Formulaic tripe, Best. Christmas. Ever! is anything but. When Charlotte’s son mistakes her sarcasm for a Christmas wish, he reprograms their driving route to take them to her old college friend’s house; and once there, Charlotte takes the opportunity to do some snooping, trying to poke holes in her friend’s braggadocious Christmas letter. Heather Graham, Brandy Norwood, and Jason Biggs lead the cast, but their performances aren’t very good; in fact, Brandy is exceedingly bad. And while the writers do a fair job at creating a sense of mystery to Charlotte’s quest to expose her friend’s Christmas letter as a fraud, the plot is abandoned halfway through the film in favor of a trite plot about friendship; which creates a number of inconsistences and story problems. Also, there’s some rather blatant environmentalist propaganda that comes off as forced. A poorly made film, Best. Christmas. Ever! is a hodgepodge of holiday clichés that doesn’t really work.
Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine star in the Academy Award winning drama The Apartment. An office worker at a New York insurance company tries to win the favor of his bosses by loaning out his apartment for their extramarital liaisons, but things take a dark turn when he finds one of the women having overdosed on sleeping pills in his bed. Lemmon and MacLaine both deliver incredibly strong performances and have good chemistry together. And the writers do an impressive job as balancing the comedy and the drama. Still, a number of the characters (particularly the cheating husbands) are underdeveloped and come off as one-dimensional stereotypes. Yet while it has a few problems, The Apartment is an entertaining film with some interesting things to say.
Patrick Stewart and Glenn Close star in the made-for-television remake of The Lion in Winter. King Henry II holds a Christmas court to determine who will succeed him as the next King of England, meanwhile his sons and the queen scheme and plot behind his back. Unfortunately the shadows of Peter O’Toole and Katharine Hepburn loom large, and while Steward and Close both deliver strong performance, in comparison they come up lacking. In fact, nearly everything, the costumes, the sets, the music, the cinematography, are all (while decent for a television budget) inferior to the ‘68 film. And it doesn’t do anything new or interesting with the material, following James Goldman’s original screenplay beat for beat. While entertaining, this made-for-television The Lion in Winter is but a pale imitation of the theatrical version.
Lindsay Lohan stars in the poorly made erotic thriller I Know Who Killed Me. When a stripper named Dakota Moss, who looks identical to a kidnapping victim named Aubrey Fleming, is found in a ditch with multiple amputations, she starts to suspect that she and Aubrey are connected and that she’s being effected by what Aubrey’s kidnapper is doing to her. The acting is pretty bad, especially Lohan, though to be fair the script does them no favors with some atrocious dialog and ridiculous plot contrivances. And the eroticism just comes off as trashy, lacking any sensuousness. Still, there is a bit of intrigue to the Dakota/Aubrey mystery, as well as a couple of intense and frightening scenes. I Know Who Killed Me has an interesting concept, but before long it falls apart and becomes a convoluted mess.
Pet Sematary: Bloodlines is a pretty rote prequel that delivers some thrills. Expanding on a chapter of the Stephen King book, the story follows Jud Crandallas he discovers that his childhood friend who recently returned from Vietnam was raised from the dead using the ancient Indian burial ground. Unfortunately there’s not a lot of mystery or suspense; as the plot doesn’t deviant from what was in the book, nor does it expand on it that much. Still, there are a few interesting changes and the director adds a bit of atmosphere and tension. Also, the violence and gore is fairly well-done, providing some scary moments. Yet while Pet Sematary: Bloodlines isn’t a bad film, it’s wholly forgettable, retreading the same ground as the previous films.
Inspired by a true story (of sorts), Cocaine Bear is a wickedly entertaining horror-comedy. When a plane carrying cocaine dumps it’s cargo over a national park, a bear gets into it and starts behaving erratically; threatening the hikers and the drug dealers and police that come looking for the cocaine. Featuring Keri Russell, Alden Ehrenreich, O'Shea Jackson Jr., Margo Martindale, and Ray Liotta, the film has a pretty good cast. And although the bear is obviously CGI, the animators do an impressive job at giving it personality and expressive looks. Also, director Elizabeth Banks nicely balances the comedy and the violence. However, the gore can be a little cartoonish and fake looking at times. While it has a few problems, overall Cocaine Bear is a fun film that delivers some good laughs.
Matt Damon and Abigail Breslin star in the crime drama Stillwater. When his daughter is convicted of murder while studying abroad in France, Bill Baker goes to visit her in prison and attempts to exonerate her when her lawyer refuses to pursue the case any further. Damon gives an incredibly strong performance, and Breslin is pretty good as well. But the plot meanders a bit too much and loses focus. Also, there’s an attempt to makes some political commentary that comes off as rather awkward and muddled. It has a few compelling moments, but overall Stillwater is an underwhelming film.
Spin Me Round is a quirky indie comedy that’s kind of all over the place. The story follows a restaurant manager who’s sent to Italy for a training seminar and ends up having a whirlwind romance with the restaurant’s founder, but before long she starts to suspect that that something sinister is going on at the seminar. Starring Alison Brie, Zach Woods, Molly Shannon, and Aubrey Plaza, the film has a good cast. However, the writing is rather weak; as the plot meanders a bit and goes off in a number of different directions. Yet the mystery is fairly intriguing and takes some fun and interesting turns. It doesn’t all come together that well, but _Spin Me Round _ is entertaining and delivers few laughs.
The Columbo murder mystery series comes to an end with the mediocre thriller Columbo Likes the Nightlife. When a freelance journalist is found murdered, the case leads Lt. Columbo back to a nightclub owner who’s involved with an actress that the journalist was doing a story on. The acting is rather poor, and even Peter Falk seems to be phoning in his performance. The storytelling is also particularly weak; as the clues are extraordinarily obvious and the characters are underdeveloped. Additionally, the soundtrack is amateurish and uses generic club music that’s extremely cheesy. Columbo Likes the Nightlife is an underwhelming crime thriller that tries to coast by on the old Columbo charm, but it’s not all that compelling.
The penultimate thriller in the Columbo series, Murder with Too Many Notes is a suspenseful mystery that has a comedic edge. The story follows award winning music conductor Findlay Crawford who kills his understudy after he threatened to expose Crawford’s plagiarism; but Crawford’s plan runs afoul when Lt. Columbo notices some things that don’t add up. Billy Connolly gives a wonderful performance and makes for an intriguing villain for Columbo to match wits with. And while Peter Falk looks a little worn, he’s able to incorporate that into his character and gives Lt. Columbo a new energy. Well-crafted and entertaining, Murder with Too Many Notes is an impressive crime drama.
The Columbo murder mystery Ashes to Ashes is an intriguing thriller. When an investigative reporter goes missing Lt. Columbo is tasked with finding her, and before long he starts to suspect a shady funeral director. Patrick McGoohan returns to the series once again and gives a very strong performance. However, the writing is rather poor and doesn’t bring a lot of suspense or danger to the film. Still, there’s a nice mixture of comedy and the plot is pretty interesting. Ashes to Ashes has some weaknesses, but it also has that old Columbo charm.
William Shatner makes his second appearance in the Columbo series in Butterfly in Shades of Grey. To stop his daughter from running off to pursue a writing career, radio talk show host Fielding Chase kills the man who was shopping her book; but Columbo suspects that Chase’s alibi may be too perfect. Shatner gives a charismatic performance and has great interplay with Falk. However, the Chase character is too much of an obvious parody of Rush Limbaugh; which distracts from the plot. Still, the mystery is quite intriguing and has some cleverness to it. Despite its overt political tones, Butterfly in Shades of Grey is a solid crime thriller.
Things get personal for Columbo in the exciting thriller No Time to Die. When Columbo’s nephew comes to him for help after his bride is abducted on their wedding night, Columbo only has a few hours to find her before her captor kills her. The writers do an impressive job at breaking away from the series formula while still keeping most of the traditional characteristics of a Columbo style mystery. The storytelling’s also especially good; particularly at developing the characters and at building the plot. Additionally, the directing adds a lot of tension and suspense to the film. A well-crafted and intense crime drama, No Time to Die is an excellent entry into the Columbo series.
Rip Torn takes on Columbo in the mystery thriller Death Hits the Jackpot. After winning the lottery photographer Freddy Brower schemes with his uncle to collect his winnings without having to give any to his wife, but his uncle betrays and murders him; and it’s up to Lt. Columbo to prove it. Torn gives an excellent performance and makes for a superb villain for Columbo to go up against. However, there are a few too many superfluous characters that end up cluttering the story and detracting from the mystery. Still, the plot is quite interesting and has some good twists. Smart and entertaining, Death Hits the Jackpot is an intriguing crime drama.
Double Shock tries to deliver twice the mystery, but it doesn’t quite realize its full potential. Lt. Columbo’s case against local culinary show host Dexter Paris for killing his rich uncle gets complicated when he learns that Dexter has an identical twin brother who could also be the killer. Martin Landau pulls double duty, playing identical twins; however he tries a bit too hard to distinguish the characters from each other. Julie Newmar also stars, and gives a strong supporting performance. Still, the directing is poor and unfocused, and weakens the film. Though overall it’s a little underwhelming, Double Shock does have an intriguing mystery and some clever twists.
Lt. Columbo faces off with Mr. Spock in the Columbo/Star Trek crossover, A Stitch in Crime. When a surgeon intentionally botches a patient’s operation so that he’ll appear to die of natural causes, Lt. Columbo has to prove the murder in order to save the patient’s life. Leonard Nimoy gives a great performance and crafts a villain that proves to be a formidable challenge to Columbo. Additionally, the storytelling is well-done and delivers several interesting twists. A Stitch in Crime is a clever and intriguing thriller that boldly goes where Columbo has never gone before.
Columbo is off to Merrie Olde England in Dagger of the Mind. While on an official visit to Scotland Yard to review their policing methods, Lt. Columbo helps out on the case of a famous theater producer who was murdered. Bond Girl Honor Blackman (aka Pussy Galore) gives an excellent performance that has a lot of weight to it. And, the writers do a good job at using the established formula of the series while also changing it; taking Columbo out of L.A. and having him shadow the official London inspector in charge of the case. Additionally, there are some fun pieces of comedy with Columbo playing tourist. Breaking convention, Dagger of the Mind is an impressive and refreshing new take on the Columbo murder mystery
A sensational murder mystery, The Most Crucial Game is smart and exciting. Lt. Columbo must break the air tight alibi of a pro-football general manager who killed the team’s owner in order to seize control. Robert Culp returns to the series and is joined by Dean Stockwell and Susan Howard; who all deliver good performances. The writing is also very strong, and does a good job at building suspense and intrigue. Exceptionally well-crafted, The Most Crucial Game is an entertaining thriller.
Never Say Never Again is no Thunderball. Sean Connery reprises the role of James Bond one last time for this unofficial remake of the EON Bond film Thunderball. The new cast includes some impressive talent, such as Kim Basinger and Max von Sydow, but their performances are rather poor and they don’t really do anything new with the characters. Still, there are some exciting chases and fight scenes, as well as some fun Bond gagets. Yet whiles it’s an entertaining adventure, Never Say Never Again is but a pale imitation of a real EON Bond film.
Matthew Vaughn continues his spy series with the prequel The King’s Man, exploring the origin of the Kingsman. When a mysterious cabal pushes the world powers into a World War, Orlando Oxford forms a secret spy network to uncover the cabal and subvert their efforts to keep the United States out of the war. Starring Ralph Fiennes, Gemma Arterton, Rhys Ifans, and Djimon Hounsou, the film has a pretty good cast that delivers solid performances. The script however, is incredibly bloated with a lot of tangents and side-missions that aren’t needed. And the comedy doesn’t really work. Still, the fight scenes are exciting and well-choreographed, and the sets and costumes are quite good. The King’s Man has some problems, but overall it’s an entertaining action film.
Matthew Vaughn continues his satiric spy series with Kingsman: The Golden Circle, a rather formulaic and underwhelming action film. After a devastating attack on the Kingsman headquarters, Eggsy and Merlin head to America to find their sister organization, the Statesman, and seek their help in discovering who was behind the attack. The plot is rather convoluted and stupid. And its attempts to recreate beats from the first film come off as lazy. Julianne Moore makes for a poor villain, and Jeff Bridges, Channing Tatum, and Halle Berry are relegated to glorified cameos. Still, the fight scenes are pretty exciting and the soundtrack adds some fun energy. It’s entertaining and action-packed, but Kingsman: The Golden Circle has its problems and isn’t quite as bold and original as the first film.
From writer/director Matthew Vaughn comes the spy thriller Kingsman: The Secret Service. Based on a Marvel comic, the story follows a hooligan from the projects of London who’s given a chance to join an elite spy organization called the Kingsman; meanwhile a global threat rises from a megalomaniacal villain. Unfortunately the tone is a little uneven; as it tries to be a gritty James Bond satire, but with the camp of Moore era. And there’s a lot of heavy handed politics thrown into the plot that adds to the disjointed feel of the film. Still, the action sequences are well-done and kind of fun. Yet while it has its moments, Kingsman: The Secret Service is a mess and doesn’t really work.
Based on true events, Operation Mincemeat is a compelling WWII drama starring Colin Firth, Matthew Macfadyen, Kelly Macdonald, and Jason Isaacs. As the Allies prepared to invade Italy, a counter intelligence unit is tasked with finding a way to trick the Germans into believing that the invasion will come through Greece. The writer’s do a good job at creating tension and suspense as the operation goes into motion; although there are a few extraneous subplots that detract from the main story. Also, the set and costume designs are especially well-done, giving an authentic feel for the time period. It has a few problems, but overall Operation Mincemeat is a fascinating look at a remarkable chapter of history.
There is only one Conan – ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER! This attempted reboot is a pathetic interloper that isn’t fit to bear the name “Conan.”
The days of high adventure continue in....Conan the Destroyer. In this adventure Conan must battle wizards and dark magics as he leads a quest to retrieve a sacred horn that will awaken the pagan god Dagoth. The film is quite different than the first one, in that it has stronger fantasy themes and attempts to be more lighthearted and comedic; pairing Conan with a comedy sidekick, and giving Schwarzenegger a number of one-liners. Newcomer Olivia d’Abo holds her own with Schwarzenegger and has an equally magnetic screen presence. Despite its different style, Conan the Destroyer is a typical sword-and-sorcery film that delivers plenty of action and carnage.
It’s Arnold Schwarzenegger’s seminal role...Conan the Barbarian. Based on Robert E. Howard’s fantasy series, Conan and his band of thieves are hired to free a king’s daughter from the clutches of an evil sorcerer. While Schwarzenegger doesn’t do much “acting” per se, he has a tremendous screen presence that carries the film. Additionally, Basil Poledouris provides a majestic score that does an excellent job at giving the film an epic feel. However, there are some pacing issues that cause the film to drag at times, and the storytelling is a rather weak. Still, Conan the Barbarian is a classic ‘80s action film that delivers a thrilling adventure.
The Lamberts do battle in the Further once again in Insidious: The Red Door. When Dalton Lambert goes off to college to study art, it reawakens forgotten memories and he begins astral projecting into the Further; meanwhile his father learns more about his family history and begins having ghostly encounters. Unfortunately the incursions into the Further are rather pedestrian compared to the previous films, and they don’t seem to be abiding by the same rules as before. And the storytelling is weak; with underdeveloped characters and plot threats that go nowhere. Insidious: The Red Door is a disappointing, meandering film with no real scares or suspense.
The terror continues in A Quiet Place Part II. Following the attack on their farm, the Abbott family escape to a friend’s compound in an abandoned factory where they intercept a radio signal from a group of survivors; leading Regan to attempt to find them to let them know about a new weapon that can be used against the aliens. The cast delivers strong performances once again, and the writers do a good job at creating suspense and tension. However, expanding the story raises some continuity issues and creates a few potential plot holes. Yet while it has some weaknesses, A Quiet Place Part II is a frightening film full of thrills.
Emily Blunt and John Krasinski star in the horror thriller A Quiet Place. Set in a post-apocalyptic future, a family attempts to live in complete silence to avoid viscous, deadly creatures that are attracted to noise. Both Blunt and Krasinski give really strong performances and do an excellent job at expressing their thoughts and feelings through their facial and body movements. Additionally, Krasinski’s directing style does an impressive job at setting an atmospheric and foreboding tone. And the mystery of what the creatures are and the setup of the post-apocalyptic world are especially well-done. A frightening horror film, A Quiet Place is incredibly intense and full of suspense.
Jigsaw is out for revenge in Saw X. When John Kramer goes to Mexico for a promising experimental treatment for his terminal cancer, he gets conned by a scam artist and her crew, and decides to teach them a lesson. The film returns to the more grounded and gritty tone of the early films with the kinds of traps that he sets up. And the gore is scaled back as well (which also helps with the tone). Additionally, the writer do a good job at setting up Kramer as a victim and the scam artists as morally repugnant, and deserving of punishment. However, while Tobin Bell and Shawnee Smith return to series, there’s no real effort to de-age them to place the film in the proper continuity within the series. Saw X isn’t without its flaws, but it’s remarkably engaging and full of tension and suspense.
