• 86%
  • 26Votes
  • Aired2009 — 2010
  • NetworkCBS
  • CountryUnited States
  • LanguageEnglish
  • Runtime21 minutes
  • Certification
    TV-14

The seventh season of Two and a Half Men premiered in the United States on September 21, 2009, and in Australia on September 28, 2009.

7x01 818-JKLPUZO

2009-09-22T01:00:00Z

Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.

7x02 Whipped Unto the Third Generation

2009-09-29T01:00:00Z

When Chelsea convinces Charlie to let Alan's new girlfriend, Melissa, move in, the girls end up taking over Charlie's house.

7x03 Mmm, Fish. Yum.

2009-10-06T01:00:00Z

Alan ends up playing maid to Judith's new baby as well as his former mother-in-law. Meanwhile, Jake uses an incriminating photo to blackmail Charlie.

7x04 Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

2009-10-13T01:00:00Z

Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.

7x05 For the Sake of the Child

2009-10-20T01:00:00Z

Jake stops at nothing to get away from Charlie and Alan, after they embarrass him out in public.

7x06 Give Me Your Thumb

2009-11-03T02:00:00Z

Alan's advice to Chelsea that she get breast-reduction surgery is not met with enthusiasm by Charlie, who kicks him out, but staying with Evelyn has its own challenges.

7x07 Untainted By Filth

2009-11-10T02:00:00Z

Alan and Charlie are shocked when they wake up next to a strange woman, and try to find out what happened.

7x08 Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

2009-11-17T02:00:00Z

While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.

7x09 Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

2009-11-24T02:00:00Z

Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair without spending much money.

7x10 That's Why They Call It Ball Room

2009-12-08T02:00:00Z

Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.

7x11 Warning, It's Dirty

2009-12-16T02:00:00Z

Jake is taught the art of infidelity by Charlie, whose girlfriend is away for Christmas.

7x12 Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

2010-01-12T02:00:00Z

Jake hopes to win back Celeste by writing her love songs. Alan and Herb hope to keep Judith from finding out they've become friends.

7x13 Yay, No Polyps!

2010-01-19T02:00:00Z

Charlie opts to have a colonoscopy in order to avoid going on a trip with Chelsea to see her parents. However, when he returns home, he finds her parents at his house.

7x14 Crude and Uncalled For

2010-02-02T02:00:00Z

Charlie suspects Chelsea likes the lawyer representing Alan after his arrest for a bar fight.

7x15 Aye, Aye, Captain Douche

2010-02-09T02:00:00Z

Chelsea and Charlie's relationship is at risk when Charlie's jealousy comes between them.

7x16 Tinkle Like a Princess

2010-03-02T02:00:00Z

Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea.

7x17 I Found Your Moustache

2010-03-09T02:00:00Z

Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.

7x18 Ixnay on the Oggie Day

2010-03-23T01:00:00Z

Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.

7x19 Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

2010-04-13T01:00:00Z

Alan is torn between the bad influence of Jake's new friend and the hotness of his mother.

7x20 I Called Him Magoo

2010-05-11T01:00:00Z

Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend experience"

7x21 Gumby with a Pokey

2010-05-18T01:00:00Z

Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends while Alan and Jake are on a road trip.

7x22 This Is Not Gonna End Well

2010-05-25T01:00:00Z

Charlie is miffed over Alan's planned attendance of Chelsea's birthday party and suffers the indignity of having Jake chauffer him around following a license suspension.

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