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Private Notes
Jack is preparing to begin a new season in which he will be putting on a show every week. His new publicity agent has sent out trucks that run over people, leaving a tire imprint on their backs saying 'Watch Jack Benny every week.' At the golf club, all his friends are dubious about whether he has the energy to put on a show every week. Suddenly Jack feels tired, and he goes home to take a nap; he dreams he is on Mike Wallace's interview show being grilled about his decision to go on every week. Don Wilson does the Lipton commercial like a political campaign; the Nixon/Kennedy election campaigns are mentioned several times during the show.
Jack visits Dick Clark for advice on how to get teen-agers to watch his show. Dick suggests that he book the Sabres, who sing 'Flip, flop and fly' for them, but Jack refuses to pay their 1,000 fee; on the show, Jack, Dennis and Don, dressed as the Sabres, do the number.
Jack meets Milton Berle in a restaurant and Berle hams up his entrance. He convinces Jack to alter his comedy style. They do a show together and Jack wears a clown suit, gets a pie in the face, and tells dumb jokes.
Jack gets a haircut between the dress rehearsal and the show; none of the barbers want to do it because his tips are so small. Don and Oscar the seal do the State Farm commercial. Gisele sings 'Smile'. Jack asks her for a date, but she is busy giving a party to which she has not invited Jack. They do their violin duet, during which Jack's ten dollar suit from Hong Kong comes to pieces.
Jack is in New York, and in his monologue he tells the audience about the press party he gave at the Automat. He introduces Betty Furness and John Wayne in the audience. J.R.C. Scavone [?] (Frank Fontaine) wants to know why Jack didn't introduce him. Don has Jack introduce Howard K. Brawley, the man who gave the State Farm Insurance people the idea for their horn theme. Jaye P. Morgan sings 'Won't you come home, Bill Bailey?' Jack forgot that he made a dinner date with Morgan, and has made another date. John Wayne asks her out instead. They go to a gypsy restaurant where they discover Jack masquerading as a gypsy violinist. (The same sketch was originally done on the program aired November 17, 1957.)
Jack states that due to time shortage, he has to cut his monologue. Diana Trask sings. Jack and Don visit the Copacabana to see Bishop's night club routine. Show done in New York.
Jack's monologue concerns the previous night's bachelor party. Dennis does not want to sing because Dan Duryea got the star dressing room. His mother has thrown Duryea out of the room. The sketch is entitled 'Death across the lunch counter, or He died sunnyside up.' Jack plays Charleston T. Gundlefinger, a counterman in a diner. Don plays the police chief. It is midnight, and Jack is nervous because a man was murdered across the street the week before. Three toughs (Duryea, Day and Nelson) come in and intimidate Jack. The police chief is no help. Benny shoots Duryea and Day, but Nelson turns out to be the interior decorator.
Jack takes his girlfriend Mildred to a violin concert, even though she would prefer to go to the fights. Jack spots the Stewarts in the audience and tries to get their attention by tossing peanuts at them, eventually driving them out. When Mildred turns on her transistor radio to listen to the fight, the entire audience leaves.
Jack goes Christmas shopping with Rochester and drives the staff of the department store crazy.
Jack consents to an episode of the show to be opportunity for new acts to showcase their talents but then he starts to regret deciding to do it when things don't go as he thinks they should.
Jack has written his life story for television, and has his agent hire a child actor who is just as cheap as he is to play himself. Remake of the sketch originally done on November 20, 1954.
Jack's monologue is interrupted by a phone call from U.S. Treasury agents, who want to see Jack at home in an hour. Jack is so nervous he lets Don take the rest of the show and goes home. It turns out the agents are from Fort Knox and want to study the security systems in Jack's vault.
Jack honors Don Wilson on the occasion of his 27th year working with Jack. The sketch relates how Don and Jack met: Jack's radio sponsor, the Universal Corset Co., holds auditions for an announcer for Jack's program, and Don is the only one who laughs at Jack's bad jokes. John Daly presents Don with a plaque; Jack disagrees with Daly's statement that Don came to his show when it was "down," and ends by breaking the plaque over Don's head. The Sportsmen sing "Down Yonder".
Rochester has won a gin rummy game with Jack, so he is golfing while Jack does the housework. Jack plays gin rummy with Don, and he ends up doing the housework. Dennis arrives to sing his new song, Let there be love. Jack goes to the supermarket. He has trouble getting a basket loose; he is insulted by Frank Nelson and buys fruit from Benny Rubin; he keeps an eye out for a bargain, such as the alphabet soup which has been marked down because it is in Latin.
Jack goes to a nightclub. The Sportsmen Quartet sing 'When my sugar walks down the street.' The next act is a hypnotist; Jack scoffs, so the hypnotist suggests that when he leaves the stage he will think he is Diamond Jim Brady, 'the world's greatest spendthrift.' When Jack comes back angry about the results, the hypnotist makes him think he is Bob Hope.
Jack goes to a gym so that he can improve his physique and impress a young lady; Don goes with him.
Mamie Van Doren uses her feminine wiles to get Jack to let her sing on the program; Dennis gets mad, so they end by singing a duet: 'You make me feel so young.' Don Wilson and Howard McNear do the State Farm commercial. After everyone has left, Jack picks up a book entitled Life in the death house, or My last meal had no appeal. He begins a daydream in which he is a condemned man who tells the Warden his tale.
Jack's monologue is about the freeways. The sketch is the same as the one done on October 4, 1953.
Jack and Rochester are cleaning Jack's attic; Jack can't stand to throw anything away. Don arrives, and finds an abstract painting in which he claims to see a man in a car who is happy because he has State Farm Car Insurance. Rochester finds a box of papers that contains Jack's application to medical school. Rochester daydreams about what Benny would have been like as a surgeon.
Dennis comes on in squeaky shoes and sings 'It's almost like being in love.' In the sketch, Jack plays an N.Y.P.D. police detective trying to get a confession from a gangster.
The Third Grade class of Beverly Hills Elementary School puts on its version of the Jack Benny program. For the commercial, a man who has just had a minor accident knocks on Jack's door, asks to use the phone, and proceeds to make a long distance call to State Farm Insurance in Michigan.
Jack has hired only two of the Mills Brothers; because the two of them can't sing well, they ask the other two to come out and sing anyway. Their agent shoots himself backstage. They do the Lipton Tea commercial with Don to the tune of 'Up the lazy river.' In the sketch, Jack goes to Las Vegas and drives the hotel staff crazy with his stinginess.
Rochester wants to compete in the Al Jarvis Dance Contest for the $500 prize, but Jack tells him he has already had his night off this month. Jack cancels dinner with the Wilsons in order to compete himself, then arrives at the Wilsons for dinner afterwards at 2 a.m., and complains about the food.
'George Burns' crashes Jack's variety show, which features two songs sung by Ann-Margret and juggler extraordinaire, Francis Brunn.
Jack's monologue is on TV channel switchers. In the sketch, Jack returns from a three day hike with the Beverly Hills Beavers to find that Rochester has given an old sports jacket with $200 sewn in the lining to the Main Street Shelter. Jack rushes down to retrieve it, but in his camping clothes and with a three-day beard, he is taken for a transient himself. When he finally gets his $200 back, his 'alter ego' makes him donate it to the Shelter.
Jack's monologue is about contact lenses. It is interrupted by two photographers from What's new in television magazine who want to take his picture. Benny introduces Peter Lawford, and they talk about being between pictures. The sketch is similar to the one done on May 2, 1954; Lawford plays the husband, Dors, the wife, and Benny her lover.
