Review by Digital Phreaker

Game of Thrones: Season 4

4x01 Two Swords

Some of the last remaining physical proof of Eddard Starks' existence melted and burnt. Tywin, over dramatic as ever, loved replaying his experiences of destroying House Reyne. Hence the score being an even more somber version of "The Rains of Castamere".

But god*damn* Ned's old holster for Ice had to smell bad enough as it was while he was still alive, so the smell of it burning had to reek! Oops, I'm sorry, Theon; know that's still a fresh wound for you.

Well, that "THEY HAVE MY SON!" outburst from Tywin after Jaime was captured must've been a one-time thing, because he clearly has no more use of Jaime without his sword hand. Tyrion called it before when he told Tywin, "All the family decisions you make benefit you more than than they do the family". Jaime has lost all "value" to Tywin now without his sword hand and being unable to marry or inherit Casterly Rock because of his Kingsguard oath. Which is exactly why Tywin wanted him out of the Kingsguard and back in Casterly Rock.

Pedro Pascal's audacious introduction to most of the world. Amazing to think how far his career has come in just a decade, especially because he was only in seven episodes of the entire series. When you can make such a lasting impression in only one season of this show, with actors and characters that had multiple seasons to make their impressions, you're definitely going places. Specifically from Game of Thrones to Narcos to The Mandalorian to The Last of Us in less than a decade; this season aired and ended in 2014, and The Last of Us premiered in 2023.

Oberyn being such a wildcard that he attacked a Lannister and very openly and clearly threatened Tywin in less than a minute makes it clear why he was such an instant fan favorite. While his motivations for coming to King's Landing were very clear, what wasn't clear is which Lannisters -- other than Tywin -- were his target(s). Was he just pure rage looking to hurt the Lannisters in any way, or was he cunning enough to play "the game" enough to only accomplish his one goal, killing Tywin?

Uh-oh, the dragons are starting to act like dragons. I never thought about it until now, but it has to be incredibly frustrating for Dany not to know how her ancestors got their dragons to behave. Thanks to Robert, pretty much any caches of written knowledge the Targaryen dynasty may have had on the subject were probably given the same treatment Oberyn's sister and her children were.

I said it before, but I'm glad Michiel Huisman became the new Daario. There wasn't really anything wrong with Ed Skrein's portrayal, but he just seemed too out of place as the character; dunno why, but I just didn't like him as Daario.

Sansa: Will you pardon me, my lord? I'd like to visit the godswood.

Tyrion: Of course, of course. Prayer can be helpful, I hear.

Sansa: I don't pray any more. It's the only place I can go where people don't talk to me.

Fuck, I forgot how devastating that line is. When this aired in 2014, it'd been about a decade since I'd lost someone so close to me that I almost forgot how much I wanted to get away from everyone trying to cheer me up or tell me how I should move on. Not in an insensitive way, they meant well, like Tyrion here, but when the grief is so all-consuming that soon after such a personal tragedy, everyone wanting to come out of the woodwork to give me their tips about how they "got over it" was he last thing I wanted to hear.

Welp, no doubt that Shae and Tyrion's secret is out, though I think that happened after Varys tried to convince her to leave. Either way, no more ambiguity anymore.

Now that Jaime is back in the "comfort" of his family and King's Landing, sarcastic Jaime is fully back. That sarcastic little wave goodbye to Qyburn with his new gold hand cracks me up every time.

Cersei turned into a real Tywin while Jaime was gone.

Tormund has his "why did it have to be snakes?" moment: Thenns. I fucking hate Thenns.

Olenna's "My word!" when she first sees Brienne is so ridiculously funny. In that case, I don't think she was doing it to be offensive, she just couldn't hold back her surprise. And at her age, she's long since dispensed with biting her tongue; wouldn't be the Queen of Thorns otherwise. And given how excited she is to finally see and speak to Brienne, it's obvious she meant no offense.

Love that moment between Sansa and Ser Dontos. But knowing what that necklace was now, kinda sullies the sweet moment, and makes you realize what a risk Olenna and Littlefinger took in trusting it with Dontos. That said, he was probably the only person in King's Landing that Sansa could believe would want to give her a family necklace for saving his life. Still, a drunk like him was a big risk.

And now one of the best "The Wolf and The Hound" moments on the show.

"The fuck's a Lommy?"

Arya: He's got my sword, Needle.

Sandor: "Needle"? Of course you named your sword.

Arya: Lots of people name their swords.

Sandor: Lots of cunts.

Oops, there goes the girl without a name, right under the Hound's nose, again.

"Fuck the King." Amazing how no matter how quietly anyone is speaking, as soon as a statement like that is made, the figurative record scratch happens with everyone in the area realizing what was just said. I'm not complaining, because what happens next is so worth everyone being able to hear the Hound's words despite the laughing and crackling fire in the hearth.

Polliver: You got money to pay for it?

Sandor: You paid for it?

Polliver: No, but we're the King's men. So, you got money?

Sandor: Not a penny. I'll still take that chicken.

Polliver: Tell you what, we'll trade ya. One of our little chickens for one of yours. Give us a go at your friend. Lowell there likes them a bit broken in.

Sandor: You're a talker. Listening to talkers makes me thirsty. *chugs Polliver's ale* And Hungry. Think I'll take two chickens.

Polliver: You don't seem to understand the situation.

Sandor: I understand that if any more words come pouring out your cunt mouth, I'm gonna have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.

Polliver: You lived your life for the King. You gonna die for some chickens?

Sandor: Someone is.

Sandor "the Hound" Clegane doesn't make an idle threat. Lots of someones proceed to die.

Arya repeating Polliver's words before killing Lommy is so fucking satisfying, as is Polliver finally realizing who she is right when she gives him Lommy's death.

"The Wolf and the Hound" enter Velen.

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