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Private Notes
Captain Barney Miller talks down a junkie who is holding the 12th Precinct hostage.
A bomber targets the 12th Precinct, as Det. Fish contemplates retirement.
The squad grapples with guarding a department store payroll and a flasher who attempts suicide in the bathroom.
An old friend of Barney's is assigned to investigate allegations of corruption in the squadroom; Chano is after an obscene phone caller.
A prostitute threatens to file harassment charges against Wojo; Rachel wants to move into her own apartment.
Well-meaning nosy neighbors overrun a covert stakeout operation.
Guests to the 12th include a drunken bureaucrat and the 12-year-old who robbed Chano's apartment; Wojo closes the precinct's favorite delicatessen for minor health-code infractions.
An overzealous lady cop ruffles the feathers of the testosterone-run 12th; Chano nabs an obscene phone caller. Linda Lavin (""Alice"") debuts as Detective Janice Wentworth.
Barney is visited by Inspector Luger, who complains that his men aren't disliked enough by the public; a neighborhood vigilante is well into his twilight years; Wojo collars a cross-dressing teamster.
The 12th Precinct reluctantly guards a mob witness; Chano uses his co-workers' own cash stash to set up a narcotics buy.
A self-avowed ""bird-man"" drops in; Barney holds a resourceful escaped prisoner for the FBI; Harris decides to write a novel, setting up one of the series' most durable storylines.
A scruffy ""Serpico""-type cop has good reason to hide behind unruly hair; Bernice discovers that Fish spent the afternoon in a massage parlor.
Chano is guilt-stricken when he shoots a holdup man; Liz makes a citizen's arrest, after being robbed at ""stickpoint"" by a twelve-year-old.
A disgruntled man with a belt of dynamite threatens to blow himself and the squad room sky high unless President Nixon agrees to speak with him; the plumbing goes kaput; Wojo arrests a phony man-of-the-cloth.
Weary of housework, Liz tries her hand at social work, to Barney's dismay; a master forger fascinates Harris.
Barney, Fish and Yemana feel the crunch when a labor layoff forces them to do without Chano, Harris and Wojo; a manicurist goes deeper than the nail; a morose stockbroker takes to petty theft.
Yemana is shot in full view of disinterested bystanders, and Barney is offered a job in Florida.
A wife claims spousal abuse; Wojo and Wentworth are bait for a park rapist.
The precinct is on the lookout for an arsonist; Chano brings in a man who used a deadly weapon on a vending machine.
Wojo and Wentworth pose as marrieds in order to bust a burglary ring set in a posh hotel.
Marty claims that a member of the 12th is harassing the gay community; the precinct computers think Fish is dead.
Barney smells a rat when two pounds of confiscated marijuana disappears from the evidence locker, and a homeless man spends the night in a department store—apparently one of many.
A hansom cab owner reports his horse missing. A man assaulted in his hotel room insists he was alone.
During a very rainy day, the squad must endure both the precinct roof threatening to collapse, and VERY bad Bicentennial jokes from a nightclub comedian-the stationhouse roof literally groaning in response!!
A glimpse at Detective Fish's home life ensues when the detective decides to go on restricted duty. Steve Landesberg bows as Arthur Dietrich; Doris Belack fills in for Florence Stanley as Bernice Fish.
A man is convinced that a photo of Jean Harlow is his missing wife; a pair of lady cops makes an overzealous drug bust.
The citizenry is in a panic amidst the rumors that the 12th Precinct is being shut down; a repentent hood can't prove that he committed a crime.
On New Year's Eve, Fish tries to stop a jumper, and Wojo delivers a baby.
A con man is selling charter flights to Saturn; Wojo and Luger are sniper targets.
Wojo must escort a bigamist to Cleveland, even though he is (guess!) afraid of flying. Meanwhile,the bigamist's New York wife shows up. Also, a man turns in an unmarked envelope containing $3500 in cash.
Wentworth is furious when Chano gets the credit for her bust of an assassin at a block party.
Wentworth busts a dime-store cowboy in a massage parlor, and the detectives bust an octogenarian mugger.
A department psychiatrist advises the department to confiscate Wojo's gun
Fish is attracted to the mother of a young mugger; a man is a bit premature to obtain the unclaimed windfall he found on the street.
Fish considers an operation; a burglar known as ""The Mole"" leads Harris and Wojo on a merry chase through the city sewer system. Ron Carey plays the Mole, and returns as Levitt in the next season.
Wojo is dismayed to discover that the city doesn't have up-to-date evacuation procedures in the event of an emergency; Fish meets Jilly Pappalardo, a young thief who he will eventually care for in the ""Barney"" spin-off ""Fish.""
Wojo brings in a sick perp who collapses on the floor...resulting in the 12th being put under quarantine,with the following personnel present:A lady of the evening [who gets friendly with Fish!], Marty and Mr Driscoll, and of course, Inspector Lugar....
The quarantined 12th Precinct tries to make it through the night: Lugar has a 'talk' with Marty and Daryl Driscoll; and Harris has a loud rant in his sleep.
Quarters are tight at the 12th when a holdup man is confined with his busload of victims.
Election Day at the One-Two includes: A woman, being held from voting by her husband, throws a toilet seat into the street to get attention; a shoplifter gets escorted to vote by Wojo, who promptly 'loses' him; and Inspector Lugar comes electioneering for a old time political hack.
A disturbance in the park turns out to be a man who claims to be a werewolf.
A latter-day prophet claims the end is near - 5:30, to be precise; a man who hasn't left his apartment since World War II is brought in for refusing to serve jury duty. John Cassisi appears as Victor Kreutzer, a role he would continue to play on ""Fish.""
Barney doesn't see a crime, but Wojo's brought in a man for refusing to aid a mugging victim.
A power failure darkens spirits at the 12th, where they play host to a man with a split personality.
Wojo wants to tell Yemana that his Christmas Eve date is a call girl; Fish dons a red suit to catch a mugger who's targeting Kris Kringles; Luger fishes for an invitation from Barney for Christmas Day.
Wojo brings hashish-laced brownies his new girlfriend made to the 12th Precinct, getting the detective squad stoned; while an actor and critic (""natural enemies"" says Harris) square off with dueling swords.
All eyes are on Fish as the city undergoes a first-stage smog alert; an unlikely connection is made between a potential suicide victim and an obscene graffiti artist.
An evicted tenant greets a landlord with a musket; Barney's charged with harassment when he books a blind shoplifter.
Rather than return one week per month to uniformed patrol, Wojo quits the force.
The 12th may go up in smoke, to the delight of a suicidal couple.
Barney has his hands full with a couple who want his assistance with their cult-influenced daughter, and Nick's bookie who's arrested for his efforts.
Weary of waiting for promotion, Levitt announces that he's quitting the force; Barney investigates a sex clinic that borders on brothel status; Harris investigates a rash of crimes ostensibly committed by a juvenile.
Barney discovers that Harris has been moonlighting; Dietrich arrests a priest who's fencing stolen goods; a racketeer is using a retarded boy as an assistant.
Marty is picked up for parole violation with a half ounce of marijuana; Wojo prematurely grants a Russian defector asylum.
Yemana assists a bigoted Army officer when a bomber threatens a recruiting facility; it's Fish's turn for mugging detail as Victor and Jilly resurface with Bernice in tow.
An impending strike is on everyone's mind, except the woman who was robbed by her computer date. (Part 1 of 2)
Barney and Inspector Luger man the fort alone when the detectives go out on strike.
A neighborhood vigilante group runs amok, and Fish is AWOL on the day of his retirement.
Fish finally shows up for work, but refuses to acknowledge his mandatory retirement.
Listening devices discovered in the squad room may have come from Internal Affairs - or the Nixon administration!
A quixotic environmentalist faces the high-priced lawyer hired by the chemical plant he's been assaulting.
Retired Sergeant Fish returns to assist Barney in locating a pilfered corpse.
Yemana scours the TV Guide to try to second-guess the felon who's aping the prime-time lineup crime shows; a drunk forgets the most important element in a hold-up - a weapon.
A blizzard holes up the 12th with an unwelcome guest—a corpse; a self-proclaimed prophet is sure that the weather is indicative of a new ice age.
A taxi company is irate when Wojo totals a borrowed cab while pursuing a robbery suspect; Lieutenant Scanlon tries to ferret out 12th Precinct corruption with a drug pusher.
The detectives clean up after three mental patients sit down to Thanksgiving dinner at an automat.
Wojo is buried alive after a tunnel collapses on a burglar burrowing towards the diamond exchange; a homeless Harris is combing Manhattan for a new apartment.
Neither the bomb squad nor the government recognizes a college student's physics project as a functional atomic bomb - but Detective Dietrich does.
A man charges a sperm bank with murder after the lab unwittingly destroys the man's last sample.
The detectives are unimpressed with a man who claims he's being visited by a poltergeist - that is, until they lock the man up and strange events begin occurring about the squad room.
Yemana is hospitalized with appendicitis; the cage is a stopping-off place for a sugar addict and an aging bounty hunter.
The city legalizes off-track gambling, to the delight of Yemana; a woman wants her husband arrested on a rape charge; a master of disguise perpetuates a crime spree.
Barney puts his career on the line by refusing to forcibly evict the tenants of a condemned hotel, while Lugar tries to figure out what to do with his vacation time.
The hotel situation now involves a SWAT team, while Dietrich learns the identity of his amnesic ""girlfriend.""
Wojo comes to Barney with a problem his superior would rather not know about; the 12th's new female detective has a very jealous husband, suspicious of her all-male co-workers; somehow a shoplifter escapes - in a wheelchair.
Barney uncovers, if you will, the real reason behind a woman's vehement insistence that a nude-painting exhibit at a local art gallery be shut down; the Millers may be heading for divorce.
Harris finally finds an apartment in the Village; a ventriloquist insists he's not responsible for his dummy's insensitive remarks; a prisoner holds the boys at gunpoint.
The members of the squad nervously await Barney filling out their evaluation forms. Meanwhile, Harris arrests a numerologist who will only give his name as ""1223,"" and a porno shop reporting vandalism turns out to be a mom and pop operation being hassled by their kids.
A man liquidates all of his assets into gold, much to his wife's dismay; Wojo claims he saw a UFO over Staten Island.
Harris does some extensive soul searching when he's offered a job on the mayor's security team.
A political activist abducts a department store magnate; Wojo arrests a prostitute and her Arkansan business manager.
Wojo delivers the ransom money for the department store owner, while the prostitute charms both Wojo and the victim's nebbish son.
Off goes the moustache, as it's Harris' turn for cross-dressing mugging detail; the host of a kids' science show goes off the deep end; Barney's men reopen a twenty-eight year old missing persons case.
The German Shepherd that bit Wojo may be rabid; Barney and Liz prepare for their impending separation.
A German girl attempts to flee the country rather than surrender her baby to a broker's clients; Levitt turns to stimulants to aid in his self-imposed thirty-six hour shift.
An accusation of an indiscretion on the part of Dietrich leads to a visit from the gleeful Lieutenant Scanlon of Internal Affairs; Yemana books a rabbi who is running a gambling casino in his synagogue.
A released prisoner can't adjust to civilian life; the widow of a cat burglar elects to perpetuate the family business.
Barney notes some uncharacteristic behavior from Yemana; a client can't get a tattoo artist to remove his work; Harris books a youthful loan shark
Barney has the uneasy feeling that it may have been Levitt that vandalized the precinct squad room; a TV programming executive is assaulted in a coffee shop.
A stockbroker leaves Wall Street to become a beggar; a rookie cop, assuming Harris to be a felon, shoots at him.
Luger faces off against a 60s radical, and Harris arrests a portly second story man.
Feuding toy makers create a disturbance; Barney faces his first holiday as a separated man; a claustrophobic prisoner has an understandable problem with the cage.
A woman has her shoes stolen - from her feet; Wojo is forced to arrest an aging Indian who only wants to die in the park.
Lieutenant Scanlon returns, this time attempting to ferret out corruption with a lie detector; Barney is suspicious of a furrier's robbery report.
A paranoid spy holds the precinct house at bay; the men bring in a disorderly mime.
Wojo decides to move in with his girlfriend; Mr. Brauer tells his wife that he's leaving to become a mercenary. This was a pilot for a potential spin-off series, each week focusing on one of the cops' off-duty lives.
Wojo struggles to co-habitate with his ex-prostitute girlfriend.
Barney feels the onrush of Father Time; Dietrich books an Olympic hopeful who practices his javelin toss in Central Park; a Hassidic Jew is the target of a diamond thief.
Harris milks a wily counterfeiter for his life story; a man takes exception to a plastic surgeon's work on his wife.
The 12th Precinct hosts an open house, attracting only vagrants; Barney's joy at moving back home is cut short by the hotel manager that refuses to refund him his upcoming month's rent; Wojo and Harris try to get a lead on an arsonist.
Harris quickly regrets the fact that Dietrich has saved his life; the 12th is asked to assist a thief who has been granted entry into a witness-relocation program.
A computer firm has difficulty retrieving embezzled funds; an educated young man claims to be under the influence of a voodoo curse.
Barney and his crew face the late shift with a man who believes that he is being frequented by a succubus and an irate tourist.
The cast step out of character to offer a tribute to Jack Soo, who died during the show's fifth season.
When an anonymous letter identifies a member of the 12th Precinct as a homosexual, it buys the boys a visit from Lieutenant Scanlon, who proceeds to make a witch hunt out of his search for the author. Meanwhile, a disgruntled shopper takes a fire axe to an elevator's MUZAK machine.
A tranquil prisoner claims to be Jesus Christ, which is timely for the drug dealer caught with an impressive stash; an elderly mugger poses as a photographer to ensnare lonely women.
A string of false alarms suggests that a sniper may be after a cop, but the detectives are preoccupied with Barney's posted vacation schedules and the case of a man who won't donate a kidney to his ailing brother.
A visiting monk opts for a quick dalliance with a lady of the streets; Barney discovers to his horror that Dietrich may not be cut out for mugging detail—especially since it must be done in drag.
Harris bristles when he learns that the Burmese chauffeur being booked for a traffic accident is actually an indentured servant.
A bookstore owner is infuriated when a strip club opens near his place of business; and man is convinced that he is on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Harris' book publication hits a snag when Dietrich refuses to sign a release; a suicide hot line operator becomes suicidal; the clerk that sold Wojo a sick bird changes his strict no-return policy when he learns that the detective is a cop.
A former master criminal becomes a walking zombie following his lobotomy; a man is unable to use the telephone after being mugged because he's Amish. Jeff Corey, who appeared previously as ""The Prisoner,"" was a renowned acting teacher.
A judge provides an attorney with the ultimate over-ruling—a gavel on the noggin; the crimes reported by a lonely woman emanate from daytime television soap operas.
The detectives search for a missing viral strain stolen from a lab; a woman is convinced that her husband is actually a clone.
One man's hands are a musical instrument to himself and a nuisance to others; a detective goes undercover to trap a dentist with wandering instruments.
Weary of an uncooperative populace, a census taker goes to drastic measures to make a head count; beleaguered apartment dwellers band together and capture a burglar.
Vagrant Ray returns to report his fellow bums' disappearances; a woman wishes to have a child with a surrogate and is focusing in on Dietrich and Wojo.
Harris disappears while undercover as a vagrant; Luger elects to be demoted rather than to retire.
A self-proclaimed time traveler tells Harris to fine tune his stock portfolio; Marty's divrorced gentleman friend Mr. Driscoll attempts to reclaim his son by abducting him from the playground.
Wojo fears that a despondent Luger is planning to do himself in; a man seeking to reclaim his television set robs the police vault; a rash of bizarre robberies leads to an eccentric gun collector.
The cops observe the annual department-mandated ritual of wearing their uniforms - except for Harris who shows up in his usual natty street clothes.
A lottery winner dispenses of the prize money by tossing it out a window; Sgt. Dietrich is arrested for his off-duty participation at an anti-nuclear rally; Barney discovers he can't afford his condo-converted apartment.
Harris gets the unenviable task of booking his colleague Dietrich, whose arrest prompts a visit from Internal Affairs; meanwhile, a nuclear engineer is brought in for dousing the participants with atomic water.
A disgruntled architect decides to improve on his building—by blowing it up.
The squad tries hypnosis to uncover the name of a felon that Wojo has forgotten; an inventor steals the plans for his own creation.
Barney is down in the dumps when he is passed over again for deputy inspector
When the NYPD restructures its precincts as specialty squads, Luger pulls some strings and gets the 12th assigned as a homicide squad. Business is good; a man murders his barber, and a woman hires a hit man to kill her husband, and then changes her mind.
Harris woos the precinct's crime photographer, while Dietrich tracks down the hit man's intended target; Barney's frustration boils over when the new homicide-only edict results in the death of an old friend.
A drunk and disorderly turns out to be a delegate from the 1976 Democratic convention; Barney discovers a problem with the newly assigned Officer Nash - he's not a cop.
The new detective is convinced that his compatriots are on the take and asks to be dealt out.
Another domestic dispute at the Brauer household occurs when their apartment building becomes ""clothing optional""; Wojo takes a personal interest in the plight of a fellow vet whose crime spree may be a result of the Agent Orange chemical.
Dorsey takes a protective stance to a young prostitute; Harris is getting stock tips from another one; and Dietrich is tempted by all of them as he experiments with celibacy.
Dietrich, stricken with guilt when he shoots a felon, tenders his resignation; a playwright assaults an incompetent actor.
Someone is sending specific information on transgressions of the men to Internal Affairs; Harris sets up a reunion between an elderly cat burglar and the wife who reported him missing years ago.
Harris is assigned to direct a pornographic movie; an old-time radio newsman assaults a vacuous television anchor.
A blind mugging victim and an overzealous charity collector are among the disparate audience members at the screening of Harris' overbudget film.
An accused mugger claims that he was answering a psychic vision; a language professor takes vandalistic umbrage to a grammatically incorrect billboard.
A deaf woman is arrested for prostitution; Barney anxiously awaits news of Wojo, who dived into the Hudson River in pursuit of a looter.
A serious tone pervades this episode about a gypsy and his harassment of the owner of a novelty store; on the lighter side, a librarian takes extreme measures to ensure quiet amongst the stacks.
Ripner is suing Harris over the lawyer's portrayal in the detective's novel; Wojo asks Barney's daughter out on a date; a sporting-goods storeowner takes the law in his own hands.
A restaurant may have refused a man service because of his appearance; Barney won't name an informant so he's charged with contempt of court.
When Barney spends the night in jail, the squad room is left in the natty hands of Sergeant Harris.
An expensive doll is abducted for ransom; a man claims he was swindled in exchange for a ticket on the space shuttle; Luger informs Barney that he's in his will.
The verdict is in on the Harris/Ripner libel suit, and a woman threatens to blow up the squad room with a homemade bomb. What better time for Detective Fish to drop by for a visit?
Luger takes a small disturbance with the Hassidic community and turns it into a full-scale riot; the squad discovers a survivalist couple setting up housekeeping in the sewers.
The detectives are reluctant to wear their new bulletproof vests; Luger interviews them in case of the need for a quick obituary.
The officers arrest a rainmaker, only discover that he was hired by the drought-ridden city; Wojo, Harris and Dietrich each consider a job opening in vice.
Harris is forced to liquidate his possessions to pay off his lawsuit.
Wojo's proven innocent of a paternity suit, but at a cost; a beauty queen is robbed; an irate theater patron vandalizes the theater.
Luger wants Barney to pen a letter for his mail-order bride; a lottery winner seeks revenge when the ticket seller loses his winning entry; Harris gets a new book deal.
A car thief's conscience gets the better of him ... after twenty-five years; Levitt saves a child from a precarious fate; an overzealous sanitation officer goes to extremes.
A husband is assaulted for forcing his wife into designer jeans; a disorderly conduct report leads to a man who swears he's possessed by an evil spirit.
A job fair brings out the worst in a Peace Corps recruiter; Dietrich volunteers for a department stress experiment.
A manufacturer of computer game processors is accused of espionage; a WAC supplements her income on the street.
The 12th is overrun with homeless vagrants on Christmas; a greeting-card writer snaps; a cattle prod is the weapon of choice for a local merchant.
The penultimate survivor of a tontine attempts suicide in order to concede the money to his cousin.
The detectives don uniforms while Levitt and the others take sergeant's exams; Luger, working with the squad, is overly rough with a collar, and later with Barney.
Street clowns fall prey to a serial mugger; a hundred inmates are sneaked out of holding in the middle of the night.
A murder witness is uncooperative, so he, Harris and Dietrich are forced to share an apartment in seclusion until he talks; Lieutenant Scanlon falls for a wealthy mugging victim.
Unless he confesses soon, Harris and Dietrich's unwilling roommate may witness another murder. Meanwhile, harassment charges are pressed against Lieutenant Scanlon.
Dietrich aids an elderly psychiatric patient who may be speaking a foreign language; a nuclear activist goes on a hunger strike to end nuclear arms; Barney declines a deputy inspector nomination.
Luger's mail-order bride arrives; an elderly woman mugs a man.
A newspaper obituary causes a stir when the subject turns up alive; the detectives snag a modern-day chicken thief.
Internal Affairs is called in when a charge of excessive force is leveled against Wojo; an angry parent takes action when his child is declined admission into an exclusive kindergarten.
Dietrich's old flame pays a visit; a former child actor clubs an agent with a telephone.
Harris and Arnold come to blows; a mugging victim confesses to a twenty-five year old crush on Barney.
A museum presses charges when an Indian retrieves his tribe's ancestral bones from an exhibit; a scoutmaster catches a mugger.
Wojo's discover of an ancient weapon puts the 12th Precinct up for sale.
The 12th Precinct is sold; Dietrich arrests the head of a crime school; Luger tries to duck out on his mail-order bride.
Friends, foes and felons alike drop by to pay their last respects as the detectives prepare to leave for new assignments; Harris contemplates his resignation when he's assigned to Flushing Meadows; Barney recalls friends departed before he turns out the squad room lights for the last time.
