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Private Notes
Jed gets a letter in the mail saying he has inherited a castle in England. Jethro reads up on England & Queen Elizabeth the first. He thinks that England hasn't changed in 400 years & Knights still fight dragons. The Clampetts go down to the passport office to apply for their passports & the Clerk thinks he's on 'Candid Camera' & they're actors trying to fool him.
The Clampetts think they've arrived in London when the plane stops in San Francisco. Jethro points out tower bridge & the taxi driver tells them that 'tower bridge' is actually the golden gate bridge & tower bridge is in London. They go back to the airport & resume their trip to London.
When they arrive Granny wants to re-stock her medical bag 'cause customs took all her other stuff. While in a chemist store the Chemist is quoting Shakespeare & Jed fills the bag himself. Later they arrive at the Castle.
The Clampetts arrive at their Castle & meet John Faversham who introduces himself as major domo (major domocile) Faversham. The Clampetts think his name is Major Domo & when he tries to correct them saying Faversham, they think that faversham is an English greeting for howdy.! Jethro is keen to go hunt dragons & Granny wants to doctor Jed's cousin. Faversham tells her he's no longer with us,he was taken by major peritonitis. Granny doesn't trust army doctors.!
Jed's cousin's old english sheep dog is on the bed with the curtains drawn. Granny thinks he's shy, She doctors him through the closed curtains thinking the dog is Jed's cousin. Later Granny sees the dog on the bed eating a bone & thinks the dog 'et' Jed's cousin.!! Jed & Granny bury the bones in the backyard.
Mr Drysdale mourns a cheque for $10,000,000 Jed paid to Faversham for back taxes on the castle. Jethro starts the 'war of the roses' when he chased a dragon through the neighbours rose garden. Jethro thinks he's been robbed of his birth right when Jed won't fight with the neighbour. Jethro dresses as Robin Hood & the Clampetts leave for Beverly Hills. When they arrive back home, Jethro, Elly & Bessy the chimp move out to Griffith Park to rob from the rich & give to the poor.
A hippie & his girlfriend join Jethro's gang. Jed, Granny & Miss Jane go to Griffith Park to look for Jethro. The hippie wants to try some of Granny's smoked crawdads.
Miss Jane,Mr Drysdale,Jed & Granny go to Griffith Park looking for Jethro & Elly. Buddy the Hippie arrives back at the park with all his friends & they start partying. Buddy wants to smoke a crawdad, Jethro tells him to go down to the lake & find some.
Two cops arrive while the 'Gang' are down at the lake, When the Police ask Granny what she's doing, she tells them ""I'm smoking crawdads,but first I need a little pot."" When Buddy finds a crawdad it nips him on the finger. He & the other 'Cats' split & the police go after them rather than the Clampetts.
Jethro gets a letter from the President to enlist in the Army. Jed doesn't want the Government to pay for Jethro's training so he wants to pay all the expenses. Mr Drysdale isn't happy when Jed wants to withdraw $100,000 to buy Jethro a tank. He's even less happy when Jethro wants Mr Drysdale to be his tank crew dressed as a German Officer.
Jethro drives the tank to Griffith Park for target practice, Mr Drysdale escapes in a rowboat & rows to the middle of the lake. Jethro is about to fire at him when two cops arrive & Mr Drysdale thinks he's saved. Until the older cop recognises him from his days in the quartermaster corp & arrests him as payback. Jed has to bail out Mr Drysdale.
Jethro wants to be Inducted into the Army. Granny gives him a physical. Jethro arrives limping & hard of hearing. Col Stark is very impressed. The Psychiatrist tells the Colonel He thinks Jethro is the best draft dodger he's ever seen.! Jethro tells them about Granny's physical & the Colonel wants to meet the Clampetts. When they arrive the 'Shrink' thinks their behaviour is all an act & convinces the Colonel not to induct Jethro.
Mr Drysdale gets Elly a date with Mr Universe, the Clampetts see him & think he's suffering from bar-bell bloat.
John Cushing from a rival bank wants Elly to date Troy Apollo but everytime he pulls up out the front of the Clampett Mansion he sees Miss Jane, Granny or Cousin Bessie the chimp & thinks they're Elly & drives away.
When Mr Universe sees Elly lift a bar-bell by herself, he decides to eat Hillbilly food to maintain his strength.
Jed wants to find some land for Granny to raise some crops. Jethro tells him about some plots for sale at Happy Valley. Jed phones Happy Valley & a representative arrives thinking Jed wants to buy a cemetary plot. After Jed tells him he wants to buy a plot for Granny the rep. thinks Jed has killed Granny & has her in the backyard.
Granny gets a letter from Adeline Ashley who wants to visit. When Mrs Drysdale learns of this she wants Adeline to visit her so she can make the social pages. When Adeline arrives early, Granny tries to matchmake Adeline with Jed. Mrs Drysdale tries repeatedly to meet Adeline & finaly does after she falls into the cement pond.
Granny is mixing up a batch of her moonshine & Jethro is trying out his frogman outfit in the cement pond. When Granny walks by the pond she thinks Jethro is a sea monster. Later Jethro sets of a charge in the pond & blows himself out of the water.
Mr Drysdale gives Jethro some 'Money Man' comics & Jethro wants to meet the Moon maidens. Jed tells Mr Drysdale about the problem with Jethro & He suggests the Army Reserve. Jethro decides he wants to meet the moon maidens & fixes a rocket to his back & using granny's moonshine for fuel launches himself into the air. He lands in the ocean & is rescued by the coast guard.
Jethro joins the army reserve & Granny makes him wear her Grandpappy's uniform. When he arrives the sergeant thinks he's an extra in a civil war movie. The Colonel tells him to come back on Monday. Jethro overhears the Colonel talking to an actor dressed as General Grant. He thinks the Yankee's are fixin'to fight with the south again. Jethro tells Granny the news & Granny dresses as a southern belle to spy on Gen.Grant & get information on when the attack will be. Granny learns that Grant is going to attack the Culpepper plantation & hurries off to warn them.
Granny is preparing for the battle of the Culpepper plantation. General Grant arrives with a hangover. Mr Drysdale dresses as a southern General & Miss Jane is his private. When the Clampetts arrive the battle has started already. as General Grant comes riding down the hill on his horse, Granny takes aim & shoots him off its back. He gets up & she shoots him off again.! He manages to make it to the porch & Granny can't forget her doctorin' so she gives him first aid from her jug.
(The Clampett's are still unaware that this is a civil war movie and not the real General Grant.)
Granny wants an apology from General Grant for attacking the Culpepper plantation. Colonel Blake wants Jethro for the army reserve but he has to take a written test first. After Jethro takes the oath, he sees General Grant & Colonel Blake talking. He hears General Grant say he's going to attack the plantation again. Jethro tells Granny & she goes & shoots him off his horse again.!!
Dash Riprock's new TV show ""Batchelor Sherriff Knows Best"" needs a new co-star. Jethro hopes he'll get the part. Mr Chapman the studio manager & Von Schlepper the director want Elly's chimp 'Cousin Bessie' to play the part. So Jethro becomes her agent.
Mrs Drysdale has purchased 'Ecstasy' a $2500 art sculpture. It was delivered to the Clampett's mansion by mistake. Mrs Drysdale runs over & tells the delivery man he's made a mistake & to take it next door. The Clampetts think 'Ecstasy' is a pile of junk & Granny says she could paint a picture that would win 1st prize in any art show. When Granny finished her painting, Bessie painted over it. Jed & Jethro went to the art gallery where they met A.Allen Allen. He thought they were gardeners come to work at his home, so he sent them to mow the lawns & trim the hedges. Later they returned & saw a painting like Bessie's in the gallery & bought a Rembrandt for the Mansion. Granny & Elly fixed up 'Ecstasy' with mud to make it look like a statue. When A.Allen Allen arrived he saw Bessie's painting & paid top dollar for it.
Dash wants to marry Elly, Elly doesn't want to marry Dash. Granny and Elly want Dash to turn his attention to Miss Jane. Granny invites Dash for dinner & Elly dresses real ordinary.They hope Miss Jane will be dressed nicer than Elly so Dash will ignore Elly, But Miss Jane arrives dressed even plainer. Elly borrows a wig & looks unatractive & Dash is ""turned off"". So Dash & Miss Jane go to a premiere together.
Jed feels guilty about Granny having to clean the mansion all by herself. He tells Mr Drysdale, who says he'll find him a housekeeper so Granny can rest. Jed told him he would have a hard time convincing Granny to let someone else do her chores. Mr Drysdale told him he'd convince her. Mr Drysdale found a 'cheap' housekeeper named Mrs Meek. when he managed to convince Granny to give her a try Mrs Meek turned into the ""housekeeper from hell."" Eventually Miss Jane found Mrs Meek a job as a prison guard & Granny was happy to go back to her chores.
Jed wants Jethro to open up a business. Jethro decides he wants to be a fry cook & open up a restaurant. Jed tells Mr Drysdale about Jethro's plan to be a fry cook and Mr Drysdale finds a run down old diner that he rents for $35 a week. Jethro fixes up the place & names it the Happy Gizzard. When Jethro's first customer comes in (a young woman)She leaves after Jethro couldn't cook her a hamburger. Granny arrives to save the day & agrees to cook for Jethro.
The Happy Gizzard isn't doing so well. Jethro realises what's missing, 'topless' waitresses .! He hires Elly as his waitress & tells her to take off her hat because this place is topless.! Mr Drysdale is sweet talking a prospective new depositor, Mr & Mrs Vanderpont. Unfortunately for Mr Drysdale Jethro ruins his plans & the Vanderponts leave. Miss Jane tells the Clampetts what topless really means. The Vanderponts return & Jed gives them some of Granny's ""white lightnin'"". He then invites them to the Happy Gizzard & Mr Vanderpont likes it so much he buys it off them.
Granny is homesick for snow, she wants to go home to Bugtussle. Mr Drysdale doesn't want them to leave, He turns up the air-conditioning in the mansion & borrows a snow machine from the movie studio to make it snow (plastic snow)at the Clampett's place. He pretends there's a raging snowstorm & tells the Clampetts not to go outside, Miss Jane & He will bring them food. After making there way through the 'Blizzard' Elly goes out the back door & finds a stuffed wolf she thinks is 'plum froze'. Jethro wants to have some snow ice cream & goes outside with a bowl & spoon. Jed realises what's going on when he goes outside & it's warm. Mr Drysdale confesses and when Granny offers him some snow ice cream they leave in a hurry.
Granny & Mrs Drysdale have a 'scrap' & Jed's ashamed of Granny for fightin' with the neighbour. Jethro says that in Beverly Hills everyone rassles, he's seen it on T.V. The Clampett's gather around the T.V. to watch the Boston strong girl battle it out with sweet lil ol' Rebecca who only rassles to earn money so her parents won't be evicted from their farm. Granny wants Jethro to take her to the wrestling centre. They're standing at ringside when the Boston strong girl is beatin' up on sweet lil Rebecca. Granny can't take it any more & climbs in to the ring & beats up the Boston strong girl.
Rebecca & her Manager come to the Clampett's place. The Manager wants a rematch between Granny & the Boston strong girl. Granny says no. Jed offers to pay Rebecca's parents mortgage & writes them a cheque. Rebecca & Manager want to cash cheque but instead bring Rebecca's parents to meet the Clampetts. Rebecca's Manager convinces Granny to fight with the Boston strong girls parents in a tag team match & Granny beats them all single handed.
Granny wants Jed to propose marriage to Miss Jane. He says no, so she asks Jethro. Jethro is going to ask but meets Ilsa on the way & forgets all about it. Granny tells him to invite Miss Jane to dinner at a fancy restaurant where he can ask her then. Granny & Elly sit at the next booth where they can hear what's happening & coach Jethro when needed. Jethro asks, Miss Jane accepts & Jethro runs. Later Miss Jane reluctantly turns down his proposal.
Miss Jane & Jethro attend a violin recital.(Jethro sleeps through most of it) Miss Jane suggests Jethro takes violin lessons.
Maestro Stromboli arrives to teach Jethro to play,but Jed & Granny think its he who should take lessons. Jethro buys a fiddle from a pawn shop & asks Stromboli how much he paid for his. Stromboli tells him the high priced amount & Jethro tells him he thinks he got taken. Stromboli's annoyed with Jethro "" This is a Stradavarious...Ignoramus."" Jed invites Fiddlin' Sam Dingle to teach Stromboli how to play 'turkey in the straw' & they have a Ho Down.
Granny thinks her favourite T.V. soap opera is real. She invites the star to the Mansion because on the show he was sick & she wanted to Doctor him. When she thinks she's cured him off he goes back to work. Next day Granny sees him sick on T.V. again,so this time asks Jethro to take her to the T.V. studio because something there must be making him sick. When they arrive He's in the operating theatre & Granny takes him home so he'll get better under her care.
Granny threatens to leave unless Elly gets rid of her menagerie.
Supernatural shenanigans spook the Clampetts.
Mr Drysdale wants to make a commercial starring the Clampetts as lazy hillbillies wasting their lives at the beginning, to successful contributors to society at the end. He dresses as SuperBanker & they recite to the camera how worthless their existence was before SuperBanker changed things for them.
Cousin Roy arrives & wants to open a Hollywood branch of Mother Mabel's elixir. Granny doesn't want her old rival Mabel to be sucessful at her expense, so Granny & Jethro set up a stall on the sidewalk to sell Granny's elixir. That is until a cop arrests them for operating a stall without a permit. Mr Drysdale flys Mother Myrtle out to Beverly Hills & just as Jethro & Granny arrive home, she sees Myrtle & runs into the house for her gun.
