hannah

first, since the show never gives any kind of message in this way: for anyone who's ambivalent to or already has negative opinions or therapy, please know that finding a safe, ethical therapist who knows just how important the doctor-patient relationship truly is can be difficult but is also highly rewarding. i've been in therapy a number of years and during stressful times i may go once a week, while most of the time i'm happy to go every month or two months. i take medication for anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder but therapy is what gave me the ability to actually live and thrive—medication was also necessary, but simply allows me to function. the shrink next door and the real events behind it are horrifying, but trust me when i say that they are not representative of all therapy, and that if you ever think you might need to talk to a professional, to please look into your options. it's not just for people who have mental illnesses and it's not just for people with trauma. everyone, truly, can benefit from it.

onto the review:

not a terrible watch, but i do think the investigative podcast into the story was the right format for this kind of thing. it wasn't enjoyable to watch as a piece of entertainment. it's very sad and disappointing, much like the real story is.

i will say that the end, with the epilogue text, was my least favorite aspect of the series. ending on the note "marty has never returned to therapy" is troubling—i don't expect the man to ever feel safe doing so. but the message isn't a clear one. you can't tell whether they're saying this because they want you to be mistrustful of therapeutic processes or because they want to illustrate the damage that can be done by an unethical therapist. that lack of clarity is irresponsible, as people can be put off of the idea of therapy very easily, despite it being an incredibly valuable and important tool. it seems a little silly to say, but i think that this show would have benefited from the pre or post credit call to action that a lot of netflix shows have implemented regarding traumatic subject matter. even as someone who has a very positive relationship with therapy, watching this (and listening to the podcast) was difficult.

acting, direction and handling of different mental issues and themes of violence were all spot on. you will root for everyone at some points, even people you don't want to root for. and then you will be disappointed by everyone at some points, even people you don't want to judge. it's a painfully raw, upsetting series, and if you can stomach it, do watch it.

most importantly i'd suggest taking all the comments and reviews floating around the internet seriously. it is triggering, and not in the pop culture sense of the word. the only other time i've experienced this amount of visceral, physical distress over something otherwise harmless was the sound of a particular type of voice triggering a traumatic event. i went in believing wholeheartedly that it might be intense like everyone warned squid game would be (and it was), but that the triggers wouldn't be things i needed to be concerned about: i don't have my own child, and i'm not a victim of domestic partner violence.

but there are scenes of panic, anxiety, dissociation and dread. there are scenes with perspective views that are jarring, and scenes which act as unreliable narrative tools. there are characters who relapse into alcoholism, and there are extremely authentic and distressing manic episodes that play out on screen when alex's mother is concerned. there is homelessness, depicted in a number of ways and in the ways that most people don't think about, like sleeping in your car and having no safety net between various, fleeting types of temporary housing. there are courthouse scenes, and courtroom scenes (particularly stressful for me, having experienced them), and there are sensations of claustrophobia, loss of time and helplessness that the camerawork and acting convey in a way that translates outside of the actual show and into your own reactions, if you have ever felt any of those sensations yourself.

there are people who try to do the right thing, for the wrong reasons. there are people characterized as good, who are not good. there are people who keep doing the wrong thing. there are no straightforward villains because everyone is realistic, and that makes it worse. and there is a lead character in alex, with an innocent child, who consistently encounters obstacle after obstacle and does not get to breathe—not really—until the very last episode.

if you don't have any experience with the issues tackled by this show or you're watching it for maid confessions like the book, you will likely not get everything out of this experience that the show has to offer. if you are prone to dissociation, intense worry, or have firsthand experience with any of the things i've mentioned here, you're going to have a tough time. i regularly attend therapy and i'm doing quite well, but it was still not the kind of show i could binge-watch and it did come up a couple of times in therapy—for the better, honestly.

the last thing i want to say regarding the content is that, if you were a parentified child, or had insecure attachments growing up due to neglect, abuse or addiction—this is scary. unless you are completely cut off from your experiences with insecure attachment? this will remind you of things that aren't actually happening on screen, from different times and of different natures. i was a parentified child, and i still to this day struggle with not worrying about people who aren't my responsibility. that theme is present throughout the show, and it does not let up, not until the very end.

unlike some of the other netflix docs on similarly "mysterious" topics, this one is respectful and shows clear care for the victims and their loved ones. the content warning at the start is one worth heeding, though i will say that the photography of the scene is shown only in part and never involves the victims' faces.

(a cultural note: if you aren't familiar with funeral rituals in india, cremation is quite common in sikhism and especially so in hinduism (though not necessarily required) as the physical body only houses the soul and thus upon death the soul leaves it behind. i cannot speak to whether this family was hindu or sikh given that both religions seemed present and absent in different settings, but part of my immediate family was raised hindu. to my knowledge, cremation is done within a day of death whenever possible.

so while the speed with which the autopsies are done, the families are provided the bodies and the funeral rites are done may seem strange to an outsider, it's likely part of normal practice for deaths involving law enforcement. the extent the police department reportedly went in ensuring that the family had the necessary pyres, space and preparations for the cremation rituals is significant. the final episode goes into the consequences of this incident on the funeral rites and grieving process for the surviving family and friends, so please know that the "mystery" being solved in the second episode is far from the end of the story. the filmmaker did an excellent job of shedding light on the many facets and layers to this story without sensationalizing any of it, 100% recommended.)

and as someone with a history of mental illness myself and a family history to go with it, i appreciate the time this documentary takes to talk about the mental health stigma in india. it's a global stigma, no doubt about that, but the fear of losing face or shaming your family or lowering your status in east and south asian cultures in particular has led to so much preventable tragedy for so many people. it's an important lesson: try to talk openly about mental health in your daily life. it makes a real difference, trust me.

more important than a review: if you stream this and after a few episodes it goes from very normal subtitles to incomprehensible ones, let me save you some trouble:

• "vomit" i'm pretty sure means "confess/admit", "are you sane" is "are you crazy"
• "ulam" is just another way to romanize the more commonly written "wooram" (the other name romanizations are easy to keep up with)
• "chikusho" is the japanese semi-equivalent of the korean "shibal" at least in terms of usage and comes up every time a character says "shibal" or even "aish" or "jinjja" which is ridiculous (but also, why is there a japanese romaji word in english subs?? maybe the odd english subtitles were made by the same person who made the japanese subs for the show)
• the show very clearly uses the konglish for "mafia" but when the weird subtitles come on suddenly it's "werewolves" (which is fine i mean the games werewolf and mafia are the same but SERIOUSLY, they SAY mafia??? come on?????)
• which reminds me "chairperson" is "student president"
• worst part: the pronoun use is ALL OFF. just WILDLY wrong. nearly every time you see i/we pronouns that don't make sense with what you understand from the rest of the contextual clues, it's meant to be he/she/they pronouns. they also switch he/she pronouns a lot when talking about female characters (see: jungwon in the last ep). it's not too difficult once you know what's going on but there's definitely some moments in the last few episodes that i just don't think i fully grasped because of the pronoun mistakes.

i have no clue why the subs were normal for a few episodes only, but MAN. sometimes i understood the korean more than the subtitles and that's saying something since the last time i really spoke any coherent korean was maybe 2017

anyway onto the series itself, it's imperfect and plenty goes unanswered but it's an entertaining guilty pleasure kdrama that i happily binged over a few days. if you like this subgenre like i do it'll be very easy to enjoy and suspend disbelief for. acting's pretty solid as a bonus!