"Doughnuts?!" When I watch a low-budget horror movie, I know what I'm getting myself into; I expect the acting to be bad - and it's really bad here - but usually the other components make up for that... yeah, not here. I think the entire budget went into buying fog machines. The score is atrocious. Someone needed to tell the composer that slamming on the keyboard, and using the modulation/pitch wheel to excess does not equal scary. Surprisingly, the dialog isn't all that bad. Just kidding, it's horrible. However, there were some unintentionally-funny lines. The Child is supposed to be about a little girl with telekinetic powers, who can control zombies. Nice, do we get to see her do that? Nope. She uses her "powers" to open the lid on a bottle, and to slowly rotate a jack-o'-lantern. Are you not entertained?! The zombie kills are few, and I never got the sense that they were doing discount Carrie's bidding. Anyway, worthless Tina Shepard is part of the Norton family, consisting of her... brother, I think... and her grandfather. They hire a nanny to watch her, for reasons. There's a dinner scene where the Nortons are made to look like maniacs - think Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only stupid - but the movie never pays it off - it's like it never happened. It's also suggested that her family killed her mother, but it's never confirmed or denied. That's the biggest problem with this movie: there's no coherent story, it's just 82 minutes of ideas. The movie really doesn't do anything until the third act, and even then, it's still terrible - think if someone gave Lucio Fulci $10 to make a zombie movie. The acting was already bad so far, but our nanny does nothing aside from holding the side of her head while screaming throughout the entire third act - yes, seriously. The only reason I watched this train wreck is because it has dialog sampled by Rob Zombie - if you want to hear it, just watch the trailer. The Child really pushes the limits of what an awful film can be. I'd almost be impressed, but this is honestly not worth watching for any reason. "Doughnuts?!"
Review by BronsonBlockedParent2022-06-08T03:37:06Z
"Doughnuts?!"
When I watch a low-budget horror movie, I know what I'm getting myself into; I expect the acting to be bad - and it's really bad here - but usually the other components make up for that... yeah, not here. I think the entire budget went into buying fog machines.
The score is atrocious. Someone needed to tell the composer that slamming on the keyboard, and using the modulation/pitch wheel to excess does not equal scary.
Surprisingly, the dialog isn't all that bad. Just kidding, it's horrible. However, there were some unintentionally-funny lines.
The Child is supposed to be about a little girl with telekinetic powers, who can control zombies. Nice, do we get to see her do that? Nope. She uses her "powers" to open the lid on a bottle, and to slowly rotate a jack-o'-lantern. Are you not entertained?!
The zombie kills are few, and I never got the sense that they were doing discount Carrie's bidding.
Anyway, worthless Tina Shepard is part of the Norton family, consisting of her... brother, I think... and her grandfather. They hire a nanny to watch her, for reasons. There's a dinner scene where the Nortons are made to look like maniacs - think Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only stupid - but the movie never pays it off - it's like it never happened. It's also suggested that her family killed her mother, but it's never confirmed or denied. That's the biggest problem with this movie: there's no coherent story, it's just 82 minutes of ideas.
The movie really doesn't do anything until the third act, and even then, it's still terrible - think if someone gave Lucio Fulci $10 to make a zombie movie. The acting was already bad so far, but our nanny does nothing aside from holding the side of her head while screaming throughout the entire third act - yes, seriously.
The only reason I watched this train wreck is because it has dialog sampled by Rob Zombie - if you want to hear it, just watch the trailer. The Child really pushes the limits of what an awful film can be. I'd almost be impressed, but this is honestly not worth watching for any reason.
"Doughnuts?!"