[2.0/10 on a post-classic Simpsons scale] Marge rapes Homer. Somewhere, someone in the Simpsons’ writers’ room decided it would be right for a comedy to feature a wife sexually assaulting her husband, and to make multiple gags about it. What. The ever-loving. Fuck. Even if you took that away, “Strong Arms of the Ma” would still have one of the worst third acts in series history, and adding in such a repugnant series of “jokes” about marital rape drops it to the bottom of the barrel.

Here’s the weird thing about this episode. The third act, which centers on Marge getting into body-building, is god awful, in a way that transcends even the doldrums of the Mike Scully hangover years. The first act, mainly focused on Our Favorite Family perusing Rainier Wolfcastle’s estate sale, is also bad, but in a way that had become standard for the show in this era.

But the middle act, which focuses on Marge getting mugged and developing agoraphobia, is actually pretty darn good! The reality of the plot gets a little heightened, but in that act alone, there’s a tidy little tale of Marge suffering a trauma, retreating in a state of unwellness, and finding an unexpected way to overcome her anxieties and feel safe again.

That description probably overstates what is a, by necessity, quick turn of events in a seven minute segment, but it’s surprisingly well done! Julie Kavner does a stellar job selling Marge’s nervousness and concerns, and the animators come up with some really great expressions for the character to help sell her state of mind. Hell, we even get an out-of-nowhere, but very faithful recreation of a scene from The Godfather. For an episode this bad, the middle portion of it is unexpectedly good!

But god, the first act is a waste of time. The whole thing is one big wind-up to get to Marge’s mugging, and that might not be so bad if the show didn’t find the weakest, most mediocre jokes to tell about the Simpsons spelunking through the memorabilia of an Arnold Schwarzennegar knock-off. The Tetris homage is kind of fun, but not actually funny, which is the best the first third of the episode can achieve.

And the last act is abominable. The show makes the dumbest, most distasteful jokes about women and body-building and steroids and basically anything else it can shove in there. Whoever in the writers’ room wrote these bits should be embarrassed and ashamed. It’s not funny. It’s not engrossing from a drama standpoint. And oh yeah, a key plot point is Homer trying to get the normal Marge back after she abuses him.

Ugh. Burn this one to the ground. Salvage the middle act if you must, since there’s something there, both from a storytelling and comedic perspective. But the final third of the episode in particular should be banished to the land of wind and ghosts and never viewed by human eyes again.

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