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Private Notes
Hilarious Outtakes from Season 3
Hilarious Outtakes from Season 5
Ellen, mortified by her driver's license photo, pulls out all the stops in a desperate attempt to get a decent picture.
A guilt-ridden Ellen grovels to win back the friendship of Audrey, an annoying acquaintance she's been trying to dump for years. Meanwhile, Holly puts on a false front to impress a guy.
Ellen answers a personal ad and meets the man of her dreams, with one problem: he's a horrible kisser.
Anxious to impress her classmates at a reunion, Ellen masquerades as a married cardiologist, jeopardizing her romance with a former high-school heartthrob.
Ellen kisses up to her boss by buying a gift for her new baby, but her job is put in jeopardy through casual remarks overheard through a baby monitor.
Ellen feels old and out of it when she starts dating a younger man, but her attempts to be cool leave her date lukewarm.
When Ellen fans a romantic flame between her boss and Adam, she's the one who may get burned.
Ellen's visiting cousin Tracy mistakenly thinks Ellen has intentionally sabotaged her L.A. vacation, and flees town with a notorious motorcycle gang, with Ellen in hot pursuit.
Ellen and Adam struggle to find the perfect refrigerator.
Convinced she's responsible for getting a car salesman fired, Ellen hires him to work at Buy the Book. Meanwhile, Ellen's parents unwittingly interfere with her plans to buy a new car.
Things have changed at the bookstore for Ellen, as a coffee shop is added and Joe is hired as its manager. Meanwhile, Ellen thinks Holly's boyfriend is hitting on her, causing problems in their friendship.
Paige refers Ellen to a handsome dentist and Ellen hopes the professional visit might lead to a personal relationship. However, her serious flirtations have unexpected results when a few whiffs of laughing gas unleash her primal instincts. Meanwhile, Adam can't seem to decide whether he wants to date a woman or not.
When Ellen learns that the show-biz party she crashed was for charity, she tries to make amends by going on a volunteering binge.
Ellen flips for a customer whose visits to the bookstore spice up her life, but her rising hopes for romance fall flat when she learns he's a pizza delivery man who savors his work.
Stumbling upon evidence that someone in her reading group dislikes her, a downcast Ellen stoops to spying in order to root out and win over the malcontent.
When Ellen's blind date, whom she remembers as a childhood weirdo, turns out to be a perfectly normal guy, she's eager to pursue the relationship, but a series of complications convinces him that she's the one who's strange.
Ellen feels threatened by Adam's visiting friend, Theresa, whose humor rivals her own. But when Ellen sees her own jealousy drive her comic competitor away, she literally flies to make amends.
When Ellen hosts the wedding rehearsal dinner for her brother and his bride-to-be, she unintentionally causes their breakup.
Convinced that Ellen is limiting his potential, Adam moves out, leaving Ellen with limitless possibilities as to what to do with his vacant room.
To help Paige appease her demanding movie-producer boss, Ellen pretends to be his exercise trainer. But when the boss offers Ellen a development job, Paige has a fit.
Ellen speaks her mind to her cranky old neighbor who then dies. Meanwhile, she hires a pushy new bookstore manager with a history of mental problems.
Ellen tries to make a new friend without offending Audrey, the person who introduced them. Meanwhile, Adam inherits historical family letters.
Ellen's holidays are bittersweet, thanks to an acerbic new employee and a sugarcoated suitor. Meanwhile, Paige agonizes over what to get her overly sensitive mother for Christmas.
Ellen goes on a scholastic kick to expand her cultural horizons, and impresses an attractive college professor along the way. Meanwhile, unlikely lovebirds Joe and Stephanie move in together--at the bookstore.
Ellen is determined to help Audrey find an apartment, as far away from hers as possible. Meanwhile, Paige dates an alternate juror for a high-profile Hollywood trial and Adam tries to catch a newspaper thief.
Paige persuades Ellen to relieve stress at a health spa, but the rigorous regime creates tension between them. Meanwhile, Adam tries to broaden his circle of friends, starting with Joe.
Determined to fulfill a childhood dream, Ellen takes ballet lessons and sets her sights on dancing the lead in her class recital.
After her apartment is robbed, Ellen goes on a safety spree, but her obsession with security makes her a model of insecurity.
When Ellen starts losing sleep over her erotic dreams about Adam, she goes into therapy. However, Audrey is having fantasies about Adam also, vowing to make them reality.
Ellen reluctantly becomes a contestant on American Gladiators, then becomes fighting mad when her female combatant, Ice, ruins her budding romance with gladiator Nitro.
Ellen feels like an angel when she donates her tax refund to charity, but she has a devil of a time recouping the cash when Uncle Sam demands it back.
Ellen joins an animal rights group, gets thrown in jail and winds up in the custody of her parents.
Ellen feels guilty about lying to her mother, but when her therapist prescribes a dose of total honesty, the truth proves to be more than the family bargained for.
Ellen rekindles her romance with ex-boyfriend Dan, who returns from Rome with a brilliant new career. However, Ellen soon discovers that his venture involves a shady substance.
Ellen's relationship with Dan heats up, Adam caves in to Audrey's burning desire, and Paige feels left out in the cold.
Ellen's world is turned upside down when an earthquake devastates Buy the Book. Ellen tries to salvage her business, with little help from her friends. Meanwhile, the arrival of her high-energy cousin shakes up Ellen's relationships and jolts her into speaking up for herself.
Ellen feels left in the dust when Paige and Adam's careers take exciting turns, so she embarks on a journey to find her own dream.
Ellen labors to make amends after accidentally taping over a video of Paige's sister giving birth to twins, so she throws a lavish baby shower to relieve her guilt.
Ellen takes a stand for womanking, rewriting the ABCs of dating after Spence's one-night stand with a member of her reading group.
Before moving to England for an exciting job opportunity, Adam makes a surprising personal revelation to Ellen, who must deal with the awkward consequences when his trip is postponed.
As Halloween approaches, Ellen's high spirits have no effect on Spence, who is haunted by thoughts of his life. Meanwhile, Paige doesn't have a ghost of a chance of completing her first big assignment without help, and Joe is spooked by Audrey, who thinks she's been hired at Buy the Book.
Ellen is elated when her mother enters therapy but she's not that crazy about her mom's idea that mother and daughter become friends.
Inspired by domestic diva Martha Stewart, Ellen throws an elegant dinner party, but she's the one who's thrown when an unexpected guest arrives.
Ellen is thrilled when Paige's first film project shoots at Buy the Book, but her enthusiasm is soon outweighed by her disappointment with Paige's show-biz ways.
Thanks to Ellen's miscommunication, Spence and his equally combative dad have reached a peace settlement, but Ellen is determined to set things straight, even though it will result in father and son resuming their battle of wills.
Ellen is thrilled when she's invited to appear on the television program ""Book Chat."" However, her ecstasy turns to agony when she's forced to decide which three of her five book club members will join her.
Ellen's holiday spirits hit an all-time low when her parents present her with a cemetery burial plot as a Christmas present.
Ellen is thrilled when Paige invites her to an exclusive birthday party for John Travolta. But their fantasy evening turns into a nightmare thanks to some uninvited guests and an overly sensitive limo driver.
When Buy the Book is robbed, Ellen volunteers to become the bait in a police sting operation designed to catch the ""perp.""
It's Ellen to the rescue when Audrey buys a new car that comes with an extended warranty and an extended family of fanatics.
Recruited by Spence to play the key witness in a mock trial, Ellen assumes the role of a stripper, but must perform some fancy footwork when she loses her notes.
Looking after Paige's boyfriend's daughter for the weekend, Ellen is proud of the way she communicates with her charge. But when the fourth grader asks Ellen about sex, she's tongue tied.
Ellen is heralded as a hero when she rescues a lobster from a restaurant and tries to set it out to sea, but the elderly lobster has other plans.
Ellen gets caught in the middle of Paige and Matt's relationship when Paige's engagement ring gets stuck on Ellen's finger.
Money problems force Ellen to consider giving Audrey the ax, but when Audrey's parents buy a slice of the bookstore, it's with strings attached.
Disappointed when Buy the Book isn't voted one of L.A.'s ""Top Twenty Hippest Hangs,"" Ellen hires a lounge act to draw a hipper crowd, and is elated when the group proves popular--until she realizes why.
Ellen is afraid Paige's marriage will end their friendship so, while nervously awaiting a mammogram, she latches onto Chloe, but soon discovers that making new friends isn't as easy as it used to be.
Ellen throws a bachelorette party for a despondent Paige, inviting her high-powered studio boss and a psychic aerobics instructor whose dire predictions seem to be coming true.
When Paige's wedding day is marred by complications, maid of honor Ellen manages to keep it together. But things threaten to fall apart when she stumbles on an unlikely couple just before the ceremony.
With Paige's marriage mere moments away, it's up to maid of honor Ellen to decide if things will go off with or without a hitch.
Ellen and her friends make a frantic effort to retrieve a racy videotape that winds up in the wrong hands.
A reluctant Ellen is persuaded to come forward as the witness to a mugging she never saw.
When Ellen decides to put down roots and buy a home of her own, she's unprepared for the price--the cost of her beloved Buy the Book.
When her new boss, Ed, decides that Joe must go, Ellen resorts to trickery to get him rehired.
When her parents decide to separate, Ellen's the one who's broken up.
Ellen plots to reunite her parents by recreating their honeymoon, transforming her apartment into a 1958 Cuban nightclub complete with headliner Eddie Fisher. Meanwhile, Spence begs Barrett to return as Paige's secretary after he quits.
In therapy, Ellen learns to be honest and direct, but she's dumbstruck when she sees her therapist in a shocking position.
Ellen and Paige attend their 25th camp reunion, where Paige seeks revenge on the girl who put gum in her hair,
Ellen tries to bond with her father, Paige is bent out of shape when Spence accepts a wedding invitation from an ex-girlfriend, and Joe is bound for New Mexico in search of aliens.
Ellen is distraught when her mother starts dating and follows her and her date to a country/western club, intent on breaking the new couple up.
A home pregnancy test causes Ellen, Paige and Audrey to rethink their lives. Meanwhile, a life-saving experience prompts Spence to rethink his as well.
Ellen feels like a turkey when she unwittingly invites a homeless man to Thanksgiving dinner.
Ellen experiences the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat when she and Ed engage in a sports competition.
Ellen bites off more than she can chew when she rescues an abandoned dog at Christmas.
Ellen conquers being alone by doing fun things on her own. Meanwhile, Spence and Joe wreak havoc on Paige's vacant apartment.
When Ellen accepts a favor from Joe's wealthy older girlfriend, the repercussions are relentless.
Ellen accompanies Spence to an important party thrown by a surgeon he's trying to impress, but it's Ellen who makes the lasting impression.
Ellen fulfills an adolescent fantasy when she goes to Rock and Roll Dream Camp.
Ellen misinterprets the signs of a handsome deaf actor, and Spence gets his signals mixed when Paige's former fiance returns to the scene.
Peter confronts Ellen at a spiritual retreat while a robber at Buy the Book confronts Paige, Spence, Joe and Audrey.
After a lifetime of white lies, Ellen comes clean with her hard-to-please grandmother. Meanwhile, Paige treats Spence to a Vegas weekend he'll never forget, thanks to his amnesia.
Ellen's eagerness to support her parents' divorce unexpectedly brings the couple closer together.
Volunteering at a hospital, Ellen tries to regale an incapacitated English patient with memories of her past.
Ellen senses a kindred spirit when she meets a gay woman, who enlightens her to her own sexual identity. Confused by this startling self discovery, Ellen seeks the guidance of a therapist and braces herself for yet another moment of truth: telling her friends.
Ellen senses a kindred spirit when she meets a gay woman, who enlightens her to her own sexual identity. Confused by this startling self discovery, Ellen seeks the guidance of a therapist and braces herself for yet another moment of truth: telling her friends.
Ellen deals with the ramifications of telling her parents she's gay.
Ellen experiences personal and professional upheaval when she moves into her new home and has an honest talk with Ed.
While on a double date with Spence, Paige and a dumb lesbian, Ellen runs into former boyfriend Dan. He is taken aback by her personal revelation but accepts it, leaving Ellen confused about her attraction to him.
Ellen fakes athletic prowess to impress Lisa, her very attractive ""spinning"" instructor, but on a mountain-climbing trip--with Spence in tow--she learns that honesty may have been more effective, and less life threatening.
Ellen's new neighbors offer to introduce her to a friend who is looking for a ""roommate,"" which, according to Audrey and Barrett, is code for ""girlfriend."" Meanwhile, Paige struggles with her mixed emotions about Ellen's lesbianism.
Ellen feels pressured to support gay businesses, but a gay plumber nearly sends her housewarming party down the drain.
Ellen goes on a date with her mortgage broker, but starts to think she's the only one looking for romance.
Ellen accompanies her father to his annual Civil War re-enactment.
Ellen faces her toughest challenge yet in a relationship: winning the approval of her new girlfriend's 12-year-old daughter.
Thanks to Paige, Ellen lands a job as personal assistant to Emma Thompson and discovers that, not only is Thompson gay, but her past contains a truly sordid secret.
Laurie has prepared for a big romantic evening with flowers, fine wine and a homemade dinner, but she still needs Ellen to stick around for it.
Ellen gets a job at a small, all-talk radio station, but when the Sports Chat host leaves in a huff, she's left to fill the void armed with only her personal charm and irrevocable wit.
Ellen and Laurie hit a crossroads on their one-month anniversary after Laurie misinterprets Ellen's offer to move in.
Ellen takes Paige and Audrey to a female only concert in Berkeley to have a good time after her break up with Laurie. Meanwhile, Paige ponders commitment with Spence.
When Laurie's father dies suddenly, Ellen must help her make peace with the family that shut her out when she revealed her lesbianism.
Ellen and Laurie take their first trip together, to San Diego. However, a problem arises when Ellen wants to party and Laurie wants to stick to her plan.
Ellen and Joe join Paige's focus group, so that her new cop show will receive high marks and need minimal changes before air time.
Ellen tries to make friends with her neighbors, but they keep catching her in strange coincidences. After all, why would Ellen and Paige be playing Twister on the roof?
After Spence sniffs a heavy dose of insecticide, he awakens in a world where being gay is normal, Joe is in love with him, and Paige has a buzz cut and tattoos.
Ellen rushes to the hospital after discovering that Laurie was in a car accident. While waiting for news on her condition, Ellen meets a woman in the waiting room, whom she discovers is Laurie's ex-girlfriend and Holly's ""father.""
A parody of the career of Ellen DeGeneres, celebrating her 75 years in show business.
A parody of the career of Ellen DeGeneres, celebrating her 75 years in show business.
Ellen tries to encourage her radio audience to be nicer, but instead they become more hostile.
