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Private Notes
After Judy and Bill order Lauren to drop basic math and take a more difficult algebra class, her bad attitude about schoolwork multiplies and the conflict between Lauren and her parents increases exponentially. Judy and Bill then try to solve the problem using the art of negotiation.
Bill finds out that Brian has been taking driving lessons and decides to teach how to drive before his 16th birthday. Although Brian has pretty good skill behind the wheel, Bill keeps insisting that he should behave more manlike. Judy secretly steps in and takes over teaching Brian, which Bill finds out after Brian does courtesy waves and hold him back on a sudden break after he buys him a 1981 ""Mystery Machine""-like van.
When Judy finally has a good idea at a PTA meeting, the attention she receives from the group's president, Elise Larkin, encourages her and Bill to become more responsible parents. After being invited to the Larkin's for a backyard barbecue, they go a step too far by voicing their concerns that the Larkin's son, Dorian, may be having sex – only to learn that they may need to be more concerned about the activities of their own son.
Brian and Lauren take jobs at different areas (book store and babysitting) and soon their bond with their bosses provokes jealousy among their parents. Bill and Judy feel overlooked when they realize their children are doing all sort of things with their bosses that they normally wouldn't do – or ever did – with them. Brian learns to like Led Zeppelin and baseball, while Lauren bakes brownies for her boss. All's well for the kids until their dream parents fall through and they realize there are no parents like Bill and Judy.
While Brian gets into the cheerleading squad, Lauren feels miserable because she didn't get a part in the school play, which makes her worry about her popularity. Bill and Judy go down to the school to try working things out, and Bill finds out that Lauren's drama teacher went to high school with him. Convinced that she's offering herself to him, Bill decides to let her down. When Lauren's part gets cut from the play, Judy tells Bill to seduce her teacher and get her back on the play. But Bill eventually finds out that his former high school fling is now a gay woman, and Lauren's participation on the play has nothing to do with it.
Judy's fear that Lauren is hanging out with the wrong crowd is confirmed when Lauren gets caught shoplifting. Although Judy doesn't believe Lauren's claim of innocence, Bill convinces her to give their daughter the benefit of the doubt. When it seems that Lauren has stolen again, Bill and Judy's parenting abilities are pushed to the limit.
Brian is stinking pretty bad, so Bill tries to teach him how to live with ""the Millers sweats."" Turns out Brian has been skipping shower after gym because he feels different from the other guys. Afraid Bill might have given him wrong advice, Judy tries to interfere and Brian reveals that he has ""bigger"" problems. He's angry at Bill for telling his secret to everyone so Bill reveals some of his most embarrassing moments to make up for it – only he didn't know all his friends were hidden in the living room for his surprise birthday party.
Eager to relive their glory days, chaperones Bill and Judy are excited about a teen dance with an '80s theme. The same can't be said of Brian, who's dateless after following his mom's relationship advice. Meanwhile, Bill gives a few pointers on the birds and bees to a football player, who then makes a move on Lauren.
Bill gets the bright idea to have Lauren profile her Aunt Linda for a school report on role models, which leads to Lauren helping Linda fulfill her dream of designing and selling fashions for goose lawn ornaments. Meanwhile, Judy becomes jealous of the time that her little sis and eldest daughter are spending together and spitefully dismisses their business venture, predicting it will lay an egg.
Bill and Judy feel they need more faith in their lives after meeting the very religious parents of Lauren's boyfriend.
Judy is excited to host Christmas in the Miller house for the first time, but her plans are scrapped when Bill's mom insists on having Christmas dinner for the entire family in her tiny apartment. Meanwhile, Linda's good deed for Christmas – making over her helpless co-worker – goes better than planned when her ""patient"" turns out gorgeous and lands a date with a rich lawyer Linda had her eye on.
To give Bill and Judy a much-needed break, Judy's parents come to take the kids for the weekend, but decide to stay when they realize Judy is sick. Having forgotten the joy of being taken care of, Judy conveniently extends her illness a little longer but gets into trouble when her parents find out she is faking.
To Bill's delight, Brian enters the world of popularity when he becomes the basketball team's statistician, but his feelings quickly fade when he discovers the players are making Brian their ""errand boy."" When Bill attempts to remedy the situation, the team instantly demotes Brian from cool statistician to school mascot, prompting Judy to come to the rescue.
While visiting from Florida, Bill's macho father, Al Miller, decides he wants to spend some quality time with his son so he makes plans to re-create a past bowhunting trip he took Bill on as a child to toughen the boy up. Brian, meanwhile, sharpens his math skills as he prepares to compete in the Math Olympics.
Judy discovers that ""boys night out"" consists of flirting with a waitress at the local restaurant. However, when Judy informs Bill that the pretty, young waitress is really an overworked, single mother, Bill accuses Judy of being jealous – until he learns of her flirtation with the mailman.
When Bill's mother, Louise, introduces the family to her new boyfriend, Johnny, Bill is ecstatic that she has someone to occupy her time. But the happiness is short-lived as Bill and Judy become suspicious that Johnny, an investment counselor to senior citizens, is bilking Louise out of her life savings. So, the Miller twosome arrange to have dinner with the guy, during which they start to put aside their worries about him – until he squeezes Judy's rear end.
Jealous of his friend's relationship with his athletic son, Bill tries to bond with Brian by helping him build a St. Patrick's Day parade float. Meanwhile, Lauren dreads the humiliation she's going to suffer when the uncoordinated Judy performs her Irish river dance at the parade.
In order to pay for a tutor to help him study for the PSAT, a stressed-out Brian takes a job with Bill and runs circles around Bill and his slothful co-workers. Meanwhile, Linda uses Lauren to nab a divorcee with a son.
When Tina comes running to Judy to do the ""manly job"" of killing a spider, Bill realizes that does not wear the pants in the Miller household, but in fact, Judy does since she does all the jobs he should stereotypically do. With that in mind, Bill decides to prove that he is indeed the manlier Miller by repairing Tina's broken dollhouse all by himself. Meanwhile, Lauren gets conflicting advice about dealing with her new boyfriend from Bill, Judy and Linda.
When Lauren and her friends start hanging out in the Halversons' cool ""teen scene"" basement, Judy becomes jealous and starts a competition by creating a cooler teen hang-out in the Millers' garage. But when Bill discovers the real reason the neighborhood boys think the Millers' house is the better place to be, the Millers are forced to abandon their dream of being the neighborhood hangout and apologize to the Halversons for competing with them.
Bill and Judy grow suspicious when Brian and Lauren start secretly making plans and covering up for each other. In order to get to the bottom of things, Bill and Judy start snooping and uncover fake IDs, a box of cash and a receipt from a tattoo parlor.
When Tina is invited to a birthday party for the daughter of former Chicago Bear Willie Gault, she refuses to go, but Judy and Bill attend anyway to meet their childhood hero. But when Bill accidentally walks out with Gault's Super Bowl ring, the Millers get a chance to live the high life when merchants think Bill is a former Super Bowl winner.
When Brian is grounded for breaking curfew, he decides to move into the garage so he can live by his own rules. Meanwhile, Lauren discovers a talent for singing that's not appreciated by the rest of the family, and Linda forces an uninterested Tina to earn her Bluebell badges in an attempt to live out an unfulfilled childhood dream.
