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Private Notes
The new tour starts in Milan, and within hours the tourists are making a racket 'singing' opera next to the city's famous cathedral.
At the first vote there are already signs of tension among this feisty group - Brendan's going to have his work cut out.
It's Day 2 of the brand new tour and the group travels to the stunning Lake Maggiore in the foothills of the Alps.
The tourists get the chance to swim at one of the lake's exclusive islands. Two of the lads aren't shy when stripping off for a swim, causing one of the ladies to get very overexcited. But one couple who don't share in the fun find themselves under pressure at the vote.
The party crosses the Swiss border. But Brendan's planned 'snow day' hits the rocks when the cable car is closed.
Brendan takes them to a local museum instead, which gets mixed reviews. Later on disaster strikes when a tourist takes a tumble on the mountain and is rushed to hospital.
And at the vote it's all out war between two couples as one pair accuse the other of neglecting their family by coming on the trip.
Brendan's tourists leave the Swiss mountains and head for an underground lake. A lesson in blowing the alpine horn descends into 'Carry On... ' territory.
There appears to be a bit of a north-south divide going on in the group, with the southerners not taking Brendan's tour seriously, and tensions on the rise.
At the vote, one couple gets stung in the neck for constant moaning.
The first week ends with our tourists wakeboarding on Lake Geneva - with predictably dismal results. Two couples make an early departure, replaced by two striking new arrivals who look sure to shake things up.
Ongoing arguments boil over again at the vote, leading to a red card for one couple.
The coach rolls into France, where it picks up two attractive new tourists and a game of boules descends into farce as Brendan's refereeing is called into question.
Later on, all sense of decorum is lost at a French language lesson where the smutty behaviour of two of the tourists alienates them from the others.
The day begins with a shock departure that upsets the group.
Brendan attempts a cultural morning touring the city's sights, but all the tourists want to do is shop. A lunch of a Paris cuisine snails isn't a great success. And the afternoon is spent at the world's only volcano-themed park before one tourist erupts at the vote.
The group enjoy a morning of truffle hunting, but Brendan gets increasingly annoyed with the behaviour of the younger tourists.
The afternoon is spent on a relationship-bonding exercise at a woodland adventure park that almost ends in divorce for one couple. And two couples have a spat at vote time over make-up.
Brendan takes the group to an exclusive restaurant for some oyster tasting. Later the party is joined by two plucky new tourists before an afternoon of catamaran sailing.
But, beneath the surface, the make-up row rumbles on...
Brendan is forced to take drastic action against one couple after complaints from the hotel management.
Once on the road a bizarre morning is spent at a medieval eco-museum where the group have a lesson in stilt walking. Miraculously nobody gets hurt, but in the afternoon there is a casualty as one tourist is thrown from a horse after scaring it by screaming.
As the coach rolls Mediterranean country bound into Spain a new couple of outdoor adventurists join the tour.
Brendan tests the group's language skills with a Basque lesson before testing their physical prowess with a game of pelota.
The tour visits Pamplona, home of the world-famous bull run, but unfortunately they're a week late, so must settle for making some churros instead.
In an attempt to further Anglo-Spanish relations Brendan organises a game of cricket, but the behaviour of a brand new tourist embarrasses the rest of the group
In Bilbao there's more Basque-country fun with some rural sports before the group hit the beach for an afternoon's surfing.
The tour moves on to Santander where Brendan organises a golf tournament, and once again his refereeing ability is called into serious question.
One couple are increasingly distant from the rest of the group which proves their downfall at the vote.
One of the older tourists pays for overindulgence the night before and is filled with horror at the first of the day's excursions - a cider farm.
It gets worse in the afternoon as Brendan takes them on a deep-sea fishing trip and loses half the group to sea sickness.
The tour has passed the halfway point so Brendan rejuvenates the group at a health spa, where two mischievous new tourists join.
During the afternoon's quad bike racing session, one of the older tourists shows the youngsters how it's done. At the vote, one of the original couples find themselves in the firing line.
Brendan gives the group a Picasso-inspired Cubist art lesson with varying results, while the afternoon is spent with some Galician folk musicians.
Two new passengers join the coach and it becomes increasingly clear that an old/ new divide is forming within the group.
Brendan's plan to take the group on a cultural visit to one of Christianity's holiest pilgrimage sites is ruined as war breaks out in the group when one of the newer couples plays a secret recording featuring a coach veteran in the hope of manipulating the voting.
Two more new arrivals are soon dragged into the argument and Brendan struggles to maintain control. The vote is one to remember.
The coach cruises on to Porto for a day of culinary fun where Brendan has organised a lesson in tripe cooking and port tasting.
Unfortunately the loud behaviour of one couple annoys the other tourists and the old/ new divide shows no sign of healing.
Coach Trip meets The Apprentice as Brendan sets his tourists the task of making and selling traditional sweet eggs.
The afternoon is spent on a gondola tour and local folk dancing, but the Portuguese summer sun takes its toll on one tourist who is rushed to hospital with sunstroke.
At the vote two more tourists fall foul of block-voting, and they're not going quietly...
Brendan stretches the group in more ways than one with a seaside yoga lesson before they enjoy a medieval adventure in the picturesque town of Obidos in Portugal.
Brendan lets the tourists loose around Lisbon in electric buggies, but it's his lack of direction that gets them into trouble.
Two young good-looking boys join the group and cause a bit of a stir. And a lovely afternoon is spoilt when a row erupts over the rules of voting and two passengers are sent home for cheating.
The group enjoy a treasure hunt on Portugal's largest lake before getting up close and personal with some feathered friends on a visit to an ostrich farm.
The group have an unforgettable morning dolphin watching in the Algarve before making a splash at a water park. And there is a shock at the end as two previously invincible tourists clock up the votes.
The coach re-enters Spain for a day of flamenco dancing and a lesson in bullfighting in Seville, where the matador's tight trousers catch the eye of two newly arrived ladies.
The bull isn't the only one seeing red however, as Brendan unleashes an instant red card, leaving a tough decision for the group, and one very unhappy couple at voting time.
Brendan gets the tourists to cook his favourite dish, paella, before more cookery-related fun takes place at a bowl-making class
The group play Robin Hood during an archery lesson that leaves one tourist with some nasty bruises, and the afternoon is spent down on the beach with a sand sculpture competition.
A new couple joins for the last three days of the tour and they enjoy the delights of the Tangiers souk. Later the group make their own perfume with some fairly unpleasant results.
The final day of the tour is a disaster for Brendan as he is forced to abandon the planned activities and take the party back to Tangiers for a belly-dancing lesson.
As Brendan scoops up his group and heads back to Spain for the flight home, he looks back at his favourite activities and contestants from the last 30 days.
