shower,"" readies for a social event with hors d'oeuvres and formal invitations.
There's love amid the ruins when Dharma and Greg hold a ""do-over"" wedding to appease their families, particularly the hostile Kitty, who turns the young couple's plans for a simple party into a big country-club affair, including a formal renewal of the wedding vows. (Says Greg to Dharma: ""You know, some day our parents will be gone and we'll look back on this day and not miss them so much."") Meanwhile, Pete and Jane have a surprising encounter of their own in the cloakroom.
When Greg's former co-worker and ex-girlfriend Barbara is transferred back to his firm from Washington, Dharma seeks to assuage her own natural jealousy by finding a new Mr. Right for Barbara—a quest which takes on a desperate edge when Barbara confesses she is still in love with Greg.
When Greg's competitive nature becomes destructive, Dharma exposes him to yoga, hoping to lower his stress level. After two classes, however, they both realize Greg's life is out of control when he gets into a macho ""I can do this"" contest with Pete and pulls a groin muscle. Meanwhile, Larry goes to Edward with a scheme to mass-market videos of Dharma's yoga instruction.
While sunning on the roof, Dharma & Jane meet an elderly Native American who wants to die on the premises, claiming that it was his ancestors' sacred burial ground. Naturally Dharma invites him to stay with her, and naturally Greg is deeply suspicious of his motives and tails them—even to the extent of getting Pete to impersonate him at a dinner with Attorney General Janet Reno.
After Greg wins a major court case, he is urged to run for Congress. It's an idea that moves Dharma to consult Greg's mother for grooming advice, as a potential political wife. After worrying about Dharma fitting in with the political crowd, Greg embarrasses himself during his first public appearance by emerging from the washroom with his fly undone. But when Dharma tries to boost his confidence with a little back-seat lovin', it becomes front-page news. (""We know he's not a Democrat because he's having sex with his wife, and we know he's not a Republican because he's having sex."") Greg is thrown into a black depression until he realizes that his popularity has soared; then his opponent makes a decisive sexual confession of his own.
When Greg needs an upgraded security clearance to work on a top-secret case, Dharma and the families are subjected to a background check, which reveals some very interesting information about Larry and Edward. Dharma discovers to her horror that her proud anti-establishment rebel father in not in fact wanted by the FBI as he's always bragged, and embroils Greg and Pete in a scheme to plant a phony file for Larry to steal. Meanwhile, Greg is shaken to discover that Edward never in fact divorced his first wife; and Kitty's reaction to the news is not what anyone would expect.
After Dharma, Larry and Abby give a farm-full of turkeys their freedom, Dharma volunteers to make Thanksgiving dinner for the whole family in Kitty's spacious kitchen, with Jane's help (while Kitty plays it safe with a restaurant reservation). But Greg is not offering up thanks when he's the last to know that Dharma might have more than just a bird in the oven.
Dharma's parents arrive for their weekly yoga class only to find Dharma in tears because all her other students have deserted her for the popular self-defense class across the hall. Greg's efforts to cheer her up only get them evicted from Kitty's operatic fund raising evening. Clearing out her locker, Dharma curiously wanders into the self-defense class that turns out to be run by a wacky woman named Spyder, who is promoting herself with alarmist flyers about a massive increase in crime in the neighborhood. When Dharma protests that this is a lie, Spyder intimidates her physically, then invades a depressed Dharma's nightmare about breaking her non-violent principles and retaliating. When Dharma does attempt to remonstrate with Spyder, both she and Greg get their butts kicked.
Dharma's free spirit and maternal instincts are challenged when Greg's rebellious teenage niece Jennifer visits for the holidays and soon abuses her newfound friendship with her aunt. When Dharma and Jane take her along on a wacky shopping trip pretending to be monolingual German tourists, they are upset to discover that she has used them as a cover for actual shoplifting. Later when Dharma discovers that Jennifer has invited a boyfriend over unannounced, she lowers the disciplinary boom—and Jennifer runs away.
Greg's latest legal victory leaves him depressed in the middle of the office celebration, so Dharma suggests that maybe Greg should quit and ""follow his bliss."" It turns out that Greg's suppressed passion is for cooking, so he informs his disturbed parents that he is starting a new career as a short-order cook in a hamburger joint. This prompts Edward to confession his own secret talent: hairdressing.
Transportation becomes an issue for the young couple when Greg insists Dharma can use his car any time she wants but makes compulsive demands on her treatment of the vehicle. (Dharma: ""Honey, I love you, but bite me!"") So Dharma goes to a city auction with Jane and Pete and becomes the proud owner of a 1968 yellow schoolbus. Meanwhile, Abby invites the Montgomerys over for a meat dinner, and reveals that she was once romantically involved with Salazar, the featured artist at Kitty's charity exhibition. An amused Edward challenges the Finkelsteins to attend the function, which is threatened by a freak rainstorm and flood—it's 'Old Yeller' to the rescue!
When Dharma's charismatic old boyfriend, Leonard, suddenly re-enters her life after a year in India, Greg finds himself extremely uncomfortable around him—especially when it becomes clear that absolutely everyone else, from Greg's parents to even Marlene, absolutely adores Leonard. Weakened by battling a bad cold, Greg is thrown for a loop when Leonard reveals that he has been celibate since he left Dharma and Dharma decides that she and Greg should give abstinence a try as well. Finally, Dharma informs everyone that they should respect Greg's wishes and not see Leonard any more—then everyone simultaneously spots Greg on television enjoying Leonard's company and his benchside basketball tickets.
A romantic Valentine's Day weekend turns out to be anything but for Dharma and Greg. It all begins when Greg downloads a travel brochure promising a cozy getaway at the Red Rose Inn in upstate snow country. Unfortunately, things don't go quite as planned. En route, they get ticketed for speeding when Greg tries to make up time lost burying a dead animal that Dharma spotted by the roadside. Worse still, when they arrive at the inn they discover it's just an ordinary little house with no snow and only a backyard trailer to accommodate guests. Meanwhile, Kitty misinterprets Larry's talk about an animal-shelter swap meet to mean wife swapping, and she and Edward find themselves strangely disturbed by the idea.
While Dharma, Abby and Jane try to help a depressed Kitty struggle through her 50th birthday, Greg, Larry and Edward head off to the slopes to stage their own Winter Olympics. To head off Kitty's stated intention of immediate plastic surgery, the daffy trio persuades her to join them, big wigs and scanty dresses donned, on a mission to flirt at a navy bar. Kitty is an immediate hit - until one of the young men tells her she reminds him of his mother! Meanwhile, tobogganing down a mountainside in a canoe, at night, backwards, turns out to be the father and son bonding experience Greg and Edward never found time for.
A plumbing emergency in their apartment forces Dharma and Greg to move in temporarily with his parents, and a situation fraught with tension is made worse when the Finkelsteins decide to contemplate marriage after twenty years of unwed bliss—and Larry moves in with the Montgomerys as well.
Dropping in on Kitty, Dharma instantly senses what has happened: Kitty and Edward are separating. An appalled Kitty makes Dharma promise not to tell Greg, but this well-meaning deception snowballs as Dharma's sense of guilt develops into a series of escalating fibs that draws in an uncomprehending (and protesting) Jane Seymour. We also learn something important about Dharma's macrobiotic childhood: she's a recovering secret sugar junkie!
The pretense that everything is fine with Greg's parents finally proves too much for Dharma, who snaps during dinner at a Chinese restaurant and has the bad news served to Greg in a fortune cookie (to the absorbed interest of the Chinese family sharing their table). Trying to help the Montgomery's non-existent sex life, Dharma takes Kitty to her local neighborhood erotica store, where they naturally run into Abby and Larry. Greg and Pete take Edward for a drink to commiserate, and Edward demonstrates his ace in pick-up lines: ""Excuse me, young lady, do you have change for a million?"" Meanwhile, Jane has gone off to a Star Trek convention (""I like middle-aged men who are virgins""), leaving her pet Mr. Boots with Dharma and Greg; but Greg freaks out when he discovers that Mr. Boots is not exactly a cat.
Spring fever hits klutzy Dharma, moving her to dance naked on the roof (in full view of a newscast helicopter and, hence, an appalled Kitty), carpet the apartment with live grass and enter a ballroom dancing contest at the Montgomerys' posh country club. Reluctant Greg insists they should accept that they have no chance of winning and merely enjoy themselves, but Dharma confesses to her parents that for once in her life, she's like to be competitive at all costs. Trouble is, the brunt of her aspirations is borne not by her competition but by Greg.
A rather daring episode by contemporary network standards: When Jane breezes in to claim custody of Dharma's stuffed duck, Dharma explains to Greg that it's a trophy held by whoever has had sex in the unlikeliest place. Having actually fallen asleep during sex the night before, the couple decide to spice up their love life and search the city for a public place to have sex, since the rest of San Francisco will be too busy watching the finale of Seinfeld to notice. But Jane 'seduces' Pete (by painting his toenails and shaving his legs) into blabbing about their plans and sets out to sabotage their trophy win, and, after a few ironic twists, it is not Dharma and Greg who get arrested for having sex on the steps of City Hall, but Kitty and Edward! (Edward points out that the trophy is actually a goose, and Dharma calmly explains that goose wouldn't rhyme.)
When Greg hosts a poker game, Dharma takes advantage of the occasion to meet his buddies. Petty jealousies surface as she begins befriending the men and privately advising them on personal matters - including bankruptcy, impotence, and a serious crush one of the men has on Greg - and they in turn begin to full uncomfortable around Greg because he won't share his feelings with them. Upset that Dharma has taken over his friends, Greg tries to bluff her by maintaining that he has plans of his own to hang out with Jane; and when Dharma thinks this an ""awesome"" idea, he finds himself involved in a bizarre role-playing game with Jane's very bizarre friends (including the Vulcan-eared Trekkie seen at the end of episode 20). Meanwhile, Kitty and Edward are unhappily afloat in ""duck soup,"" as their swimming pool is invaded by waterfowl. Enter Abby, who is getting a Berkeley degree in ornithological intelligence. (Larry: ""It's the study of bird brains."" Kitty: ""Oh, that must be useful."")
A new path in life opens suddenly at the newlyweds' feet when Donna, the express checkout girl at their local supermarket, reveals that she has been dumped by her boyfriend just as she is about to bear his child. When Dharma brings her home for the night, Donna gets a bright idea: why doesn't she give the baby to Dharma and Greg? Greg is dead against the idea but.... you can guess the rest except maybe the fact that the baby turns out to be black.
Abby and Larry assemble a village, which includes an African spiritual adviser, a troubadour, a storyteller who has taken a vow of silence, a lesbian lactation expert, and Jane to help Dharma and Greg with the baby. Greg is pleased, sort of, until he realizes that this entails everyone living with them during the baby's first formative years. Meanwhile, Kitty takes to her bed, convinced that her life is over now that she has become a grandmother overnight. Dharma promises to help Kitty fulfill her matriarchal ambitions by having ""a whole buttload of kids,"" but is taken aback by Kitty's first dynastic decision: to name the baby after Edward's wealthy uncle Fergus.
Experimenting to see if her parents can be trusted to mind the baby, Dharma and Greg take the baby to the movies with them, but the incessant crying annoys the patrons around them, Dharma's crying. Abby approached Kitty to see if they can agree on a compromise between their family traditions for the baby's naming ceremony, which results in a huge gathering and a minister, a rabbi, and a shaman. (Yes, they tell jokes.) Even Kitty, with the help of Larry's special cookies, gets into the swing of things; and all is happiness until a telegram arrives: Donna has changed her mind and wants the baby back.
It's traditional to fight on your first anniversary (even if Hallmark doesn't have a card for it): Dharma and Greg stage an argument to escape their parents' planned celebration, but in concocting the excuse Greg says Dharma was being ""flighty,"" and the gloves come off. While they drive out of the city, Dharma retaliates by calling Greg a ""stick in the mud,"" and soon their car is stuck in the mud when he tries to demonstrate how impetuous he can be. (Not very.) They hike to a diner, but find it closed because of a death in the owner's family; just as Greg breaks a pane in the door in order to use the phone, a highway patrolman happens by and the young couple get caught in a charade of being the replacement cook and waitress. There's a nice unspoken continuity with the first season episode in which Greg really did become a short order cook, and it's nice to see him sharing Dharma's role-playing game, even if unwillingly. But Dharma looks tense and unhappy even before Greg accidentally i
In the middle of a typical in-law squabble, Dharma and Greg answer an emergency call and rush to hospital. There they find a partially immobilized Pete, who has dislocated both shoulders in a bizarre car accident. Greg is not too pleased at Dharma's offer to nurse Pete back to health, and after a traumatic visit to Pete's apartment to pick up his cat gives her far too much insight into Pete's life (or lack thereof) Dharma finds herself committed to cleansing her house guest both physically and spiritually. Meanwhile, Kitty convinces Abby's ""Save the Ducks"" fund raising committee that rather than making $800 with a bake sale, they can raise $80,000 with a fancy celebrity dinner featuring ""Alan Alda, or one of the Baldwin boys."" Trouble is when the event gets under way, the celebrity turns out to be not exactly environmentally aware Andrew Dice Clay. Jane becomes addicted to the one acceptable item in Pete's apartment: his vibrating, um, massage chair; and Pete's final act of chauvinism
A hilariously spooky Halloween episode finds the couple engaged in amorous horseplay (Dharma showing Greg how to do a strip-tease for her) on the eve of their house-warming party when the dogs sniff out something eerie in their new apartment: a hidden storage closet full of antique dolls. Although Dharma senses evil, Greg talks her into going ahead with the event while he cleans away the dolls, but in the middle of the party Dharma discovers the dolls have quietly returned to their former positions, together with two new dolls which bear an alarming resemblance to Dharma and Greg. Abbie intervenes with an exorcism (to Pete's amusement), then all seems well until the newlyweds hear heavy footsteps in the attic at midnight, and discover a single doll hung from the ceiling. Greg determines to spend all night in the attic to find out once and for all what is going on, joined by a reluctant Dharma, and they are both terrified when a trapdoor opens to reveal a screaming elderly woman who dem
Greg is forced to make a very embarrassing public admission when he sees the first girl he claims to have slept with and her jealous husband makes some serious threats. Meanwhile, Dharma and Greg attend the wedding of Kitty's housekeeper and offer to park cars as a wedding gift.
Dharma discovers Greg is really the only man for her when she agrees to attend a dance with a nerdy high school kid, but meets with some serious competition from the younger crowd. Meanwhile, Larry sings his ""You guys are okay"" song to Edward and Kitty, causing Kitty to fall and hurt herself; this prompts Kitty to sue Larry after she is embarrassed by her donut-cushion in front of the mayor. Larry represents himself, while Pete arbitrates.
Dharma is surprised when both Jane and her parents accuse her of having changed because she is busy attending a society fundraiser with Kitty then alarmed when Kitty congratulates her on having changed to the extent that young socialites thinks she's ""a hoot and a half."" Her identity crisis is confirmed by a visit from the spirit of her Indian friend, George, who directs her to retreat to the Redwoods to find herself and conveys a cryptic message to ""save the young one."" An uncomprehending Greg reluctantly lets her go, persuading her to take Jane with her; then, upon seeing George in a dream, rushes to the woods in Larry's van to save Dharma and Jane, who have adopted a bear cub while remaining oblivious to the nearby presence of its angered mother. Best lines: George to Dharma: ""You might have mentioned that you moved. I scared some skinny guy in the shower half to death!""; Larry, fleeing from the mother bear, slips on something in the woods and mutters, ""That answers that question!""
A gently surreal episode whose humor derives from escalating skewed logic in the Preston Sturges mode: Greg's hostile secretary Marlene (at last the wonderful Yeardley Smith returns!) is offended by her annual staff evaluation as ""Satisfactory,"" while Greg is overjoyed by his ""Superior"" rating until he learns Pete got the same rating. When Greg confronts his boss, he is driven to desperation by the man's apparent complete inability to discriminate between similar items (Tahiti vs. Buffalo as a honeymoon destination, freshly baked bread vs. moldy supermarket bread), and almost unhinged by the boss's decision to put Pete in charge while he is in medical leave. At the same time Greg must deal with Dharma's impulse decision to open a store without first deciding what she will sell, and the fact that the place quickly becomes packed with people who find Dharma's environment strangely soothing and establish a barter economy amongst themselves. There is of course only one ""logical"" conclusion
Gail Mancuso seems to direct all the best episodes, and this is no exception: A friendly game of strip poker between the newlyweds is interrupted by an emergency visit from Larry and Abbie (who are willing to wait a half hour until the sex is finished, an offer Greg can't accept). It turns out that their property is under siege by an unscrupulous developer who happens to be a former, and hated, classmate of Greg's. After Dharma invites the developer and his wife to dinner, then has to fight off his sexual advances, she is forced to accept Greg's viewpoint -- that he is evil -- and to seek a flattered Kitty's advice on how to get rid of him and save her parents' beloved home. The solution involves Jane, Pete, a trampoline, some garbage cans, and the IRS... and a wonderful coda using the trampoline. (In the course of the episode we also learn that Dharma has been both a magician's assistant and a professional casino dealer.)
When Greg convinces Dharma to accompany him and Pete to a football game, despite her lifelong aversion to competitive sports, he is unprepared for her sudden and total conversion into a fanatical San Francisco 49ers fan--and the term ""fanatical"" is not used lightly. When Dharma sneaks out to a game in the middle of dinner with her parents, Greg decides she needs help, and arranges an intervention involving quarterback Steve Young.
Edward's mother Beatrice is dying and knows it, despite the efforts of everyone around her to deny the fact except Dharma, who argues for honesty and gets a priceless Stradivarius as a keepsake, much to the horror of Kitty who believes it belongs in a museum -- especially after everyone has heard Dharma trying to learn ""Three Blind Mice"" on the instrument. Then Dharma learns something very surprising: Edward and Kitty's marriage was a whirlwind courtship bitterly opposed by Beatrice, who has never forgiven her ""free-thinking"" daughter-in-law and refuses to pass on the family heirloom engagement ring to her. Dharma tries to help mend fences before it's too late -- then tries to respect Beatrice's dying wish to pass on the ring when it is much, much too late. In a coda, Greg is more than happy to let Dharma's violin teacher borrow the Strad for a recital, then learns Dharma has taken up the trombone instead.
Role playing at a golf shop, the couple put on fake Southern accents and wind up endearing themselves to a genuine Southerner -- who turns out to be the federal judge before whom Greg must argue a cast the next day. After an evening's panic, he decides to tough it out and wins the case hands down (while mystifying Pete). But he discovers he has succeeded only too well: Judge Harper becomes the couple's best friend and constant companion, and Greg despairs at having to keep up the pretence forever -- especially when the judge comes to meet the entire extended family.
It's Dharma's birthday, but the surprise she gets isn't what Greg was planning. First his parents take them on a mock foxhunt, and the uncontrollably wild stallion at the stables becomes meek as a lamb as she as he meets Dharma (who nicknames him ""Steve""). Groom Joaquin swears it's because the horse has fallen madly in love with Dharma -- and sure enough Steve starts showing up unexpectedly (and inexplicably) at the apartment. Meanwhile, Greg's old flame Barbara (guest Coyle reprises her role from episode five) is assigned to work with him on a case with an overnight deadline, but has to go home to deal with a plumbing emergency, so Greg accompanies her, and over several hours of hard work they both fall asleep. When Dharma gets back from returning Steve to the stables, it's 3:00 am and Greg is missing, so she calls Pete, who assumes the worst and swears that Greg is passed out drunk on his floor. When Greg is late leaving work for Dharma's party and still has to stop off at the jewele
After a dehumanizing experience with bureaucratic red tape, Dharma is inspired to run for office, and thanks to a pair of wacky opponents and a hefty campaign contribution from Edward, she may have a real shot. Meanwhile, Pete and Jane find a shocking way to fight the alone-on-Valentine's-Day blues.
As Election Day approaches, Dharma and Greg's relationship hits stormy seas due to clashes over her campaign strategy. Meanwhile, an aggressive opponent may really rain on Dharma's parade.
Election day is here, and Dharma has finally mastered the art of politics. But it's her own body that teaches her that lying can lead to flu, rashes, eye sties, oozing sores and even a bout of the gout.
Dharma and Greg join their parents, and even Pete and Jane, on a couples' retreat. But when they repeatedly fail tests designed to demonstrate the strength of their relationship (while Pete and Jane score tops), they resort to covert measures. Meanwhile, Kitty and Edward find a weekend in the wild to be just that.
When Greg rather reluctantly gives Dharma half of his on-line investment account, she becomes obsessed with profit (even borrowing from her parents), but unwisely follows a tip from a friend of Larry's and sinks everything into a San Francisco company that promptly sinks even further. When she appeals to a recently retired Edward for help, he quickly rejuvenates the business, which happens to merchandize women's fashions for men: edrag.com; but Kitty objects that Edward's golden years were reserved for her.
Dharma pushes her mother-in-law's fortitude to the absolute limit when she presents Kitty with an award at a country-club luncheon -- and later wrecks her car.
Greg is forced to go with the flow when Larry makes a few improvements in the loft and lets in more than just a spring shower; and Dick Clark pays a visit during Edward's surreal flashback sequence.
Greg discovers he should pay more attention to his wife's intuition when Dharma has a nightmare and begs him not to go away on a business trip.
When Dharma and Greg decide to go on a first date to get reacquainted the old-fashioned way, their courtship doesn't go as well as planned: a furious Dharma moves back in with her parents and refuses to speak to a penitent Greg.
Questioning his place in the universe, Greg begins a journey of self-discovery by exploring his reasons for becoming a lawyer.
Dharma tracks the missing Greg down at a seedy motel. (I missed this episode and it has not yet been rerun.)
When the financial realities of Greg's unemployment sink in, Dharma takes on a slew of new jobs and makes a deal with the devil to make ends meet: she accepts covert checks from Kitty in exchange for expanded mother/daughter-in-law time spent together. Only when Edward takes Greg to a high-power suits party while Kitty takes her to the opera to see ""Faust"" does Dharma come to her senses and rush back just in time to prevent Greg from accepting a corporate job.
Dharma agrees to play drums for a friend's teenage garage band. Meanwhile, she helps Greg through his crisis by purposefully invoking arguments with him.
Faced with Kitty's midlife crisis, Dharma decides to help her fulfill her lifelong dream of winning a beauty pageant.
Dharma becomes convinced that the ghost of a recently deceased neighbor wants to conduct some unfinished business -- and the spirit soon moves Greg in a rather carnal way.
Greg decides his life's fulfillment lies on the professional golf course, but Dharma isn't so sure if she should let him play through, given that Greg's journey of self-discovery may mean relocating to Scotland.
Abby and Larry decide to make it official after thirty years of unwedded bliss, provided they can get Kenny Loggins to sing at the ceremony. Meanwhile, Greg comes full circle on his search for tranquility a part-time resident of the local park comes to him with a legal problem.
Constant interference makes Greg wish that his new law practice were a little more private, especially when Dharma keeps solving his client's problems without recourse to the law; Dharma reaches out to her landlady on behalf of the other tenants; Larry pursues an increasingly vindictive feud against his neighbor—who turns out to be his uncle.
In an attempt to make Thanksgiving more enjoyable than last year's debacle (which we see in flashbacks), Dharma and Greg devise a plan to entirely avoid their families. When it becomes clear how much this has hurt everyone, the pair wind up more stuffed than any turkey after eating four Thanksgiving dinners: their own, one cooked (barely) by Kitty, another with Abby and Larry, and a fourth with Celia's family -- who have a fight that top last year's.
While his fledgling independent law practice struggles, Greg feels emasculated when Dharma hits the jackpot in a TV commercial whose producers caught her in a late-night promo for Greg's business.
Worried that they've run out of friends, Dharma and Greg "interview" a series of potential couples to see who meets their strict requirements.
Finding that Greg is overwhelmed with paper work (and that her own efforts to help only lead to desktop carnal encounters), Dharma determines to hire him a first-rate legal secretary. She tries to get pointers from Greg's former secretary Marlene, but discovers that Marlene's only real skill is in dodging work. After submitting applicants to a battery of tests, both skill-related and New Age, Dharma finds the perfect secretary: the intelligent, caring, spiritually centered Kim -- who also happens to be a former fashion model. Despite Jane's skepticism, Dharma insists she trusts Greg completely and goes out of her way to throw Kim & Greg together, going so far as to have her accompany Greg to a dance with Kitty and Edward while she goes to a Smothers Brothers vineyard jamboree with Abby and Larry. When the car brakes Kim supposedly had serviced fail, Dharma's trust looks like a fatal mistake...
Dharma's friendship with two police officers gets her anti-establishment father Larry hot under the collar, and the family feud threatens to ruin Abby's surprise birthday party.
Dharma lends a helping hand to singer-songwriters Lyle Lovett and k.d. lang when their fame and fortune leaves them unfulfilled. Meanwhile, a sarcastic hotel clerk spoils plans for the couple's romantic Valentine's Day getaway.
While spending the weekend at Dharma's parents' house, Greg fears they're in grave danger when an old family friend shows up unexpectedly -- Nunzio and Stinky dig up his skeleton in Larry's garden. Meanwhile, Larry and Abby run into Edward and Kitty on a flight to Washington and discover that Edward is testifying before Congress on an environmental issue that Larry and Abby are protesting.
Dharma runs into an old boyfriend (Jason Beghe) whose endless, high-flown tales of jet setting sound more and more like flights of fancy. Meanwhile, Greg's hernia becomes a popular topic for discussion and forces several trips to the doctor
Much to Greg's horror, Dharma tries to help Donald make a memorable evening of his first sexual experience. Meanwhile, Greg searches for memories from his childhood but decides he would rather remain in the present; and Larry develops temporary powers of recollection.
For the first time in her life, Dharma gets depressed about her sex life when she discovers that Greg can't make a move in the bedroom without checking his day planner first. Meanwhile, a depressed Greg confides in Pete, who convinces him the only logical explanation for the downturn in his sex life is that Dharma is seeing someone else.
Dharma's ritual of unburdening her sins every seven years reveals things that would be better off remaining a burden. Meanwhile, Larry convinces the Montgomerys' maid, Celia, to go on strike, leading everyone to discover how much control Celia has over Kitty's personality.
Greg's old girlfriend Stephanie asks for his help in getting her son into Greg's old prep school; and once Dharma sets eyes on the boy, she becomes convinced that he is Greg's child.
After replacing her furniture with Greg's stored bachelor stuff, Dharma is a changed woman. But not necessarily for the better -- she becomes strangely possessed with material ambition. Meanwhile, Edward finally rebels against the fact that even his private den is entirely decorated by Kitty.
When Abby objects to being president by acclamation yet again of the educational co-op, she impulsively nominates Dharma to run against her, and both women are nonplussed when Dharma is instantly elected. While Abby tries to be supportive, Dharma sets about making changes, which backfire, convincing her that Abby is sabotaging her. Meanwhile, k.d. lang asks Greg for a small legal favor which quickly goes to Greg's head.
Dharma's vision of a baby sets her and Greg to officially start trying; Pete asks for Greg's help after getting fired; Abby celebrates the onset of menopause.
In the fourth-season opener, Abby's plans for the new baby rattle Dharma, because Abby's admission that she and Larry made mistakes raising Dharma – like letting Timothy Leary babysit – threatens Dharma's memories of her childhood as idyllic. When Abby's pregnancy is threatened by complications, Dharma feels obscurely responsible, until a visit from the spirit of her dead friend George sets her straight. Meanwhile, Greg's advice helps Pete and Jane make a move to repair their crumbling marriage: they announce they are getting divorced.
Dharma tries to reconnect with her old life by planning a wild road trip to Mexico with her friends. When Greg decides to go along for the ride, Dharma's friends are less than pleased. Meanwhile, Larry lands a job as a night security guard with Edward's company in order to get medical insurance for the baby.
Greg fouls out as part of his wife's New Age softball team, while Dharma learns that Edward's sporting a new lady around town.
A small war breaks out as Dharma stages a protest to halt Greg's plans to enlist in the Army. But once he does, the legal eagle's stuffy style has the troops ready to boot him out of boot camp.
Abby's labor is a real pain for Dharma when she must share midwife duty with a celebrated author well-versed in childbirth. Meanwhile, Larry's also acting like a brat, after Kitty and Edward present the expectant parents with a new van.
Abby turns a blind eye when Dharma goes the extra mile to help care for the new baby in the Finklestein family.
Dharma & Greg's love life suffers because neither of them can keep from helping other people with their love problems, including Greg's crazy, lovesick secretary Marlene. Their romantic getaway gets postpones so Dharma can set Marlene up with Jane's flaxy ex. Meanwhile, Abby comes up with a scheme to make money and feed Harry at the same time.
Dharma realizes she should have left well enough alone when Greg's surprise party nearly brings the Finklesteins and Montgomerys to blows.
Dharma regretfully taps into her hidden anger and a penchant for boxing when a woman challenges her to a barroom brawl. Meanwhile, Larry takes his familial relationship with the boss for granted.
When Dharma and Greg disagree about playing role model to their young college friend Donald, they decide to experiment with independence for the first time since their marriage began. When things finally get really tense, only an obscure dream and a visit from Abraham Lincoln can close the divide.
Dharma begins to come unglued when she can't figure out what Greg has locked away in his box of mementos; and Larry makes a big deal out of finding a little something for Abby.
Dharma regretfully seeks Edward's business advice when the co-op's slush fund comes up empty, and Greg works with a very successful attorney whom Dharma used to date.
When Dharma decides to go to college, she meets a professor who stirs some feelings that could disrupt her marriage. (Part 1 of 2)
Dharma must come to terms with her own guilt about Charlie, and resolve which direction the relationship will take. (Part 2 of 2)
Dharma gets to know Greg's dysfunctional cousins and in-laws just in time to keep Edward from making a huge mistake in choosing his successor as head of the firm.
Fleeing from Kitty's talk on popular restoration of Victoria architecture, Dharma drags Greg into a neighboring high-school reunion for the class of '81, assuming the identities of no-shows Todd and Judy. She is non-plussed to discover that everyone present loathes ""Judy"" for the terrible things she did to them in high school, and decides the universe wants her to make amends by visiting each of Judy's former victims and apologizing. When this doesn't work out, she tracks down the actual Judy for a confrontation. Meanwhile, Larry offers Edward tips on how to revitalize the sexual side of his marriage, and encourages Abby to do the same for Kitty -- but their advice (""let the other make the first move"") leads to stalemate.
Dharma finds a way to bond with Kitty – and score some cash – after unleashing her mother-in-law's secret skills as a pool player. Greg, meanwhile, races around town to find a replacement rat after killing his wife's beloved house pest.
In an effort to boost Pete's confidence, Dharma makes the naïve mistake of convincing Greg to leave the practice in Pete's very incapable hands.
Greg loses his cool with Kitty after another one of her annoying charity events, creating a cold front between the stubborn mother and son. While Dharma tries to bring back the love, Kitty goes out and gets herself a better little boy.
Kitty's swing at writing erotica leaves Edward exhausted, while her editor (Dharma) finds that the work suffers when the couple plays too much. Meanwhile, Greg avoids the issue entirely by submersing himself into building a model ship.
Dharma's paranoia reaches a new height when she discovers her own prejudice against little people.
A simple garden on Montgomery-owned land triggers a war of the roses (and ladybugs) between Kitty and Dharma's hippie friends. Meanwhile, Dharma gets her hands dirty helping one of Ed's wrongfully terminated employees put his life back together, whether he likes it or not.
Dharma drags Greg to a kooky couples counselor after he finds a lost love letter from her old college tutor. But when she refuses to avoid her other man, Greg takes a stand that could cause a parting of ways for the mismatched pair.
After catching Dharma innocently hanging out with her old college tutor---and failed suitor---Charlie, an enraged Greg moves out. Then the misunderstanding turns into a crisis as they both get caught up in the planning of their mutual friends' impending wedding, compelling Greg to seriously reevaluate his own crazy marriage. But when he finally sees the light, it may be too late.
The fifth season begins in the aftermath of last May's car crash, with both sets of parents arriving at the hospital and Dharma just out of surgery and groggy from anesthesia. The car accident has left Dharma with a fractured hip and temporarily confined to a wheelchair. Greg, who fared better with just a few minor cuts, mostly feels guilt, and tries to maintain a ""structured"" approach to Dharma's recovery which, unfortunately for her, doesn't allow for skipping physical therapy appointments in favor of wheelchair-tongue-depressor relay races down the hospital halls. For her part, Abby believes that crystals and chants around her daughter's bed might help. Larry calls it a ""healing ceremony""; Greg calls it ""voodoo.""
Dharma decides that her accident must be a manifestation of the universe shuffling her cosmic deck of cards so that she can help people—from the hospital, physical therapy, insurance company, etc.—whom she otherwise wouldn't have met. Yet while Dharma loves giving help to others, she's not nearly as fond of accepting it for herself, even when she's in a wheelchair. Meanwhile, Greg deals with an insurance problem—the company has paid them twice by mistake, but won't listen to his attempts to explain.
Dharma learns that her dad, Larry, used to sing and play guitar in a band but gave it all up when she was born. Feeling guilty, she tries to convince him to perform again. Meanwhile, Larry and Abby set up some old pirate radio broadcasting equipment in Dharma's living room to give her something to do while she's recuperating. Initially, Greg scoffs at ""Radio Dharma,"" but one on-air debate with a caller later and he's hooked. Meanwhile, Edward's old running suit hits a sour note with Kitty when it is discovered ""lost"" in a box of Greg's old possessions, and Edward refuses to stop wearing it.
At the same time that Dharma's doctor gives her permission to resume sexual relations, Greg sees their totaled car for the first time since the accident and learns that the insurance adjuster ruled it a case of reckless driving. Now completely guilt-ridden and overly cautious, Greg's unable to enjoy Dharma's romantic advances. Meanwhile, Edward wants Larry to return the rundown desk chair of his that Kitty attempted to throw out. While at first annoyed by Larry's insistence that they play games for the ownership of the chair, Edward grows to enjoy Larry's company.
Greg doesn't put out a welcome mat when Dharma turns their place into a temporary bed-and-breakfast.
Dharma finds herself inadvertently trying to compete with a visiting childhood friend. Dharma and September grew up together in a commune, and September has remained loyal to her nonconformist ways, such as preparing a salad with greens that ""were growing in the cracks in the sidewalk"" and singing songs taught her by Nelson Mandela. Feeling guilty over how much her own life has changed, Dharma decides to get back to basics. First, she simplifies her wardrobe; then she wonders what else she and Greg can do without—like maybe electricity, or at least Greg's beloved television (just before the Superbowl). But what worries her most is a suspicion that September may have designs on Larry. And she's right—but they're not what she fears.
When Greg starts to dress and act strangely after driving the used car Dharma recently bought, she worries he's been possessed by the spirit of the car's previous owner, a petty criminal and gambler who met an untimely death. Meanwhile, Edward has Larry set up a security camera at his house to help catch the kid who eggs his house every Halloween, but the ""trick"" is still on him.
Jenna Elfman's real-life husband Bodhi Elfman guest stars as an old performance artist friend of Dharma's who convinces her to co-star with him in his latest work: To live ""on display"" in an art gallery 24 hours a day for a week. Needless to say, Greg's not thrilled with her decision, and father-in-law Larry's moving in with him doesn't help matters.
Bad weather grounds Dharma and Greg's flight in Indiana.
Dharma tries to learn the identity of Greg's fantasy girl; Greg's truthfulness upsets things at his parents' place.
Animal-rights activist Abby bans Greg from the Finkelstein home when she learns he and Edward are going fishing.
Greg proposing to another woman? Dharma bringing another man home to meet the folks? This landmark flashback episode takes place six months prior to the series pilot and shows Dharma and Greg's lives before they met and married on their first date. Share in Kitty's chagrin as Greg breaks up with his debutante fiancée, and join Larry as he watches Dharma leave a great guy who ""refuses to get a job.""
Kitty brings Dharma to the ground-breaking ceremony of her arch-nemesis Teensy Manhart's new outdoor amphitheater. But Dharma takes a flying leap into the path of the spade in protest when she realizes the theater's intended site is a precious wetland. Abby, Larry and Ed Begley, Jr., a well-known environmental activist, join in her protest.
A heart attack scare during Larry's business pitch for his chili causes Edward to reminisce about a simpler time in his life, when he wasn't a high-pressured ""captain of industry"" merely acquiring and merging other companies. Trying to persuade him to adopt an an easier life, Dharma is taken aback when Edward seizes command of a mall sports shoe outlet owned by his company and happily settles in as a crackerjack shoe salesman—until Kitty finds out. Meanwhile, picking up papers that need Edward's signature, Greg gets a taste of what life would be like as his father's business successor; and realizes (as Kitty angrily tells Dharma) that the real reason Edward hasn't retired is because he is waiting for Greg to take his place. Dharma sympathizes with Greg about abandoning the practice he has built up over the past year—but since this seems to consist of crabby Marlene mismanaging the office and Pete ""teaching"" three gorgeous young women a ""course"" in sexual harassment, perhaps the transit
Dharma is the inspiration for her nerdy neighbor/admirer's new comic book heroine, the Blonde Tornado, a sexy, crime-fighting superwoman. While Dharma enjoys her newfound stardom, Greg's life whirls out of control after a newspaper photo of a burglary hails her as a real life hero and him as her cowardly sidekick.
Supermodel Claudia Schiffer guest stars as Gretchen, a drop-dead gorgeous new lawyer in Greg's office about whom he's having sexual fantasies. Guilt-ridden over his inappropriate thoughts—especially since it's his ""four-and-a-half-year anniversary"" with Dharma—Greg tries desperately to get Gretchen off his mind, to no avail.
After suddenly joining a rock band that includes the rebellious teenage daughter of one of Greg's clients, Dharma invites the musicians to live with her and Greg.
A visit from Kirk, a younger alumnus from Greg's law school, launches an unsuspecting Greg into the middle of a crazy college game with very specific rules developed by ""seriously drunk"" undergraduates. Despite Greg's reluctance to engage in a college prank at this stage in his life, Dharma leaves him no choice when she rallies the gang to help him win back his championship title in a relatively amusing parody of Mission: Impossible. Meanwhile, security guard Larry is disturbed when his supervisor Walter points out that he gets special treatment because his daughter is married to the boss's son. When Larry demands Edward rescind all special treatment, Walter obligingly fires Larry.
When Dharma discovers that her drivers license has expired, Greg demands that she be a little more responsible—which is when Dharma discovers she has lost the priceless family heirloom diamong ring Kitty gave her. She discovers it on the roof, coated with tar; and when she takes it to a jeweler for cleaning, she learns it is, in fact, just a really good fake, leading to a confrontation with Kitty. Meanwhile, Pete turns to Dharma for help in getting Gretchen to go out with him. Her simple, sound advice works... Soon Gretchen is head-over-heels for Pete—and he can't stand it. Also, we see Marlene as a judgmental book clerk, and learn that Greg has finally fired her.
Dharma encourages Larry to ask his brother George for a loan to buy Larry's favourite conspiracy bookshop; when strange things start to go wrong, Dharma suspects that George is plotting to undermine Larry's success. Her efforts to uncover the plot mean she must undergo multiple dental procedures at George's office, but seem to be justified when the store mysteriously burns down just before the grand re-opening. Meanwhile, Kitty tries to revitalize her love life by making Edward jealous—claiming that her car attendant keeps leaving red roses on the seat for her.
While Kitty prepares to renew her marriage vows, Dharma entertains Marlene's parents.
A little girl forms an attachment to Dharma and Greg; Kitty is ordered to perform community service.
In the first part of this special one-hour season and series finale, Dharma and Greg find themselves once again trying to make peace between their polar opposite parents when an argument breaks out over whether the couple will vacation with the Finkelsteins or the Montgomerys. Dharma tries to appease both sides by arranging for everyone to spend the weekend at the Montgomerys' mountain chalet, but when the usual bickering and insults kick into high gear, it finally sends Dharma and Greg over the edge. Meanwhile, back at the office, Pete is left in charge of a routine SEC inspection, but when the agent turns out to be beautiful and female, he invents wild stories about inside trading... oh, just fast forward. (Part 1 of 2)
Dharma & Greg get stuck in a snowstorm after leaving the chalet and begin to wonder how their diverse upbringings will affect them as parents. (Part 2 of 2)
