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Well isn't that a hell of a title to begin Season 2 with! While the Snob may not have any furniture, that's no excuse not to make fun of this nazisploitation flick.
3 months went by between the "Satan's Children" video and this one, mainly because of all the moving stuff. Pretty much everything I say at the beginning of the video is true. I hadn't moved into my friends place because his electricity had been shut off and it was the fucking dead cold of winter. Also I had been laid off at my job. What isn't true however is that all my furniture was gone. I wanted to somehow work the moving story into the show, so I made up the fact that my furniture was gone, even though the big comfy chair and the couch were very much still in the room. I didn't figure on my friend getting evicted and all of my DVD's stolen, so I ended up just running with that joke and remained on the floor for every single episode of Season 2. It's what I call "The Floor Season."
What happens when you combine zombies, a no name 80s soundtrack, and direct-to-video action theatrics? You get "Zombie 4." The worst of the "Zombi" series.
Not sure why I have a blanket on in this video. Must've been cold that day. The script for this video actually comes from a review I did on "Zombie 4" when I used to be a critic for a dvd release site. I just re-worded it a little and added some profanity to turn it into a Snob video.
The Cinema Snob tackles Bruceploitation in this film starring Bruce Li who sets out to avenge the death of the real Bruce Lee who was murdered by drug runners.
This is another example of a movie appearing on the show mainly because I had just watched it and it was fresh in my head. Otherwise, I might not have even thought to consider it. It's nowhere near the worst Bruceploitation movie, and it's not even one of the more campy entries in that subgenre; but it is however incredibly tasteless. So I guess that makes it decent candidate.
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It's Thanksgiving time, and only one movie comes to mind to talk about this holiday week. "Blood Freak." A movie where a man turns into a turkey monster and kills druggies.
My first holiday themed episode. What the hell else could I have done on Thanksgiving other than "Blood Freak"?
The Cinema Snob takes a look at the Sexploitation Triple Feature from Something Weird Video. First up is the holier than thou crazy religious freak sex from "Evil Come Evil Go."
This is the 1st Part of a trilogy of episodes I did called The Sexploitation Triple Feature. Something Weird Video (which is a fantastic company by the way) put out a DVD featuring 3 Sexploitation movies. So I decided to write up a Snob video for all 3 of those movies, and in a period of 3 days I shot and edited the reviews. Only I didn't post them up on YouTube. Well, actually I did for a tiny bit, but I took them down once I realized they would inevitably be removed for content.
In that regard, these 3 reviews survived by recent separation from YouTube. They still exist over at Veoh.com, so I'm just going to embed them from over there.
Here's the story behind this video. This movie has nudity in it about 90% of the time, so I had to edit like a mad dog to cover up all the nude shots with red bars in order to post it on YouTube. The problem was that for some really silly reason I chose to edit this video at some obnoxious hour of the early morning, so there was some naked shots that I missed. When I realized there was some stuff I forgot, I had already lost the raw footage, so the video is pretty much stuck the way it is. And it's actually pretty funny because of that. Notice in one scene that the Wallies are covered up, but the Beaver is still very much getting in to trouble out in the open.
The final installment of the Sexploitation Triple Feature. I had to cut about a minute out of this video in order to get it under 10 minutes for YouTube (at the time that's what their maximum length was). I can't remember all that I cut out, but I think one of the lines cut was a "Soft Beds, Hard Battles" reference where I said the only kind of 70's sexploitation I liked were the ones starring Peter Sellers. The "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" reference in this episode is one of my favorite moments of the series.
I remember there was about a month between the "Hand of Pleasure" video and this one. There was something wrong with my computer at the time, probably a virus or something, I can't remember off the top of my head. But that's why at the beginning of the episode I mention being gone a while.
This is the show's introduction to Pierre Kirby. Don't know who Pierre Kirby is? Well, you're missing out, because Pierre Kirby is a legend of low budget 80's actionsploitation cinema! One of the best unknown action heroes of that decade!
It's finally here, the most requested movie I've ever been asked to review. Michael and Roberta Findlay's "Snuff." A godawful film that ironically isn't even about snuff films!
The Cinema Snob bites the bullet and suffers through "Zombie 5" to determine if it really is worse than Part 4.
It's true, "Zombie 5: Killing Birds" actually was the first movie I ever netflixed. I got so many requests to do this movie, I set up a netflix account so I could specifically get this movie. The reason I have a blanket on in this episode is easy. I had one on for the "Zombie 4" review. Although I'm still not sure why I had it on in that review.
Also, this is the first episode to inquire my now trademark use of the Stinger at the end of each video. For those of you who don't know, The Stinger was most popularly used at the end of "Mystery Science Theater 3000," where in a preposterous, ridiculous, or just down right funny 5 second clip of the movie would be placed at the end of the episodes. I didn't start out wanting to use The Stinger for every episode, but after I got many many requests to do so after the "Zombie 5" review, it simply just became a tradition for the reviews.
There are a couple of previous episodes that have a clip of the movie at the end ("Zombie 4," "Ninja Untouchables"), mainly just for time's sake, but I credit the "Zombie 5" review as strictly being the beginning of the Stingers.
The "Zombie 5" video is also notable for being another beginning for the series: The debut of The Cinema Snob opening credit sequece. For the theme song, it came down between "Theme From Greatest American Hero" and "Looks Like We Made It" by Barry Manilow (which had been used at the end of the "Satan's Children" review). I went with the former though, seeing how it is possibly the greatest TV theme of all time.
What happens when you make a movie so shitty that no one will distribute it? You go the Al Adamson route and add more footage to it to make it even shittier.
The worst of the tool themed horror flicks, "Woodchipper Massacre" is heavy on the woodchipper, but light on the massacre.
This is one of my favorite episodes. Jon McBride, director of "Woodchipper Massacre," is one of the nicest guys I've talked to online. "Woodchipper Massacre" is a great movie to watch with friends, as is one of Jon's other movies "Cannibal Campout." Very funny stuff. Shortly after I did this review, I got YouTube Comment Bombed by a couple of rabid die-hard "Woodchipper Massacre" fans. I had to write to them and explain in great detail how I am not now nor have I ever been playing myself in any of these videos. Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn't be caught dead wearing those glasses in the real world.
From the box set that brought you "Ninja Untouchables" comes this trippy piece of shit made more unwatchable by the incoherent subtitles!
Only Satan himself could possess someone into making an "Exorcist" rip off as shitty as this one.
Who would think a movie starring six football players and motorcycles would suck? Wait, that does sound terrible.
For this Mother's Day, if you wanna keep your mother off your back for a while, just show her this 1980 hickfest directed by Charles Kaufman.
