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Private Notes
64K keeps it real to talk about their former member CoreUnit's battle with a World of Warcraft addiction.
LRR presents a trailer for a '50's-style horror film. An experiment seemingly funded by Evil Inc. goes terribly wrong, unleashing zombies across the world, a problem that only worsens when the experimental data is released across the 'Net. Chock full of enticements like "Bladder Draining Terror!" and promises of "Mystery! Suspense!! Acting!!!", the trailer doesn't present a rating for the movie, as the reviewers were too frightened to see it.
Other than the obvious one can use condoms for many things: as boxing gloves, as a banana protector, for bondage on a budget, as saran wrap for butter, to hit someone in their balls, as a garrote, as an elastic, as a slingshot, as a speed bag, as a piñata, as a doo-rag, as fake breasts, as waterproof socks, as friendship bracelets, as hair ties, as an iPod protector, as spoon-chuks, sink-sized water-filled projectiles - up to tub-sized, as a halo.
Two mimes go at each other in an invisible duel with weapons ranging from basketballs and record players, to lightsabers and puppies, to lions and cannons. Top that with a dance-off, and this video contains just about every verb in existence!
It's the night before PS3 launch day, and Gibb goes on location with the brave souls waiting in line for their chance at glory.... or maybe a quick buck.
Graham tries to bolster the morale of Paul and James so they can better tackle the problem of the kitchen, but they don't enjoy wearing dirty pots on their heads. Kathleen has an idea, and enlists the aid of Bill to kidnap an unsuspecting stranger to clean the kitchen for them. Unfortunately, their victim would rather take his chances with torture than go anywhere near that kitchen. After being forced to do Bill's WoW grinding, he wants to try the kitchen, but Bill will have none of it.
The skits performed in this episode of Rapidfire include:
- An Explanations scene about American cable news.
- A joke involving manual transmissions and cheating husbands.
- Several Twisted Fairy Tale Morals.
- An interlude at the Antique Street Show
- Officer Rodriguez and Detective Riley
- Audio Trouble
Ever have ninja or non ninja related trouble pouring milk, juice or beer? Then Greg (Graham) and Jeff (Matt) from EZ Industries have the products for you! The EZ milk spout, the EZ juice spout and the EZ beer spout work just like magic.
Paul and Graham's latest video is interrupted by a 1337 h4ck3r who has a bone to pick with society and seized control of the transmission to air his grievances. Then his transmission is hacked by another 1337 h4ck3r, who tries to expose the previous hacking as a fraud. Then things start to go downhill.
Paul has three PlayStation 3s and you have none. Therefore, Paul gloats.
Steve can't get past World 8-3 of Super Mario Brothers, and he's thinking of giving up on the game altogether. Can a little astral intervention set things straight, or will he be plunged into a horrible nightmare world of his own creation from which there is no awakening? (Hint: it's Christmas.)
To get in shape for the new year you may: keep junk food out of reach; go for a walk; drink water instead of a snack; eat health food; do leg lifts; do jazzercise; play Wii Boxing; do cat curls; abuse laxatives; be more active; attempt amateur liposuction; the Sam Raimi; use mind powers; just sleep until fat is in style.
Drinking Water is a recurring theme for this video.
Morgan has some trouble remembering what happened during New Year's Eve. Morgan thinks there was lots of beer; there was - until he drank it all before anyone else showed up. Morgan thought he made out with a hot chick - only she was only doing it to get back at her ex-boyfriend. He only learned that he lost a fight to the ex-boyfriend the morning after. Morgan thought that he fulfilled every man's fantasy: to go home with two women - only he was dragged home by two of his female friends.
It takes more than needing to answer a call of nature to get into the Gentlemen's Room, as a very desperate individual learns to his detriment.
Matt is looking for a diagnosis of his symptoms. What symptoms? That's what he'd like to know. In exasperation, the doctor diagnoses him with stomach cancer, which Matt then uses as his excuse to skip work for the Burning Crusade release. Too bad he didn't think of lockjaw.
On the way to 2007's Festival at Nanaimo, LRR splits into two teams, battling to accomplish three tasks chosen by the opposing team.
Little Timmy's been hanging out with the wrong crowd. When his parents find evidence of his illicit activities, they take action immediately: it's time for an educational film on the Dangers of Dungeons and Dragons. To be turned into a responsible adult, Timmy must play World of Warcraft endlessly.
Brad has been taken to collections for the ten dollar import duty on a blender. Not just any blender: a new BlenTec Total Blender capable of shredding brooms. Brad is astoundingly broke and unwilling to give up his principles or his pop-can model of the Great Sphinx. Although Kathleen is willing to lend him the money to cover it, the collection agency adds some very large fees. Only bartering away the blender allows them to settle Brad's debt.
Ways to abuse Shaolin: Block, Deflect, Protect, Project, Blow, Sense, Focus, Chop, Ignite, Speed, and Meditate.
Paul is a really hungry dinosaur, but doesn't quite know what to eat. He goes to Neil's Pet Emporium to get some help, and ends up getting a tasty meal indeed.
Gibb reports from Kei-Kon again.
The cast is shooting a LoadingReadyLabs video on brain transplants, but Jer doesn't think the topic is realistic enough. Paul agrees: actual transplants are unnecessary when you can just overwrite personalities, as he demonstrates with a souped-up Dreamcast. Hilarity ensues.
Best Picture? Best Foreign Film? Those are boring categories. We deliver the awards that are really important.
Paul hasn't been able to contact Morgan, and it turns out it's because Morgan's got a little something that's been going around. Bill and Graham have it too. Who could ask for anything more? (Drumroll.)
Matt is sitting at home playing on his 360. Part of his subconscious (Graham) manifests itself as a man who could be flirting with Matt's girlfriend. The figment of his subconscious entices Matt to call his girlfriend (Ash) who is also playing video games and wants to know if he wants to come over to play Guitar Hero.
Graham and Paul meet to conduct a drug deal. Unfortunately this is there first time they have done this and both have the money. They are able to buy two Tylenol from Morgan but are unable to complete the deal until officer James comes looking to bust a drug deal and unintentionally trades a bag of drugs for a suitcase full of cash.
After successfully installing Linux on his computer, his PDA, and his iPod, Paul wonders what he should install on next. Before Graham and Morgan can stop him he has installed Linux on their Wii and heads off to do the same to Graham's PS2 and XBox 360. Graham's DS and cell phone are next. Somehow Paul installs Linux on the microwave which makes cooking pierogis (even) more difficult for Graham, turns the toilet into a file server, and connects the front and back doors to the network printer. When he installs Linux on Graham there are a few driver problems but he'll make a good web server once he is hooked up to the dishwasher/router.
To hide a body you may: the classic - bury it; the Weekend at Bernie's; stash it in a chesterfield; it is just playing World of Warcraft; the Weekend at Bernie's 2; Taxidermy; test whether it will blend; feed it animals; fatality; resort to cannibalism; leave it in the Homo Mortuus reserve; hide the body in a locker like Solid Snake; just walk away - watch out for the Sam Raimi.
An act of vandalism goes horribly wrong, and a horde of onlookers witnesses the aftermath.
For some reason the length of day has been greatly shortened. Graham tries to tell everyone that it is the rotation of the Earth which is off but they still think the Sun is broken.
Josh Zetlan (Morgan) is Canada's best hope for the gold at the 2010 Olympics in Slacking. Participating in the solo freestyle and the four-man synchronized slouching, he hopes that long hours of sleeping in and snacking will pay off.
Alex reports from the Newmindspace Pillowfight 07 on a massive pillow fight in downtown Toronto.
Games that did not quite reach Nintendo's high standards.
Being stuck in a car for too long grates on everyone's nerves, especially when you're with your friends.
Morgan does not feel so good. After eating 'tacos' the night before, he has some major gastrointestinal discomfort. While he tries to relieve himself, his SED is too much for him. Graham does not want to clean up the mess the late Morgan has left behind. The story turns out to be part of a charity drive, as Paul Kennedy (Jer) asks us to donate, since Shrieking Explosive Diarrhea is not fun for either the unfortunate victim, nor the friends and loved ones left behind to clean up.
If you can not wait for the iPhone to come out, some duct tape, a cell phone, a video iPod, and an internet device will give you the next best thing.
Paul wakes up and he is GORGEOUS! With no idea how he got this way Paul sets out to take advantage of his gift. However the government can not let the Antarcticans get their hands (or flippers) on what ever made Paul this way.
In 1991, Heritage Minutes were created to combat the growing ignorance of Canadian children about their history by capturing their short attention spans and utilizing their love of television. Thanks to Canadian content rules, Canadian Heritage Minutes have become a part of our heritage.
Graham attempts to explain the classic "Who's on first?" skit to Paul, using an actual baseball team to eliminate confusion. Does it help clarify matters? I don't know. (Yeah?) (Shut up!)
It's hot. They're not. Ask them how! Ways to keep cool: run in the sprinkler; be the sprinkler; use fan power; start an arms race; public nudity; take an ice bath; the Loony Tunes; use liquid cooling; no pool, no problem, use the toilet; use an heat sink; use an ice cube suppository; Blizzaga; the Sam Raimi; make this video.
Students at Hogwarts wait eagerly for the release of the final chapter of the Harry Potter saga - but even more eagerly to find out which of the hated protagonists/their fellow students will kick the bucket.
On the drive down to Comic-Con clad in their new Christian T-shirts, some of the crew need energy drinks immediately, so they shotgun them. Smashing the cans on their heads is less successful, however.
Questions are answered, secrets revealed, and the funny is displayed for all.
Since Morgan is not man enough to do it himself, Ben shaves his legs.
Graham and Morgan cannot stop speaking in sentences which end in words rhyming with jellin', driving Paul mad. Little does Paul know this is merely a cruel plan to get back at him for The Bet.
The crew has a large amount of trouble not all wearing the same shirts. Even with all their trouble they still look like a team as they are each wearing one of the colors of the rainbow.
Graham must travel through time to stop Kathleen from falling in love with the keytar (and its inventor, Steve Masakowski), but previous egg-related time travel and a future Graham disguised as Matt persuade him not to. This does not prevent time travel being used to win the lottery, but technical glitches are a persistent problem.
Paul decides to build his own 1950s underwater city.
In his rush to get to work Matt abandons his Toast on the bus. After tripping up a bank robber the Toast is given the key to the City where he meets a female reporter, Tally. Romance blossom between Tally and the Toast. The Toast is discovered at a karaoke night and given a recording contract. With a successful award winning first album the Toast asks Tally to marry him and they move in together. However his second album bombs and he loses his contract causing him to turn to hard alcohol and cocaine. After the Toast becomes abusive, Tally leaves him for a piece of rye bread. Left in the street the Toast realizes that he is meant to be eaten and returns to Matt on the bus. Matt takes a bite of the Toast then throws him away.
Jer accidentally leaves different aspects of his personality at everyone else's homes. Odd things occur shortly afterwards.
Archival footage from the mid-21st century reveals how the release of HALO 3, and its subsequent sequels, both created and destroyed the future of gaming, coming close to obliterating human civilization in the process.
Graham's had enough, and he wants a divorce from Morgan - which comes as a complete surprise, especially since Morgan isn't married to Graham.
Two burglars (Morgan and Graham) break into a house despite some disagreement of the correct possessive pronoun to use. Their attempt to leave with a large flat screen television is foiled by a duck (voiced by Jer) who must have followed them in. Paul is awakened by the commotion and attempts to called the police only to find his phone dead. A police officer (James) arrives and seems to be more concerned about the presence of the duck than anything else. The duck attacks (and ostensibly kills) James, Morgan and Graham, allowing him to sit down and watch the television.
The crew are celebrating the site's fourth anniversary by having Graham eat 4 pounds of bacon. But 30 years later, at the 30th anniversary reunion party, Graham disputes this, stating that it would be fatal. He then tries to recall actual season 4 finale. First Jer suggests that it was a LoadingReadyLanguage video on "How to talk like a Klingon", but this is disputed as well (it is claimed that the crew never made such a video). Matt claims to know the finale, which is the "LoadingReadyRumble"...except Matt takes Paul's place in the recollection. Paul suggests his "23 PS3s" video was the finale. But Graham disputes this as Paul never had 23 PS3s, plus he wants to avoid video games as it turns out some predictions in their "Halo" video almost came true. All Graham can remember that it was shot at his place, it involved the entire cast "plus Morgan" and it involved a human pyramid.
