Nate Harris

Had there been any semblance of quality control at Marvel, they would have realized this movie was unfit for cinematic release.

Constructing a movie that requires hours of Disney+ homework to understand not one, but two main characters who have never been introduced into the cinematic universe before is not conducive to a good viewing experience.

Plot feels flimsy, sloppy and chopped to hell, character arcs are non-existent, and Captain Marvel in particular is written as a completely different character from her first film. Third act is contrived and on auto-pilot.

I feel like I was watching static the entire time. An empty void of a film.

Celebrating 100 years of Disney magic and the best they could do was beat you over the head with a half-dozen obvious references to better movies.

This movie is not about a civil war in America. It's about war photojournalism, backdropped by a completely wasted concept.

As with most A24 films unfortunately, an interesting premise that carries for the first hour, followed by 30 minutes of not knowing how to wrap it all up.

Much as Avatar took story elements from Dune, Dune takes the questionable box office success of Avatar. Along with that will come those blindly calling this "the greatest movie ever made" vaguely recalling it a decade from now.

Just an extremely solid popcorn movie.

120 minutes of Adam Driver in a bad wig and bad accent calmly explaining his infidelity does not an engaging movie make.

I walked out after the first two acts, didn't feel like wasting another hour of my life on a movie that's clearly just trying to see how far it can stretch itself and the audience's patience for the sake of "art"

It's a Sony movie for sure. Interesting cinematography styles, but can't commit to any one of them for more than a few minutes. At least they put more effort (read: any effort) into this than they did for Uncharted.

40 minutes to establish a half-assed love story. 70 minutes until The Crow actually starts crowing. One John Wick fight scene later and credits roll.

Two beta cucks simp for Zendaya.

It's clear the marketing team was aware this one was a stinker, and quickly crafted a blitz to drum up manufactured hype around a twist that is as dissatisfying as the potentially-intentionally shotty green screen keying.

Can we all universally agree on what "horror" means? This is not a horror movie.

The writer-director Johnny Mack (no Wikipedia page) clearly had beef with Tyler Perry's representation of black people and gatekeeping of black cinema, but to waste money to make effectively a parody of a parody does nothing but waste everyone's time.

Once again, a director with the last name Shyamalan doesn't completely underestimates the audience's ability to recognize tired tropes.

Stretching this to a 90-minute film is a difficult pill to swallow, although the subdivision into nearly-equal 20-minute segments makes it more palatable. Concept wears thin early, but becomes endearing again by the end.

This is the Guy Ritchie film ever.

A satire that goes so far setting up generic stereotypes that it loses sight of what it is satirizing.

Lacks the emotional weight to be satisfying. Clunky dialogue, on-the-nose imagery, and "tell-don't-show" character resolutions make for a bland narrative.

You can't just do 90 minutes of people's heads exploding and call that a movie.

Pacing is pretty mishandled, assassin characters get more time in their Suicide Squad-esque intros than they do in their actual fights. That gag can work once or twice, but after five times, it just starts to feel like poor storytelling.

Real waste of the concept, not that we haven't seen this before and see where it's going from a mile away.

Odd to have a movie with an openly gay girl be about falling into a heterosexual relationship. The fact that she unrealistically faces literally zero hardship with her lifestyle doesn't help. Wish I could go back to when I was a teenager and find some reason to complain about my loving and supportive family that lets me go out and do drugs with my friends on an island and be openly gay with zero judgement. Teenagers, amirite?

Aubrey Plaza got that bag though, for that 5 minutes of screen time in which you can see her dying inside trying to ad-lib alongside a completely incompatible co-star, good for her.

Just because the movie is set in 2002 doesn't mean you need to edit it like a movie from 2002. Almost feels disrespectful to the real-life people.

I at multiple points throughout the movie shouted at the screen for the characters to shut up.

A mishandled art student's attempt at a movie.

Name one movie where "animated character comes to the real world" has ever been a good movie.

Just as No Way Home was a (somewhat) send-off to the Sony movies, Deadpool and Wolverine is a send-off to the Fox movies, and is a fun time.

Just like No Way Home, this movie is going to make a billion dollars. Just like No Way Home, this movie is an isolated incident with unique circumstances, where the cameo rumors drive the majority of the consumer interest in the movie.

Do NOT confuse, as Disney inevitably will, this movie's success with "the MCU is back on track".

I can't praise this movie enough for how lovely, charming and yet brutally honest it is about love and friendship.

Another soulless bare-minimum entry into the black hole of forgettable cinema from Illumination.

It's different from the last one because now BOTH actors' careers are on life support.