Season 2 2008

TV-G

For years I've been making New Years' resolutions and forgetting them.

Christmas is over and you had Santa working overtime.

We like our music and we like it so loud that everyone else gets to like it with us.

I know I'll never be able to keep you from spamming me.

Summer is officially over. No really. Even in San Diego.

First off, don't ever say we're pregnant cause you're not.

Today I'm gonna tell you how to get free money!

What do asking the neighbors to keep quiet so we can film and the last girl I asked out have in common?

You live in a democracy. Actually you live in a democratic republic, but if you tell people that they'll just disagree with you.

You really are a rebel. Just a new kind of rebel.

Andrea writes: I want to know about digital cameras.

Yes picking fruit at the supermarket is almost as hard as filing taxes.

I'm sick. But the task master back there said I had to come into work and spread my germs around.

Ah, bottled water. It's clean, it's pure, it's fresh from the mountain springs of Ontario CA?!

What You Ought To Know Special Edition! It's the 2008 voters guide.

Okay kids, let's talk about the drugs.

If youve watched this show for long enough you must know how I feel about germs.

So I heard a great joke the other day. What is the difference between you and that sausage?

Yeah yeah yeah. I've heard it all before. You're gonna put somebody's eye out with that thing.

Tomorrow is Groundhog day.

People are afraid of dying. People are afraid of sharks. But surprisingly enough, people are even more afraid of public speaking.

I love Google. I hate Google. I am unequivocally ambivalent about Google.

Every now and then a politician or special interest group gets an idea and has no real reasonable or rational way to pay for it - enter the bond measure.

It's a time for celebration, parades, fireworks, two guys running around in a dragon costume and eating out at your favorite Chinese restaurant. That's right, today is Chinese new year.

Hey, um I need to vent. Can I vent? Is that okay?

Friday I was talking smack about YouTube. What I should have said was...

Grant wrote in a while back and asked us to do a show on smoking.

Sure, it might be holding you down on the surface of the planet, but it might not be holding the universe together.

Taxes, they are complicated. Unless, of course, you like giving money to the Government, in which case, they are easy.

No, we didn't forget it. We just thought it would be better to talk about it after you came to your senses.

First of all, I am not scared of the dark. Much. Anymore.

Boys don't cry. Big girls don't cry. Argentineans don't cry. So what are you crying about?

If the aliens are here, oh and they're here, you have two choices. You can let them probe you mind or you can put on one of these.

Who negotiates for a $10 pair of Mexican sunglass? I do.

So I had a free afternoon the other day and I thought maybe I'll sit down and try and figure out how to get ultimate power

I was walking down the road the other day and saw a sign, Littering: fine $1000 dollars.

Can I tell you a little bed time story. Once upon a time, there were two journalists...

You know the grammar in this country has really gone down hill.

Ah, the good old days of fighting over what to do in an earthquake.

So the other day, my brother gave his old cell phone to his two year old and an interesting message came up.

I love it when people tell me they've never had a speeding ticket.

It's your lucky day guys. You know how everyone tells you that video games are a waste of time. Well now you can play all the games you want, doctors orders.

Some people attract attention, some attract criticism, and others just attract bugs.

Cryptic messages, carrier pigeons, secret codes words. Cryptography used to be cool.

This burrito comes from one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. And I've never checked the restaurants rating.

Demoiselle, a member of our secret society (that you can't join) sent us a video asking what probiotics are.

Direct eye contact is really important in the subtle nuances of human communication.

Boys are dangerous. They just are. I've got 5 brothers and growing up with them was... well... I'm kind of amazed no one died.

There is a reason my teacher gave up on me.

Spontaneity is a funny thing.

Aloha! So I was in Hawaii for over a week, not just this weekend.

Soul Sister a member of the secretive 22 had a birthday a while back.

SincerelyJackie asked us: "I know the basic differences between Microsoft Windows and Macs. But I was wondering if you could do a show on which differences actually matter when figuring out which one to get."

Spring is here! And that means summer is coming. And that means you are probably already working on working on your tan.

So you made an embarrassing video of yourself, dancing in a grass skirt with a viking helmet on. And your brother put it up on MySpace. Now you're an Internet celebrity ...

It's popular, it's fizzy and it claims to ward off sickness better than you average homeopathologist or witch doctor.

My friend Laura is really into stamping - you know, letters, papers, legal documents. Apparently the government likes stamping, too.

The guy behind the camera asks, "Why does the camera make me look 10 pounds heavier and why does my voice sound funny when it's recorded?"

Growing up my brother and I used to climb trees - practicing to be ninjas or something.

Believe it or not we actually have an international audience.

So I went to the pharmacy the other day and as I was was checking out, I got this excruciating pain.

Now Everybody knows it's April Fools. We wanted to play a prank on you but that's just not going to happen.

Easter has come and gone, but you can still find hidden eggs.

Christian writes: "It would be cool to see some thing done on MP3 players."

Believe it or not we've actually had people write in to the suggestion box and ask us if they could give us money.

There's one thing we all agree on. We're all related.

It's the first six keys in the top left corner of your keyboard.

Every New Years, or when the odometer rolls over you've got to throw a party.

Computers used to be the size of a house, why shouldn't your TV?

Roll out your yoga mats and light up the incense. It's time to get our Zen on.

A few weeks ago I got an invitation in the mail to a class action lawsuit.

It's tax day. So I thought it might be good to talk about how much you really make.

Hail to the chief. That's the happy song they play for the president.

There are two different kinds of special codes you can use on your phone. Star and pound codes (also called vertical service codes) and N11 codes.

Have you ever heard of a schizotype?

Nothing could be more important to learn than the secret knowledge and wisdom required to unlock the mysteries of the man's arch enemy the hiccup.

The first truly modern bicycle was invented by a Scotsman.

You coasted through lit class and you found that the best place to make up for lost sleep was history.

Years ago I came into this world screaming, bald, and toothless. It's probably the way I'll head out of it too.

Have you ever wondered how the world would end? Well it wasn't that long ago we knew. Nukes.

Fred Nietzsche writes "We criticize a thinker more sharply when he presents us with a displeasing proposition; and yet it would be more reasonable to do this when his proposition pleases us."

"Open your mind" week continues, and today's topic - Darwin vs God. But we're gonna call it Intelligent Design cause we want to get this video into classrooms.

Being a white guy I don't think I can really do a show on racism... cause... you know... I'm white.

This whole week was about having an open mind.

Stockpiling food. It's not just for religions, survivalists and cults. Not anymore. It's for investors.

Real world science has a funny way of parroting science fiction, like when cell phones came out. What do they remind you of?

Armed with an array of snack and stimulants you are gonna spend the next 21 hours trying to ramrod some education into that cranium of yours.

Yesterday I wasn't a technophobe or a conspiracy theorist or paranoid. But today... just maybe.

Who cares?

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it does it really make a sound?

I went diving with a friend recently who was a little disappointed that the underwater world didn't look as bright and colorful as finding Nemo.

The guy behind the camera caught strep throat. And he didn't tell me about it so I didn't know when I came in. And you can catch it from breathing.

It's not today it's tomorrow. But if we told you then it would be too late. So everybody suit up!

So how do those ice skaters spin around and around and around and not throw up all over the ice.

... And we're back!

Why do we call it the funny bone?

Summer is here and I can't help but think I've seen this movie before.

Some Kid In Texas wrote in asked, "Ever think about doing a bit on the infamous 5 Second Rule?"

We think of ourselves as the most technologically advanced people that have ever been on planet Earth.

There is only one cure. You have to drink more... a lot more.

There be a mystical isle in middle of the sea made of the refuse of men. 50 fathoms deep it be. Trash island they calls it.

So I got an email a while ago with a very interesting video attached. Swimming babies!

There is a whole lot of buzz going around about Hydrogen cells for cars.

This is a SteriPEN. It's like a little magic wand.

Have you ever stuck your key in a lock and noticed that it gets tougher and tougher to push in and pull out?

Kbombbilly writes "Are those economic stimulus checks any good to stimulate the economy?"

Maybe you have insurance. Maybe you don't. Either way we have something pretty important for you.

Is it a serious concern for motorists?

Lots of big changes around here today.

We all want to belong to a group. But why?

So I bought something on ebay and it looked like it might be too good to be true. Yeah, it was.

It's the longest word in the English language.

The styles you are making fun of today ... you'll be wearing it in a decade or so.

Everybody knows that bees make honey. But how do the bee keepers get the honey without dying?... or being stung?

Nick writes,

Matthew Graff wrote us a deep question.

We could blame it on mans primal need to play with fire...

No it has nothing to do with retarded cattle or stupid mistakes with household cleaners.

But it's not the email kind. Not today.

There is an old saying, never argue with someone who buys ink by the barrel.

The primary reason for the show is to educate. The secondary reason is to entertain.

I am a man on a mission. A mission to be cheap.

Roaches, we hate everything about them.

They say that there are dog people and there are cat people.

Today's show is going to be a little different.

brifrye writes: "Organic! Who's to say what is organic and what is not?"

It's like rain on you wedding day. Except it isn't.

It's our 200th Show! Hurry before our answering machine fills up.

Stalking is such a negative word these days.

I asked a dentist once why some people could brush, floss, gargle, and spit all day and still get cavities.

We don't want you to speak good.

Everybody is your cousin.

Ali-Gator asks what "The guy in front of the camera" does to stay in shape.

Eric writes: "Why does Orange Juice taste SOOOOOooooo badly right after you brush your teeth?"

We're no strangers to secret societies.

If you don't like it, wait two weeks.

But I like to pretend that I am whenever I go there.

I just hate my itchy Abe Lincoln neck beard!

Heidi writes, Why not do a show about duct tape?