Season 3 1972 - 1973

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Let Me Down Easy"" and banter about their marriage and individual honors.
2. Sonny and Cher introduce Michael Jackson and talk to him about his accomplishments.
3. The Jackson Five perform ""Looking Through the Window""
4. The Bonos present the first ""Sonny Bono Show Business Award"" to California's Governor Ronald Reagan, who in turn thanks them with one of his old dedication speeches.
5. Cher sings ""Say It Isn't So""
6. Michael Jackson sings ""Ben""
7. A gypsy fortune teller (Cher) warns Sonny that he is about to be attacked, strangled and robbed.
8. Sonny and Cher perform a medley of ""Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show"" and ""Mr. Tambourine Man""
9. ""The Vamps"" -- Cleopatra (Cher) finds herself having to choose between Mark Anthony (Sonny) and Julius Caesar (Larry); and Sadie Thompson (Cher) and the preacher (Sonny) are visited by Sir Francis Winchester (Wilfrid), a famous yachtsman who is sailing around the world alone.
10. ""The Cultural Spot"" -- I

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""With a Little Help From My Friends"" and banter about Sonny having been asked to perform at the White House.
2. Cher sings ""He's Funny That Way""
3. Jerry is featured in a comedy sketch about the Three Musketeers.
4. ""The Vamps"" -- Snow White (Cher) has an affair with a woodsman (Jerry), who disguises himself as six of the seven dwarfs in an attempt to elude her husband, Prince Charming (regular Ted Zeigler); and the ghoulish Vampira (Cher) calls upon an unsuspecting TV repairman (Jerry) to fix her set.
5. The Supremes perform ""Your Wonderful, Sweet, Sweet Love""
6. Jerry appears as a chess champion whose annoying habits distract his opponent (Sonny).
7. Sonny and Cher perform a medley of ""I Just Want To Celebrate"" and ""Take a Look Around""
8. ""Headlines In the Papers"" -- Jerry joins the show's regulars in a series of blackouts and one-liners based on current events in the news, such as the disappearance of $5,000,000 that was dropped from a skyjacked

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Happy Together"" and banter about their habit of poking fun at one another.
2. Bobby sings ""Marching To the Music""
3. After a gypsy fortune teller (Cher) changes Chad and Bobby into the greatest song and dance team in the world, she makes Sonny sing ""like he's never sung before.""
4. Cher sings ""When the Sun Comes Out""
5. ""The Vamps"" -- The love-starved Elizabeth Regina (Cher), daughter of the beheaded Anne Boleyn, desperately tries to get kissed by Sir Walter Raleigh (Bobby), Sir Francis Drake (Chad) and the royal messenger (Sonny); comic strip heroine Brenda Starr (Cher) longs to meet her mystery man, whom she only knows will be wearing a patch over one eye; and Tarzan (Sonny) becomes jealous of a doctor (Chad) who comes to the jungle to open a medical center and gets smitten with Jane (Cher).
6. Sonny and Cher perform a medley of ""Simple Song Of Freedom"" and ""Look What They've Done To My Song, Ma""
7. ""The Cultural Spot"" -- Cher is featured as Lady

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""For Once In My Life"" and banter about Sonny having been asked to pose for a nude centerfold.
2. Cher sings ""A Song For You""
3. ""The Cultural Spot"" -- Detective Fat (Tony) is hired by Gangster Big, a rotund mobster (regular Ted Zeigler), to find out which one of his overweight gang has a contract out on him. The suspects include Penelope Plump, his moll (Cher); Sally Stout, a singer in his nightclub (Barbara); and Harry Obese, Mr. Big's driver (Sonny).
4. Barbara sings a medley of ""I Believe In Music"" and ""Without a Song""
5. A gypsy fortune teller (Cher) grants Tony his dream of becoming a great cowboy.
6. Sonny and Cher sing ""A Cowboy's Work Is Never Done"" to an animated piece by cartoonist John Wilson.
7. Sonny joins Tony on an invisible bench in the park.
8. Sonny and Cher perform ""Thunder and Lightning""
9. ""The Vamps"" -- Scheherazade (Cher) hopes to convince an Arabian sheik (Tony) to spare her life one more day by entertaining him with another

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""There's a Kind Of Hush"" and an opening dialogue.
2. ""Raggedy Sonny and Raggedy Cher"" -- The Gingerbread Man (Jimmy) drops by to chat with the two rag dolls.
3. Cher sings ""Why Was I Born?""
4. Sonny portrays a bullfighter in this blackout of a Spanish-Mexican musical.
5. Gilbert sings ""Clair""
6. Jimmy and Cher are featured in a song-and-dance segment, poking fun at their noses.
7. Sonny and Cher sing ""The Candy Man"" to a cartoon animated by John Wilson.
8. Sonny and Cher perform ""Up On Cripple Creek""
9. ""The Vamps"" -- Priscilla Mullens (Cher) has to choose between John Alden (Jimmy) and Miles Standish (Sonny); Anna (Cher) has to report to the King of Siam (Sonny) to receive her new teaching assignment; and Martha Washington (Cher) attempts to get husband George (Jimmy) to spend more time with her and less with Benjamin Franklin (Sonny).
10. Sonny and Cher, with daughter Chastity, close the show with ""I Got You Babe""

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Two Of Us"" and banter featuring Cher teasing Sonny about everything from his singing to his mother.
2. ""Sonny's Pizza Parlor"" -- In an effort to draw more customers to the pizzeria, Sonny decides to hire a tall, dark and handsome singer (Robert), who immediately catches the eye of Sonny's girl (Cher).
3. The Temptations perform a medley of ""Smiling Faces Sometimes"", ""Take a Look Around"", and ""Superstar (Remember How You Got Where You Are)"".
4. Robert sings ""A House Is Not a Home""
5. A gypsy fortune teller (Cher) predicts that if Robert would give her one dollar, his generosity will be returned twofold.
6. Sonny and Cher perform ""You Don't Mess Around With Jim""
7. Cher sings ""Can't Help Lovin' That Man Of Mine""
8. ""The Cultural Spot"" -- Robert appears as Captain Gorgeous in an operatic spoof of the French Foreign Legion, a haven for anyone who has something to forget, set to the tune of Hawaiian music. (Also featured are regular Ted Zeigler as the l

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""From Me To You"" and banter about their daughter and child psychology.
2. Sonny consults a gypsy fortune teller (Cher) on how to make his life more exciting and winds up getting arrested for insulting the local sheriff (William).
3. Cher sings ""He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother""
4. ""Sonny's Pizza Parlor"" -- William plays his Cannon role for laughs as he comes to the pizzeria looking for six veterans of the Korean War.
5. William sings ""The Men In My Little Girl's Life""
6. Rick makes his American network television debut, singing ""What Would the Children Think?""
7. Sonny presents Rick with the Bono Award for bringing his great talent to the show.
8. Pool shark San Quentin Spats (William) is challenged by Minnesota Short (Sonny).
9. ""Headlines In the Papers"" -- William and Rick join the show's regulars for a montage of skits and one-liners poking fun at people and events in the news, such as the controversial land development plans in Yosemite National

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""You Didn't Have To Be So Nice"" and an opening dialogue.
2. Lorne plays an overthrown Latin president facing a firing squad.
3. The Williams Brothers (Andy's nephews Andy and David) sing ""Falling, Falling, Gone""
4. Sonny and Cher perform ""Ease Your Pain""
5. Lorne sings ""M-O-T-H-E-R""
6. Lorne recites a sports poem about slaves versus gladiators.
7. Cher sings ""The Man I Love""
8. ""The Vamps"" -- Lorne is featured as Leonardo da Vinci and Prince Charming, opposite Cher's vamps of Mona Lisa and Cinderella

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""I Need You"" and banter about Sonny's mother.
2. Bobby sings ""Sail Away""
3. ""The Vamps"" -- Helen Of Troy (Cher) tries to come to the aid of her husband (Bobby) by seducing a Greek warrior (Sonny) in an effort to get him to tell her all about his plans for the invasion of Troy; Clark Kent (Bobby) allows ace reporter Lois Lane (Cher) to watch him change into Superman (Sonny) so that she'll give him her heart; and Sadie Thompson (Cher) and the preacher (Sonny) are joined by a pair of desperate criminals who've escaped from Devil's Island (Bobby and regular Freeman King).
4. Cher sings ""Willow Weep For Me""
5. ""The Cultural Spot"" -- In a comedy sketch set to American college songs, King Richard the Lionhearted (Sonny) regains his throne and suggests that Robin Hood (series regular Bruce Tuthill) duel it out with the evil Sheriff of Nottingham (Bobby), who's come for his revenge against the merry men of Sherwood Forest by taking Maid Marian (Cher) to his

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""You've Got Your Troubles"" and banter about Cher's habit of watching late-night monster movies on TV when she goes to bed.
2. Ken sings and tap dances to ""I Can't Be Bothered Now"", with Sonny and Cher appearing as his valet and maid, trying to give him an important message.
3. ""Sonny's Pizza Parlor"" -- Sonny mistakes the owner of another nearby restaurant (Ken) for the food inspector which Rosa (Cher) had warned him was coming to the pizzeria.
4. A disturbed woman (Cher) is asked by officers to identify the man who assaulted her.
5. Cher sings ""By Myself""
6. The New Seekers sing ""Come Softly To Me""
7. Ken appears as an executive producer to the stars, introducing a preview of Sonny and Cher's Broadway debut.
8. ""Sonny and Cher On Broadway"" -- Sonny and Cher dream about being big vaudeville stars on the live stage of Broadway back at the turn of the century. (Ken is cast as their lyricist, regular Ted Zeigler appears as their publisher, and regular B

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Bad Moon Rising"" and an opening dialogue.
2. Jim and Bobby appear in a football sketch about astrology on the gridiron.
3. Cher sings ""Here's That Rainy Day""
4. Cher plays a female quarterback in a wacky spoof of football.
5. Bobby sings ""Sealed With a Kiss""
6. Sonny and Cher perform ""Together Let's Find Love""
7. Jim and Bobby join Sonny and Cher for ""Yes, No, Maybe""
8. ""Way Down Upon the Mississippi Mud"" -- The entire cast takes part in an opera takeoff about an evil plantation owner (Bobby), a cool gambler (Jim) and a riverboat belle (Cher).

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Do You Believe In Magic?"" and an opening dialogue.
2. Cher performs a medley of Al Jolson favorites, including ""Sonny Boy"", ""My Mammy"" and ""Rock-a-Bye Your Baby With a Dixie Melody.""
3. ""The Vamps"" -- Cher is featured in comedy segments as Helen Gurley Brown, Amber (of Forever Amber) and Sadie Thompson.
4. Andy sings ""Somebody Bigger Than You and I""
5. Andy joins Sonny and Cher in a spoof of Bridget Loves Bernie.
6. Sonny and Cher perform ""Baby, Don't Get Hooked On Me""

Christmas Episode
1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Jingle Bells"" and banter about their new time slot on Wednesday nights and Sonny's present to Cher.
2. Two street Santas (William and regular Freeman King) fight over the same corner.
3. Sonny and Cher sing ""Black and White"" to an animated interpretation of the song by cartoonist John Wilson.
4. ""Sonny's Pizza Parlor"" -- As the gang at the pizzeria are working on Christmas Eve, a Jewish bill collector sent from the Department of Water and Power (William) comes to turn off their electricity.
5. Sonny and Cher reminisce about last year's Christmas at home with daughter Chastity and join the show's regulars for an old-fashioned medley of Christmas carols. Featured songs include: ""A Gift Of Song"" (Cher), ""O Come, All Ye Faithful"" (The Earl Brown Singers), ""The First Noel"" (William), ""Deck the Halls"" (All), ""O, Holy Night"" (Cher), ""Joy To the World"" (All), and ""We Wish You a Merry Christmas"" (All).
6. ""Sonny and Cher On Vacation"" -- William is cast as t

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Love Grows"" and banter about why their marriage is so successful.
2. ""Sonny's Pizza Parlor"" -- Jean appears as an Italian signora determined to marry Sonny, following his proposal to her on New Year's Eve.
3. ""The Second Annual Bono Awards"" -- Lyle Perfect (Waggoner) hosts the ceremony, with the statuettes being presented to such reluctant winners as ""the most embarrassing couple on The Newlywed Game"" (Sonny and Cher); musical director Johnny Mann (regular Billy Van), leading his Stand Up and Cheer singers; entertainers Julie Andrews (Jean) and Carol Burnett (Cher) for having had the favorite variety show; and a special humanitarian award presented to the director and founder of the ""Home For Elderly Television Performers"" in Anaheim (Jean).
4. Jean gives a confusing lecture on the Chinese science of acupuncture.
5. Cher sings ""Love Song""
6. ""The Gloria Majestic Story"" -- Jean is cast as the ingenue in a musical spoof of All About Eve, with Cher pl

1. Cher comes out with Olympic great Mark Spitz, hoping to pass him off as Sonny.
2. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""All I Really Want To Do"" and banter about how Sonny feels Cher's weekly barbs are destroying his image.
3. ""The Vamps"" -- While going through the woods to get to her grandmother's house, Little Red Riding Hood (Cher) is approached by the Big Bad Wolf (Sonny) and his new replacement (Mark); King Arthur (Sonny) asks Sir Lancelot (Mark) to keep a watchful eye over Queen Guinevere (Cher) while he is off dragon hunting; and Sadie Thompson (Cher) and the preacher (Sonny) are visited by an English Channel swimmer who has gotten off course (Mark).
4. A gypsy fortune teller (Cher) gives Mark seven gypsy gold medals, which he sells to Sonny for $100.
5. Sonny and Cher perform ""I Can See Clearly Now""
6. A woman (Cher) complains to her sexual therapy doctor (regular Ted Zeigler) that her husband (Sonny) doesn't want to have any fun.
7. Cher sings ""You've Got a Friend""
8. ""Headlin

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Jackson"" and banter about how Sonny believes he has been blessed with good luck.
2. Mike offers a confusing explanation of the government's rapid transit system.
3. Sonny and Cher perform ""Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu""
4. ""Sonny and Cher At the White House"" -- Mike joins the Bonos in a musical production about a new, fresh candidate for the Senate (Sonny) who marries a chic women's lib reporter (Cher) and their rise to the Presidency.
5. ""Mr. and Ms."" -- Househusband Sonny goes into a jealous rage when Cher comes home late from the office.
6. Cher sings ""Bridge Over Troubled Water""
7. ""The Villains"" -- Mike, who often played the bad guy before he became Mannix on TV, turns nasty again in a takeoff on the ""Vamp"" segment. In comedy sketches, a tough gangster boss (Mike) orders two of his goons to put the feet of the Federal agent they caught (Sonny) in wet cement; a Gestapo captain (Mike) interrogates his prisoner (Sonny), in an effort

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Lodi"" and banter about Sonny's top movie picks of the year.
2. ""Sonny's Pizza Parlor"" -- Merv is cast as a detective who comes to the pizzeria to investigate a series of holdups in the area, with Larry appearing as a suspected gangster (a la Marlon Brando in The Godfather).
3. Merv joins The Mike Curb Congregation for ""Happy To Know You""
4. ""Headlines In the Papers"" -- Merv and Larry join the show's regulars for a montage of skits and one-liners poking fun at individuals and topics currently in the news, such as how some police officers (in their battle against mugging) are dressing as women, the doctor shortage across the country, comedian Bob Hope's announcement that this year could be his last Christmas show for our soldiers stationed overseas, the debate of government pressure affecting TV programming, and the sale of outdated space equipment from the Apollo project.
5. Two seagulls (Sonny and Merv) discuss how much their lives have changed sin

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""I'll Follow the Sun"" and banter about Sonny's hopes that his memoirs could be made into a movie.
2. ""The Vamps"" -- Tokyo Rose (Cher) seduces a captured American soldier (Jim) to get him to tell her who his general is; Mary Poppins (Cher) offers to help a beleaguered father (Jim) control his two obnoxious children (Sonny and regular Teri Garr); and Klondike Annie (Cher) persuades Sergeant Preston of the Mounties (Jim) to abandon his plan to have her arrested for stealing gold and driving the miners crazy.
3. Cher sings ""Just For a Thrill""
4. ""The Cultural Spot"" -- In a Canadian-Indian opera set to rock and roll music, the beautiful Princess Running Home (Cher) turns down the marriage proposal of the local witch doctor (Jim) so that she can be free to marry the real love of her life, an officer of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (Sonny).
5. A gypsy fortune teller (Cher) cuts in on Sonny's performance of ""My Way"", causing him to vow that he'll never

Valentines Episode
1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Jambalaya"" and banter about Valentine's Day.
2. Cher sings ""My Funny Valentine""
3. Joe highlights the show with his reading of calendar poetry, which features twelve Playboy centerfold Playmates dressed as the twelve months of the year.
4. ""Sonny's Pizza Parlor"" -- Joe comes to the pizzeria and makes a big impression on Sonny and Rosa (Cher).
5. Sonny and Cher perform ""It Never Rains In Southern California""
6. Joe joins Sonny and Cher in a musical finale showing the ways to a girl's heart.
7. Sonny and Cher, with daughter Chastity, close the show with ""I Got You Babe""

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Put a Little Love In Your Heart"" and banter about Sonny's new plan to make an adult movie.
2. ""The Vamps"" -- Dr. Frankenstein (Danny) creates a bride (Cher) for his monster (regular Ted Zeigler); the notorious Lucrezia Borgia (Cher) is poisoned by the kingdom's pizza delivery man (Sonny), with Danny appearing as an Italian piano player; and Sadie Thompson (Cher) gets a surprise visit from Big Louie (Danny), her old childhood sweetheart who is now a crime boss.
3. A gypsy fortune teller (Cher) predicts that Sonny will meet Miss Universe and that he'll make quite an impression on her.
4. Sonny and Cher perform a medley of ""I Believe In Music"" and ""Put Your Hand In the Hand""
5. ""Mr. and Ms."" -- Sonny flies into a jealous rage when Cher pays too much attention to the new French maid he's interviewing (Danny).
6. ""Sonny and Cher On the Road To Sirocco"" -- Danny is cast as an Arabian sheik who persuades Cher to join his harem in a musical takeoff on the

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Got To Get You Into My Life"" and banter about Sonny's dream of being the President Of the United States.
2. ""The Vamps"" -- Swimming queen Esther Williams (Cher) falls hook, line and sinker for a fisherman (Sonny), an act that doesn't particularly impress her underwater father, King Neptune (Don); Sandra, the fictitious woman from Shangri-La (Cher), informs her father (Sonny) that she would like to share the secret of eternal life with Ronald Colman (Don); and Superman (Sonny), Batman (Don) and Wonder Woman (Cher) enter the same public phone booth to change into their super hero outfits and rescue a stranger on the street (regular Ted Zeigler) who's being attacked by a wild gorilla.
3. ""Headlines In the Papers"" -- Don joins the show's regulars for a montage of skits and one-liners based on current events and people in the news, such as the Vietnam War, inflation, female jockeys and the prison system's new conjugal visits.
4. Sonny and Cher perform ""

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Personality"" and banter about Sonny's latest idea of opening his own music school.
2. John is featured in a repetitive vaudeville routine about tap dancers whose top hats are taken by the previous performers.
3. Sonny and Cher perform ""Crocodile Rock""
4. ""The Cultural Spot"" -- John appears as Clyde Heavy, a hip disc jockey, in ""The Big Hit Parade"", a musical satire of rock and roll flicks from the '50s. Cher has the role of Brenda Starfilter, the poor little rich girl, and Sonny is cast as a down-and-out rock singer who is waiting for his big break. Songs featured in the oldies finale include: ""Tweedle Dee"", ""Rockin' Robin"", ""Reelin' and Rockin'"", ""Do Ya Wanna Dance"", ""Your Mama Don't Dance"" and ""Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu.""
5. In response to viewer requests, Sonny and Cher once again show animator John Wilson's interpretation of the song ""Black and White.""
6. ""Mr. and Ms."" -- Sonny comes home to tell Cher that he's just been assau

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Oh, Babe, What Would You Say?"" and an opening monologue.
2. Cher sings ""Am I Blue?""
3. ""Sonny's Pizza Parlor"" -- Ernie plays a flimflam artist trying to persuade Sonny to franchise his pizza parlor.
4. Ernie sings ""Printers' Alley Stars""
5. Sonny and Cher perform ""Dancing In the Moonlight""
6. Ernie cuts up as a sword-waving samurai in a Japanese opera set to Irish music

1. Sonny and Cher open the show with ""Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows"" and banter about Sonny's attempt to write his own script for the show.
2. ""The Vamps"" -- In a takeoff on The Perils Of Pauline serial, Binky (Sonny) rescues the matinee damsel (Cher) from the sinister hands of Snidely (regular Ted Zeigler); the king of Siam (Sonny) interviews Anna (Cher) for the position of his royal governess; and Sadie Thompson (Cher) tells the preacher (Sonny) that she heard a respected travelogue maker (regular Billy Van) is coming to make a film of their island.
3. ""Sonny's Pizza Parlor"" -- Everyone anxiously awaits the arrival of the reverend that Sonny found to marry Luigi (regular Billy Van).
4. Cher sings ""I Got It Bad and That Ain't Good""
5. ""The Cultural Spot"" -- A glib Lyle hosts the third annual presentation of ""The Bono Awards"", the world's least coveted prize. The statuettes are presented to such reluctant winners as Chad Everett (for his outstanding performance on Medical Center); h