Review Categories: 10 Year Rewatch "First Scene Was So Dumb I Stopped Watching The Film Shitpost to amuse myself, TBH
I'm just going to give a review of the opening action scene, or the first part of it, because it was so unbelievable/impossible that I just stopped watching 9 minutes into the film on my first *attempted rewatch. I remember feeling something was off years ago, but this is just ridiculous, and not in a fun, silly way like some of the Connery or Roger Moore films.
I remember some nice shots later in the film, but this opening scene is just unforgivably stupid. At the same time that they're presumably going for some meager nod to realism by having Moneypenny crash into things (or maybe it's ironically sexist by calling her an incompetent field agent/woman driver?) I honestly don't think they knew what they were going for... wait, why the heck is Moneypenny a field agent? Oh yeah, I forgot, this was about the start of the multi-franchise retcon theme where no one-- especially women-- could have any worth as a knowledge worker or academic alone (unless their name is Q and they're geek chic) so they had to start making everyone under the age of sixty a fucking superhero.
Assistants and secretaries are hella vital. Case in point: I need a personal assistant because I'm a disorganized mess, and that's the only reason I'm not James Bond, you see.
Anyway... the dude that stole the laptop hard drive so hard that he ripped out some of the metal (despite the fact that one just can just rip out one or two tiny screws and pull it out) has a double-drum magazine on his machine pistol... which he ditches after maybe 60 shots, for some reason, before hopping on the bike (too heavy?/"realism"?) he then proceeds to fire a couple of extended regular mags worth before getting onto the train, and then proceeds to fire like 200 fucking rounds while on the train, while Bond runs out after his tiny PPK mag is expended, just so he can crawl into the excavator and get shot, and then this idiot fires like a hundred rounds, seemingly from nowhere, at the excavator bucket just for shits and giggles I guess. Oh, and then he shoots apart (with a 9mm, mind you) the latching mechanism of the train cars. And then Bond hops through the top of the passenger car that he just can-openered open, into the midst of the passengers who are just, fine I guess, and straitens his suit like a cool tailored suit guy... who's just been shot in the arm from a magical infinite bullet gun. It's like a Naked Gun film, but without any attempts at humor. Also, Moneypenny stops in the middle of her pursuit to do a cheeky bit of product placement where I was expecting her to wink at the screen and spout a brand mantra, which, honestly, would have been funny, instead of just really awkward.
Stansfield voice:
That's why I stopped!
Holy Shit, American Beauty is a "Great American Film" masterpiece (from a British man), but theater directors should not be let near an action movie set. Ten(+) years later Skyfall ..s on a re-watch, whereas Quantum of Solace showed its genius and relevance after I grew the fuck up and actually learned enough about the world to appreciate it. I think I'm gonna go watch that again instead.
ps. It's also pretty funny that a Tony winning director dyed Javier Bardem's hair white and essentially made him the "evil gay", white-haired anime villain. LOL!
Review by LNeroBlockedParent2022-08-22T00:51:38Z
Review Categories:10 Year Rewatch"First Scene Was So Dumb I Stopped Watching The FilmShitpost to amuse myself, TBHI'm just going to give a review of the opening action scene, or the first part of it, because it was so unbelievable/impossible that I just stopped watching 9 minutes into the film on my first *attempted rewatch. I remember feeling something was off years ago, but this is just ridiculous, and not in a fun, silly way like some of the Connery or Roger Moore films.
I remember some nice shots later in the film, but this opening scene is just unforgivably stupid. At the same time that they're presumably going for some meager nod to realism by having Moneypenny crash into things (or maybe it's ironically sexist by calling her an incompetent field agent/woman driver?) I honestly don't think they knew what they were going for... wait, why the heck is Moneypenny a field agent? Oh yeah, I forgot, this was about the start of the multi-franchise retcon theme where no one-- especially women-- could have any worth as a knowledge worker or academic alone (unless their name is Q and they're geek chic) so they had to start making everyone under the age of sixty a fucking superhero.
Assistants and secretaries are hella vital. Case in point: I need a personal assistant because I'm a disorganized mess, and that's the only reason I'm not James Bond, you see.
Anyway... the dude that stole the laptop hard drive so hard that he ripped out some of the metal (despite the fact that one just can just rip out one or two tiny screws and pull it out) has a double-drum magazine on his machine pistol... which he ditches after maybe 60 shots, for some reason, before hopping on the bike (too heavy?/"realism"?) he then proceeds to fire a couple of extended regular mags worth before getting onto the train, and then proceeds to fire like 200 fucking rounds while on the train, while Bond runs out after his tiny PPK mag is expended, just so he can crawl into the excavator and get shot, and then this idiot fires like a hundred rounds, seemingly from nowhere, at the excavator bucket just for shits and giggles I guess. Oh, and then he shoots apart (with a 9mm, mind you) the latching mechanism of the train cars. And then Bond hops through the top of the passenger car that he just can-openered open, into the midst of the passengers who are just, fine I guess, and straitens his suit like a cool tailored suit guy... who's just been shot in the arm from a magical infinite bullet gun. It's like a Naked Gun film, but without any attempts at humor. Also, Moneypenny stops in the middle of her pursuit to do a cheeky bit of product placement where I was expecting her to wink at the screen and spout a brand mantra, which, honestly, would have been funny, instead of just really awkward.
Stansfield voice:
Holy Shit, American Beauty is a "Great American Film" masterpiece (from a British man), but theater directors should not be let near an action movie set. Ten(+) years later Skyfall ..s on a re-watch, whereas Quantum of Solace showed its genius and relevance after I grew the fuck up and actually learned enough about the world to appreciate it. I think I'm gonna go watch that again instead.
ps. It's also pretty funny that a Tony winning director dyed Javier Bardem's hair white and essentially made him the "evil gay", white-haired anime villain. LOL!