Season 3 1991 - 1992

Skits:

• Stewardesses in Diner (SKBD)(3): they burst in asking if anyone can fly a plane

• New Development in the Sauna (DS)(3): steam room talk (Danny Husk)

• Bigot Cabbie -- Blue Jays (KM)(3): the Bigot cabbie blames "certain people" when the Blue Jays lose (Bigot Cabbie)

• Chicken Lady at Strip Show (all)(3): the freaks attends a strip show and see Rooster Boy (Chicken Lady, Bearded Lady, Slimy MC)

• Psycho Cabbie (KSM)(3): same customer, but this cabbie shoots other cars and takes unwanted short cuts (Bigot Cabbie, Psycho Cabbie)

• Police Department (SMB)(3): 7:36 p.m. West End Mall - they withstand some blatant abuse (Police Department)

• Farmers in a Diner (DK)(3): two farmers discuss celebrities

• My Pen! (all+J)(3): office worker has his pen taken (Psycho Cabbie)

• Police Department (SM)(3): 9:52 p.m. Fellow Lane - they discuss a movie over a dead body (Police Department)

Skits:

• Fag! (S)(3): guy coming out of house repeatedly being shouted at

• Sleepwalking 1 (SDB)(3): Brian pretends to be sleepwalking (Fran, Gordon, Brian) - Dog Trainer (KD)(3): guy tries to train his useless dog - Relationship Section (BDK)(3): couples sits in relationship section of restaurant - Painting with Darryl (M)(3): Darryl on his show "Painting with the Inner Child with Darryl" (Darryl) - Sleepwalking 2 (SB)(3): ...later that same night (Fran, Gordon) - Girl Drink Drunk* (DK)(3): businessman addicted to girl drinks

Skits:

• Asleep on the Job (DS)(2): street worker asleep on the job

• Bruce the Small Guy (BD)(3): Bruce wonders how tall he is

• Stunned Father (K)(3): father stunned because wife left him -- "a whole lotta milk-a".

• The "I Want a Raise" Guy 1 (KD)(3): comedy writer wants a raise

• Gimmel-100 Salesmen (BMS)(3): money momentum guys sell Gimmel-100 organs (Money Momentum Guys)

• The "I Want a Raise" Guy 2 (KD)(3): comedy writer wants a raise continued

• Buddy's Bar -- Tammy the Pop Star (all)(3): Buddy discovers Tammy (Buddy, Tammy)

Skits:

• Obnoxious Golf Guy (KD)(3): the obnoxious golf guy tries to make small talk

• Those Earrings Are Mine (all)(2): guy tries to explain away his affair (Robert)

• Flying Pig 1 (BDKM)(3): the flying pig at the bank line (Flying Pig, Darryl, Guy in Line)

• Canada Abandons Monarchy (SM)(2): Queen tries to win back Canada (The Queen, Prince Edward)

• Flying Pig 2 (BKS)(3): the flying pig continued (Flying Pig, Guy in Line)

• Awards Show (all)(3): the movie awards show

• Flying Pig 3/Police Department (BM)(3): (Flying Pig, Police Department)

• Substitute Axe (DK)(3): ax murderer tries to borrow an ax (Ax Murderer)

• Flying Pig 4 (BMK)(3): the flying pig continued (Flying Pig, Guy in Line)

Skits:

• But First... (DMKB)(3): Businessmen -- "I'd like to begin the presentation, but first..."

• Tanya the Temp Leaves (all)(3): Tanya the temp leaves the office (Cathy, Kathie, Tanya, Ms. Ferguson)

• Open Letter to Wheel Stealer (B)(3): Bruce's open letter to the guy that stole his bike wheel

• The Mouse (M)(3): story of a guy's conflict with a mouse (Tucker)

• Open Letter to Wheel Stealer Watchers (B)(3): Bruce's open letter to the people who watched the guy steal his bike wheel

• The Murder Trial (all)(3): guy lies on the stand to get away with murder

• Scott Buying Beer (SB)(3): Scott wonders whether he should buy beer for some underage youth

Skits:

• Police Department 1 (BMS)(3): p.m. Stanfield Park - police find a dead body (Police Department)

• Accent Teacher (KM)(3): teacher teaches accents

• Making Potato Salad (B)(3): red beehive lady makes potato salad (Myra)

• Don't Blame the Clown (SD)(3): clown causes trouble in business meeting (Danny Husk, A.T. & Love Boss, Bingo the Clown)

• Drag Revolution (S)(3): drag queens take over

• Police Department 2 (BMSD)(3): 10:03 p.m. Stanfield Park - dead body continued (Police Department)

• The Phantom of the Warehouse (all)(3): bad boss becomes the legend

• Police Department 3 (BM)(3): 10:36 p.m. Stanfield Park - dead body continued (Police Department)

Skits:

• Live with Mom or Dad? (MDBS)(3): kid has to decide who to live with

• Pit of Ultimate Darkness on a Date (KDB)(3): Pit of Ultimate Darkness has a date in a restaurant (Pit of Ultimate Darkness)

• Bruce Lookalike 1 (BD)(3): the guy who thinks he looks like Bruce

• Crazy Guy in Waiting Room (SM)(3): crazy guy mocks people in a waiting room

• Why Did They Have to Take the Word "Gay"? (M)(3): lady wonders why gays had to use the word "gay"

• Bruce Lookalike 2/Dad Died -- Call Mom (KBMD)(3): brothers are told their dad died and they quibble over change (Doctor)

• I've Been Kidnapped (all)(3): Danny Husk reads the paper to discover that he has been kidnapped (Danny Husk, White-Haired Criminal)

Skits:

• Einstein (DK)(3): Einstein insulted by sarcastic painter

• Gut Guys (MBK)(3): they guys with big guts at a bar

• Wedding Reception 1 (BD)(3): the wedding reception, toasts, etc.

• Terrier Song (BK)(3): the Terrier Song (Terrier)

• Wedding Reception 2 (MB)(3): wedding reception continued

• The "Ascertain" Guy (BD)(3): the guy who can't stop using the word "ascertain"

• Wedding Reception 3 (SBK)(3): wedding reception continued

• Darryl the Waiter (all)(3): Darryl at his job as waiter (Darryl)

Skits:

• Old Lady Falls Down (SKMB)(3): old lady falls down, man takes her oranges (Police Department)

• Psychic Artist (DK)(3): Dave's draws a person he has never seen, based only on the sound of his voice

• Gavin's Love (all)(3): Gavin falls in love with his babysitter (Gavin, Gavin's mother)

• Mr. Heavyfoot Puts on his Pants* (DK)(3): (Mr. Heavyfoot)

• Buddy's Bar -- Paris (S)(3): Buddy discusses his time in Paris (Buddy)

• Street Singers 1 (BM)(3): the street singers sing on the street (Street Singers)

• Mr. Heavyfoot Hates the Movie* (D)(3): (Mr. Heavyfoot)

• Street Singers 2 (all)(3): the street singers in their home (Street Singers)

Skits:

• It's a Fact (-)(3): you can get blood from a stone

• Wanna See a Dead Body? (SDBK)(3): man brings his girlfriend to see a dead body in a field (White-Haired Criminal)

• Scott's Double 1 (all+P)(3): Scott's double starts misbehaving (Paul Bellini)

• Businessmen (BM)(3): Gerald and Gerald talk on the phone (Gerald, Gerald)

• Minimum Wage (B)(3): guy complains about minimum wage

• Scott's Double 2 (all+P)(3): Scott's double continued

• Stereo Bargaining (BD)(3): man bargains in a stereo store (Murray)

• It's a Fact (-)(3): uncle lost his job and acts weird

• Naval Captain (KSD)(3): the stupid ship captain

• It's a Fact (M)(3): the "It's a Fact" girl bargains for more money (Murray)

Skits:

• Girls! Girls! Girls! (KM)(3): guy follows signs to find girls (Mr. Tyzik)

• The Marriages (all)(3): a woman's repeated failed attempts at marriage

• He's 45 1 (BD)(3): hip guy talks to his son (He's 45)

• The Thrift Shop (SMK)(3): Raj and Christine discuss the strange day (Raj, Christine)

• He's 45 2 (BDK)(3): hip guy and his family (He's 45)

• Sexual Harassment of Himself (MKD)(3): trial of the man who acused himself of sexual harassment

• He's 45 3 (BK)(3): hip guy's open relationship (He's 45)

• Stay Down! (BMKS)(3): Sid who won't stay down when losing a fight (Sid, Sharisse, The Queen, Sid's Friend)

Skits:

• Police Department (BM)(3): 9:33 p.m. Simcoe Park - other careers: opera singer and security guard (Police Department)

• Chicken Kabob (all)(3): man chokes on a chicken kabob

• Fake Ed McMahon (BDM)(3): man pretends to be Ed McMahon

• Police Department (BM)(3): 6:17 p.m. Westfield Ave. - shift's over (Police Department)

• Buddy's Bar -- AIDS (S)(3): Buddy talks about AIDS (Buddy)

• Wimpy Tea Guy (KM)(3): Mr. Tisane orders some tea (Mr. Tisane)

• Police Department (BM)(3): 8:11 p.m. Logan Road - asleep on the car (Police Department)

• Tammy -- The Pickle (all+P)(3): Tammy meets the Queen at a pickle factory (Tammy, The Queen, Paul Bellini)

Skits:

• History of Boxing (KD)(3): innovation in the history of boxing

• Pizza Shop Lechers (MKD)(3): pizza shop guys lust after schoolgirls

• On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave - opera

• Sid & Sharisse (BM)(3): Sid wonders if he is too small to love (Sid, Sharisse)

• On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave - desert island

• The Agents (SMDB)(3): the agents try to get an actor a gig (Sudelmans)

• On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave - mustache

• Bald Man's Horrible Secret (B)(3): bald wig salesman has a horrible secret

Skits:

• Poem by the Emperor of Japan 1 (M)(3): the emporer recites a haiku

• Gavin's Mother's Funeral (all)(3): Gavin attends his mother's funeral (Gavin, Father, New Mother, Murray)

• Poem by the Emperor of Japan 2 (M)(3): another haiku

• King of Empty Promises (KDM)(3): the "Will Do" guy borrows a videotape from Lex (Dean, Lex)

• Bruce on How to Break Into Show Biz (B)(3): Bruce explains how to break into show business

• Appendix Scar of Hate (MDK)(3): man has a disturbing appendix scar (Doctor)

• Poem by the Emperor of Japan 3 (M)(3): another haiku

• Scott Thompson's Perfect Man (all)(3): Scott describes his perfect man

Skits:

• Police Department (BM)(3): 9:34 p.m. Welland Park - abandoned potato (Police Department)

• Captain Wonderful (DKS)(3): Captain Wonderful, Arms Longfellow, and the Winged Avenger at their hideout

• Don't Call Her 1 (BS)(3): man debates whether to call a potential girlfriend (Brad)

• Police Department

• Gay Home Alone Outfit (S)(3): Scott explains what gay boys wear when home alone

• Businessman that Just Stares (MKD)(3): the party with businessman that just stares unnervingly but has ulterior motives

• Don't Call Her 2 (B)(3): man and girlfriend have sex

• Exhibition Shirling (all)(3): an exhibition of shirling (Shirling Guy)

Skits:

• Celebrities Scott Thompson Looks Like (S)(3): the celebrities Scott Thompson looks like

• One Clearly Insane Person (DK)(3): Jerry Sizzler visits his now-cured sister (Jerry & Jerry Sizzler)

• It's a Fact (M)(3): Importance of Cleaning Ears

• After-Death Experience (M)(3): Mississippi Gary's song about his after-death experience (Mississippi Gary)

• Garbage Man Fan (BKM)(3): man who applauds garbage men

• It's a Fact

• Looking for Pot (all+PJ)(3): Bower goes searching for pot (Bower, Jocelyn, Satan, Bobby)

Skits:

• Flying Pig Remeniscing (all)(3): man remenisces about the Flying Pig (Flying Pig, Guy in Line, Danny Husk)

• Her "God" Spot (DKM)(3): dog show organizer wonder about a misprint

• The Darcy Pennell Show* with Francesca Fiore (DKS)(3): Francesca Fiore goes on Darcy's show and brings a clip of her next movie (Darcy Pennell, Francesca Fiore, Bruno Puntz Jones)

• Son of Flying Pig 1 (MSKB)(3): the son of the Flying Pig shows up (Flying Pig, Guy in Line)

• Thank-you letters of Tyrone Bibbens Esquire (SK)(3): Tyrone Bibbens writes thank you letters, because he'll be dead soon

• Tanya at a Party 1 (all)(3): Tanya annoys people at a party (Tanya)

• Son of Flying Pig 2 (KBD)(3): son of the Flying Pig continued (Flying Pig, Guy in Line)

• Tanya at a Party 2 (MD)(3): Tanya the day after the party (Tanya) (over credits)

Skits:

• Old Yeller 1 (all)(3): KITH presents the dramatic conclusion of "Old Yeller"

• A.T. & Love's Danny Husk -- Porn Star (SD)(3): Danny Husk's Boss confronts Danny about being a porn star (Danny Husk, A.T. & Love Boss)

• "What If" Guy (BM)(3): man confronts noisy people in restaurant, but runs through alternate versions of reality in his mind

• Buddy's Bar -- Drugs (S)(3): Buddy talks about drugs (Buddy)

• Old Yeller 2 (all)(3): another dramatic conclusion of "Old Yeller"

• Rod Torfulson's Armada (MBSK)(3): Rod tries to convince the band to change its name (Armada)

• Horsey/Old Yeller 3 (DSMK)(3): mother reveals the truth to her daughter about her horsey/dramatic conclusion of "Old Yeller"

Skits:

• What?!?!? (SB)(3): man wonders about the look his wife gives him

• Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Hecubus Fired 1 (KDSB)(3): Hecubus is fired for drinking too much (Pit of Ultimate Darkness)

• Father & Son Thieves (BS)(3): father and son rob a man's house

• Darryl on a Date -- Darryl's Momma (MDS)(3): Darryl has a date over and tells his date about his mother (Darryl)

• Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Hecubus Fired 2 (DK)(3): Hecubus fired continued (Pit of Ultimate Darkness)

• Absent-Minded Customer/Scott Thompson's 100th Waiter Sketch (all)(3): an absent minded guy doesn't understand the story/celebration for Scott's 100th Waiter

Skits:

• On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave

• Bearded Lady Marries (DKM)(3): the bearded lady prepares to get married (Chicken Lady, Bearded Lady)

• Arrogant Executive (DK)(3): the arrogant executive listens to an ad pitch

• Kids in the Hall Kids/Bruce's Regrets (BM)(3): Bruce's regrets at the end of the KITH season (Satan, Mr. Tyzik, Cabbage Head)

• Horny Patient (SK)(3): horny man gets examined by a nurse (Nurse Unloop)

• On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave

• Spy Models* (SDMK)(3): a film with Francesca & Bruno (Francesca Fiore, Bruno Puntz Jones)

Skits:

Girls! Girls! Girls!

• Stars- Kevin, Mark

• Recurring Characters- Mr. Tiscic aka Mr. Tyzik aka the Headcrusher

• In short- Man finds the Headcrusher after following a sign for girls.

Marriages

• Stars- Dave, Bruce, Kevin, Mark, Scott

• Recurring Characters- n/a

• In short- A woman repeatedly remarries after repeated marrying the wrong guy.

Blame for Blue Jays Loss

• Stars- Kevin, Mark

• Recurring Characters- Bigot Cabbie

• In short- Cabbie blames "certain people."

Man Boobs

• Stars- Dave, Scott

• Recurring Characters- Danny Husk

• In short- Man asks if he's always had breasts, or are they new.

Blood From a Stone

• Stars- n/a

• Recurring Characters- It's a Fact Girl

• In short- You can get blood from a stone.

Road Rage

• Stars- Kevin, Mark, Scott

• Recurring Characters- Bigot Cabbie, Psycho Cabbie

• In Short- Cabbie shoots other cars, delivers a package, and picks up other fares.

The Thrift Shop

• Stars- Kevin, Mark, Scott

• Recurr

Skits:

Withstanding Blatant Abuse

• Stars- Bruce, Mark

• Recurring Characters- Cops

• In short- He didn't interfere because he though they knew each other.

Strip Club

• Stars- Dave, Bruce, Kevin, Mark, Scott

• Recurring Characters- Chicken Lady, Bearded Lady, Emcee

• In Short- The freaks attend a strip show with Rooster Boy.

Old Lady Falls Down

• Stars- Bruce, Kevin, Mark, Scott

• Recurring Characters- Cops

• In short- The cops don't get involved when a man helps an old lady up.

Videos

• Stars- Dave, Kevin, Mark

• Recurring Characters- Lex, Dean

• In Short- Dean borrows a video from Lex and fails to return it.

Canada Abandons Monarchy

• Stars- Mark, Scott

• Recurring Characters- The Queen, Prince Edward

• In Short- The Queen interrupts a broadcast of raging rivers.

Sleeping on the Squad Car

• Stars- Bruce, Mark

• Recurring Characters- Cops

• In short- He fell asleep on the hood of the car.

Stay Down!

• Stars- Bruce, Kevin, Mark, Scott

• R