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Private Notes
Frank Sinatra, Jr. sings 'My kind of girl.' Don and his son Harlow appear; it's Harlow's 19th birthday. Jack and Harlow snipe at each other while Don does the Jell-O commercial. In the sketch, Jack, Harlow and Frank Sinatra, Jr. play typical teenagers, at home and at the soda shop, topping it off with the rock and roll rendition of 'She has a wig, contact lenses and a nose job.'
In the dressing room before the show, Jack calls for a barber, who turns out to be a nut and a Phil Silvers fan. Silvers has been complaining about coming on so late in the show. Jack discovers his pants are missing. Silvers comes on stage in Jack's pants to introduce the show. He goes through Jack's pants pockets. Jack comes out wearing Don's pants, and goes through Don's pockets. Don does the State Farm Insurance commercial in an angry voice. In the sketch, Jack tells of his first encounter with Phil Silvers, when he shows up on Jack's doorstep with a note from Jack's Aunt Sadie asking Jack to help Phil get started in show business. He mooches off Jack, plays the clarinet at 4 a.m., and sells Jack's violin to get money to play poker with his friends in Jack's living room, until Aunt Sadie comes to visit, and doesn't recognize Silvers.
Benny instructs Raymond Burr how to be a comedian and Burr practices exaggerated comic antics. In the sketch, Burr enacts a scene from an Air Force drama, and Benny redoes it as a comedy.
In the sketch, Benny tries to conduct Welk's orchestra. He persuades Welk and the orchestra to play the song he wrote, 'When you say I beg your pardon, then I'll come back to you.' Welk turns it into a polka, and the audience dances with Welk and Jack.
Benny introduces Darla Hood, and talks with her about her work on the Our Gang comedies. She sings 'It's a most unusual day.' In the sketch, she plays her old Our Gang role, while Jack plays Alfalfa, Don Wilson plays Spankie, Rochester plays Buckwheat, and Dennis plays the rich kid.
Burnett sings 'Clang went the trolley.' In the sketch, Jack plays Tarzan, Burnett plays Jane, and Harlow plays their son.
Broadcast November 27, 1962: Romi Yamada and Jack Soo from "Flower Drum Song" (and later "Barney Miller") are the guests. Romi performs a song in Japanese and Jack wants to book her for more appearances — at a very cheap price. Her agent begs to differ. Jack Soo hosts a Japanese version of The Ed Sullivan Show. Guests include the Rocky Fellers playing "Long Tall Sally" with vocalist Jack in a wig and gold lamé suit. Mel Blanc is the mike-boom operator who can't stay awake.
Jack and Bob do a comedy routine. The sketch is similar to the one done on the show of February 24, 1957: Hope and Benny play a pair of vaudevillians trying to get a job, and in the agent's office several other vaudeville acts are demonstrated, including a young boy who imitates Jimmy Durante.
Several star's wives are planning a charity benefit in Beverley Hills, trying hard not to invite Jack, but he insinuates himself, unasked, into the event. He wanted to play his violin, but the only spot open is to referee a championship wrestling match, which he takes, but bungles it up so he gets involved in the wrestling, too.
Jack encounters nothing but headaches trying to make a flight to New York. He catches a taxi from his home and contends with an emotional cabbie (Louis Nye), who cries uncontrollably because he always hates saying goodbye at the airport. Once inside, he encounters the Mexican Sy (the one with a sister named Sue who sews), a painter who can't spell the sponsor's name correctly, outrageous announcements on the P.A. system, and the always-sarcastic Frank Nelson behind a counter.
Benny conducts a talent show, featuring: Mel Blanc as Mr. Finque who does imitations of animals; Don Wilson, who impersonates Ted Lewis singing 'Me and My Shadow,' with his son Harlow as the shadow (the JELL-O commercial); the Renaudi Brothers, one of whom is the fastest human being in the world, and dodges three of the bullets fired by his brother, before being killed by the last five; and the Sentimental Sweethearts, who turn out to be the orchestra from the Jack Benny Fan Club, Pasadena Chapter.
Jack reminisces meeting Max Bygraves at a show in England 8 years before only to find he's copying Jack's routine
Jack returns to his house, but no one knows him. Rod Serling guest stars as Mr. Zone, the mayor of a town which was named after him. Jack runs out screaming.
Peter Lorre sings during the opening monologue. Joanie Sommers follows with a song. Jack dreams about a visit to the doctors office where he's in the waiting room with Peter Lorre, who happens to be in the front page of the newspaper for murdering 6 people. The doctor, who is a plastic surgeon is played by Mel Blanc. Peter Lorre holds Jack and Mel hostage so he can change his appearance. Peter Lorre's operation is a success! He now looks like Jack!
Dick Van Dyke says that he has been warned that Jack "works his guests to death." In the skit, Jack plays an inspector investigating a murder who questions everyone in the house - all played by Dick Van Dyke.
Jack's opening monologue is interrupted by a picture taking family who join him onstage. In the sketch, Jack and Rochester are leaving on a personal appearance tour, so Jack rents his house while he is gone. The renters are suprised by some of Jack's conditions for rental.
Rita Moreno sings and guest stars in a skit about a little Spanish town.
Jack and Guest star Connie Francis to a skit on the career of Stephen Foster.
Having Martha Tilton as a guest causes him to reminisce about when they worked together with the USO during World War Two, on the island of New Guinea. During the show, Jack performs his stand-up, then starts playing his violin, when the sirens sound and enemy planes start bombing, everyone runs off but jack keeps playing. Eventually two Japanese soldiers, all that's left after a hari-kiri wave, surrender if he'll stop playing.
Jack attends Frankie Avalon's record session, but constantly interrupts the takes. Eventually, he's given a role in the recording.
Jack is kidnapped and held for $10,000 ransom. When Don and Dennis don't believe him, his kidnappers accompany him to the bank—where employees are astonished to hear he wants to make a withdrawal.
After Jack and Don argue over who said "Don't give up the ship," Jack fires Don and holds auditions for a new announcer. Dennis does the JELL-O commercial as a series of imitations, including James Cagney and John F. Kennedy. Dennis rehearses a sentimental song for Jack, while Don walks back and forth across the set clearing out his office.
Dennis wants to do his Elvis Presley imitation, but Jack won't let him. Don does the commercial with his son Harlow. The sketch is Jack's version of The Mikado, ruined by Dennis doing his Elvis imitation in his Japanese costume.
Jack devotes the program to answering request letters from his viewers. One viewer asks about sound effects on his radio program, so he asks Ray Erlenborn to demonstrate; he makes the sounds of horses' hooves, a parade of marching soldiers, the milking of a cow, and a fight between Jack and John Wayne. For the State Farm Car Insurance commercial, Jack invites a serviceman up from the audience, who claims State Farm insured his tank in the Battle of the Bulge. Dennis sings a country western song. Jack's sister Florence has written in asking why he never gives Dennis or Don a chance to work alone; they do a Laurel and Hardy imitation. The last request is that Jack play a piece of serious music. Unfortunately, the accompanist sent over at the last minute by the Musicians' Union completely upstages Jack with his comic antics.
