Review by filmtoaster

Suicide Squad 2016

Literally the greatest film I have ever seen. Marvel can just go the fuck home. They've got nothing on this academy award winning masterpiece. 'Batman v Superman' is going to end up in a hospital after witnessing this absolute blessing onto the world, not like my ex-wife who I thought was a blessing to me...

I thought 'Jaws' and 'King Kong' were my favorite movies of all time, but pfffff, bruh. This is the real classic. Those other two are fucking trash in comparison.

I can't even tell what I was watching, I remember hearing dialogue and a lot of pop songs, but fuck you. I remember listening to 'Paranoid' as I argued with my ex-wife. This movie is funny because I said so. Jared Leto as the joker was a brilliant choice. Who was that fucker, Heath Ledger? No one cares about him, Jared is the REAL choice pick for the joker. All 5 minutes of his screentime made me orgasm, his Hot Topic portrayal would totally appeal to mainstream critics.

Actually, all the characters would appeal to critics. Will Smith totally sells this movie and Jai Courtney is the greatest actor of all time. I used to love Marlon Brando and Robert Shaw, but those two fuckwads don't stand a chance in an audition against Jai Courtney. I loved it when Courtney terribly read dialogue off a prompter with no emotion. Best Actor Award winner right here, folks! I bet my ex-wife would win Best Actress.

I love how cringeworthy every line of dialogue is. This is supposed to be a group of funny characters in the style of 'Guardians of the Galaxy' but this movie actually works. Not like my ex-wife. Batman makes a small appearance here and there, which makes me can't wait to shill hard for the new Batman solo production. I can't wait to see the high score on Rottentomatoes for it. I heard Ben Affleck had to go to rehabilitation for alcohol addiction. Why go to rehab for alcohol addiction? I love beer and I don't have an addiction...

The rest of the characters I don't even know they're names, but they all said some funny dialogue, so that makes them well-developed and likable characters. Harley Quin was super hot, I loved the way her body looked in that outfit, like how my ex-wife's body looks in the bathtub. Crocodile head made me laugh a lot and Boomerang, AKA Jai Courtney, has the most useful super power on the planet. I never realized all you needed to be a super hero was having a boomerang as a weapon.

A true cinematic masterpiece. 'Casablanca' and 'Star Wars' have nothing on this true work of modern art. I wish I could talk more about, but the cops just showed up to the front door, so I gotta go. See y'all later!

Happy April Fools' Day!

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