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Private Notes
Alan and Carter arm themselves and go "vigilante desperado" after whoever stole Alan's cellphone. Tanya's desire for a mirror in her bedroom pushes her into an unwise bet with Alan.
Carter gets surprised by an anonymous invitation to a high school prom - but who sent it is an even bigger surprise. Alan and Tanya battle over whose renovation project should take priority.
Carter's rap video underscores his objection to the security camera (i.e., "spy cam") being installed in his room. Alan confronts a cheat at a celebrity golf tournament. Tanya has had enough of his "romantic getaways" to golf tournaments that are anything but romantic.
Whether or not to get tatted - and which body part - is an issue for Tanya and Carter, while Alan gets germophobic in the house.
The Thickes are forced to take desperate measures when their war with a noisy neighbor escalates. Robin extends a special invitation to Carter, which Carter completely misinterprets.
Alan contemplates retirement - and mortality - in his new gig as spokesman for "age-appropriate" products. Tanya gets so caught up with her kitchen renovation that she almost forgets about Alan's birthday.
Alan's dream of becoming the "Guacamole King" of his community is crushed when he books Gilbert Gottfried, who soon offends everyone in town while judging the Toddler Pageant.
Alan's effort to land a lucrative gig as spokesman for a native casino hits a snag when he must first prove his native ancestry (no biggie, except he has none). Carter has high anxiety prepping for his Canadian citizenship test.
The Thickes' PG-13 dream of a little house on the beach turns into an NC-17 nightmare when they realize their new neighbor, an old "friend," is working on an "art project" that would be illegal in some countries.
To escape their endless kitchen renovation, Alan takes Tanya on a weekend road trip and runs into an angry pack of bikers. Carter is miffed that Alan has booked him a house-sitter - until he meets the house-sitter.
Alan and Tanya inadvertently have double-booked their ranch for a wedding and a divorce party on the same date. Carter and Alan aim to build a storage room for a friend, although they've never built a room anywhere, for anyone, at any time.
Alan and Tanya's arrangements for their assistant's wedding unravel when the Elvis impersonator they fired decides to crash the party anyway.
Would Alan be interested in growing weed on the ranch? For profit, of course. Tanya's night out becomes a gang war when cyber-bullies attack in person.
Alan only guesses half-right when he creates a "bucket list" of surprises for Tanya's 40th birthday.
