Don't touch that dial! Don't touch that one either! And stop touching yourself! SCTV is on the air! Sketch comedy show set around the fictitious TV station SCTV. The programs broadcast by SCTV were parodies of films and other television shows. They included "Farm Film Report", Woody Allen's "Play It Again, Bob!", "Monster Horror Chiller Theatre", and "Great White North." Other skits involved the staff of SCTV, like president Guy Caballero, clueless newscaster Earl Camembert, washed up actor Johnny LaRue, and leopard-skin print wearing station owner Edith Prickley.
As the show starts, the scripts are not finished. In Concert with Lola Heatherton, Promo: Love Craft, Commercial: Water Spray from Pocketpic, SCTV News: Informal chit-chat, Words to Live By with Rev. Ernest Kirsch, The Incredible Bulk, Commercial: Moxwell House Decaffeinated Coffee, Feedback with Moe Green
Bob Hope hosts his own celebrity golf tournament, this time in the deserts of the Middle East, even doing a walk on during Masterpiece Theatre to promote it. Bob is joined by a raft of Mid-East personalities, Lou Jaffe does the play by play, and SCTV Sports Central provides some background. Meanwhile, Monster Chiller Horror Theatre returns with the second Dr. Tongue feature, 'House of Wax.' The show marks the introduction of Thomas' celebrated Hope impression, which he would eventually perform on an actual Bob Hope special; Thomas continued to do the impression long after SCTV left the air, most recently on Primetime Glick. The Desert Classic also introduces another long-running character - Flaherty's Charleton Heston. (ref: sctvguide.com) Dr. Tongue's House of Cats, Naughty Chambermaids, Bob Hope Desert Classic
The Leutonian Liberation Front has threatened Moe Green with his life and his career. Once the dirty deed is done, SCTV's on-air personalities cannot hide their relief.
SCTV is desperate to keep on the air. In their financial plight, the network devises a telethon with Sammy Maudlin, Bobby Bittman, and Johnny LaRue as front men. They don't want viewers' money. All they want is their gold. SCTV needs a ton of gold to keep on the air.
A live telecast of Restless Doctors is left stranded when Ernst Kirsch goes on strike to improve his tortuous working conditions. Everyone is now forced to write their own material. (With the strike on, SCTV is forced to repeat an earlier airing of Master Ralph Roister Doister.) The SCTV News produces a contrast of the volatile Floyd Robertson and a loquacious Earl Camembert. Late at night, Johnny LaRue wings his LaRue By Night, trying to find people to talk to. He finds only Pirini Scleroso.
Johnny LaRue is running for Melonville City Council, despite a lack of political skills. It doesn't help that Earl Camembert is LaRue's campaign manager, which taints the televised debate. With the elections taking up so much of their time, SCTV is left only to advertise the new sitcom One is Enough and The Silly Bastard, a massive miniseries on Benjamin Franklin's son out-of-wedlock.
Guy Caballero gives his statement to the Arabs emerging on the world scene: ""Invest heavily in the SCTV Network."" Then programming begins with the first-ever Farm Film Report, with Big Jim McBob and Billy Saul Hurok discussing movies in which people get ""blowed up good."" Lou Jaffe does a Speaking of Talk interview with Harvey K-Tel in the recording studio shouting voice-overs. The Millionaire has given away just about all his money (his last check bounced). He is desperate to pay back Michael Anthony, until The Millionaire of Mecca appears. Peter O'Tool, Richard Berton, Richard Hariss, Shawn Connery, and Candice Burgen tease the audience with highlights of the new theatrical release How the Middle East Was Won. Farm Film Report, Speaking of Talk, Millionaire, How the Middle East Was Won
It appears there isn't any happiness on television, except on SCTV. Earl Camembert gives a bright side to tragic news stories. Lin Ye Tang must answer to viewers who have complained about the contents of Chinese Fairy Tales. And a Triple Feature Movie has three different settings with identical plots. The Mirthmakers, Chinese Fairy Tale, Happy Endings
Me and You and Yoga and Me, High-Q, Commercial: LaRue Towers, Dr. Thom, Marraige Counsellor, Commercial: Botch and Lamb Soft Contact Lenses, Jacques Cousteau's Undersea World
Edith Prickley has succeeded Moe Green as SCTV Station Manager. (Naturally, she rubs Guy Caballero the wrong way.) Her first day on the job sees the world television premiere of Jaws 23, where Amity residents want to lure a mackerel into town for the Fourth of July. Edith Prickley: Station Manager, Shoot at the Stars, Jaws 23' Sore Loser
SCTV looks back at some of its most memorable TV series and news coverage. Included are shots from the McCarthy hearings and the game show What's My Shoe Size?, where Kirk Douglas made his debut.
Mr. Science: Acid and Electricity, SCTV News: SCTV is Haunted, Fireside Chat: Firewood, 4th Degree, Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Whispers of the Wolf, Words to Live By with Mulciber Arimaspians
Promo: Donahue in the Morning, Sid Dithers Private Eye, Promo: U.F.O. Sharkey, Enough About Me: Maureen Jolly, Promo: Fish Police, Commercial: Biller Hi-Lite, Bad Acting in Hollywood with Tom Boslee: Johnny Dark Always Rings Twice
Only for Women: Divorce, SCTV Movie of the Week: Hats of the West, Promo: Consumer Concern, Commercial: Long Distance, SCTV Sports Special Presentation: Melonville Snooker Championships, Commercial: The Devil's Towering 10-G Upsidedown Inferno, Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Murder Is Bad for Your Health
Promo: Undercover Policewoman, SCTV News: Marijuana, Commercial: Daylea Yogurt, Masterpiece Theatre: The Lincoln-Douglas Debates, Mohicans Galore, Cretin's Island, Commercial: Mike's Mercenaries from Amco the Toy People, SCTV Movie of the Week: Fighting Air Dogs over the Pacific
The Amazing Kretin, The Heys of Our Lives, SCTV News: Cash Prison Concert, Commercial: Phil's Nails, William Castle Presents: Agatha Christie's Death Takes No Holiday,
Cooking with Edith Prickley, Commercial: Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium: Rhythm Ace, romo: Masterpiece Theatre: Burlington Central Library production of Hamlet, Commercial: Mind Games, SCTV News: Earl's Wisdom Tooth, PSA: Stop Smoking, Commercial: Masterpiece Wigs, SCTV Mailbag with Bob Clark, SCTV Rock Concert with Big Jim and Billy Sol
Ricardo and Patoo welcome their guests to the island, including the lead singer and guitarist of Black Plasma who, like most rock stars, want to be comedians; Maria Schuulman, a violinist who wants adventure; and Lee Vanderbill, a bored and clumsy socialite who wants a return of glamour. Maria pays for her fantasy with a Stradivarius, which Patoo makes out with. Ricardo and Patoo observe the rock musicians, transformed into Hope and Crosby, selling braziers in the king's harem. They find the one bad egg, and run off. At Rick's Cafe American, Maria as Elsa enters and talks to Sam. Everyone observes that she is, indeed living on the brink of danger. Elsa and Rick talk about old times. Hope and Crosby have given the Grand Vizier the slip and slip into the cafe, but Hope's been turned into a dog. Lady Vanderbill as Ginger Rogers does a number with Fred Astaire. The cops enter and bust the place. Hope rubs a lamp and Glenda the good witch of the North appears and transports Hope and Crosby back to Kansas. The rock musicians wake up and share their dream with their band, and conclude with a number (a disco version of "I Love Lucy" called "Disco Lucy" by the Wilton Place Street Band) as the credits roll.
The Sammy Maudlin Show: On the Waterfront Again Part, Commercial: Chet Vet the Dead Pet Remover, Commercial: LaRue Toys, Commercial: Evelyn Wolf School of Speed Eating and LaRue's Speed Drinking Book
Promo: The Butch Grant Show, Commercial: Oil of Oil, Promo: Those Two Zany Ambulance Drivers, Promo: Women Say the Darndest Things, Commercial: Ronco Wiener Skinner, Commercial: Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium: Budgie Smuggling, SCTV News: Earl has problems with the crew, Commercial: Captain O'Shaunnessey Table Top Smoke Alarm, SCTV Disco
Passport to Adventure: Pain-free Home Entertaining, Promo: Tax Advice with Liberace, SCTV News Bulletin: Mayor Shanks' Speech, Fireside Chat: The Weather, Commercial: Tap's No-Name Supermarket, The Doctor Braino Hour, Pipeline,
Promo: The Young Weasels, Fireside Chat: The State of the Economy, Commercial: Simple Touch Whitener, Commercial: Tax and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium: Budgies. Family Crisis, Commercial: Graft Cheese, Commercial: Graft Cheese, SCTV News: Consumer Action Line
Promo: Take the Money and Run, Natalie Wingneck, Commercial: Big Giant Restaurant, Relaxing with Raoul, Commercial: National Council of Antique and Restricted Automatic Weapons, Dining With LaRue: French Restaurant
Commercial: The Two Goofs Grocery Store, PSA: Mental Illness, Insights with Hugh Betcha: Socrates on Good and Evil, Promo: Meet the Pawnbroker, SCTV News: Earl's dinner, Commercial: Polardak ESP 1 Camera, Firing Squad: Latin, SCTV Big Cultural Event: The Flaming Turkey
Promo: Lola Heatherton In Concert, Donna: Barbara Streisberg, Promo: U.F.O. Sharkey, What's My Shoesize?, Commercial: Phil's Nails, Bob Hope Desert Classic
Rerun package: all sketch material was seen earlier in the season. Speaking of Talk with Lou Jaffe, Commercial: Long Distance, Family Crisis Game Show, Commercial: Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium: Rhythm Ace, The $Millionaire, SCTV Rock Concert with Big Jim and Billy Sol,