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Private Notes
The lads get involved in organising the biggest whiplash scam in Belfast's impressive history of personal injury claims. Mummy's boy Wardrobe, picks up the four lads and they go to get paid for the last job they did. To Wardrobe's dismay, their last 'client' pays them with a cheque so the only way they can get the cheque cashed is by Bap The Butcher. On their next visit to the dole office, they're aided and abetted by one of the office workers. They are given instructions in where to go to arrange their next scam. The boys need to set up a car crash involving a bus and are assured that if it all goes to plan, then they could receive £3,000 each. There is just three obstacles though: They need a 'clean car', insurance and a good driver. Ta's long suffering partner Una is drawn into the scam as she owns a legitimate car with insurance. At first Una does not want to get involved but when Ta tells her the money could come in useful for their wedding, she changes her mind. Shay's dodgy ex-s
Ta's uncle wants the lads to dispose of his dead cow called Lou, Lou Bell. After much bartering, the boys agree on £240 to do the job. They are about to bury it when Wardrobe has a brainwave. They'll chop up the cow and sell it as dog meat at greyhound tracks and kennels. Shay doesn't think that it's a good idea to chop up Lou, Lou Bell and is left with her head. Shay is finding it difficult to sell his share and ropes in his friend Hoker to help. Unbeknown to Shay, Hoker passes it off as prime beef fit for human consumption and sells it to the local butcher, Bap. Shortly afterwards Hoker gets beaten up for using fraudulent notes in an amusement hall. Shay is still left with with Lou, Lou Bell's head so he and Hoker take it to a field and lay it to rest. Later that night, Hoker, wanting to get revenge, goes back to the field and picks up the cow's head and places it in the bed belonging to the man that beat him up. When Ta is in seeing Una in the hairdressers he finds out on the local
The lads are determined to win the £1000 quiz final at their local shebeen. Darragh is desperate for money as his ex wife won't let him see his son until he pays her sufficient child support. Wardrobe needs the money because his Ma can't afford steak for his dinner, Ta needs money because Siobhan is on his case and Shay's Mum is threatening to throw him out onto the street unless he pays her some rent. But, worst of all, the landlord of the local shebeen refuses to serve them anything but tea on the instructions of Brother Maurice, their former, and hated, teacher and the Quiz Master. It is time to settle old grudges as The Quiz Master is deliberately manipulating the questions to suit the Mensa team, the arch rivals of The Dirty Dawgs. Both teams make it into the grand final but to start with Wardrobe is reluctant to play dirty. While the hapless lads are cleaning out some disgusting loos they catch sight of Brother Maurice up to no good with mousy school librarian Sandra in the back
The owner of a valuable prize Shih-tzu commissions the lads to dognap another champion Shih-tzu which belongs to his ex lover and biggest rival. The plan is to mate the Shih-tzus and produce a litter of prize pups. Tollymore Drake is the prize stud dog to be kidnapped and he is to 'service' Inishfree Mist, who is on heat. Wee buns. Meanwhile Shay has fallen for the charms of a tomboy and promises to find a home for her black and white mongrel, Ug. Ug has outgrown his welcome in the area as he has impregnated every she dog in the vicinity. Ug has already been replaced with a Lurcher who goes like the wind but who, unfortunately, mistakes small dogs for rats and despatches them accordingly. Shay and Wardrobe bring the dog to an animal shelter in the country. Unfortunately the animal shelter suffers a robbery and one of the thieves decides to free Ug. All too soon Ug, the horn tablet of all dogs, is back in West Belfast. The mover behind the robbery is, surprise, surprise, Hoker and he wa
The lads are hired to take on the role of Private Investigators. They're paid to tail Mick Bad News' wife as Mick thinks Tara is cheating on him. They follow her to a trendy hotel where she seems to be chatting up various men. They video the evidence and when they tell Mick the bad news he insists one of them act as a honey trap in order to catch his wife in the act. The boys can't decide which one of them should make the move and so Shay decides that they should get Hoker to do the job. Hoker takes the money but doesn't keep to his part of the bargain, much to Wardrobe's disgust. Darragh refuses as he's in the doghouse with his ex and he's just found out she has a new partner. Ta draws the short straw. Meanwhile, Ta's partner Una has been growing increasingly suspicious of Ta as she has smelt cheap perfume on his clothes. (In fact the perfume has been supplied to the boys to flog for a quick buck). Una decides to bug his mobile phone to find out what he is up to and, when she hears hi
After the death of elderly pigeon racer Barney The Bird, the lads dismantle his pigeon shed as a favour for Barney's wife. They find a bottle of Barney's secret formula, which he fed to his pigeons to make them the fastest birds in Belfast. The lads start a bidding war between two pigeon fanatics, Hong Kong Paddy and Petesy Pigeon. Disaster strikes when the lads accidentally break the bottle of formula but luckily they find the recipe on the bottle label. The boys assemble most of the ingredients but they are missing one vital part of the cocktail - steroids. Shay persuades the boys to let him approach Hoker to supply them. They plan to sell the formula to all the pigeon racers in Belfast thinking that they've made their fortune. However, when Wardrobe threatens Hoker and refuses to pay him the rest of his money, Hoker slips the wrong ingredients into their new batch of formula. Meanwhile, Ta is still locked out by an angry Una and is living with Darragh. It appears that the only way h
Una agrees to marry Ta - but refuses to let him back in the house until after the wedding and on condition that he doesn't pull any more moves. The squad breaks up as Ta gets a proper job and Shay decides he needs to spread his wings and go it alone. Wardrobe is upset but Darragh is distracted as he's been chatted up by the gorgeous Carol. Shay gets a job driving pirate taxis - thanks to a bum licence supplied by Hoker. He's useless at the job. One day a call comes into the depot to pick up Ma McCluskey, a deeply religous but very scary 'ballbreaker' with three extremely big, tough, and devoted sons. When he's stopped at a roadblock he asks Concepta McCluskey to lie and say she's a friend and that Shay is giving her a lift. Concepta refuses to lie so Shay makes up a story and tells the police that she and Shay are having an affair. Unfortunately, Shay had left the taxi radio on and the gossip spreads like wildfire through the local community and, before long, Concepta's three notorious
Wardrobe is determined to buy his Ma's house as a 60th birthday present as he discovers that Shay's sister has bought her parents House. He makes an appointment to try and get a mortgage but his dodgy credit history and lack of a proper job means that he is refused. As his Ma has been living there for a total of 42 years all he needs is £5,200 but it seems a huge mountain to climb. His cousin Manuel agrees to help if he does a move for him. Manuel is getting married to a posh bird from the Malone Road and he wants Wardrobe and the lads to stage a robbery. He wants them to break into his home while he's on honeymoon, take his wedding presents and stash them in a safe place. Manuel can then claim off the insurance and have his presents returned at a later date. The lads take the presents and hide them in a lock up. Unfortunately Hoker has been following them and he steals the presents from the lock up. When the lads go to Hoker for information on who might have carried out the robbery, h
Hoker asks Shay to sign on for him as he is planning a trip to Spain to smuggle cigarettes. Shay agrees but signs his own name! Hoker is none too pleased when, on his return, he finds he is being investigated for fraud and all his benefits have been suspended. This on top of having all his smuggled cigarettes confiscated by customs. Carol arranges a job for the squad. The lads travel across the border to southern Ireland to retrieve a grandfather clock for local entrepreneur JJ Diamond. The lads are suspicious of JJ but although Wardrobe knows JJ's no angel, he refuses to believe that he is a criminal. On their journey back with the clock, their van is hijacked by dissident Republicans and the lads are locked in a pigsty. They escape and are making their way home on the back of a tractor when they encounter a road block. The road has been closed due to a suspected van bomb - in Wardrobe's van! Wardrobe races past the police lines and lifts the bomb, which he believes is a hoax, out of
The boys have enough money to take Ta out on his stag night but are still short for the transport arrangements for the wedding day. The boys plan to make a night of it in Belfast city centre but, after Wardrobe gets into a fight with a night club bouncer, they end up in the local shebeen. The next day the boys arrive at JJ's house only to see Carol being arrested by the police. Moments later they receive a call from JJ and they pick him up from a field. He needs their help to escape the country. Shay and Darragh aren't keen so Wardrobe ditches them and takes JJ to the airport. As a reward JJ tells Wardrobe he can clear the house before the Assets Bureau get hold of all his stuff. He only has one condition - Wardrobe must ship the Grandfather clock to him. Darragh finally gets together with Carol - only to find out she is going to join JJ abroad. It is the day of Ta's wedding and the lads must clear the house before the end of the day, but there's one problem - they need two vans and ha
