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Private Notes
Liza Minelli (Goldman), fueled by alcohol, turns into "Super Liza," who makes it her mission to save homosexuals in trouble; Sally Field (McKinnon) endorses "Boniva" while chewing the scenery; two women (Goldman, McKinnon) try (unsuccessfully) to point out their exes at a lesbian bar; Svetlana (Guarino) literally kills the competition at Dancing with the Stars; Naldo (Andrino), the oversexually-hyped postal worker, overstimulates his many admirers/customers; a Dynasty parody; Rosie O'Donnell and Chasity Bono heckle the show.
Elaine Stritch (Paone) promotes her new perfume, Stritchy, at a department store; an e-Harmony commerical emphasizes their strict "no gays allowed" policy; "Today on Craigslist with Maya Angelou (Domingo)" features the acclaimed poet reciting selections from the Man for Man Section of craiglist in poetic fashion; a commercial for Gaydar Outing Blasters, laser toys for kids that tells them who's gay; a Senate hearing on insurance for domestic partners takes a racy turn due to the raunchy questions asked by the sexually-repressed senators; Fitzwilliam (McKinnon) hopes a foundation can finally grant his dying "wish" (i.e., a vagina); a group therapy session for the younger halves of Hollywood May-December couples includes Catherine Zeta-Jones (Paone); David Furnish (Guarino), Elton John's partner; Calista Flockhart (McKinnon) and Sasha (Ash), Jack Nicholson's lover, who all can't keep down their lunch when describing their much older partners.
Extreme Sears Makeover - Home Edition: Grey Gardens, in which Ty (Guarino) and his crew makeover the dilapidated home of a reclusive mother, "Big Edie" (Goldman), and her adult daughter, "Little Edie" (guest star Christine Ebersole), which is overrun with cats and racoons; Kirstie Alley (Goldman) and Valerie Bertinelli (Paone) promote Jenny Craig along with Jenny's "biggest" success, Steven, a.k.a. "Waffles" (McGovern); Logo at Nite presents The Facts of Life, a lesbian parody in which Mrs. Garrett (guest star Paul Vogt) must explain to the girls "The Facts of Life" after catching them watching pornography; Grandma Bell (Ash) tells tales of her past as a pioneering lesbian to her gay grandson (Domingo) and his male lover (Guarino), including how she tried to cure her lesbianism by letting every man try to "F@#k the Homosexuality out" of her; incompetent Ron Odyssey (Guarino) at the front desk of an hospital emergency room.
On the Road with Oprah (Domingo) and her "best friend" Gayle (Ash); a political ad campaign featuring stars Dinah Lohan (Paone), Britney Spears (McKinnon), Alec Baldwin (McGovern) and Whitney Houston (Ash) urging voters to vote NO to allowing gays the right to adopt children; Chicago-Style Pilates with abrasive LaTanya (Ash) and her new student, Steven, a.k.a. "Waffles" (McGovern); a woman introduces her boyfriend to her two gay dads, "The Hungs" (McGovern, Guarino), who have enormous genitalia (featuring special guest star Kate Clinton); FOX's latest game show, Are You Smarter Than a Tranny Hooker?.
MTV News with Damian Fahey (Guarino) interviewing rapper Lil' Dyke (Ash), who denies she's gay while debuting her new music video, "Cat Sittin'", which is heavily loaded with lesbian innuendos; Paula Deen (McKinnon)'s Sit n' Eat diet; "A Moment with Perez Hilton (McGovern)" featuring Naomi Campbell (Ash); "The SUZE! Show" features Suze Orman (Goldman) giving financial advice to lesbians; Harry Potter (Guarino) gets a new roomate... transgendered Fitzwilliam (McKinnon), who tries his best to use wizardry to finally get the "perfect accessory" (i.e., a vagina); "A Moment with Perez Hilton" featuring Nick Lachey (Andino); "America's Next Top Bottom" featuring Miss J. (Domingo); "A Moment with Perez Hilton".
Hyper-sexual Naldo (Andino) as an airport baggage handler; former First Lady Barbara Bush (Goldman) hawks "pearl necklaces" on The Home Shopping Channel; a mock trailer for "Coalminer's Mountain," a brave film starring straight actors Antonio Banderas (Andino) and Edward Norton (Guarino) playing gay with Morgan Freeman (Domingo) and Charlize Theron (Paone); "Color Me Reality," an exciting new reality series about the "dramatic" world of hand-painted ceramics; a lubricant spokesmodel (Paone) is recognized in public by two very eager fans (Guarino, Domingo); two lesbians (Goldman, McKinnon) have difficulty trying to plan a "drama-free" party.
Ron Odyssey (Guarino) at an airport car "convenience" center; Grandma Bell (Ash) speaks to gay high school students about her version of Black History; "I Like Lucy" in Italy (a gay parody of I Love Lucy with guest star Paul Vogt); "Little Star Jones," a parody of "Little Shop of Horrors" featuring Star Jones as the monster; the WBNA auditions "sexy" cheerleaders for its halftime show.
Elaine Stritch (Paone) works as an airport security guard; Pocket Diva (Ash), a sassy little pocket-size toy to help timid homosexuals stand up for themselves; LOGO presents, "Grizzly Man," video footage of Timothy Headwell (Guarino)'s 2007 summer studying the "bears" he loved so much in their natural habitat (with Special Guest Star Paul Vogt); "Today on Craigslist with America's Treasure - Maya Angelou (Domingo)"; "Raw Kitchen," LOGO's First Vegan Cooking Show with Shim Shai Horowitz (McKinnon); director Amanda Bearse assembles everyone for "The Big Gay Finale Dance Number" including Fitzwilliam (McKinnon) with Trixie the Unicorn, LaTanya (Ash), Liza Minnelli (Goldman), Elaine "Stritchy" Stritch (Paone), Waffles, a.k.a. Steven (McGovern), Maya Angelou (Domingo), Naldo (Andino), and Svetlana (Guarino).
