Torgo
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Los Angeles, California

No, the Case Is Happily Resolved

A fascinating film, but what the fuck was that ending?

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The Rainbow Boys

Has a fair bit of charm. I get why it's become a minor cult classic up in Canada land.

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The Rock-afire Explosion

Odd insight into a strange remnant of 1980s Americana.

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Savage Three

Surprisingly good "Mouse Utopia" thriller. A tinge of Crime and Punishment to it as well.

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Stranger in Our House

Alright early Wes Craven effort. It has some great moments, but the story is unoriginal, and the thing absolutely reeks of television. Ultimately, it's Linda Blair's hair that really steals the show here.

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Boccaccio '70

Monicelli segment: Sweet little thing. The people who saw the abridged version of this film were robbed. 8/10
Fellini segment: Great fun. Maybe the best of the lot. 8/10
Visconti segment: words words words words words. Seeing a young Milian was cool. 6/10
De Sica segment: This one was pretty OK. Felt a bit less focused than the others, but had some pretty good moments. Every De Sica film ends the same way Strong 6/10

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The Lady in Red

Well done retelling of the assassination of John Dillinger told from the perspective of his moll. I didn't even realize what was happening until the theatre scene.

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Karate for Life

Standard Chiba actioner. The "prison of mirrors" ending is definitely a highlight.

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Hugh

A short snapshot of an American eccentric

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Land of Milk and Honey

An awful french attempt at late 60s/early 70s counterculture

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Tales from the Crypt: 3x13 Spoiled

It's trying to be one of those hack parodies of soap operas, but it comes across more like one of those hack parodies of pornos

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Bloody New Year

An earnest attempt at a Hausu kind of thing. It takes a while to find its footing, but I thought it was alright.

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Inseminoid

Very clearly inspired by Alien, this one won't win many points for originality. The dialogue is bad, the acting mostly terrible, and the plot is uninspired, but it is a damn good looking film for what I assume was a meager budget. There were some parts that I was legitimately impressed by, such as the Insemination sequence or all the candy-colored Bavaesque lighting of the alien planet. Look, if you're watching a movie called "Inseminoid" you know what you're signing up for. I've been fairly impressed with Norman J. Warren's filmography thus far, but unlike one of his legitimately good films like Prey, this is just one of his "good" films.

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Black Candles

I won't really attempt to justify this film. It's a Larraz, you'll either love it or hate it. Visually tantalizing, but plot-light. Rides the line between horror and erotica while somehow managing to be both and neither at the same time. Plot-wise, it's a loose remake of Rosemary's Baby, so the story should at least be loosely familiar. Released right around the middle of his career, I think it's one of his finer films, assuming you are sold on his style. Highly recommended to fans of Larraz, or Spanish horror more generally.

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The Boys Next Door

Great little mini-classic of American nihilist cinema

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Silent Night

Standard revenger. Some good visuals and fight choreography. Wasn't too sold on the gimmick, but it didn't bother me either. remember that "mmm watcha say" SNL skit from like 15 years ago? The ending reminded me a bit of that at one point.

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The McPherson Tape

The acting is really natural. It's funny to already see the constant calling attention to the camera in what is basically the 3rd or 5th found footage movie ever made. It feels genuine and I'm sure in 1989, to a true believer, it did even more so. That being said as a movie it isn't great, the third act in particular. You have to remember that this wasn't really marketed as a "film" per se, but rather actual footage. Imagine being a teenager or college student who wants to believe, watching this late at night on your VCR, with nothing to compare it to. No Blair Witch, no Cloverfield, no Paranormal Activity.

I respect it for it's historical importance, but if you're a big found footage horror film buff (I'm not) this might not really be what you're used to.

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Lake Placid

It's an alright monster movie, but aside from Betty White and the croc guy basically every character sucks. It'd be a much better film if everybody wasn't so insufferable.

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Escape from L.A.

Other than the bad CG and lazy writing it's OK. The set pieces give it a bit of variety. How can you not love Snake Plissken shooting hoop?

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Underwater Impressions

Gorgeous visuals, and a score reminiscent of turn-of-the-millennium optimism. This is a nice little thing.

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Silent Night Deadly Night 4: Initiation

Goddamn this is a slow movie. It feels like every single scene, every single shot is playing for time. SNDN 3 was like this as well, and I assume SNDN 5 will be too. In any case it is definitely the best SNDN sequel. Yuzna, as per usual, distinguishes himself by doing something completely different. It's not my favorite of Yuzna's films, nor do I like it nearly as much as its advocates do, but it is at least worth checking out.

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The Other Side of the Underneath

It's a collage of scenes, and every once in a while one is interesting. But far too few are to justify the runtime.

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The Hand

Horror fans will have seen this story a half dozen times already. For an 80's Hands of Orlac it's alright. Michael Caine's performance isn't that great, and there's this overarching "stuck in the 70s" feel to the whole thing. Compare this to any of the great horror films that came out in '81 (there's a lot), it just feels a bit dated. Michael Caine's character is absolutely hateable, and his hippie vegetarian wife isn't much better. That really just leaves Michael Caine's daughter and the vaguely autistic girl he briefly has an affair with for semi-sympathetic characters. Decent soundtrack and a couple OK moments of suspense and gore, but not a film worth going out of your way for. Only recommended to huge Oliver Stone fans or people who really need another Hands of Orlac remake.

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Satan's Slave

Had a really great ending, but it felt like it took a long time to get there. Despite being barely 90 minutes there's a lot of filler. You can't help but wonder with films like this how much better an 80 or even 70 minute cut would be.

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The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre

That was an incredibly pleasant surprise. I cannot for the life of me understand the hatred for this one.

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Cherry Falls

Ridiculous early 2000s sleaze. Probably one of the better teen neo-slashers, but it's so damn goofy.

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Psycho III

I was amazed how much I enjoyed this one. Maybe not quite as good as Psycho II, but for a set of sequels released 20 years after the fact, they're both pretty well done. Direction is surprisingly good, Perkins probably should have done more.

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The Rage: Carrie 2

Some good cinematography, some bad CG, and it's very 90s, but it basically works as one of those "it happened again" kind of sequels.

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The Uninvited

I do not understand the hype for this one. The things I've read about over the years, I feel like I watched a different movie. It feels like the film is trying everything in its power to be anything but a haunted house film, distracting itself with bad romances, mediocre personal drama, sadistic psychiatrists, and out of place humor. For a while I think I had it confused with A Haunting (1963), a far superior film, much more deserving of its status as a classic.

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Halloween

Some really bizarre dialogue in this one. Wasn't terrible, but I can't say it was all that great either.

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