6x07 You Are Cordially Invited

[3.0/10] Here’s my Deep Space Nine hot take -- I don’t think Dax and Worf should be together. I get why the writers went there. I get why fans like the pairing. I like Worf. I like Dax. I even like the two of them paired up. But time and again, the show has demonstrated that what they want from life, and one another, is incompatible. And rather than being the ultimate rejoinder to that idea, “You Are Cordially Invited” is, sadly, a firm confirmation of it.

Worf is an uptight square. Jadzia is a self-possessed free spirit. Worf is hidebound to Klignon traditions. Jadzia is a cross-cultural polymath. Worf is reserved. Jadzia is boisterous. Worf believes in hierarchies and rules. Jadiza believes in flouting the former and bending the latter. Worf is old-fashioned to the point of sometimes seeming like a repressed patrician. Jadzia is romantically open to the point of sometimes seeming like a “men writing women” male fantasy.

Deep Space Nine itself drew out their conflicting values in last season’s “Let He Who Is Without Sin” and did a feeble job of trying to sew the couple back together. “You Are Cordially Invited” tries the same tack, highlighting the pair’s differences while trying to affirm the beauty of the pairing by showing Worf and Dax overcoming them. But it falls into the same trap as the last big Worf/Dax episode, inadvertently highlighting why they don’t belong together via the thinness of its attempt to prove that they do.

The attempt comes, as it must for all 1990s television shows, right before the wedding. For all my grievances with this episode, I appreciate the excuse it gives for why the wedding happens right now on DS9. For all the sitcom-y nonsense methods “You Are Cordially Invited” tries to use to break up and make up with Jadzia and Worf, the most heartening gesture between them here comes in its first five minutes, when Dax tells Worf they should have the wedding here so that Alexander can participate before he’s shipped off to Kahless knows where on another Klingon battle cruiser, and Worf gives up his dream of having a traditional Klingon ceremony on Qo’noS so that his son can be his best man. It shows Jadzia recognizing something important to her fiance before he even does, and Worf being willing to bend his wants and devotion to tradition in the name of including his untraditional son.

But from there, things go off the rails. As part of the standard procedures for Dax joining the House of Martok, she must prove herself to the matriarch of the family, Martok’s wife, Sirella. Okay, fair enough. If anything, it would be more of a knock against this episode if there weren’t at least some friction about a Trill marrying a Klingon warrior, especially one as controversial in Klingon circles as Worf is.

There’s a few problems with the execution, though. For one thing, the show goes broad, which is true for most of the vibe here. So much of “You Are Cordially Invited” feels like wobbly sitcom writing from the normally sure-footed Ronald D. Moore. Sirella is a walking “mother-in-law from hell” trope, who’s more of a caricature than a character. The grueling four day “bachelor party” for Worf is a source of more tepid humor about Bashir and O’Brien expecting fun and getting fasting and endurance instead. And Jake grilling Quark about whether he’s jealous of someone else marrying Jadzia is silly stuff I’d hoped Deep Space Nine had done away with in its early years.

I get that after six episodes of sturm und drang, the writers wanted to do something more light and fun. I don’t mind that at all! How they choose to approach these bits, however, veers toward the cheesy and eye-roll-inducing, which saps all of the fun and enjoyment out of it for me.

But you know what? I can tolerate dopey humor from Star Trek. (You won’t survive this franchise if you can’t.) What I can't abide are themes and lessons that seem to run contrary to what Star Trek is about, let alone my own values.

Because Sirella is an unreasonable bigot. She hates Jadzia because she is not Klingon. She doesn’t want Worf in her house either, and only agrees because her husband basically orders it and, as a traditionalist, she’s as bound by the patriarchy as anyone. She’s an asshole to Dax through and through, for no good reason.

Which is all to say that when Sirella barges in on Dax’s bachelorette party, demands she put an immediate stop to the merriment, calls her a “Risian slut”, Jadzia is one-hundred percent right to tell her to get out and go pound sand. And when Sirella pulls a knife on her, Jadzia is just as justified to knock Sirella’s block off.

When instead of taking her side, Worf demands she apologize, it is a sign that, at best, he and Dax are not compatible, and at worst, a sign that he’s an unforgivable jerk himself. This is not the version of Worf that I like or want.

I can't deny that there’s a basis in the character’s history for that kind of behavior. His rigidity on Klingon expectations are what prevented he and K'Ehleyr from having a relationship, and his willingness to die and abandon his son rather than live with a disability show how he’s willing to throw away everything in order to hew to Klingon mores.But the best stories about Worf in this vein show him overcoming his narrow-mindedness, and making progress.

Instead, this conflict is used as fodder to demonstrate that, somehow, both Worf and Dax need to get over themselves and set these problems aside for love. That’s the message Martok gives to Worf and Sisko gives to Dax. And by god, that is maddening.

Now look, you can pretty easily imagine a better rendition of this same idea without having to change too much. You can tell a version of this story where Sisko tells Dax that, however backwards some Klingon traditions she’s subjected to may seem (say, some elaborate but not abrasive ritual like the endurance test/bachelor party), Jadzia knew what she was signing up for, and if she loves Worf, it’s worth accepting his cultural practices.

You could pretty much keep the Martok/Worf scene as is. Having a knowing father figure telling Worf that man cannot subsist on honor alone, and that glory is hollow without someone to share it with, is a good reason to convince him to bend as well. If you wanted to make the point that marriage is about compromise, and that can mean stepping outside of your comfort zone for the good of your partner, that’s a valid and noble message to leave viewers with.

But holy hell, “your fiance defends your racist, slut-shaming future mother-in-law who demeans and borderline abuses you” is not an issue to compromise on! Why in god’s name the writers thought this was a sympathetic conflict to use to dramatize how both Dax and Worf need to change a little to make this marriage work is beyond me. Sirella is horrible. And while I’m sympathetic to the importance Worf puts on them joining another Klingon family given his personal history, his willingness to side with her over his fiancee is a sign that their relationship may be irrevocably broken, not that Dax needs to “lead with her heart” by accepting such abuse in the name of cultural exchange.

Weirdly, that’s only half of the negative message this episode sends when trying to be romantic. (And boy, when “excusing racist parent” isn’t the lot of it, you’re in trouble.) Because the truth is that this conflict is emblematic of the recurring problems between Dax and Worf. We have repeatedly seen that Worf is doctrinaire about Klingon roles and rituals. We have repeatedly seen that, however much she may appreciate Klingon culture, Jadzia marches to the beat of her own drum, and isn’t interested in being bound to anyone else’s societal mores.

Those are fundamental differences! If Deep Space Nine had spent the last couple seasons showing each of them coming to want something more in the middle of those two visions for a life together, that would be one thing. But they have this same fight over and over again. Very little we’ve seen to this point suggests there’s a middle ground that would satisfy either of them. They want different things out of life and out of a partner.

And that’s okay! Sometimes two people care about one another, maybe even love one another, but don’t work together. There are plenty of sad but true real life examples of couples whose attraction and attachment is genuine, but whether due to temperament or upbringing or other differences, simply aren't meant to be together. There’s something naive at best, and damaging at worst, about this episode’s message that all that matters is the fact that Worf and Jadzia love one another.

As I’ve written before, one of the best features of Deep Space Nine is its recognition of nuance and gray areas. Telling viewers that “love conquers all” is the opposite of that. Telling them that they should jump into marriage because of love when there are still clearly some deep-seated issues that a couple like Dax and Worf still needs to work out is a crappy lesson. Telling them that love means supplicating yourself before the family bigot who physically threatens you is fucking malpractice.

If that weren’t enough, “You Are Cordially Invited” papers over the actual resolution of this one issue that represents a broader issue. Worf apologizes to Dax, but never hear, let alone see, him responding to Sirella on Dax’s behalf. The creative team is smart enough not to show Dax groveling before Sirella after Sisko changes her mind, since that would sour the attempt at sweetness in her and Worf’s reconciliation. And worst of all, Sirella is suddenly just okay with this wedding and a daughter-in-law she was dead set against a few scenes before, without any rhyme or reason.

The whole thing is baffling. Once again, Deep Space Nine fails to do the work to show why these two people deserve each other, how they’re willing to compromise for one another’s comfort and peace, how they’re willing to work on issues together as partners rather than combatants. Instead, they hope that the sweetness of a scene of matrimony will do the work for them?

And you know what? It kind of works. I’m not made of stone. We’ve seen what Worf’s been through, in terms of both his connection to his Klingon heritage and his troubled romantic life. We’ve seen what Dax has been through, in terms of both her own painful romances and her sense of community and belonging aboard this station. It is, despite everything, nice to see them together, to see them ostensibly setting aside their differences in the name of mutual care and devotion, even if this episode and the show to date utterly fails to earn it.

I still like both characters. I want to see the two of them work. I want to see a version of this relationship where Dax helps Worf come out of his shell and see where his traditionalism might hold him back. (They are, after all, just a spacebound version of Hank and Peggy Hill.) I want to see a version of this relationship where Worf brings the richness of his culture to Jadzia and helps give her life more meaning through it. I want to see two people in a marriage where they compromise and help each other become better people.

I get why fans want that too. Deep Space Nine could have gotten us there. It still can. But “You Are Cordially Invited” accidentally makes the case that they are irrevocably wrong for one another, in their wants and their actions. I wish it were, but suffice it to say, this isn’t it.

(As an aside, I really wish the powers that be behind Deep Space Nine could have included at least a few of Worf’s close companions from The Next Generation and/or Sergey and Helena Rozhenko in the proceedings here. I get it. This was already an overstuffed episode in terms of characters. The series was probably already overstretching its casting budget by all but adding Nog, Garak, and Martok to the main cast. Voyager was considered the flagship show at this point, so I doubt DS9 could wrangle extra resources for the cameos. And who knows what the availability/interest of the other actors was.

But by god, those characters were all important to Worf in ways the audience has seen! One of the things that surprised me upon rewatching TNG was the brotherly bond between Worf and Riker. Troi was a second mother to Alexander and practically a co-parent to Worf. Picard was his cha'DIch. His parents gave him comfort in the worst stretch of his discommendation and raised his damn son. These people matter!

You can pretty easily write it off in-universe as the Enterprise crew being busy fighting the Dominion, and Worf not wanting his elderly parents to enter a war zone. But I wish we could have at least gotten some viewscreen well-wishes from Worf’s old friends -- lord knows Frakes likes to pop up on the spin-offs -- or a line of dialogue acknowledging that Picard and company can’t be there but send their regards. This isn’t a major or even a medium flaw in the episode, but with the benefits of the richness that comes with a broader storytelling universe come the drawbacks when those inter-show connections are ignored.)