Saturday Night Live premiered its thirty-ninth season during the 2013–14 television season on NBC. The season officially began on September 28, 2013, with host Tina Fey and musical guest Arcade Fire, and concluded on May 17, 2014, with host Andy Samberg and musical guest St. Vincent.
Cold Open: Affordable Care Act Sketches: Airport, New Cast Member or Arcade Fire?, Cinema Classics, Manolo Blahnik Pretaped: Girls, E-Meth, Rick's Model T's
Cold Opening: VMAs Backstage Sketches: 50 Shades of Grey Auditions, Girlfriends Talk Show, We Did Stop, Piers Morgan Live, Cheer Squad, Mornin' Miami, Poetry Class, Miley Sex Tape
Cold Open: NASA Shutdown Sketches: Black Ops, The Ol' Barbershop, Boy Dance Party, The Lady Gaga Show, Armageddon, Centauri Vodka, Protective Son, Sigma Commercials: 24-hour Energy For Dating Actresses, E-meth
Cold Open: Obamacare Website Sketches: School Visit, Steve Harvey, Critter Control, Drug Deal, 12 Years Not a Slave, Ruth's Chris, Halloween Candy Commercials: Autumn's Eve Pumpkin Spice Douche, The Midnight Coterie of Sinister Intruder
Cold Open: Oval Office Sketches: Career Week, My Girl, How's He Doing?, Miss Universe Moscow 2013, Cartoon Catchphrase, Fall Carnival, Date or Diss, Ice Cream
Cold Open: Rob Ford Sketch: Anti-Depressant, Kimye Talk Show, Co-op Board, Spotlightz Acting Camp, Blockbusters, 4th Grade Talent Show, Red Zone
Cold Open: Pier Morgan Live Sketches: Josie, Office Boss, Best Buy, Dancing, Bugs, Girlfriends Talk Show, Turkey Dinner Date, Matchbox 3 Musical Act: Haim
Cold Open: The Sound of Music Condensed Sketches: Bill Brasky, Dan Charles, The Lawrence Welk Show, Politics Nation, Divorce Meeting, Michalangelo's David, White Christmas, Santa's Elves, 28 Miles Away Musical Act: One Direction
Cold Open: Nelson Madela Funeral Sketches: Guy Fieri Holiday Special, Three Wise Guys, Shopping at H&M, Snowflakes Dance, Genevieve, Fire Safety, Hallmark Christmas Movies, The Christmas Whistle, Last Call Musical Act: Kings of Leon
Cold Open: Wrappinville Sketches: Celebrity Family Feud, The Barry Gibb Talk Show, Waking Up With Kimye, A Christmas Carol, It's Cold Outside Commercials: Now That's What I Call Christmas
Cold Open: Piers Morgan Tonight Sketches: Mazel Tov Aubrey, Hip Hop Classics: Before They Were Stars, Nancy Grace, New Years Resoultuion, Pajama Party, Indiana Jones Spectacular, Detention, Morning' Miami, I Know
Cold Open: Heterosexual figure skating Sketches: Adam Grossman, Couples Quiz, Sweetland Ranch, Dinner at the Boss' Pretaped: Hitmen, Me, Inside SoCal Commectial: Lamborghini Musical Act: Bastille
Cold Open: Halftime Spectacular Sketches: Women's Group, Guess That Phrase!, Art Exhibit, Girlfriends Talks Show, Summer of Diane Pretaped: CVS, Delaware 1 News Special Report, Super Champions Music: Imagine Dragons
Cold Open: Ellen Sketches: The Killer Files, Oscar Profile: 12 Years a Slave, Murder Mystery Dinner, Spotlightz: Acting Camp for Serious Kids!, Elevator Stink, Dwayne's Birthday Pretaped: Peter Pan, Bird Bible Music: Beck
Cold Open:Crimea Taken Sketches: Scandal, What's Poppin', What Are You Even doing? You're Being Crazy, Jewellery Patry, Pimpin' with Katt Williams Pretaped: Ooh Child, Girl Eve, Will Smith E-mails Music: The National
Cold Open: ObamaCare Website Sketches: Black Jeopardy, Baby CEO, Mr. Big Stuff, Doctor's Office, Detective Brock, Dave & Stacy Pretaped: Chris Fitzpatrick for Kentwood High School ASB President Sam Smith performs "Stay With Me" and "Lay Me Down".
Cold Open: Congressional Hearing Sketches: Fox & Friends, The Little Mermaid, Les Jeunes de Paris, Norfolk Zoo Field Trip, Big Joe, Twin Audition Pretaped: Dongs, Get More Groceries, NCAA Tourney Best of The White Guys
Cold Open: Coachella Music Festival Sketches: Just Say No, Helen at the Party, Blue River Dog Food, Only Once Engagement, Undercover Sharpton, Every Sperm Must Go! Pretaped: CNN Pregnancy Test, Monster Pals, A Very Smoky 420
Host Andrew Garfield; Coldplay perform.
Host Charlize Theron; The Black Keys perform.
Host Andy Samberg; St. Vincent performs.