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Private Notes
You know, some people might tell you that in order to run for president, you have to be taller than five-foot-five. And that you need things called “political positions.” And that you’re not allowed to go on a two-month vacation during peak campaign season. And that you should actually prepare for debates. And that you should actually want to be President. Well, Ross Perot proved them all … right. But not before proving them kind of wrong first!
In the wake of Ross Perot’s unremarkable showing in 1996, the Reform Party needs a new hero. Badly. They finally find him in the form of Jesse Ventura, one of the most unforgettable figures ever seen in modern American politics. Ventura seems perfectly poised to lead Reform into the future. Everything is going great. I sure hope Ross Perot doesn't start doing Ross Perot stuff again.
By the year 2000, what is the Reform platform? Everything. It’s centrism, libertarianism, blood-and-soil authoritarianism, Black nationalism, and communism. It’s pro-life, pro-choice, pro-gay rights, anti-gay rights. Name a thing and it is both for and against that thing. Nothing means anything anymore. Bear witness as the weirdest collection of wingnuts, cranks, careerists and scumbags ever assembled in American politics presides over the righteous and necessary implosion of what inevitably became the pointless anti-movement we call the Reform Party.
The profoundly strange batting career of Koo Dae-Sung, the 35-year-old Mets rookie who had never swung a bat professionally in his life, who almost nobody remembers or has ever heard of.
It's 1982, and Larry Walters of North Hollywood is sitting in a lawn chair. He has a BB gun, a radio, and some sandwiches. He is floating 15,000 feet above Los Angeles. He is in trouble.
Between the mascot assault, near-fatal coke habit, murder plot, three World Series rings, and going down as one of the worst goats in baseball history, Lonnie Smith's story is one of the most fascinating of the last few decades.
In 1983, Soviet Lieutenant Colonel Stanislav Petrov had to choose whether or not to break the rules. His decision may have determined whether you and I are alive right now.
A Saints-Jaguars game from 2003 so statistically unlikely that it probably won't happen again until the 35th century.
The Bush administration loved "24," the saddest, most violent show network television had ever seen. It was also a quasi-apocalyptic nightmare that reduced America to a cathedral of death worship. That is not coincidental.
High-stakes poker is terrifying. If you're dumb and easily frightened, like Jon, it's even more terrifying.
The 1904 Olympic marathon was a story of fraud, thievery, raw eggs, rat poison, food poisoning, liquor, feral dogs, and at least three separate incidents of near-death. It was the stupidest sporting event of all time.
"Beatdown" isn't the word. Neither are "rout" or "clobbering." The word to describe what Georgia Tech's football team did to Cumberland does not exist, because we've never had to invent it, because nothing like it has happened before or since. On the 100-year anniversary of this game, we proudly present this very special episode of "Pretty Good."
Baron Davis buried the longest bucket in NBA history — at the buzzer, while being guarded, and despite not being a particularly accomplished three-point shooter. This Pretty Good is about that historic 89-foot shot and the sad rabble of players who have failed to match it in the 16 years since.
In 1992, Troy State and DeVry (yup, that DeVry, the one from the commercials) were scheduled to play a game of basketball. What they actually played was part relay race, part word problem that resulted in the highest-scoring men's basketball game ever. Oh, and the score on record is totally wrong.
In 1987, Philadelphia Eagles coach Buddy Ryan and quarterback Randall Cunningham ran the most unsportsmanlike play in NFL history. The Dallas Cowboys totally deserved it.
Beware of banana peels. They are capable of inflicting great physical harm. Even worse, they might own you so badly that you'll need to make a 33-minute documentary about them several years later simply to purge yourself of the abject shame and humiliation.
