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Private Notes
George W. Bush tapes "Sesame Street" over the latest terrorist warning and plans to invade UK accessories clothing store, Tie Rack, while Bargain Hunt host David Dickinson goes on a personal search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Elton John's latest release is a Royal statement on the revelations of Princess Diana's butler. Alan Rickman advertises a DVD of film clips, showing him playing the token British bad guy, and gladiator Russell Crowe calls in the builders to makeover some ancient Roman ruins. There's a look at "The Blobs" a brightly colored collection of cute and cuddly creatures talking nonsense, and legendary UK talk show host Michael Parkinson hones his interview technique on a lady at a bus stop and a passing refuse collector.
After a surprise late entry, George W. Bush (with a little vote-counting help from his brother) is proclaimed the winner of the BBC's historic Great Britons poll. Her Majesty the Queen addresses the nation on the subject of her involvement in a legal case against her daughter Princess Anne's dog, who has sold his story to a tabloid newspaper. At the Last Supper, "Weakest Link" host Anne Robinson announces it's time to vote off "The Weakest Disciple." There's a fascinating insight into how a pop star spends his time offstage in "A Day In The Life Of Robbie Williams," and domestic goddess Nigella Lawson demonstrates the art of filling in a self-assessment tax form in typically sensuous style. Meanwhile, Russell Crowe reminisces about a playground fight. M. briefs James Bond on his latest mission: to infiltrate a grocery store and retrieve some essential items of shopping. Then, Tony Blair takes advantage of Miss World transferring from Nigeria to London by entering as Miss United Kingdom.
Tony Blair defends his government's plans to borrow $30 billion before intrepid crocodile hunter Steve Irwin braves the shelves of a supermarket to buy a bag of grapes (but will it have a black spider inside?). "Silent Witness" star Amanda Burton (aka Sam Ryan, forensic scientist,) gets the details of her latest corpse completely wrong and Ozzy Osbourne confesses to faking parts of his show, including the moon landings. On the set of Arnold Schwarzenegger's latest blockbuster, Ian McKellan and Alan Rickman vie for the bad guy role and two veteran British actresses, Patricia Routledge of Keeping Up Appearances and Thora Hird, sex up the latest series of "Sex In The City." And legendary UK talk show host Michael Parkinson hones his interview technique on a lady at a bus stop and a passing refuse collector.
Following a recent outburst from teenage Welsh soprano, Charlotte Church, Mick Jagger explains that all pop singers have been to swearing school and that she was trained by a master - Ozzy Osbourne. Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip announce the latest bargains on their QVC Shopping Channel, available only to Royal Household staff. President George W. Bush gives his reaction to Iraq's 11,000 page reply to the United Nations and, in yet another BBC costume drama, Ian McKellan and Alan Rickman engage in a violent duel to settle who is to play rakish Mr. Parcy in "Pride and Prejudice." Dead Ringers teleports to a used car showroom somewhere in space where Obi-Wan Kenobi of "Star Wars" goes in search of a replacement transport vehicle. "The Weakest Link" host Anne Robinson interrogates members of the South Pole expedition and Captain Oates is voted off the as "The Weakest Explorer." James Bond's latest adversary extols the virtues of Dr. Diabolical's Super-Hero Slice-O-Matic Deluxe 4000 - the labor-saving killing machine that dices, slices, purees, and even makes soup.
George W. Bush denounces North Korean plans to resurrect their nuclear program because it doesn't feature the Fonz. In "The Lord of the Rings," Gandalf, the wizard, sends Frodo on several epic quests to bring him back some milk and cigarettes, and the makers of "Harry Potter" announce their replacement for Richard Harris. Will Ozzy Osbourne be equal to the part? Meanwhile, Tony Blair has decided to fire his wife, Cherie, and split the role of political wife into three: photo opportunities (a mail box), domestic duties (former Foreign Secretary, Robin Cook), and sex (a plastic doll). Meanwhile veteran TV chef, Delia Smith, reveals a ruthless side as she launches her new series, "Who To Cook," and confesses to having killed the ingredients herself.
