This is going to be the greatest comedy of 2024. They will be showing this in arthouse theaters years from now with Stuckmann making appearances like Greg Sestero does for The Room.
Chris Stuckmann's self-insert gets upset Hollywood doesn't like him for a few minutes. The dude is so desperate to break out and make it like David F. Sandberg or other artists whom have shown their prowess on a larger scale, but repeatedly has shot himself in the foot time and tell with his shorts. I don't see any potential with him. There isn't some genius waiting to burst out when given the right budget and resources. He lashes out and simps up in his YouTube videos as an alternative, saddened by his current state of inadequacy. He's an even more pathetic version of James Rolfe, almost found his calling in life, but realized he wasn't good enough.
If only I knew they censored the show before going into it, I wouldn't have bothered with this adaptation. Now it makes a lot of sense why every episode had the same structure, really moseyed around with nonsense plot, lots of narration, and just a nonstop farming simulator story that went nowhere until the last two episodes where the writers couldn't skirt around the bush anymore. Turns out the MC the whole time was having sex with every female in the farm all this time, and that's why Rurushi ends up pregnant. Actually, they're all supposed to, and that was neglected because the studio wanted to take an R16 manga and make it PG-13 or even less. This was really something that could've been watched by little kids, and while it's a harmless show, to learn what it was originally is disappointing. I'd recommend go read the manga or even light novel to get what is going on. The pace is out of whack in hindsight.
Writing out a review is too much for this insult to comics, audiences, and the film industry. Christina Hodson, Geoff Johns, and all the manchildren responsible for this nightmare need to lose their jobs. Easily the worst, most obnoxious film ever released theatrically on this budget. Thank God it's going to lose $300M at the box office. People are rejecting this slop.
Season two is a massive step-down in quality from the first, mainly due to Lucasfilm mandating the studios animate their characters to be dubbed in English and the scripts are approved this time individually by Disney, rather than the Japanese tournament free reign like the last outing. If you're going to bother with the second batch of episodes, only watch Episode 1 (The Sith), Episode 2 (Screecher's Reach), and Episode 5 (Journey to the Dark Head). Everything else would be a waste of your time.
Everyone wants to be David Lynch without putting in the effort. This is the perfect horror film to watch if you're a dyssemic Redditor whose wife's boyfriend is coming over and you need to waste some time.
Hey, you remember that joke when Indiana's son Mutt in Crystal Skull made the joke to him proclaiming, "What are you, like 80?" Well, by the time Dial of Destiny releases in 2023, Harrison Ford will be. What once was a passing jest at the character's long past prime, we've now scraped the bottom of the dig site. Just reboot and get Chris Pratt to play.
Masterpiece. Anime of the season. Dark-skinned gothic maid is an automatic must watch.
This is honestly pure art. One of the best anime films ever made.
Imagine thinking some retarded trashfire like Black Widow is better than this. MCU drones and journalists have it out for their Feige golden goose. Finally a return to 2000's comic book movies that just try to be simple, origin stories, reminiscent of Ang Lee's masterpiece, Hulk. Flashy cinematography by Oliver Wood, a decent script focusing on familial rivalry/not overly bogged down by anything else, and fun performances bolstered by an impressively low 75 million budget for the effects. It follows the comics decently enough, and Michael looks like his print counterpart towards the end. Surprisingly violent with blood effects for a number of the kills, of course edited slightly for PG-13, but it's better than Venom (2018)'s cold feet censorship. The flight sequences and POV work for the bevy of action set pieces are enthralling and a ride. Everything is nicely lit with dark shadows and backlighting, echoing some horror movies of the period this film is clearly inspired by, like The Grudge 2. Matt Smith finally gets his time to shine, after some previous films didn't work out, as a desperate lawyer looking for an ailment to what he thinks is a curse, being in a crippled body and made fun of by others. You get a good conflict from Morbius and Milo as they don't see eye-to-eye on this being a cure for both their misfortunes. None of this convoluted bullshit like you see in Disney's cinematic gangbang. Glad that Spider-Man was retconned out of that Homecoming trilogy. Speaking of which, Michael Keaton makes a return as Vulture, after having his memory of Peter Parker wiped by the events of No Way Home, is out for Spider-Man again, in a mid-credits scene. It will be fun to see what comes of the Sinister Six. If you want more vampire ALA Dracula Untold or Afflicted, you will be satisfied.
What the hell is this raceswapped bullshit?
Surprisingly enjoyable, passionate film about redemption of the body through the soul. This isn't a Hallmark film that's cheaply made and thrown out into the market. I haven't read the original book, but the production quality and acting from up-and-coming stars like Logan Marshall-Green and Abigail Cowen steal the show. Sets looks great, cinematography is rich, and the film is paced decently even at it's 2+ hour runtime. Very bleak, taxing story that goes into some dark places; child prostitution, abortion, death, brothels, cheating, and more. It's a rewarding experience though.
Hollywood really is dead and it'll only get worse.
Probably the best found footage movie I've seen. Not the best narrative maybe, but in terms of realism, this is the best you can get. Actually disturbing and chilling, it looks real.
EDIT: It has now been revealed the original film/script was radically different, longer, and explained many of my issues presented in this review. Studios, stop butchering your films to be more palatable to audiences.
This is what happens when the people who say, "Godzilla movies don't need to have good human stories," get their way. Easily one of the weakest Godzilla films ever made and the worst of this series. You're not a fan of this franchise if you say Godzilla movies don't need story. Every one so far has had an interesting enough script to justify it's monster bits, even the worst Showa or Heisei outings do more. It's not even really sure what it wants to be. Kong is propped up as the hero and clearly the protagonist of this story with Gojira making cameos as he hunts the organization Apex, but then Kong just loses anyways. What purpose is there for even setting up these monsters as sympathetic when all writing and soul is tossed out the minute they start brawling in Hong Kong. It actually forgets humans exist for a good four minutes as these two punching bags throttle around neon buildings. Craft is gone, it turns into The Avengers, with barely any collateral damage. "Oh but, you can follow the journey through the monsters! You don't need humans to have that nuance." Oh really? Godzilla doesn't like Kong being off his island, he puts him in his place, story done. Talk about deep. No moments to breath or for a character to properly react. This is hot off the heels of King of the Monsters, a film that continues the themes of Skull Island and Gareth Edward's Godzilla. Dougherty's outing before this deeply explored the themes of what it means to live with these monsters on Earth. How do you continue living when a relative of yours has been taken at the hands of one of them, do you shut yourself off or do you try to change the world? Emma became essentially so riddled with guilt she released the devil on Earth. How are these monsters really not so different from us, considering they were birthed out of our own arrogant, persistent lust for control over this world. It's too much to get in to, but that film dealt a great deal with overcoming grief, putting your faith in God, coexistence, and forgiveness. Mark's scene where he looks in to Godzilla's eyes and finally restores his faith is one of my favorite moments from this series. There is nothing in Godzilla vs. Kong that could be remotely construed as a plot. Charles Dance's role has been replaced for some reason, we have a wacky podcast conspiracy guy that serves as just a walking prop for the viewer to see world explanations, Kyle Chandler as Mark has been reduced to a cameo, and on that note: Why is he working at Monarch? He consistently hated Godzilla until he had a change of heart and faith by virtue of Serizawa and Mothra. Monarch didn't change to the good guy, they're still an organization on the cusp of lawsuit and government shutdown. Would GvK mind explaining that for us? How and when was Apex formed? How is it possible the creation of MechaGodzilla never leaked out? The world has been introduced to the titans. It's plainly established everyone is obsessed with these things, the internet and news won't shut up about them. The government doesn't know this is how Apex is using their power supply? In '14, it's at least explained their research on the MUTO was a government cover up for Monarch, that's why Joe in that film became a crackpot theorist who wouldn't let the nuclear incident go. But it's not 2013 anymore, the creatures are no longer a big secret. In King of the Monsters, the people unleashing Ghidorah to rival Godzilla are small band of eco-terrorists, they aren't a multi-billion dollar corporation. It makes no sense and done so much more poorly. It's rushed and done with quips. The most we ever get in terms of world building is a single shot of a map and newspapers, talking about the UN vetoing Godzilla or Apex facilities springing up across the map. We don't hear internal communication or even have a Senate scene like in this last film. The world has simultaneously been expanded greatly and shrunken to nothing, something Pacific Rim Uprising also horrifically accomplished. This series was built off the foundation of engaging with this science fiction, government monster universe through the lens of a sympathetic every-man that's been hurt by the monsters in some way, usually a familial death. Dr. Nathan Lind is given two words to establish he lost a brother in the Hollow Earth, but nothing ever comes of that information. Humans? There are storytelling devices used to get the audience from scene to scene. In the same span of runtime, from '14 to this, Bryan Cranston is grieving over his dying wife, to this has a fat guy making jokes about toasters. The most amount of interesting character development are thrown away in two very specific pieces of dialogue. The little native girl's family was killed by the storm surrounding skull island, which we saw in Kong's film, as was the whole island wiped out. I imagine there was a sequence that explored this and able to give a more tragic or perhaps resounding, uplifting message of sticking with family even when you've suffered so much loss. It would fit the overarching narrative that's stuck to this MonsterVerse so far, but it seems the cutting room floor did a number to this movie, as even stated by director Adam Wingard. It really does feel like the movie is playing damage control. Audiences didn't understand the previous films' stories, so they got fed up trying to understand them and just declared they don't want any characters in these movies. So we get walking action figures that say the words necessary to get us to our next fight. The best potential that existed in one of these dolls was Shun Oguri's character, Ren Serizawa, who is related to the Serizawa of previous films, the one who sacrificed himself to save Godzilla and prove humanity needed to accept him as their king. It was a very touching, holy piece in the last film, and Ren could work as an antagonistic son who resents his father for giving up his life to this monster he doesn't understand, and we could go through a similar arc Mark Russel did in the last film. None of this is realized, he is a dummy test pilot told to get in the goddamn chair, like it's an Evangelion reference. The most amount of enjoyment anyone could get out of this is the splodge of CGI dumped on to the screen with no visual grace or narrative substance. If that's all you want, then I pity what this means for blockbusters. Edwards crafted a fantastic character movie in 2013 and the series has been handed a blow here.
Last five minutes ruin an otherwise fine movie. These writers need to be kicked off Scooby-Doo, especially after Return To Zombie Island. Such a vendetta against the idea that monsters could be real in this universe.
Shockingly awful. There was no reason for this to be as bad as it was. This is another one of those films, like The Banana Splits Movie that uses one of the unused/scrapped scripts thrown out by Scott Cawthon as he works on his Five Nights At Freddy's movie. Studios see some potential in the scripts and just change around the aesthetic to adapt it. Nicolas Cage has a producing credit on this and I don't know why. What a shithead move to not have him speak the entire movie. If they were going for a Man With No Name approach, he should have a couple lines, really killer ones. The idea he says nothing is a comically ridiculous waste. There's no reason for him to be there then. Go Doomslayer if you want the silent killer. Give him a scarf over his mug and cowboy hat, it would complete his look, and then Cage wouldn't require a big check. None of the characters are memorable, recognizable, have any attachment to the story, or warrant the screen time they're given. Characters don't play to any specific strengths or weaknesses. Their names are spoken one or two times, none of them add to the world building or have connections to this restaurant. Any characters that have a chance of redemption are killed on the spot without a second glance, making their place in the script meaningless. Even the sympathetic sheriff groomed by the head sheriff doesn't get his moment to shine, he's unceremoniously killed in a lame, unrealistic situation where somehow an animatronic stowed away in the cop car. The levels of turning your brain off you have to do to even tolerate what's going on are to many to permit. Only one, named Liv, cares about doing the right thing. Neat. She cares about this old, creepy birthday palace why? I don't know. The lore is taken right from FNAF's pages, people possess animatronics to cause havoc, only here, it's serial killers. For what purpose? I have no clue. They only get fed every time the town's folks tricks a passerby to become a night janitor. How often does that happen? It's all just thrown in to one horrible exposition dump as Cage stands there with the same expression he has the whole movie. There's even a second exposition free for all that repeats all the points from the first one, only from the perspective of the townsfolk, and it comes right in the middle of an interesting scene between one of the kids and a suit. When we cut back, the kid is immediately killed. Why does the dude drink that brand of soda and on every break conveniently timed and looped throughout the picture? The only way this story would've been enjoyable is if it was an actual video game, Duke Nukem style. This is the cinematic equivalent of watching someone play Doom, but you don't get to experience the gameplay yourself, it's terrible. It's not even good exploitation. The blood effects are below the grade of a YouTube video, very obvious Kool-Aid mixtures for blood effects that come out of people's mouths. An excuse for violence is a staple of exploitation flicks for sure, but come on, we're far above the lowest tier trash that comes out of the genre. Most others in the medium are far better than this. To call this a slasher movie is insulting to other gore fests. Every scene is a loop. Janitor guy beats the shit out of a suit, he cleans up, takes his break with a soda, stares at the creepy guys on stage, and loop. This happens six times in the runtime; abysmal. It's a joke in itself, shots repeat like the tossing of a soda can in the garbage, like this shit thinks it's clever. If you want that, have some progression. Maybe that pinball game he cleans up, he gets better at and scores a higher score after each time he defeats a suit. No thought put in to anything, no themes. That ties in to the editing. You're not Edgar Wright. Quick cuts and neon lighting is overused now, you aren't interesting and it doesn't even fit the aesthetic of the time or location. Some of the reaction shots are laughable; like Cage will be punching the shit out of a dude, the camera is all wobbling and up close to be intense, then it cuts to a wide static shot of Liv standing there with a dumbfounded reaction on her face, which completely breaks the engagement of the fight, and then it cuts back to that shaking extreme close up of Cage fighting. It's distractedly awkward. The care to environments and visual effects are of a student film. Balloon lights, lighting equipment, and other junk can be seen in a few shots. The camera work is either over produced or television sitcom, most of the time switching in between shots. The setting of Willy's is small and pathetic, like a little store they rented out for the film. One ballpit, a side room for a birthday table, a kitchen where one pinball machine is located, and a very tiny arcade. As for the animatronics, you have to make me believe these were intended to be cute and friendly. The Banana Splits Movie understood this, considering they used actual Hanna Barbera characters so that was their original purpose, but these monstrosities are freaky even in the upbeat commercial. At least try to be subtle with your costume design, or have it so they flick a switch and change appearance to something demonic. It could tie in to the story's core element of Satanism being at the heart of this dandy play place. About the only satisfying scenes are Cage's final music video dancing to the pinball machine and the head sheriff's death by Willy. The score is also decent. Two points for this dreck.
Sex scene is the best part of the film, not a high bar, but there's no point to it. Some decent score and production design, but overall a bore.
It's such a cheesy, 'The Asylum' grade action film, that it becomes enjoyable. Delightful 2000's edgy garbage.
He just wants to be your friend.
Jacob Chase has entered my shortlist for upcoming young horror directors. This was masterful. Roque Baños' score is some of his best work, even above his collaborations with Sam Raimi. While the timely message of our screens becoming a substitute for real life companionship, something that Pulse already tackled back in the day, turning the concept in to a creepypasta style horror film works wonders. The jumpscares are organic and inoffensive, the cinematography and use of the creature in his scenes are devilishly stylish, and little Azhy Robertson acted his ass off. The film handles his autism very tastefully, and I can speak to that since I have one brother who is exactly the same as him. It's a scary idea, that while his attachment and use for his devices are a necessity, they could be doing more damage than good beneath the surface; And that we've become overreliant on technology to solve our problems. I don't get what the backlash behind the film is geared at, but I think those are just looking for something to be upset about. The ending is what got me, nearly made my eyes water.
As a lifelong SpongeBob admirer, since I was little, this film feels like the proper jumping off point for most longtime fans. It's the last thing Tim Hill, one of the original creators, will be involved with on the series, and it's the last SpongeBob piece of media that was in production while Stephen Hillenburg was still alive. The in memoriam at the end was a tasteful farewell. But the biggest issues plaguing the film are it's retreads of the 2004 original and it's constant retconning of SpongeBob lore. I know many casual viewers and especially parents will not care at all about any of the changes, but all you have to do is watch season 1 of the show to see how inconsistent and mandated the inclusions are. SpongeBob met Sandy as an adult, same with Squidward, same with Mr. Krabs. And SpongeBob knew Patrick since birth. The Nickelodean enforced 'Camp Coral' spin-off advertisement flashbacks were irritating and ruined what could've been otherwise extremely heartfelt speeches by SpongeBob's friends. I can see I'm not the only one voicing those complaints, so it's upsetting Nick forced them in, especially when Hillenburg was very openly against spin-offs or side shows of the characters. Putting that aside, the animation is gorgeous, rivaling The Peanuts Movie in presentation, and love and care in to the environments. Plenty of easter eggs are afoot, the Patty wagon makes a return, and so much more. It's a feast for the eyes above anything else. There are funny bits, Danny Trejo shows up for a few minutes as the ruler of these ghostly zombie pirates, called El Diablo. Keanu Reeves plays a pretty major character called Sage, a tumbleweed who acts as a voice of guidance, pretty much the Mindy of this film. Snoop Dogg has a short musical number, and Take On Me plays as the film closes. It banks on celebrity appearances and the occasional song reference, but the banter between SpongeBob and Patrick is what keeps it afloat. I think what disappointed me was it never tugged at my heart strings like the original did. There's no similar scene where the duo sing "I'm A Goofy Goober" with their last breath as they're dying. There are glimpses for sure, but never reach that peak. The majority of the runtime is a clone of 'Beavis and Butthead Do America' fused with 'Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius.' I recommend only watching if you are in the same demographic as me. An adult who grew up with the series and wants to see one final film to close the curtain. Because I'm done with the series now that Hillenburg is gone and I'm sure that's exactly what he would've wanted.
So, it's basically a prequel to Man Of Steel.
The lowest of low. The editing is nauseating, the acting is atrociously bad, the stark contrast between reshoots and original photography are obvious, and the story is as devoid as life as you can ruin a such rich legend. How anyone can defend such an embarrassment from the studio has to stem from some blind brand loyalty. There is nothing passionate behind the lens, nothing resonating off the screen, it's a once interesting dramatic take on the story raped in to a 300 million disaster dumped on to Disney+.
The Godfather Part 2 of animated films.
I am now giving this film an 8 because of the workprint version. For those that aren't aware, recently, the original version of the film from 2000 was leaked online by a couple documentary filmmakers, creating drama in the community as a result, but finally giving out the long awaited, Allcroft version of the film, at least as of the second edit during the post-production process. I watched a fan edited, new audio mixed version of the cut available on some private torrent sites, and honestly, it fixes the movie. All the issues people have with plot holes, logic gaps, childish humor, conflicting tones, unmotivated villains, and confusing characters, are all completely fixed. The film's story is re-ordered, over 20 minutes of footage is reinstated, thus creating a more cohesive, interesting dramatic narrative that centers around all the human characters, and not just oddly Mr. Conductor and Diesel 10. Grandpa Burnett is fleshed out much more, P.T. Boomer is all back in the picture, fixing the villain problem, Lily has a little more to do, and the chemistry all around benefits from the shared conflict of stopping Boomer from destroying the island. The tone is much more mature, but still kid friendly. After seeing this, there's no reason this shouldn't have been released. Little kids would've been bored for sure, but older children and adults would've loved it. It just feels weird being able to write these words after all these years, waiting for something to come out about this production, and now it's here. If you can find a copy, I highly recommend it. You all will love it.
Oh, how the might hath fallen.
There isn't anything I can say that hasn't been stretched out to a two hour YouTube analysis video, but the state of Star Wars is depressing to say the least, and Disney knows it. The High Republic project they just announced is a direct response to the fans' disdain for this entire sequel trilogy and it's disrespect to the last six films. You have grade-A talent on display, in front and behind the camera, and the result is a two film story squished in to two hours, strung together with some of the most headache inducing pacing I've seen in a major studio film. Ian is wasted as the great Emperor Palpatine, John has no arcs as Finn, Daisy has the same expression she's had in the last two films, stonefaced and Pennywise, and Oscar Isaac wished they killed his character off in the first film so he wouldn't have to do the next two. The only thing I can feel during the final scene at Luke's old home on Tatooine is heartbreak. Hearing John Williams' brilliant last score for the series (and probably just a few years before he dies, he's so old), but coupled with the imagery of Rey taking the spot for herself feels so unearned and lost potential. Had our main lead been written with so much more thought and consistency, it could be a real heart tugger like it's meant to by, but all it does for me is remind me how the series has been ruined in just five short years. It's never explained who made the Sith wayfinders, who made the dagger, why they made the dagger, why they made it the way they did, who are the Knights of Ren, how did Palpatine come back, is he a clone, or is he the original version, how did he have all the resources to make like a thousand Star Destroyers (all with planet killing weapons), who are his faithful followers, what happened to the Republic that was destroyed in The Force Awakens, how did Han come back (was that really a memory or a vision, because it's never revealed Han could have force powers), why can force ghosts interact with the physical world, when did force healing become a thing, why is the Holdo maneuver one in a million, and so on. The film is a complete disaster when it comes to the writing, because it's very evident the film is a collection of twenty or so re-edits all with clashing ideas, in some desperate vein to get fans back on board after the abysmal The Last Jedi. But instead of digging themselves out of the coffin, they put the final nail in.
A gripping, underrated horror film that relies on it's characters and old fashioned cinematography to step up it's game. Leonetti coming up being the camera operator for many old and new classic horror films like Poltergeist and The Conjuring, uses simple direction to his advantage. I miss horror using laidback tricks and basic blocking to deliver the scares, all too many now rely on stylish or even action choreography to create it's jumps, but Annabelle opts for looks that reminisce 70's and 80's horror, fitting for the story's time period. No offense to James Wan, but this is the best looking (and sounding) out of the Conjuring series. The leads and film's social commentary though are what really strike with me. Many fail to understand the point of the Annabelle trilogy, being it's all a story of the destruction of the family bond and even the nuclear family image. Repeatedly at the start of the film, it's made clear that times have changed, it's not okay to keep your doors unlocked anymore, and the innocence of the American family has been destroyed. The nail in the coffin is their attack by the occult members and a fire damaging the house, prompting the couple to leave it behind and have their newborn baby in an apartment. All a great metaphor for the changing times. The importance of religion to the story can not be understated, that every action has it's roots deep in biblical and satanic text, the film is built around the idea of the corruption of innocence, the separation of a mother from her child, and the sacrifice to save a life, even if it's resolution is twisted. God honors sacrifice, and our sacrifices touch God's heart, and move his hand. Something simple as the demon waiting for Mia at the end of a staircase, shrouded in black is an unforgettable image. I love the bevy of details like Mia trapped on the basement floor of her apartment, but the elevator won't go back up. She hits the floor 6 button 3 times, by which point, the demonic activity rapidly increases and she's forced to ascend the staircase herself. As Mia had stated earlier in the film to Father Perez, there are some things we have to do ourselves.
If there's one consistent quality factor to these movies, it's the score. For a film that prides itself on it's grotesque, ironic kills that are the showstoppers and ticket sellers of the franchise, the music plays it straight. Lots of haunting memorable strings. The script playing it so safe is what makes these movies just average, but the characters and their kills are what step the series up and apart from the crowd.
Genuinely spooky film. One of the better adaptations made for an American audience. Ignore the sequels though.
One of the most boring pieces of shit I've ever had the displeasure of sitting through. Holy shit, it was SO boring. This movie is the prime example why I hate Mila Kunis.
