What would it be like if all the springs suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth? One might think that the only change might be the relief of children who no longer had to pretend to enjoy a Slinky for the approximately 3.8 seconds it takes for one to become tangled garbage. But no! The world would become a spring-less hellscape, where planes plummet from the sky, car brakes fail, and middle aged schlubs find ways to enbaggify their hideous wardrobes even more!
One of these baggy clothes wearing schlubs is at the center of our tale. In a lapse of judgment, he wishes to never see another spring again, which a spring sprite named Coily is happy to instantly oblige. Coily evidently didn’t have much else going on. Schlub-o (our hero’s legal full name) then takes a harrowing, George Bailey-esque journey into an alternate reality, only instead of “Making Violent Love” to Donna Reed, he can’t get his glove compartment to stay closed. Needless to say, he cracks under the madness of this terrifying new world almost immediately and spends the rest of the short evangelizing springs, for fear that Coily will punch him in the face like Mr. Welch did to George after he told off his wife.
Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill in wondering why there are no Google image search results for “Coily tattoo” riffing A Case of Spring Fever!
No springs!
