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Private Notes
The boys risk heart attacks and fainting spells to see who can lose the most weight in 72 hours. Laxatives, starvation, sweating, colonics, spitting and dehydration are just a few strategies of this epic contest. Do not try this at home!
The first one to fall asleep loses. Without stimulants Spenny feels he can outlast the lazy Kenny but Kenny is chugging coffee because he’s highly motivated by the prospect of eventual hallucinations.
Kenny has always been a much better cook than Spenny so he pledges to play by the rules. Spenny, knowing he’s screwed, goes against his moral code, and finally decides it’s time to cheat.
This competition degenerates into a philosophical argument about what it means to stand. Is Kenny actually standing in his vertical sleeping bag apparatus or has he just managed to outsmart Spenny?
Dairy cows don’t like being mounted and they can run faster than most people. Will Kenny’s bag of dirty tricks help him to stay on his cow longer than Spenny? The boys risk life and limb and learn more than they ever wanted to know about cow dung.
Kenny and Spenny get various psychiatric evaluations to see who is the sanest. Will Spenny’s paranoia and neurosis cost him victory, or will the head-shrinkers see thorough Kenny’s con-man ways giving Spenny victory?
Will Spenny’s hard work and perseverance win over Kenny’s effortless and brilliant money making schemes?
Kenny and Spenny agree to date the same girl - the one she likes best is the winner. Though they both try to impress, one has lost before the competition has started. Kenny pulls out all the stops for this critically important competition.
Kenny decides to make this competition “The Torture Spenny Show.” Imagine being blind and having a madman torment you. Spenny won’t have to imagine.
Formal wear, swimsuits, talent and personality will all be put to the test as one of the boys gets to wear the tiara. Taking the superficial route, Kenny makes himself as gorgeous as possible, while Spenny hopelessly learns to tap dance.
Kenny and Spenny do a series of fast paced mini-competitions. Spitting grapes, climbing stairs, standing on their head, rock/paper scissors, wrestling – and many more. One gets injured, the other wins.
Spenny tries to bring political consciousness to the superficial world of fashion, as Kenny finally gets his chance to create skimpy swimwear and get close to yummy hottie models.
The boys are handcuffed together and the first one to take off the cuffs is the loser. Kenny becomes mega-annoying, cleverly using everything he knows about Spenny to make his life a living hell.
The boys write and perform their own original song. Spenny embraces his childhood fantasy and forms a rock band while Kenny tries to con the judges by conducting a full children’s choir as they perform perhaps the cheesiest song ever written.
It’s diapers, bottles and late night feeding as the boys get life-like, state-of-the-art computer chip babies. The data is measured and whoever has taken the best care of their baby is the winner.
Seven six year olds spend half the day with Kenny then half the day with Spenny. The kids decide which guy they like most. Kenny spoils them rotten, while Spenny takes them on a mysterious fantasy adventure.
Kenny, who knows he’s stronger, offers up his sister Miriam to compete in a bench press competition. Spenny takes the challenge not fully realizing that if he loses to Kenny’s sister, it will be the most humiliating defeat he’s ever suffered.
The boys, in full drag, host a ladies-night-out cocktail party at the house. The real women will choose which one has transformed himself into the most convincing woman: Will it be Kendra, the slutty party girl, or Spennita, the career woman, who wants it all.
Taking the stage, the boys perform a theater piece judged by a professional. Kenny brings back the lost art of mime, while Spenny, using his embattled friendship with Kenny as inspiration, writes and acts a scene where he plays 1950’s down and out prize fighter.
The boys don g-strings and take to the poles to see who will make the better male stripper. Kenny’s devious plot makes his own Tarzan routine obsolete and puts Spenny’s stripping nerd character on the brink.
The boys hit the rink to see who is the better figure skater. Kenny, as usual, has to think on his feet because he can’t skate, while Spenny works very hard on his ever-so-cheesy tribute to rock and roll.
It’s a city boy’s worst nightmare, as Kenny and Spenny have to fend for themselves in the unforgiving wilderness. This fish-out-of-water competition has the boys pathetically attempting to make fire, hunt, forage, build shelter while driving each other crazy.
Kenny and Spenny are in another endurance contest. Their arms are tied and the first guy to use them loses. The boys have to try and survive, living life as amputees. Can they survive going to the bathroom, or eating and watching TV without the use of their most important appendages?
Kenny thinks that Spenny owes him a lot of money from picking up tabs over the years. He takes Spenny to court, brilliantly arguing his case as Spenny attempts to assassinate Kenny’s character, which given his behavior on the show, shouldn’t be too hard.
The guys split the van front/rear, with the first to leave the van losing. Kenny equipped the back of the van with a television, stove and other equipment, while Spenny drove and stayed in the front seat. After several days, growing tired, Spenny agreed to switch places, secretly taking the keys with him. However, Kenny had made a duplicate key, planning to drive dangerously to make Spenny leave the van. Kenny's plan backfired as his electric equipment had drained the battery and the van could not be started or boosted.
After a season of competing, the boys decide to punch out their mutual frustration with each other in the squared-circle. Are best friends really capable of beating the crap out of each other? Watch as tensions explode in a most surprising and sadistic season finale.
