About a month ago, a friend invited me to a preview screening of Love, Simon. At the time I thought it’s just okay, and I let myself be overtaken by all the second-hand high school embarrassment the movie caused me. Perhaps a deliberate move: being too cynical to not allow myself to enjoy the film and be left exposed like that to someone again. But I knew that Love, Simon was a story that needed to be told, to be seen, to exist.
I went to the theatre to see this again, only that this time by myself. For the most part because I was very subconscious of what people close to me would say if they saw how this movie affected me, what would they ask, what would they think to themselves? And partially because when I went to see Thelma (2017) with someone I barely knew I had an actual panic attack about 10mins into the movie and I’ve avoided that person ever since. What I realized this time is that despite the rom-com clichés Love, Simon is telling a truth that rings to anyone who has gone through his experience: it constantly feels like you’re holding your breath from time to time until you feel like you can finally exhale –and sometimes, the process repeats over and over again. Throughout the movie you see Simon struggle, not because he doesn’t want to be who he is because in the end he’s proud to be that person but because he’s afraid of things changing once everyone around him learn his truth. Trying to hold onto the relationships you have even when it means lying to everyone constantly because despite how much you may hurt them and how much it hurts you, the mere idea of things changing just because of who you truly are is even worse. Being paranoid and constantly subconscious of what people might think if you do or say something or that they might figure it out. And the loneliness and fear that inherently comes with all of it.
I went to see it again but solo to deliberately allow myself to take it all in despite the effect it could possibly have. And it did give me second-hand high school embarrassment again, but it also brought up a lot of high school «trauma» and I cried. And then I cried more because I realized what this movie will mean –and already does– to a so many people. Had this been straight, I wouldn’t have cared a bit. But seeing a story as common as this on such a big mainstream production, I can’t help it but care because it’s been long overdue.
Heartbreaking to say the least.
And also fucking scary considering how things are rolling out these days.
