Aaaaaand we get Audrey's long-anticipated return, only to learn that she's a bitter, nasty, foul-mouthed shrew. Lovely. Not as bitter as me at this point, of course, since that would be nearly impossible, but pretty close. In any case, that was fifteen minutes' of viewing pleasure right there because nothing says "entertainment" like the return of a classic character in such an ugly and unlikable way. It also came across as two people reading their parts from a script that had been handed to them five minutes before filming began. Earlier on, we had more time well spent in the form of a French hooker who needed three minutes to make it five paces from Gordon's hotel room sofa to the door, followed by Albert needing another three minutes to relay five seconds worth of information. Because there's no better way to spend those five minutes and 55 seconds, either. And we learn that Sarah Palmer has issues with turkey jerky and that the trailer park manager doesn't want his tenants to give too much blood at the hospital. And we got a random scene out of nowhere that showed us that Dougie isn't much of a baseball player. Just in case, you know, we forgot what Dougie's like. We did get maybe ten minutes' worth of relevant information and actual plot advancement, but who cares anymore? Honestly, I can't think of a single character whose fate really matters to me at this point. All I know is that LOST is in serious danger of losing its top spot on my Most Impressive Crash-and-Burns of the 21st Century list. And I will cope with my disappointment with liberal doses of snark and sarcasm.
