PLEDGES! Welcome to Initiation Week for Haus ΦΥN. This week will be a grueling test of endurance, will, strength, mental acuity, and how much your family is willing to pay us in haus dues.
First is the Trial of Endurance, administered by Brother Greene. You will be locked in the boiler room with Brother Greene for 3 hours immediately after he has eaten 2 quarts of hummus. If you make it out of the Trail of Endurance, you pass along to...
The Trial of Will. Each of you is required to face Brother Kovic's disapproving Resting Bitch Face. Will you crack and run crying to your RA? Or will you pass along to...
The Trial of Strength. In which Brother Willems tosses increasingly heavier kettle bells to you while you hang upside down from a squat rack. How many can you catch? That's for us to decide. Should you meet our expectations, you past along to...
The Trial of Mental Acuity. Brother Rubin will test your wits with questions pertaining to the musical theater and 18th century esoterica. OR BOTH - QUOTE THE LINES FROM THE OPENING SONG TO CANDIDE, PLEDGE! If you impress us...
You may proceed to pay us exorbitantly high annual dues for the rest of your life. In repayment, we'll give you cheap beer once every 6 weeks.
Welcome to Haus ΦΥN.
