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Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide

All Episodes 2004 - 2007
TV-Y7

  • Ended
  • #<Network:0x00007fa3e2cd12d8>
  • 2004-09-13T00:00:00Z
  • 22m
  • 22h (55 episodes)
  • Scott Fellows
  • United States
  • English
  • ApolloProScreen Filmproduktion + 3 more, Dolphin Entertainment, Jack Mackie Pictures, Nickelodeon Productions
  • Comedy, Children
The whacky adventures of Ned Bigby and his best pals Moze and Cookie at James K. Polk Middle School, as "every-kid" Ned shatters the fourth wall to share tips and tricks on navigating middle school or junior high hurdles. Ned's not super cool, and he has no superpowers. He is, however, witty, well-groomed, upbeat and self-aware. Moreover, with more than a little help from his two best friends, he's equipped to conquer middle school minefields. From crushing bullies to crushes, from off- the-wall, mean and cool teachers to pop quizzes, elections and detentions, Ned knows that nothing, including the seventh grade, is as bad as it seems, and friendship matters most.

55 episodes

Series Premiere

2004-09-13T00:00:00Z

1x01 Guide to: The First Day & Lockers

Series Premiere

1x01 Guide to: The First Day & Lockers

  • 2004-09-13T00:00:00Z24m

First Day: It's the first day of school, and Ned and Cookie discover Moze has taken Cooking instead of Art to separate herself from the guys for once. Lockers: When Ned's new locker neighbor gives him a bad rep, he searches for a new locker. Moze tries to use her locker to make new friends that are girls, but ends up competing with Suzie Crabgrass.

Bathrooms: Cookie tries to hold using the bathroom but gets stuck in the girls' room. Moze puts Ned's name on a bathroom stall, and someone puts kissy lips next to it. Project Partners: Moze must choose a partner for Social Studies. Ned and Cookie's baby is kidnapped.

Teachers: Ned clashes with Mr. Sweeney and realizes how to get an A, by doing the work! Moze has a new student teacher in math who she devises a plan with so the class with listen after it has gone crazy. Cookie is distracted by the beautiful Ms. Enstile and tries to control his affection toward her. Detentions: Ned, Cookie and Moze are sent to detention.

Seating: Ned and Cookie to figure out how to sit at the cool table. Moze changes when she moves to the front of Science class and does so good that the teacher reverses the room, making Moze in back.. Gordy helps Cookie create the ultimate bus bounce. Tryouts: Ned tries to ascend to the basketball team and tries to become taller so he'll make the team. Moze goes out for volleyball, basketball, track, but must decide between them. With some help from Ned, she decides which is right for her. Cookie tumbles into cheerleading and demands equal rights after being kicked out.

Crushes: Ned has a crush on Suzie and Cookie has developed a "perfect match" computer program. Coconut Head follows Moze and she thinks that Coconut head wants to ask her to the dance. Dances: Ned wants to dance with Suzie. But with her getting together and breaking up, will he be able to dance with her? Moze has dance tips of her own while Cookie waits for supermodel Martika after forcing to get her to be his perfect match.

Sick Days: Ned must stay healthy when the flu hits Polk Middle School and he finds out Matt Hoffman is coming to visit. Cookie tries to keep his perfect attendance record in tact with help from Lisa. Moze tries to get sick and miss her speech in Social Studies. Not succeding, Moze must make her speech but finds out it is easier than she thought. Spelling Bee: Cookie is the only one with a chance to beat the dreaded Killer Bees. With an easy spell at the spelling bee, will it be Ned who beats the Killer Bees? Moze copes with sitting by Mr. Gross after spelling a word wrong.

Rumors: Rumors terrorize the group; a rumor spreads that Ned and Moze are dating, and Cookie and Gordy fight against Mr. Sweeney to see if a rumored "atomic flush" is true, and Ned develops a plan for it. Photo Day: It's Photo Day at James Polk. Ned gives Moze a crash course on how to take a good picture, and Cookie holds auditions for someone to take his picture for him.

School Elections: Ned doesn't want to run for class president because it's a popularity contest. Moze and Cookie think he'd be great. Ned tries to drop out by vandalizing, starting food fights, and that. It comes down to the undecided vote, Coconut Head! Now its a mission to find out who he will vote for. Talent Show: Ned and Cookie create "Talentpalooza" when kids are excluded from the school talent show. Moze must decide which of her many talents would be good for the show. Cookie gets people out of the regular talent show and into "Talentpalooza" which gets the principal mad.

Computer Lab: Ned and Moze are banned from the computer lab. Cookie learns about life away from technology thanks to Lisa Zemo. Ned and Moze disguise themselves to get back in the lab. Backpack: Ned needs a new backpack after his breaks so he goes to Backpack Boy for help. Moze loses her backpack so she needs to find it before somebody reads her personal diary. Cookie creates the "bodypack" so he doesn't need a backpack, but it backfires on him due to Loomer.

Notes: Bitsy has Ned pass a note and Sweeney catches him, now he must pay. He has to write an essay along with everyone else so they plot revenge. Cookie finds joy in forging notes, but danger comes when he leads the teachers to the forgers "domain". Best Friends: Moze continues her search for a new best friend with a quiz and whoever matches up closely is meant for her. But Moze ends up joining the Huge Crew. The Killer Bees recruit Cookie which puts Ned and Cookie's friendship to the test. Ned tries to find a new best friend in place of Cookie.

Daydreams: Ned daydreams in Science class. Sweeney challenges the class to answer a riddle before they can go to lunch. Fairly Odd Parents lend Ned a hand, along with super agent Moze and Tech Wizard Cookie. Gym: Moze and Ned spar in martial arts and Ned gets thrown for a loop. So now Ned practices to beat Moze, after being humiliated by being beaten by a girl. Cookie must pass Derga's gym requirements so he does Seth's homework in return for Seth to do Cookie's laps for him.

Cheaters: Ned must decide if he's going to cheat on a test. Bitsy keeps copying Moze's work so Moze develops a plan to get Bitsy in trouble. Cookie develops a system for studying and is accused of cheating which leads him to take his test without any tools, proving a point to the teacher. Bullies: Loomer is looking for Ned and Cookie, they decide to make a stand. Moze and Claire start Peer Mediation to help with problems at school The only problem is that they cannot find a teacher worthy of leading Peer Mediation. But when they find him, it is too late to stop Ned and Lumer's fight?

Season Finale

2005-02-20T01:00:00Z

1x13 Guide to: Emergency Drills & Late Bus

Season Finale

1x13 Guide to: Emergency Drills & Late Bus

  • 2005-02-20T01:00:00Z24m

Emergency Drills:Every time Ned wants to ask Suzie to Chandra Taylor's party an emergency drill distracts him. Eventually, Ned gets to ask Suzie and she accepts. The only problem is Ned can't go to the party because he, Cookie, and Moze are trapped in Gordy's extra supply locker. Late Bus: When bus number 9 breaks down, all the kids are stuck waiting for another bus. Loomer makes a deal with Ned that he won't bully him for an entire year if Ned helps him get Moze's attention. Meanwhile, Cookie is leading a "Cookie's Late Bus After School Tour" in which he shows kids what teachers do after hours. We see Coach Dirga crying over a soap opera, and the worst possible thing ever, a teacher rap group taught by Lil' Romeo. Also, Moze makes friends with another Jennifer, but finds out it's her last day. And what we have seen, this may lead to a friendship between Moze and Suzie Crabgrass.

Season Premiere

2005-10-02T00:00:00Z

2x01 Guide to: The New Semester and Electives

Season Premiere

2x01 Guide to: The New Semester and Electives

  • 2005-10-02T00:00:00Z24m

New Semester: Ned seeks his first kiss from Suzie Crabgrass which is on his "new semester list", but first he enlists Moze's help to break up Suzie and Loomer. By breaking them up Ned would have Suzie. Meanwhile, Cookie starts the new semester with a new super cool look and becomes a bully. Electives: Ned, Moze and Cookie try out different electives so they can finally get a class together and score an easy "A."

Pep Rallies: Ned becomes school mascot Wolfie, so he can miss class. Moze struggles to give a peppy speech and Cookie tries to spice it up with his own Super Cookie halftime stunt! Together they realize the true meaning of pep rallies isn't about cheerleaders and jocks, but it can be about getting you in spirit with normal people. Lunch: Ned tries to stop "One Bite" who's taking is lunch and eating it in "one bite." After devising a plan with hot sauce, Ned is sure "One Bite" won't steal his lunch anymore. Moze wonders why Suzie doesn't want to sit with her at lunch. Moze tries everything she can possibly think of, yet none of it works. Cookie panics after lunch lady predicts doom.

Video Projects - Ned and Cookie team up to make the ultimate video project. But the ultimate video project is easier said, than done. Moze makes a documentary about Mr. Wright, who's acting way too cool and not himself. School Clubs - Ned tries to stop Missy's Popular Club. Ned feels it is taking over the school and that Missy thinks everybody is a nerd. Moze and Suzie compete in every single club to be the best but it backfires and they get kicked out. So they have only one club left to choose from. Which club will they join? Cookie starts his own club, the Archaeology Club which helps Ned get into Missy's club and bring him all around the school.

Notebooks: Ned and Gordy caper to swipe Sweeney's "Golden Notebook." Moze finds a notebook full of juicy school rumors and Cookie invents the video notebook. Math: Ned starts a math study group with the smartest kids in class, but they soon realize that Ned isn't doing any work. Moze is faced with the challenge of pre-algebra and Cookie is promoted to 8th grade honors math, but his teacher is crazy.

A series of school property destruction incidents leads to the introduction of Vice Principal Crubbs, who suspects Ned, Moze and Cookie. So, the three take the investigation into their own hands, CSI-style. Ned and Moze try to come up with ideas to beat the Monday morning blues; Cookie must help Gordy stay awake on Monday.

Your Body: Moze freaks when she feels she is too tall. After crushing somebody's project, she really wants to become short. Ned tries to become strong after Coach agreed to Loomer that they'd have a weight lifting competition. Cookie tries to become overprotective so Loomer won't hurt him. Procrastination: Moze bets Ned that he won't finish his project on time and the loser has to stand in front of the school as a clown. Cookie creates a machine that will stop his procrastination problems. Moze also needs to learn to clog dance.

Upperclassmen: Ned offers to give a 5th grader a tour of the school. Moze likes an upperclassman. Gross Biology Dissection: Ned is torn between Moze and Suzie during a biology dissection project.

Classmates dare Ned to ask out Missy; Moze must wear a dress as part of a dare and meets three girls she suspects are robots; Cookie competes with Loomer to be the "King of Dares". Ned tries to fix his bad habit of saying yes to everyone; Moze tries to fix her habit of trash-talking; Cookie tries to replace his technology hoarding habit with something else.

Substitute Teachers:Ned helps Mr. Weiner, a favorite substitute from Elementary School get in touch with his middle school side. Cookie poses as a substitute teacher. Moze becomes bad-girl material and misbehaves to the new science substitutes. The New Kid: Ned tries to help a new kid, Bernice, at James K. Polk. Gordy compete against a new janitor that could take over his spot.

School Websites: Ned, Moze and Cookie make changes to the school website. Valentine’s Day: Ned sends Suzie a rose. Cookie sends himself multiple rose to try to be the hottest kid in school, and Moze becomes the hottest girl in school.

Nicknames: Ned tries to create a new, cool nickname for himself by doing wild stunts but ends up injuring himself in the end, while Moze decides she no longer likes her nickname (Moze) and tries to have her friends simply call her "Jennifer." Cookie invents a nicknaming machine that Loomer quickly steals for his bullying advantage. Cookie sets out to fix what he messed up, while Ned has trouble calling Moze Jennifer. Shyness: Ned finds the Obo twins to be a perfect match for his girlfriend needs and Moze's best-girlfriend need. The only problem is that they're too shy. So Ned and Moze try to make over the twins. Cookie starts up his own shyness seminar.

Asking Someone Out: Ned hires some people to find out if Suzie will go on a date with him. Recycling: Ned, Cookie, and Moze compete to win a mountain bike in a recycling contest. Everything they collect is stolen, but Cookies idea of glueing bottles together ends up in him having it bought by an art collecter. Ned loses the guide in the recycling madness, and Moze sneaks into the teacher's lounge to collect recycling.

April Fools Day: Ned, Cookie, and Gordy team up to fool the king of April Fooling: Vice Principal Crubbs. Moze tries to break up with Seth, but he thinks it's a prank. Excuses: When a dog actually eats Ned's homework, nobody believes his excuse.

School Car Wash: The boys and the girls compete in the school fundraiser to see who can wash more cars. The boys team wants a hot tub, but the girls want to use the money more wisely. The boys, mainly Loomer, have bigger concerns than winning, while the girls band together to win. Secrets: Ned and Cookie see Loomer kissing Missy. So they have to keep this a secret or else.... Meanwhile, Loomer's friend tries to tell everyone that he is in the sewing club. Moze learns Seth can't read or write well, and really feels she should tell someone.

Spirit Week: The King and Queen of Spirit are destined to go out; always! And Suzie wins the girls side with ease, to continue the family tradition of being spirit week queen. Knowing this, Ned gets in a battle with Martin Qwerly for Spirit Week King. Cookie and Moze get stuck with the spirit stick and can't let it touch the ground or cause the school to have bad luck. Clothes: Ned and Moze get tickets from Missy’s newly formed fashion police. Cookie creates a school uniform.

Yearbook: Ned tries to win “Best Smile” in order to be next to Suzie Crabgrass in the yearbook forever. Cookie tries hacks into the yearbook and makes some changes. Career Week: Vice Principal Crubbs wants Ned to pursue a career in education, but Ned isn't interested. Cookie decides he wants to be a sports agent and signs Moze as his client.

Music Class: Ned and Cookie try to survive the boredom and tedium of learning an instrument in Music Instruction class while Moze gets Mozart music stuck in her head in Music Appreciation and can't get it out. Class Clown: When the Class Clown moves to Cleveland, Ned, Cookie, and Moze do an all out search for a new clown before things get to depressing at Polk. But everyone who tries gets in trouble with Crubbs.

Failing: Ned is warned that he must ace all his final exams or he might stay back a grade. Moze gets her first "F" ever and panics, doing everything she can to plan more study time, including quitting volleyball and not wahing her hair. Cookie tries to fail tests on purpose to avoid advancing to High School. Tutors: Ned has to find a tutor in order to avoid summer school. Moze gets into some tutor trouble by having a bunch of sixth graders fall in love with her. Cookie is paired up with the nastiest "tooter" of all for his final Social Studies project.

Ned enlists Moze's help to win a ribbon in the science fair; Cookie attempts to impress Vanessa and her grandmother. Ned tries to study for a test, but he is constantly distracted; Moze gets injured and must wear a traction device, which makes nobody want to talk to her; Cookie tries to sneak out of study hall to meet Vanessa, but the teacher refuses to give him the bathroom pass early.

Season Finale

2006-06-04T00:00:00Z

2x20 Guide to: Double Dating & The Last Day

Season Finale

2x20 Guide to: Double Dating & The Last Day

  • 2006-06-04T00:00:00Z24m

Double Dating: For the final dance of the school year, Ned and Suzie double date with Moze and hunk Jock Bitterman. Cookie meanwhile is asked by Lisa and says yes. Soon after Vanessa says yes, so Cookie must take Lisa and Vanessa to the dance and keep them separated.The Last Day: Ned and Moze try to figure the best way to tell Suzie about “the kiss”. Determined to catch the weasel before the summer, Gordy lets Cookies Battle Bot free in the halls, where it unleashes havoc.

Season Premiere

2006-09-25T00:00:00Z

3x01 Guide to: New Grade & Dodgeball

Season Premiere

3x01 Guide to: New Grade & Dodgeball

  • 2006-09-25T00:00:00Z24m

New Grade: Ned accidentally becomes the new class bully, while Moze deals with a not-so-friendly new English Teacher. Cookie tries to get to know the new no-braces, non-sniffling Lisa Zemo. <p> Dodgeball: Ned must battle the dark side, Loomer and his ‘secret weapon’ in a dodgeball game, and he must do it without Moze, the best player in school!

Reading: Ned tries ways to avoid his reading assignments, and Moze starts a girls-only book club that Cookie desperately wants to be in it. Principals: Principal Pal is retiring. It’s up to Ned, Moze and Cookie to find a new replacement, or VP Crubbs will get the job.

A new popularity list is posted – Missy "helps" Ned become popular so that he can ask Suzie out; Moze is in the top 10, but she does not like being popular; Cookie tries to find the list maker so that he can be made more popular. Ned becomes stressed that Suzie has another boyfriend; Moze becomes stressed that she will end up like iTeacher; Cookie competes with his rival Evelyn Kwong for the best test grade.

Ned, Moze and Cookie must make it to the bus on time; Suzie moves into Ned's locker, which messes with his dismissal routine; Moze and all the other girls are forced to wait to use the bathroom; Cookie accidentally kisses Evelyn Kwong and must avoid her. The school puts on a production of Romeo and Juliet; Ned is determined to stop Spencer, who is playing Romeo, from kissing Suzie, who is playing Juliet; Moze, the stage manager, is determined to stop Ned and keep the play on track; Cookie helps Ned so that he can get the role of Romeo.

The kids set up a Halloween party at Polk, and Principal Pal is thought to be dead after he enters the haunted hall. Polk becomes a Halloween nightmare, where Ned is a vampire, Cookie is a werewolf, Moze is a ghost, and Gordy is a zombie.

Ned draws an abstract piece of art, which everyone else sees as a 'naked lady', leading to a cause célèbre; Moze tries photography and creates photos of other people's personal moments; Cookie gets 6th graders to make him keybowls. Ned finds a pair of Carmelo Anthony signed sneakers that he wants to claim, but Moze tries to find the shoes' real owner; Moze tries to find her stuffed animal that she lost in sixth grade; Cookie tries to find his MP3 player which has an embarrassing song he recorded on it.

Ned becomes project partners with Moze, who becomes jealous when he begins spending too much time with Suzie; Cookie is stuck with Evelyn Kwong as a social studies partner. Ned is subject to forms of embarrassment such as tooting, burping, and the water fountain squirting on his pants; Moze tries to talk to a foreign student, Faymen, but ends up embarrassing herself; Cookie constantly gets pantsed.

Ned tries to get to school early so he can get rid of a note he wrote to Suzie that says "I love you", but the bus driver is distressed over his own recent break-up; Moze tries to get a seat next to Faymen on the bus; Cookie must try to get to school after he misses the bus, or rather, the bus misses him. Ned tries to break out of school to get a free haircut; Moze tries to please Faymen with her hair, and ultimately seeks out Missy's help; Cookie tries to get Lisa Zemo to notice his mustache hair.

Revenge: When Ned gets revenge on Loomer, Martin notices and gives him names like "The Revenger." All the kids start to ask him to get revenge for them. A girl named Stacey wants revenge on Moze and the Wolf volleyball team. School Records: Ned wants to beat the hallway speed record, he runs into Crubbs. Crubbs marks Ned's permanent record. Cookie loses his perfect attendance award. Moze tries to beat the school record for the most school records in sport.

Volunteering: Ned volunteers at a nursing home and shows an old lady around Polk; Moze volunteers to clean up the school back entrance with the help of Loomer, Crony and Buzz; Cookie competes with Evelyn Kwong in the school store. The Library: Ned and Cookie must solve the mystery of their missing library books; Moze "befriends" a girl in order to get a book she needs for a book report.

Hallway: Ned becomes the hall monitor and lets people in violation get off the hook, which leads the students believing that they can get away with anything in the halls; Moze tries to use hallway time to talk to Faymen; Cookie becomes the hallway traffic reporter. Friends Moving: Ned becomes concerned for his safety after the events of the previous episode, so he starts carrying around a pillow, or a "cushion protector" as he calls it; Moze tries to stop Faymen from leaving; Cookie tells Evelyn Kwong he is leaving for Hawaii, so everyone becomes convinced he is leaving; Suzie moves away, much to Ned's surprise and disappointment.

2007-02-11T01:00:00Z

3x12 Guide to: Boys & Girls

3x12 Guide to: Boys & Girls

  • 2007-02-11T01:00:00Z24m

Cellphones: Suzie and Ned try to keep their long-distance relationship, by talking in between classes. Moze gets a new phone she has no clue how to use. Cookie wears a jacket covered in 33 cellphones in attempt to win a Mustang Convertible from a local radio station.Woodshop: Ned and Cookie blow up the art room, and have to switch to woodshop. Moze is entering a woodshop competition. Ned keeps overhearing Moze and thinks she is talking about her feelings for him. Cookie is on the run from a killer saw named "Christine".

Episode Summary Coming Soon...

Getting Organized: Ned's locker is a mess, and his brain is too! With the help of Mr. Sweeney, he needs to get organized. Moze and Cookie's favorite snack has been replaced by Powdered Mini Donuts in the vending machine, and they need to work together to get their favorite snack back. Extra Credit: Ned needs to get at least a B- or his mom will get really mad at him. Unfortunately, his average is a C+ in all classes. When asking his teachers how to bump his grade up, they all say the same thing: Extra Credit. Now he needs to complete four Extra Credit Assignments in just a few days. Meanwhile,Moze wants her mark bumped up to an A+, so she designs a very large Volcano and Cookie gets a Credit card that is to be used for emergencies, but he uses it for general purposes.

Ned and Cookie must raise money in different ways after they eat all of the chocolate they were supposed to sell for school fundraising; Moze cannot seem to sell her last chocolate bar. Ned teams up with Missy to battle Loomer in a Social Studies competition; Moze must find a new rival now that Suzie has moved away; Cookie fakes his way to become Lisa's salsa dance partner for a dance competition.

MAKING NEW FRIENDS; Ned tries to be friends with Faymen, Moze wants a friend to go shopping with and Cookie befriends the Weasel. POSITIVES & NEGATIVES; Ned tries to cheer up the most negative kid in school, Moze finds out Faymen's kisses lack spark and Cookie tries to zap Loomer with static electricity

2007-04-08T00:00:00Z

3x17 Guide to: Money & Parties

The trio need to raise money for a music festival; Ned borrows money from Missy that he must work off to pay her back; Moze gets her money from hard work; Cookie tries to get money from entertainment. Ned goes to Seth's party with Missy and tries to ditch her when Suzie unexpectedly shows up; Moze tries to kiss Ned to determine if she'll see sparks; Cookie is not invited, so he sneaks in as the girl named Simone.

Guide to: Spring Fever and School Newspaper is an episode of the Nickelodeon television series Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.

Ned suffers from an embarrassing itch; Moze tries to clean up the resuscitation dummy, but she throws it out the window and buries it, and Cookie thinks that it was Faymen; Cookie also is suffering from mood swings. Ned and Moze pretend to date to free Ned from Missy's jealous rage; Seth, Faymen and Loomer fight over Moze; Cookie attempts to make Lisa Zemo jealous by pretending to go out with another girl, but instead, it makes Evelyn Kwong jealous.

Ned studies for three tests on the same day with the help of the school's geeks and becomes a geek himself in the process; Moze takes a test to see if Ned or Faymen is right for her and Faymen gets all perfect scores and Ned as a geek gets all zeroes; Cookie gives Evelyn Kwong a "test" to prove that they are incompatible and she decides to date Seth instead. Ned tries to confess to Moze that he likes her; Moze must decide between Ned and Faymen, while Faymen has a decide whether or not to go back to Brazil; Cookie eliminates all of Lisa Zemo's other admirers so that he can spend time with her; in a surprise ending reveal, Suzie has moved back to Polk.

The school goes on a field trip to a museum, including Ned, Moze and Cookie, even after they have been banned from the field trip by Vice-Principal Crubbs for trying to forge a permission slip for Cookie. Ned tries to spend time with Suzie while avoiding Crubbs; Moze tries to see the wild boy, and Loomer tries to spend time with her. Cookie becomes "the Steel Eagle" to impress Lisa Zemo. Eventually, all three are chased by Crubbs, museum security guards, and samurai actors. Ned then becomes the museum's titular Wild Boy and must choose between Suzie and Moze. He chooses Moze, they kiss, and become boyfriend and girlfriend, while Suzie decides to date Loomer again. Cookie learns of a plan to steal the museum's Wild Boy painting, so the trio gain the attention of the security guards and catch the thieves. Cookie wins a date with Lisa. Meanwhile, back at the school, Gordy tries to catch the weasel with the help of the other teachers, whose items have been destroyed by the weasel. They eventually demolish the entire school to catch the weasel, only to find out that it has given birth; feeling sympathetic, Gordy and the teachers decide to spare the weasel. Note: This is a double-length episode.

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