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Private Notes
The self-contained ground floor flat at 33 Highgate Avenue becomes vacant when the Rush family's sitting tenant, elderly Arthur Fenston, dies. After the funeral his relatives arrive to pick it clean of his possessions. While Jacqui and Susan plan a party [to celebrate the simple fact that they can have one without the police being called], their father Dudley sets his mind to finding a new tenant. With a little help from their friends, David and Angela Jones, the girls hatch a plot to secure the flat for themselves.
The girls move into their flat, and Dudley helps them get an old black and white television set down from the loft, picking up a glove puppet and a guitar in the process; the latter reminds him of his youth, when he played skiffle, and he attempts to rope Jacqui and Susan into a group. Meanwhile, Dudley's Welsh editor, Duncan Thomas, arrives at the house to find out why he is a fortnight behind with his artwork for Barney the Bionic Bulldog, and gets soaked during an attempt by the Rushes' to clear a supposed airlock in the cold water pipe. He blows his top and fires Dudley.
Whilst Dudley decides to learn Japanese, the company which prints The Wowser decides to go on strike, so Duncan arrives at the Rush house to ask Dudley to rush through three pages of Barney the Bionic Bulldog in order to stockpile three issues. Although Dudley is due for jury service at the Old Bailey the next day, Muriel pressures her husband into complying so that she can go on a shopping spree with the promised bonus. Assisted by his family, Dudley burns the midnight oil and comes up trumps. He takes his bleary-eyed place on a jury trying an intruder, but risks contempt of court when he falls asleep.
The ""ever-present pooh bird of fate"" seems to be permanently circling the Rush household, dumping on them from a great height. The car requires open-bonnet surgery to the tune of £80, Muriel is fined £6 for going five miles over a thirty miles per hour speed limit and Dudley dismantles the washing-machine to discover why it isn't working. On top of this, the television set, refrigerator, radio and iron start playing up. Meanwhile, daughter Susan wants to get rid of her boring boyfriend, Sid Foster. The family's electrical problems seem to be solved when it is revealed that Sid is an engineer, and a deal is struck; Dudley will give Sid advice on seduction, whilst he effects the necessary repairs.
Muriel's scheme to encourage her husband to mow the back lawn backfires. Meanwhile, Dudley attempts to recapture lost romance by booking a table for them at The Candlelight Room for dinner. Here he makes the acquaintance of Royston Higson, a rotund area manager traveling in ladies' underwear and would-be womanizer. Jacqui and Susan go to the restaurant, suspecting their father is dating an old flame, and an intimate twosome becomes a foursome. Dudley realizes he has left home without money, but rescue comes from an unexpected quarter.
Whilst Susan pigs out on food and frets about premarital sex, Muriel arranges to travel to Bournemouth by train for the weekend to celebrate her sister Sarah's birthday. An old divorced friend of Dudley's, insurance salesman Dick Mitchell, telephones to say he has come down from Birmingham for a few days, and arranges for them to get together for dinner that evening at The White Cockatoo in town, on his expense account. Dudley arrives at the fashionable restaurant to discover that Dick has booked the company of two attractive escort service girls, Mimi and Barbara, who transpire to be big fans of Barney the Bionic Bulldog. Muriel is about to leave for the station when her sister telephones to say one of her children has developed mumps; since Muriel has never had the infectious virus, she postpones her visit and plays a game of Monopoly with Susan and Jacqui before retiring to bed with a Harold Robbins' novel. Dick, meanwhile, insists on taking Mimi and Barbara back to Dudley's place f
Dudley is in bed with a broken bone in the ankle following an abortive attempt at disco dancing on roller-skates. It could have been his neck, if he hadn't landed on the fat Miss Bunting. Meanwhile, Susan is job hunting, and her father finds one for her in the local newspaper for a dentist's girl Friday. He writes the telephone number down on a piece of paper, but Susan inadvertently rings Duncan's number which is written on the other side, causing his secretary, Marlene, to resign. Dudley takes a stab at 'spot the ball', and receives a bank statement which shows £75,000 in his and Muriel's joint account.
The Rushes' receive threatening letters from the Electricity Board and Gas Board, and Muriel suggests using foam granules to insulate the attic. Susan considers having herself tattooed, and Duncan informs Dudley that Barney the Bionic Bulldog is to be replaced by a new character created by the managing editor's wife; Gertie Guitar, a little girl who wants to become a rock star. Then Jacqui has her handbag containing two tickets for the Globe Theatre stolen in the ladies' toilets at Harrods, and her father decides to play detective to catch the culprits.
Dudley invents a new board game, Heart Attack, which he thinks will be a hit with vegetarians. He himself claims to have seen the light, having been convinced by Mr. Adams, the greengrocer. Whilst Muriel tucks into a cholesterol-rich steak followed by treacle pudding with double cream, her husband struggles with organically grown alfalfa sprouts, goats cheese on stone-ground whole bran biscuits and prunes with a sunflower seed as a treat. Meanwhile, Susan is having problems ejecting a troublesome boyfriend, Blackie [so called because he has a black belt in karate], from the ground floor flat. She enlists the help of her father, but Dudley gets rid of Jacqui's Negro boyfriend, James, instead. It then transpires that Blackie could be Dudley's natural son by an old flame, Betty Corkindale.
A mishap in the car wash results in Dudley getting soaking wet and waxed to a showroom finish. Susan goes dancing with her boyfriend, Dave, returns home tipsy on double vodka's and has to be helped into bed, although she is still under eighteen. Her father loses his temper and she considers joining the army, until she learns they only have one colour in their uniforms; and that they have separate barracks for the men. Seeking advice on dealing with Susan's drinking, Dudley bribes Duncan with an offer of lunch at the Cafe Royal; it turns out to be the Royal Cafe, which caters for lorry drivers. Duncan suggests giving Susan a whole bottle of vodka to drink, the theory being it will make her sick as a dog and put her off alcohol for life. Dudley joins his daughter and matches her drink for drink with Scotch whiskey, unaware that Muriel has substituted the vodka for tap water.
Dudley decides to give up smoking, and begins to suffer withdrawl symptoms after two minutes. The girls' pregnant friend Ann and her door-to-door salesman husband Freddy pay a call; the latter has taken Susan on as an apprentice, and they are set to descend on the Hampstead Garden suburbs with their product - The Little Wonder Household Implement. The lease on Ann and Freddy's flat is up and they can't move into their new house until Monday, so Ann prepares to waddle down to a hotel to book a room for the weekend. Jacqui suggests they stay at the flat instead, she and Susan sharing one bed whilst their friends sleep in the other. Dudley jumps to the wrong conclusion and assumes a boyfriend of Susan's has stayed the night.
Dudley's efforts to silence an over-sensitive burglar alarm at two o'clock in the morning lead to his being taken to Highgate police station on suspicion of attempted breaking and entering. Muriel suggests driving out to a country pub for Sunday lunch, but the car hasn't got a road fund license; just a Worthington E label stuck to the windscreen. Jacqui puts forward the idea of a barbecue on the patio, which her mother warms to despite Dudley's warnings of unpredictable weather. He prepares his special barbecue sauce, which makes steaks sit up and beg: garlic, cayenne pepper, garlic, French mustard and more garlic! As soon as Dudley attempts to light the barbecue, the rain buckets down; it's of little consequence however, since it transpires there isn't any meat in the house. Dudley telephones an order through to the Wang Ho Chinese restaurant for takeaway, but more misfortune awaits him when he drives over to collect it.
Dudley's latest mania, for jogging, takes him as far as the front door. Meanwhile, Jacqui's boyfriend Leslie is coming to dinner at the flat around 7 p.m., and she doesn't want Susan running on the spot and jiggling her boobs at him. Her sister promises to be out before he arrives, having been invited to an all-night party. So their father won't interfere, Susan makes a recording on her cassette tape-recorder to give the impression that she is acting as a chaperon for Jacqui. Duncan invites himself round for tea and cake, and Dudley tries to trick him with a rubber chocolate eclair. He then suggests Leslie isn't quite as masculine as he should be, and Jacqui vows to find out for herself and let her father know in the morning.
Dudley and Muriel play a game of Cluedo to decide who'll do the washing-up, whilst waiting for daughters Jacqui and Susan to return home from an evening out with their respective boyfriends. Meanwhile, Duncan has had a new telephone answering machine installed in his office, and Dudley embarks on a campaign to drive him mad with garbled messages. Susan's beau, Matthew, has just gotten his own flat, and she is contemplating moving in with him. Jacqui introduces her parents to her intellectually superior boyfriend Clive, whom she announces will be moving into the ground floor flat with her as soon as her sister moves out! Duncan calls in an engineer, Arnold, to service his answering machine, and dumb secretary Marlene develops a crush on him; unfortunately for her, he turns out to be gay. Matthew's father, a Church of England vicar, arrives at the Rush house to discuss the infeasibility of mixed flat sharing on church property.
As per usual, Dudley is late with his page of drawings, so when Duncan telephones to complain Muriel advises him to call round about four o'clock that afternoon to collect it, the lure of her home-made iced buns providing an additional incentive. Meanwhile, Duncan is still the target of the amorous inclinations of spinster telephonist Virginia Dryford, who at present is seeking her own personal Superman. Whilst Dudley ineffectually tries to procure a little ""rumpety-rumpety"" from his wife, their daughter Susan has been introduced to insurance salesmanship by her boyfriend David, who has promised her a commission on any policies she sells, and practices her techniques on her sister Jacqui and her father. Duncan arrives at the house as arranged, and is annoyed to find the page still isn't finished; Dudley vows to deliver it to his office the following afternoon. Duncan's housekeeper has left him to marry the milkman following a wild affair, and his efforts to look after himself aren't en
Told he has a brain like a broken colander, Dudley reads a book given to him as a birthday present by Duncan which purports to improve one's memory. Muriel reminds him that they have offered to help out at the St. Jude's Girl Guides garden fete on Saturday, and he is to be in charge of the most important stall, holding the super prize; a brand new car, loaned by the local garage. The chance of anyone winning it is four-million-to-one against, but just in case anyone does win, they've insured against that happening. Susan, meanwhile, is trying her hand at market research interviewing and decides to start with her father. She is persuaded to attend the fete, and her mother gives her the insurance application to post. Susan palms it off on to her sister Jacqui - who is likewise suffering from absent-mindedness - who in turn gives it to her father. Dudley goes to Duncan's office, where his boss informs him that he can't come to the fete as he's going to a race meeting at Ascot. He has some
With Muriel, Dudley indulges his latest interest - CB Radio - utilizing his Lone Star Ranger walkie-talkie set; Muriel fails to ""kick it back"", however. Meanwhile, their daughter Jacqui is oft times being dined by a ""rather dishy"", quite mature gentleman named Michael, whom her father fears could be a married man with heightened sexual feelings, trying to recapture his lost youth by lusting after young bits of skirt. Jacqui protests that she's old enough to look after herself; and in any case, they're partly business dinners. Michael wants her to go and work for him as his secretary. ""I like him"", she tells over-protective daddy. ""Now I appreciate your concern, but I'm not a baby. It's my business, not yours"". Duncan pays a call regarding a bank loan he wants to obtain in order to buy a little cottage at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllandysiliogogogoch in Wales, wishing to eventually return to the land of his fathers; and Dudley is the only householder he knows who will stand
Whilst Susan takes her driving test, Dudley tackles a jigsaw puzzle of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer. Duncan arrives at the Rush house to discuss some letters he has received from the managing editor's wife complaining about Barney the Bionic Bulldog, whom she claims sets a bad example to impressionable children of milk-drinking age; she'd prefer him to be an effeminate, environmentally-concerned, sensitive vegetarian. Susan passes her test, and has her sights set on a car advertised in an evening newspaper for £250; her sister Jacqui goes with her to meet the owner, a shady gentleman named Mr. Conway. Susan pays a £5 deposit and signs a contract, with the remainder to be paid when the car is delivered the following day. She approaches her father for a loan, but he unfortunately has resigned over the proposed changes to Barney.
Dudley awakes in an amorous mood, but Muriel is more interested in breakfast in bed. Jacqui, meanwhile, prepares a face-pack, whilst her father contemplates redecorating the bedroom. Muriel fears her husband suffers from delusions of competence; the last time he didn't bother wallpapering behind the wardrobe, and he left a gas pipe sticking out of the wall. She suggests getting a professional in; somebody who won't hang the paper upside-down. Jacqui's artist boyfriend Andrew is coming to dinner at the ground floor flat, and she feels he might pluck up the courage to make a proposal of marriage; she's been putting off introducing him to her father, though. Muriel telephones a Mr. Wilkins, who arranges to call round that afternoon to provide an estimate. Duncan telephones Dudley and announces his intention of coming round to the Rush house about four o'clock to collect a page of artwork; and partake of tea and cake. Andrew arrives to speak to Jacqui, but as she is unable to remove her fa
Whilst Dudley attempts to service an alarm clock, Muriel borrows Duncan's brand-new £300 camera to take some photographs of Jacqui and Susan to send to her mother is Australia. Susan reads an article by a woman who claims she can speak to the dead and thinks it quite possible she could be a medium herself, trying to foretell her sister's future with the aid of a dead light bulb. They go shopping with their mother whilst Dudley takes a sly kip instead of working on his cartoons, and return home to find burglars have gotten in through the window of the downstairs bathroom and ransacked the place. Muriel telephones the police, and Duncan pays a call. Muriel finds his camera has been stolen from the bun tin where she hid it from Dudley, but bottles-out of telling him. She suggests to Dudley that they buy him a new one, and claim the money back on their insurance. A good-looking policeman named Rodney - who previously gave Dudley a ticket for parking his car on a double yellow line outside
Duncan has acquired a new housekeeper in the attractive Mrs. Morgan; a marvelous cook who unfortunately can't keep her hands off him. His bragging of her culinary skills results in Dudley dropping a few subtle hints [backed up by a jab from a knife and fork] that he should invite himself and Muriel round for a meal. Duncan reluctantly concedes - insisting on dinner jackets being worn in a last attempt to put them off - and Dudley starves himself all day in order to enjoy the full benefit of this most rare occurrence. Meanwhile, the sports club at Jacqui's firm is holding a Tramps and Tarts fancy dress party, and she and Susan are all set to be dropped off on the way: although Dudley doesn't approve of their outfits. Mrs. Morgan leaves dinner in the oven for Duncan and his guests before heading off to Eastbourne to spend the weekend with her sister. Dudley, for his part, is bringing a bottle of nonspecific burgundy; a £1 unlabeled item salvaged from the flooded cellar of a little wine m
Muriel tries to get Dudley up a ladder to touch up the paintwork on the front windows, whilst Susan attempts to fulfill a lifelong ambition by mastering the technique of hand-rolling cigarettes. Muriel then decides to get a job - despite protests from her husband - and applies for a vacancy in personnel, narrowly avoiding the lecherous advances of a Mr. Foster. She then lands a job as secretary to Duncan, leaving Dudley to cope with the household chores; he proves to be as inapt at ironing as he is at everything else, blowing all the electric circuits in the house. Dudley gets so far behind with his cartoons that Duncan comes up with a compromise; he will pay Muriel to stay home and nag him.
Dudley and Muriel are about to depart for a two week holiday in Portugal, the former insisting on taking a garish shirt and trousers along with him. Dudley then comes across a holiday snap of Susan sunbathing topless in Monte Gordo, and is disturbed by the fact that he can't see anything wrong with it. When Jacqui jokingly comments that she finds it filthy and that her father should be hopping mad, Dudley risks the adverse effects of bromide by tearing the photograph to shreds and eating it! Meanwhile, Susan decides to have fun with some 'This poster degrades women' stickers given to her by butch friend Jenny Mason, and buys a 'glamour' poster to practice on. Duncan - fancying a brief taste of family life - offers to put Dudley's mind at rest by moving into the Rush house whilst he and Muriel are away in order to keep an eye on their daughters and expand their minds with the theatre and ballet. Jacqui and Susan, however, have made their own arrangements to travel up to Manchester for a
Duncan gets a new secretary; a rangy young woman named Wilma. He's due to depart on the 7 p.m. flight to Hamburg to attend a conference of comic book editors, but first he has to collect a page of artwork from the Rush house. Dudley - who hasn't even started on it - decides some delaying tactics are called for and telephones Duncan's office using a phoney German tongue, telling him to stay put. Jacqui and Susan, meanwhile, have decided to go punk and form a rock group with their upper class friend Hugo; 'Hugo and the Harlots'. They borrow a piano from Anne, a friend of Susan's, to rehearse with. It's delivered by Fred and Ron Cash - an apt surname, since they demand £20 as compensation for industrial injuries received in the process - and Dudley promptly hurts his drawing hand in it. Hugo arrives with his latest composition, and the girls fantasize about making it to number one on ""Top of the Pops""; it hardly seems likely with a song like 'Anna Key', though! Dudley telephones Duncan ag
When an unidentified flying object is spotted over Hampstead Heath, Dudley becomes obsessed with UFOs and the idea of photographing one from his bedroom window. When he disturbs daughter Jacqui's front porch romancing with her boyfriend Peter, she borrows her sister's old luminous Frisbee to play a prank on him, throwing it past his window; taking it for a UFO, he clicks his shutter. Susan, meanwhile, dons a devil costume as she practices her role as assistant to her stunt man boyfriend Vincent, alias Vince Vampire. The next day Dudley is hosing down the car when Jacqui and Vincent exit the house in costume and ride away on Vincent's motorcycle, and hoses his leg by accident. Duncan arrives with some good news; an American editor and his wife are coming to see him, and Mr. Millington is willing to inject some money into The Wowser if they feature one of his cartoon strips, which he wants Dudley to draw - and it could mean some extra money for him. The Americans are arriving on Friday,
Muriel has gone to Australia on holiday to visit her mother, leaving Dudley in the care of their daughters. Jacqui has started a new job at Stanley Barlow's bookshop, leaving Susan at home to prepare meals for their father, although her cooking leaves much to be desired. Growing tired of the complaints, Susan suggests to her sister that they find their father a housekeeper. Duncan, meanwhile, is having problems with a jammed filing cabinet, and likewise hits on the idea of getting Dudley a housekeeper so that he can concentrate on drawing his cartoons; he finds one in Madge Carew, the bullying wife of handyman Arthur Carew. Susan engages a pleasant woman named Elsie Bates from an agency, whilst Dudley - not to be outdone - also engages a housekeeper; an attractive Swedish blonde named Ingrid. Chaos ensues when the three females meet and argue over the position.
Dudley awakes with a hangover after a night on the town, and Susan lands a job as a circulation manager to Hugo, who is starting a new free magazine called Upper Crust; so titled because it is aimed at the upper crust of society. Susan's role is putting it through people's letterboxes, but fortunately she likes being out in the open air. Meanwhile Dudley's overseas syndication royalties on Barney the Bionic Bulldog arrive at Duncan's office; a pretty substantial amount. Duncan bids his secretary Wilma make out a cheque, but she points out that in all likelihood Dudley won't work anymore until he's spent the money. Duncan considers investing it for a year or two on Dudley's behalf and letting him have the interest - or some of it! - but the forthcoming arrival of an auditor rules this out. He decides to pop around to the Rush house to see if he can find a chink in Dudley's armour-plated idleness, hoping to persuade him to buy a new car and fill the tank with petrol. Meanwhile Susan drop
The loft conversion of the Rush house having been completed, Dudley is rediscovering his first love by painting book illustrations for 'Alice in Wonderland'; at the moment he's at work on 'The Mad Hatter's Tea Party' with the help of his daughters, Jacqui and Susan, dressed in character as the Mad Hatter and Alice respectively. The White Rabbit is rather small, however. Dudley's eccentric sister Kate has found him a more suitable one, but she lives at Brighton and its too big to post. Duncan, meanwhile, is planning to move house from South Hampstead to West Hampstead on Saturday. He balks at the removal firm's quote of £250, and decides to hire a van and do it himself. Wilma doesn't fancy helping him hump furniture around, so he goes to the Rush house to enlist the help of Dudley, Jacqui and Susan with the bribe of a moth-eaten armchair and carpet for the studio. Come the day, Dudley cons Duncan into making a detour to Brighton to pick up the White Rabbit, and they park the van on the
Dudley receives a 'Merry Monk' dressing-gown as an early birthday present from Muriel in Australia, which promotes the religious virtues of poverty, chastity and obedience, and wonders whether she is trying to tell him something. Jacqui and Susan blame their father for the loss of Duncan's possessions at Brighton the previous day; he couldn't go to his new flat because it was empty, and had to spend the night in a hotel. Duncan telephones whilst Dudley is in bed to ask if he can move in with the Rushes and live with them until he sorts himself out. The girls suggest he could live up in the studio, but their father is dead set against having his boss living under the same roof. Dudley then receives an advertisement in the post from the Baghdad and Oriental Wine Company, offering new customers unbelievable bargains from their North African selection of real wines at £7.50p for six bottles, and telephones through an order. In the meantime, Duncan makes an alphabetical inventory of his sto
Duncan's rubber plant isn't flourishing in the Rush household, and Dudley's slobish habits aren't helping matters one bit. A new housekeeper is due to start, but Duncan insists on tidying the place up before she arrives. Meanwhile, Susan takes a break from her search for work and calls in at Barlow Books for a chat with Jacqui, explaining that what she really wants is a job where she can travel and meet interesting people; Jacqui suggests a bus conductress! Back at the house, the housekeeper - a Mrs. Francisco - arrives, just as Duncan accidentally smashes a pile of plates. Dudley plays a trick on her and Duncan as an 'entrance exam', and Mrs. Francisco takes her leave. Dudley arrives at Barlow Books and a mysterious gentleman named Mr. Veluva enters the shop; proclaiming himself to be a Wizard of the Third Order, he offers Dudley - whom he takes to be the new owner - books on wizardry and magic. Dudley buys them from him and on returning home tries casting a spell on Duncan's rubber p
The North Hampstead Operatic Society are putting on a production of Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado, with Hugo acting as director and Jacqui and Susan lined up for the roles of Yum-Yum and Pitti-Sing. Dudley attends the auditions at Stanley Barlow's bookshop in the hope of securing the lead, but has to make do with painting the scenery and playing the part of the third coolie in the chorus. Honourable secretary Stanley takes the role of the Mikado for himself. Meanwhile, Duncan is producing Oklahoma! for a rival society; his leading lady walks out on him, so he offers the role to Susan, who eagerly accepts. He heads off for London Airport to meet a Mr. San Pueblo from Tijuana, Mexico. Jacqui is disgusted when she learns her sister is planning to drop out of The Mikado, chastising Susan for her disloyalty. Dudley telephones Duncan's office to complain about his underhand behaviour, and Wilma takes the number of the church hall so that she can arrange for Duncan to ring him back when h
