Simon returns to Reading and recalls a school project that led to him unearthing a terrible secret about his parents' marriage and his sister revealing some devastating news.
Debbie's millinery choices lead Simon to recall his visit to the 1998 Eurovision Song Contest, a very odd dinner with his parents' gaybours (gay neighbours) and a meeting with Dana International in a disabled toilet. Warning: contains euro-pop.
98 Ground Force is at its height and Simon feels a desperate need for a water feature. Meanwhile, the women of Melody Crescent feel a desperate need to 'sloshercise' with hunky training instructor Tiger. Elaine Paige makes a stunning appearance in Simon's imagination. Warning: contains showtunes.
The Doonans plan a holiday abroad but a plumbing disaster spoils everything. Meanwhile across the road, Kylie's father meets his match in the form of a snarling dog called Madonna. Warning: contains Bette Midler impersonations and a replica Eiffel Tower.
The Doonans go deep into the world of Brit Art when they meet rabble rouser Stacey Bile near the Kate Winslet memorial roundabout. This leads to several road accidents, imminent birth, blind ladies driving cars and the Turner Prize. Meanwhile, Aunty Hayley has set herself up as a telephone astrologer with one rather obsessive client, guest star .
Simon is plagued by school bullies and decides to leave home to be with The Beautiful People. But as usual, nothing goes according to plan. Debbie, convinced that she's destined for stardom, becomes the talk of Melody Crescent. As our favourite characters converge in the front room for Debbie's TV premiere, three questions remain: will Kylie ever get out of the closet? Who is Puff Daddy's daddy? And will Simon meet his match?