5x07 Bondage and Beta Male Sexuality

Jeff: "I... have... dinner plans."
[All groaning.]
Chang: "Yeah, make sure it's a hearty meal."
Duncan: "Oh, boo."
[Under Jeff's breath.]
Jeff: "Help me out here."
Duncan: "Oh, well, uh... Pfft, are you really the one that needs help here, Winger?"
Annie: "Yeah, should we write a check to the Jeff Foundation?"

Chang: "Well then let me be the one to do this!"
[Hanging up. Crowd applauding.]
Chang: "Uh, my mother used to tell a story about how she killed a chicken."
[Audience leaning in.]
Chang: "Hong Kong, 1964."

Duncan: "Well, it was... It was great seeing you, so..."
Jeff: "I might stay for one drink."
Duncan: "Why?"
Jeff: "I like to drink."
Duncan: "Oh, really?"
Jeff: "Yeah. I have a serious problem."
Duncan: "That had better be true."

• Lol, when Duncan asks "Why?"

Abed: "I know what it feels like when people try to control me. You should know it never goes their way."
Buzz: "Ooh. And what 'kicky-punch' movie is that from? The ones you've seen or the one I'm gonna watch you miss?"

• Damn

Abed: "Looked like you were doodling chickens."
Buzz: "He is a duck!"
Abed: "Uh-oh."

Janitor: "Audience? In there? We haven't had a single person of performance in that theater since the 1997 fire. 24 people died."

• Omg

Chang: "No, no, no, no, no! Stop that! You're ghosts!"
Man: "We're ghosts?"
Chang: "The janitor out there told me you died in 1997."
Stage woman: "Janitor?"
[Chang outside theater.]
Chang: "Hey! Those guys in there told me that your'e the one that died in a fire and you're a ghost!"
Janitor: "And you just believed 'em? You just believed a bunch of ghosts?"
[Janitor laughing. Chang screaming and running.]

• Wtf is going on here

Abed: "You're a bad person and a bad cartoonist."

Buzz: "You go ahead. Hurt my feelings."
Abed: "Oh! You have feelings, huh? Have you considered putting them in your work? Your cartoons are monuments to joylessness, nervously assembled jokes based on nothing from your life or anyone's life! You're furious at me for being creative because you want to be able to create. You have all this rage and shame and loneliness, which I don't even know how to feel much less understand, and you decide to put what on paper? A duck. Jim the duck. You think I'm crazy. You think there's something wrong with me. Jim the duck?!"
[Buzz's voice breaking.]
Buzz: "Publishers are interested!"
Abed: "Oh! Yeah, well, publishers are stupid. Either that or you were misinterpreting what was probably a form letter."
Buzz: "You shut up."
Abed: "You shut up."

• Omg

Abed: "In the words of your hacky duck, 'What the hell?' "

Britta: "Where are we going?"
Duncan: "Well, I think... you should go home... because you're having an existential crisis,"

• Damn, Duncan

Britta: "Thank you for not hitting on me. I was just vulnerable enough to do something really stupid."
[Duncan hitting car wheel.]
Britta: "What's wrong?"
Duncan: "Nothing. Nothing. It's nothing. It's the the the... stupid steering wheel is on the wrong side of the car."

• LMAO

"Old Timey Photo Club 2014"

• Damn, they got me

8/10